How To Guarantee A Guy Calls You After Sex

A reader throws my words back at me to get clarity on my Top Online Dating Mistake: thinking your great date actually meant something…

Hi Evan,

To explain why a great date doesn’t necessarily mean anything to men, you wrote: “Instead of thinking in terms of black and white (He likes me/he doesn’t like me), think in terms of grey. Isn’t it possible that a guy can be out, enjoying your company, being thoughtful, telling you you’re beautiful, kissing you at the end of the night, and never call you again?”  

I guess it’s possible, theoretically. I am not a man, so it’s difficult for me to understand. But why would a guy do that? For example, if I like a guy, and I had a good time on a date, I’d like to see him again. I think about it in 2nd grade terms, “I like a person, I would like to see them again. I don’t like a person, I don’t want to see them again” That applies to all people – men, women, romantic or platonic.

You also wrote: “All you can do as a woman is not make the date “mean” something, because 50% of the time, as you can probably see, it doesn’t mean a thing to him…”

Yeah, I think that’s an assumption. I, personally, cannot SEE that it doesn’t mean a thing to him, like I can’t differentiate. When do things start meaning to a man?

So what distinguishes when a guy goes on a date, has a good time, but is just “in the moment, and doesn’t call me back, versus a guy who had a good time with me and then calls me back? Is this “in the moment” feeling premeditated, i.e. the guy knows this date isn’t going to be serious, before the date occurs? Or does the “in the moment” feeling occur during the process of the date, which is dependent on the woman and on a date itself? So tell me about your experiences. How do you approach this dating, “in the moment” situtation? I am just trying to understand the psyche.

Maybe it’s just me, but all interactions with people mean something to me. I feel that’s the respect I should give to another person. And if they don’t mean anything to me, then it’s because I don’t want to interact with that person.

Any clarification of this idea would be very helpful.

Jean

Dear Jean,

I’m going to drop the dating coach bit for a second and just be a guy.

When I was dating prolifically, I’d be going out with two or three women at a time. And every single time I went out, I did two things:

  1. I tried to be the best date I possibly could. I’d call, email, express interest, plan a good date, show up on time, etc.
  2. I tried to make her want me really badly. I’d listen, I’d lean in, I’d flirt, I’d compliment her.

In short, I wanted every single date to feel good about me, so I would have the option of going out with her again. Sometimes, we’d hug goodbye. Other times, we’d drunkenly go back to her place. But no matter what, I was looking to keep my options open, have fun, and sometimes get a little action. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship. I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.

By the way, whether you agree or not, I considered myself a NICE guy. I slept with very few people, I never said, “I love you” and I rarely kept a physical relationship going beyond a few weeks, if I felt it was headed nowhere.

To me, I felt like I was acting with integrity. To a woman who woke up next to me after a first date and thought that we were “in a relationship”, I can see how she felt differently….

This is the bargain we strike when we’re dating.

My friend, dating coach and matchmaker, Julie Ferman, talks about what a strange world we live in where we are more comfortable sleeping with a stranger than we are TALKING about what it means to sleep together. And it’s kind of true, isn’t it? Better to hop in bed and hope we can handle the emotional consequences than it is to have a weird conversation about commitment, right?

So if you really want to understand men, Jean, chew on this one for awhile:

Men look for sex and find love.

Women look for love and find sex.

You would never sleep with someone you weren’t interested in.

We will. Gladly.

Until you GET this, until you truly EMBRACE the fact that we think with our penises and allow our brains to catch up weeks later, you’re ALWAYS going to be surprised at the “disconnect” between men’s words and their actions.

Our words are designed to charm you and make you feel comfortable.

Our actions reveal whether there’s any deeper intentions behind our words.

So again, the only way you can tell if a guy is sincere is by WHAT KIND OF EFFORT HE MAKES FOR YOU AFTER YOU GO OUT.

Not if he told you he loves you, not if he slept with you.

Only if he calls you the next day to make another date can you be really sure.

And if you want to be positive that a guy won’t sleep with you unless he’s serious about you, then don’t sleep with him until he’s given you a commitment. You’ll have a lot less sex, but a lot less heartbreak as well.

12
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Emma

    Evan, stop being so freaking reductive. The “you” in that situation could be the guy I just broke up with, who started seeing a future with me even though we had discussed that our relationship was what it was (friendship, sex, and yes, love, but not a future), and the “men” in that situation could be me. Actually, that’s being reductive. I don’t look for sex and find love or look for love and find sex. I look for whatever I can get, and get whatever end up with. I have sex just because I want to sometimes, and sometimes I’ll fall in love with that stranger. I become friends with people and lay in wait for years because I love them (or just want them). My longest relationship (2 years) was with a man who I was casually sleeping with, and we both accidentally fell in love with each other. This took 6 months for us to admit, because it shocked us so much. You need to start using some qualifiers in your columns: MOST women.

    1. 2.1
      Angi

      Yes, I , a woman, have definitely looked for sex and then found love in my relationships (although not all of them). These generalizations don’t do anyone any good.

      1. 2.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Yes, they do, for women who have trouble understanding why men sleep with them even though they don’t care/want to commit.

  2. 3
    JimmyE

    I agree with Evan about sex affecting men’s behaviour, but I think you should also consider how the expectancy of being the pursuer will cause some men to act keener then we might be in the early stages of a relationship.

    On the whole we’re expected to initiate contact, ask women out and follow up after a good date. I don’t mind this, but it does mean there isn’t much space for contemplation if you’re sitting on the fence.

    In my experience, women tend to ask themselves if a relationship has potential after one or two dates, whereas a man will probably wait for a few dates and possibly sex before being similarily far-sighted

  3. 4
    Jules

    This post comes at a very interesting time for me. I have been on about 6 dates with this guy over the past month. While we have hooked up, I have held back from sleeping with him. The big thing that is holding me back is that I don’t want to give it up only to have my guy pull a disappearing act.

    We’ve talked about sleeping together and I told him that I wasn’t ready yet for a few reasons. One being what I just stated above. But another is that I don’t want to start having certain expectations once it does happen. I would want to see him more often that the twice a week dates we’ve been having. I would want him to do more than just text me almost every day. I would want to feel secure that this isn’t going to be just a casual thing.

    I don’t want to want all of those things, so that’s why I’ve chosen to wait. I think he understands, but we shall see. Like Evan states, I am going to judge my guy on his actions and not by what he says. All of his “I miss you” texts mean nothing if he’s not actually making plans to see me.

  4. 5
    Hadley Paige

    The best way to get a guy to call you back after you have had sex with him is to leave a message on his machine that you would like to work on your blowjob technique and would he help.

    Calling back is not the goal per se is it? The goal is to for the guy to call back because he is truly interested in you for an LTR.

    For that I don’t have an answer. You can’t make it happen. If he is truly into you he will call. If not don’t force it.

  5. 6
    Camilla

    Jean wrote: “Maybe its just me, but all interactions with people mean something to me. I feel thats the respect I should give to another person. And if they dont mean anything to me, then its because I dont want to interact with that person.”

    I completely disagree. To me, a sign of respect is to not be so judgemental. A “you’re in or you’re out” decision made after a couple dates or sex seems harsh, not respectful.

    My hunch is that Jean is hoping to avoid the unknowing anxiety of not knowing where she stands. So if you’re the type of person who is uncomfortable with “maybe” then you’ve got your answer. Unless it’s a clearcut yes, then take it as a no.

    I think it’s possible to be absolutely respectful, genuine, and enjoy dating (including sex) without it having to be an LTR. It’s not fair to say than anything less is manipulation/deceit/disrespect. Lighten up! That, or don’t sleep with people who aren’t already committed to you.

  6. 7
    Shari

    What do you make of men who make the second date before you part after the first, and then make all kinds of excuses to not keep that second date? I can’t tell you how long that happened to me before I started disallowing second date requests until he went home, thought about it, and decided he really wanted to go out wiht me. Doesn’t that blow the theory of how quickly he follows up for another date out the window? Or is is just me?

  7. 8
    JimmyE

    Shari. I used to try and arrange dates at the end of the evening. I stopped because the answer was ALWAYS yes, even though many backed out before the agreed date. I appreciate this. People need time to mull over a date in private. People don’t like rejecting a stranger face to face. People like to keep their options open.

    Far from contradicting Evan’s theory, so experience actually supports it. You can’t follow up on a date, whilst your still on the date. Its nice if someone wants to arrange plans at the end of a date, but i’d take any promises with a hefty grain of salt until their confirmed at least 24 hours later.

  8. 9
    Adam

    I agree with most of what you wrote here…but there are exceptions. I’m a man and I definitely do not sleep with someone I’m not interested in. I don’t ever sleep around and I’m generally looking for love first, not sex. I know it’s rare to find a guy who feels that way but nonetheless…here I am…so we are out here…but I would agree that I’m probably in the 1 percentile on that one.

    1. 9.1
      Diane

      Adam – 
      Let’s say you have had several dates with a woman, enjoyed her company, and had sex with her probably a bit sooner than you had originally planned.
      As a man in that 1 percentile range, what would your next step be? (i.e. calling/text/making plans for another date.) 

  9. 10
    Shari

    JimmyE – I think I could agree with what you said about rejection in context to those things that happened to me, but I wasn’t the one asking them, and they weren’t the ones saying “yes” then backing out one me. They were the ones asking me. My conclusion is that, at that time, I was their best option for next Saturday night – or whenever the date may have been. But then a better option came to them and they traded up. Quite a few of these guys who broke second dates before they happened would contact me a few weeks later and ask for that second date again. I didn’t say yes, just agreed with whatever their reason had been for breaking the second date – you’re right, there is no chemistry, there is no spark, I didn’t think about you constantly while we were apart – or whatever.

    In my deduction I blame the Internet for this and not a gender, or even personality type. There are too many options and some people – not going to qualify this to guys or girls – don’t want to tie themselves to this person who seems okay, when someone else comes around who might be better.

  10. 11
    Mary

    Hey Adam-

    Where do you live?

  11. 12
    Mel

    I went on a “great date” after some marathon phone conversations with this guy. We hit it off great on the phone, so we were excited to meet each other, and we seemed to hit it off great in person, too. We did not sleep together that night, though we certainly fooled around quite a bit, and knew we both wanted each other. He called the next day, and 2 days after that. On that 2nd phone call, we didn’t make plans for the weekend (it was only Monday) but I just (wrongly, apparently) assumed it was understood we would be together that next weekend. When we got off the phone he said we’d speak during that week. I never heard from him again! I would have been much more prepared if I hadn’t heard from him after the night we went out, but c’mon, guys, why 2 more phone calls and then the vaporizing act? He still goes online, I have seen him. I did take that one personally at first, but over the course of the last 2 weeks came to realize it has nothing to do with me at all and everything to do with his issues. Still, it is frustrating.

    1. 12.1
      caron

      Better to know right away, rather then several months into it.

  12. 13
    kk

    If I just want sex, I have sex. If I want a LTR , I hold off on the sex until I feel confident we are going somewhere. At least that’s the new leaf I’m turning over! This is after being dumped with no warning 8 weeks into a relationship with someone I met online— and who I saw every weekend- and talked to a lot …I realized that I’m just sick of making myself that vulnerable before I even know the person properly.. This means less sex , but less annoyance and heartbreak, and, lets face it, less random squalor too! I’m 12 weeks or so into the new regime, lets see how it goes!

    1. 13.1
      ally

      I am on board with what you’re calling your new regime. I met a guy online who called me every day for over a month and we talked for hours every conversation. Our first date was nice and he was the perfect gentleman.  A little fooling around but nothing much. The 2nd time we were together after being apart for a month (he lives in another state and travels constantly for work), I invited him into town to stay at my place, and well yes, had sex and I thought everything was going well. He broke it to me the next morning that his plans changed and he was going to head out early which turned out to be that evening (Saturday) rather than the following morning (Sunday) as was our original plan. Said it was a family event. I got really mad. My gut gut told me it wasn’t true and I felt like he was going to see someone else and in addition was furious that he didn’t want to stay the night. I told him off and showed him a side of me that wasn’t nice. He asked if we could spend the remainder of the day together and I told him No, that he better leave right then. So he did. And I haven’t heard from him with the exception of one e-mail exchange defending himself that it was “not a one-nighter”. I don’t know why he put so much effort in for over a month to wind up staying less than 2 days with me when we had originally planned for the whole weekend. I too am tired of being vulnerable when I don’t know these people. It is a recipe for heartbreak. I would rather have no sex and give myself a shot at a Long Term Relationship. I feel like I should have learned this by now!

  13. 14
    Geek Dating

    I think some of you are underestimating most men. Sure there will always be the odd sleaze bag who is only after sex, but the majority of decent guys view sex as a bonus to a relationship, not the be all and end all.

  14. 15
    Colette

    I have to appreciate the brutal honesty of Evans response. Evan, I recognize that youve changed and I think by publishing the truth youre doing a great service.

    Apparently there are a few girls capable of what Evan says guys do, but my guess is only a very very few, and half of those girls are lying to themselves. Thats what makes the whole idea so successful. There may actually only be a smallish portion of men who act this way, but they are quite active and are a real factor in the prolific dating scene of the 21st century. I happen to think there are plenty of guys who dont think that just dating for the sake of sexual activity is okay if its going to hurt someones feelings they just dont need to date as often because they actually want to get to know that first awesome girl they take out. This is really important to point out, because otherwise a girl could come away from this post feeling pretty bleak about the goodness of most men.

    What Evan is saying is that on one hand you have girls, and sometimes guys too, who are having a fabulous time on a date because they are so excited that theyve finally met someone whos smart, funny, polite, sexy, a good listener, and who would be a great person to have around in life; while on the other hand you have some guys (and a very very few girls) who are having just as much of a fabulous time, and seem to be just as giddy, for the simple reason that they see a decent likelihood of having sex, maybe even that night. Apparently the likelihood of having sex is so intoxicating that the mere thought makes everything that happens that evening just delightful. These guys tell themselves that they are not being shallow because if the girl puts out for a few months without expecting to hear from him very often, he is reserving the right eventually to have feelings for her this is called the grey area. This is also called just being a guy.

    Part of me cant decide if I a single girl looking for a real connection really want to know this. The next time Im out with an attractive guy who is just effortlessly beaming at every word I say, Ill have the insiders knowledge not to take this necessarily as a special moment in my life. Sure, it could be that he feels hes found his new best friend. It could also be that hes just sublimely psyched to get laid. If the prospect is that all-consuming, then I guess I can see why it would take no pretending at all to display such excitement.

    Evan mentions that guys and girls seem to be having a lot more sex with strangers. Call me crazy, but that doesnt seem like such a good thing. I think there are a lot of fair reasons for it girls are more liberated and theres less stigma for a woman to be sexually active (and amen to that). Also, people are waiting much longer to get married, which means a lot more time to figure out what theyre looking for in and out of bed. It also means a lot more time and a lot more women with which men can practice the art of the delightfully meaningless date. I just dont think many women have caught up with that idea yet after all, the pill has only been around for about 50 years. Before then, we couldnt afford to take the risk of falling for meaningless delight. Thats nice that now we can control the physical risks of sex with someone whos on the way out the door but we still need to account for the emotional risks, which are much more real for women than men (read up on oxytocin, girls). Maybe men would have to be more grounded in what they expect out of a date if the likelihood of sex with no strings wasnt so high, and if women would wise up and get back to the practice of not hooking up with guys they might fall for unless theyve gotten some commitment (in other words, Evans readership needs to skyrocket). This doesnt mean undoing the feminist movement and saying no to sex, it just means taking 30 seconds to clarify that neither of the two involved will be seeing other people.

    Meanwhile, I think it would be an impressive next step in the evolutionary process if these sex-addicted guys would leave their caves and join modern men who see women as fellow modern human beings and not just heartless pairs of boobs. And to the nice guys who get this already: stop high-fiving your buddy who just bagged the nice cute girl who adores him. Hes a prick. You know you dont want to be him. Maybe you should tell him so.

    1. 15.1
      ally

      Great post!

    2. 15.2
      DrEmily

      Terrific post Colette! I agree with you 110%, as a clinical psychologist and as a single woman in her 30’s attempting to navigate the dating scene for quite some time now. I wholeheartedly agree with you that many of the women out there who’ve “learned” how to have meaningless sex with no strings attached are actually paying a price for it emotionally (and sometimes physically as well). I am not judging them at all, as I have been there myself. And I hear about the price of “sexual freedom” in depth in therapy sessions with young women. It makes me wonder: Why should the ability to be detached enough to have meaningless sex with men you may never see again be a goal for the modern woman? It almost feels like women as a group have embraced the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality. I just don’t think it’s wise for women to try to join that camp, and try to beat emotionally detached men, or men who are just not ready yet for a mature relationship, at this particular game. Shouldn’t we be encouraging men (through our behavior) to raise their standards for behavior as a group, rather than say that we can be as careless with ourselves and others as some men are? (Some men, not all men). It seems to me that women are better off protecting themselves from these kinds of men as best they can. While there’s no foolproof way of doing this that’s effective in 100% of situations, one of the best, most effective ways women can protect their hearts (and their bodies from disease and unwanted pregnancies) is to wait to have sex. Think about it: what kind of world would this be if more people waited to have sex? Sex is a beautiful and powerful thing, but it can be very destructive when it’s not respected and entered into with some thought (for oneself and for the other person). 

  15. 16
    Needtomention

    Look sometimes women can have sex with no feeling involved to the person they are having sex with, and a woman can have sex with someone because of feelings of love and emotion. I was one of those women who wanted to wait until I was married to have sex – I had two serious boyfriends without ever doubting that and we never went that far. In the 3rd relationship, we were serious and neither of us had had sex before and talked about it beforehand. I always think that if you can’t talk about it, you aren’t ready to do it. I felt ready and did it – only to find out from him months later that he only began dating me for that reason. It didnt matter to me at that point, that his feelings had evolved and he did love me and want to be with me, his initial intention in dating me was simply to get laid. He knew how important it was to me, how big of a step it was for me, and yet he still told me this fact. What was the point of that? We ended up still having a long term and fulfilling relationship emotionally, but after i found that out, our sex life was never the same and mostly functional. To keep this rambling story shorter, I did eventually break it off and it took me a year to get over it – but sex became a thing connectes soley with those feelings and him and I need to end that in my head. So I met a incredibly hot guy in town on vacation and had instant chemistry with him, and ended up having sex with him, making him my second. I don’t regret it the least and never saw him after that night – and I dont have negative feelings attached to it – only happiness that sex could finally be a positive experience for me. Sometimes a one night stand is what the doctor ordered.

  16. 17
    hunter

    posts #15 & 16#

    ..good posts, my applause!…

  17. 18
    yoyo

    I always say if you want a realtionship cool and if you don’t move on… I will do the same if I’m interested in a guy and he acts like he is not ready for a relationship. We can’t wait for a men to decide what they want…

  18. 19
    Hadley Paige

    Collete #15 writes: ” if women would wise up and get back to the practice of not hooking up with guys they might fall for unless theyve gotten some commitment. . . This doesnt mean undoing the feminist movement and saying no to sex, it just means taking 30 seconds to clarify that neither of the two involved will be seeing other people. ”

    While this information may be wise to obtain for women seeking an LTR & an efficient way to get there, my suspicion is that this “30 second clarification” raised on a first date would lead in to a significant percentages of first dates also being the last date; Or if “clarified” prior to acceptance of a first date, would lead to a cancellation of the first date in a significant percentage of cases. I suspect that in this modern dating environment where women go out with men who picked them up; or have casually met, that women will just have to put the time in to find out what that man is truly like and run those risks (or go back to introductions from trusted friends, relatives and associates).

  19. 20
    sapphire

    I don’t think relationships are better after premarital sex… Premarital sex is adultry…because adultry affects your relationship in the future… You should try not to concentrate The relationship on sex much at all…in the end relationships hold on to what you’ve built from the relationship…you don’t need permarital sex to assure your relationship just as it seems that you need to be reassured by a stupid phone call after sex…tell your stupid boyfriend to begin to start waiting for sex until after marriage, because first you have to build a different type of relationship like trust (which will help women give themselves to their boyfriends wholly, especially after marriage) and compatibility….then sex will be great and trust will keep you from getting worried … There is more to this but I can’t think much more because I have other things in mind peach out

  20. 21
    hunter

    on post #20

    Adultery is defined as, the sex act of, either one or both partners married(not to each other), engaging in sexual intercourse.

  21. 22
    hunter

    If you want to hang with the crowd, you have to know the lingo!…..LOL!….They’ll see you coming!…

  22. 23
    moonsical

    This is an easy one: don’t sleep with someone you aren’t already in relationship with. I haven’t had this problem for decades…actually, maybe not ever.

    moon

  23. 24
    scorchin'

    Why is is the girls always seem to be waiting for the guy to call after sex. Girls- if you want to talk to the guy you just laid, call him. Whats the big deal?

  24. 25
    JaneD

    I really dont know what is wrong with my dates but it doesnt metter if I sleep with a guy or not they usually lose their interest pretty quick! I consider myself somewhat attractive woman with a distinguished taste for style and fashion.I meet most men online due to the nature of my job and because Im not very socialy active! I am starting to believe that online dating is a huge deception because a person,or at least me start to like the other person I talk to for week or two , we share interesting conversation and it seem that we would “click” in person as well and then when I finaly meet that person even if he shows affection and interest on the first date its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.I become the abandoned one..for what reason I never know! I am starting to believe that this just might be my destiny but I dont want to be the only passenger on the boat that is slowly sinking down because I know there should be a great guy out there that is genuine and real!!

  25. 26
    hunter

    Jane D, I’d prefer not to date co-workers, (because of messy experiences) but, according to census, I believe it is, almost 60% of “shipping while relating,”(relationships), happen at work.

  26. 27
    Sayanta

    Adam-

    Call me.

  27. 28
    Karl R

    JaneD said: (#25)
    “I am starting to believe that online dating is a huge deception”
    “its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.”
    “I become the abandoned one..for what reason I never know!”
    “I am starting to believe that this just might be my destiny”

    I have several questions. How does your dating turn out to be “disastrous”? I’ve had a number of dates through online dating. The “worst” outcomes were, “I don’t think you’re the type of person I’m looking for.” That doesn’t even qualify as a bad outcome. These women probably weren’t the type I was looking for either, and they were perceptive enough to figure it out before I was. That’s just the normal odds at work.

    How does an online date “abandon” you? Do they take you on a date, then strand you with no way to get home? If not, what are they doing that you feel qualifies as abandonment? Is it just that they’re breaking up with you or failing to call you again?

    I can see two possibilities for what might be happening with your dating.

    #1 You’re managing to date a lot of abusive and horrible men, and your dates turn out to be disasters. If this is the case, you might want to examine what it is that draws you to this type of man. Once you start dating nice, considerate men, your dates will be much better … even if your dating still doesn’t lead to a long-term relationship.

    #2 You have adopted an attitude where you see yourself as the perpetual victim. If a man isn’t interested enough to want to pursue a relationship, you view it as “abandonment” or “disastrous”. You believe the universe has somehow singled you out to have a lonely, loveless life. If this is your attitude toward dating, you’re going to drive any high-quality men away. The only men who will be attracted to this attitude are victimizers who are drawn to victims.

    I have two pieces of advice that might help you:

    Change your expectations:
    Let’s say only 1 in 5 of the women that I contact end up going on a first date with me. Let’s say that only 1 in 5 of my first dates ends up becoming a long term relationship. If that’s the case, 96% of the women I contact don’t become long-term girlfriends. That sounds like lousy odds, doesn’t it?

    But I only need one long-term girlfriend. So if I contact one new woman per week, it will take me around 6 months to get into a long-term relationship. I just have to put in the time and effort, and it will become a reality. That’s rather encouraging.

    Change your attitude:
    I go on a date with the intention of enjoying myself and getting to know the lady better. If I succeed in doing both of those, it’s a good date. Even if I decide that I don’t want to date the lady again (or she decides that she never wants to date me again), it was still a good first date.

    It’s still possible that I could have a disastrous date (the lady steals my wallet, or she’s unspeakably rude to me and everyone around), but it hasn’t happened yet.

    As a final suggestion, you might want to become more socially active. Socially active people have interesting things going on in their lives. That makes them more interesting people. Interesting people get more dates.

    1. 28.1
      JoJOe

      AWESOME AWESOME advice, and very insightful.
      Yes. Always go in with as much expectation as you put in.
      By your math, I’ll be in a long-term relationship within 3 months.
      Maybe sooner. So… can I bask in my my now and allow social engagements be a relaxing adventure, certainly.
      I’m not looking for next weeks disaster, I’m looking for this life’s masterpiece. In the meanwhile I work on this, me, my masterpiece in the present. I’m certain there is a man out there doing the same thing, thinking the same thoughts. I am certain that those 6 degrees of separation will be 6 baby steps to unification. It’s the law of attraction and I’m becoming a powerful magnet.

      Kudo’s

  28. 29
    Sayanta

    its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.

    Actually, I have a small anecdote about this- I met a guy online a while ago- he e-mailed me to say ‘u free tonight’ just like that. Now, I like it when a guy gives me a little notice, so I said, maybe sometime next week instead. He did the ‘u free tonite’ thing twice and then got the hint and we planned for something the following weekend.

    We met at a bar- the guy had a scowl on his face for some reason (he was friendly over the phone). I couldn’t imagine why, but I just tried easing into friendly conversation. oh my god, for an hour (I can’t believe I stayed that long, but I’d ordered food, which he didn’t offer to pay for either) all he did was complain about every single thing that’s wrong with life, not in a whiny way, but an angry way, like he wanted to punch someone. Every time I tried to say something pleasant, he tried to pick a fight with me! Then a neighbor of his happened to show up at the bar- this is a college town- and the guy turned away and acted like he didn’t know me until the neighbor had left. Yes, this was a female neighbor, but she was with her boyfriend. They kept looking at me, surprised probably, that I was putting up with this guy.

    Anyway, I left five minutes after that. The guy actually looked surprised that I was leaving!

    The reason I bring this up is because it turned me off of online dating for months. Only because the guy had been pleasant on the phone. So I thought, if I’m going to get a nasty surprise like this every time I go out, forget this whole business. Yech.

  29. 30
    Sayanta

    “This is an easy one: dont sleep with someone you arent already in relationship with.”

    lol- well, I totally agree with you there, as you’ve prob’y figured out from my other posts. But the thing is, the guys aren’t going want relationships unless we sleep with them first.

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