The surprising reason Carla couldn’t find love
- Dating, Meeting Men
Carla is smart, successful, and deeply frustrated.
She says she wants to fall in love. She says she’s open. She even hired me to be her dating coach. But in practice, Carla isn’t dating. Not really.
She’s on a few apps, sure, but doesn’t spend more than a minute or two scrolling before she closes them, sighs, and mutters, “There’s no one good out there.” She tells herself she just doesn’t have the energy to deal. After all, there are vacations to take and houses to renovate.
Carla doesn’t return texts. She won’t get on FaceTime. She hasn’t been on an actual date in months, even though I’m there to remind her of the importance of taking action.
Her version of events – based on 60+ years of choosing the wrong men – is that “dating is a waste of time.” And if I’m being honest? Right now, for Carla, it is.
Not because of the apps. Not because of the men. But because of her mindset.
Let me show you what I mean.
A few months ago, Carla went out with a widower. They had a decent connection, but he was still healing from the loss of his wife. But instead of chalking it up to timing, Carla decided something more sweeping: widowers are all emotionally unavailable.
So now, every time she sees “widowed” on a profile, she swipes left.
Next came the guy with no kids. He was kind, stable, made her laugh, and actually wanted a relationship. But he wasn’t a father, and that made Carla nervous. How could he ever understand what it’s like to raise a child? she wondered. He didn’t get a first date.
Then she saw a cute guy whose profile indicated he didn’t smoke weed. Once she saw he wasn’t “420-friendly,” she decided: This could never work. He’ll never accept that part of me.
One after another, every man had something “wrong” with him. Too old. Too short. Too serious. Too into her. Not into her enough.
In Carla’s world, every difference was a dealbreaker. Every man was a red flag. Every relationship was doomed before it began.
And when she told me that there are no good men left, I didn’t argue.
I just asked her one question:
“Is it possible that you’re not dating because you’ve already decided no one is good enough?”
That’s when it hit her.
It wasn’t that the men were awful. It’s that Carla had quietly built an entire belief system around the idea that relationships don’t work and she was actively looking for evidence to prove herself right.
This is the very definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you tell yourself that every man is flawed and no one is good enough, you’ll always find a reason to reject people. And when you never give anyone a real chance, it starts to feel like love just isn’t in the cards for you.
But that’s not true.
Carla doesn’t need to settle. She doesn’t need to compromise her values. She doesn’t have to be with someone who disrespects her lifestyle or doesn’t understand her as a mother.
But she does need to distinguish between actual incompatibility… and fear disguised as high standards.
That’s what I help you do inside Love U.
Love U is not about lowering your standards. It’s about shifting your perspective so you can meet men who meet them. It’s about replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
The truth is, the right man isn’t going to check every box. He’s not going to be perfect. But he will be cute, financially secure, and make you feel safe, heard, and understood.
That’s what matters most.
So if you see yourself in Carla – if you’re tired of swiping and screening out every man who doesn’t fit the exact mold – I want you to ask yourself the same question I asked her:
What if the only thing standing between you and love… is the belief that no one is good enough?
If you’re ready to challenge that belief – if you want to get out of your own way and start making smarter, more empowered dating decisions – I invite you to book a free call with me.
We’ll talk about what’s been keeping you stuck, where you’re getting in your own way, and what steps to take next to finally create the love story you deserve.
You don’t have to do this alone. I’ve coached thousands of women through this exact moment. You can be next.
👉 Click here to apply for your free Love U discovery call.
Love,
Evan
P.S. January is usually my busiest month of the year. If you want to get a head start on having that confident, CEO mindset around love, this is the best time to reach me.
“I used to think I was being picky. Evan helped me realize I was just protecting myself from getting hurt again. Since working with him, I’ve opened up in ways I didn’t know were possible and I’m now in a marriage that feels easy – just like Evan said it would.”
Amanda
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