My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me. I Slept With Someone Else. Have I Done Something Wrong?

My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me.  I Slept With Someone Else. Have I Done Something Wrong?

I dated my ex for 16 months. We broke up with no hints of getting back together. 2 weeks later I had a one night stand with someone I don’t know. 1 week later, my ex calls and indicates we should try to get back together. In subsequent discussions, she asks me if I had slept with anyone. Being an honest man, I reluctantly told her yes. She is furious and hurt and is accusing me of cheating and lying to her. I want to be with her, never wanted to be without her (she pushed the breakup), and am disappointed that I hurt her, BUT, do not feel like I cheated or lied. Where do I go from here? Lay low and see if time helps or go all in again and try to win her over again?



Dear Brian,

You did nothing wrong.

You were broken up.

You had no hints of getting back together.

You did what pretty much any guy would do after a sixteen month relationship.

That doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods yet, but it does mean you’re technically “right”. The problem is that having truth and logic on your side matters very little when discussing emotional issues. This, by the way, is the main reason that I blog. I try to inject a little male logic into the largely feminine realm of relationship discussions. (This does NOT mean women are illogical – I’m just making a generalization here). I don’t actively hope to change the world, but I do hope to observe the world AS IT IS, as opposed to how it SHOULD be.

She probably wanted you cry your eyes out for a few weeks, paralyzed, unable to imagine yourself in the presence of any other woman.

Your girlfriend is caught up in how it SHOULD be. After a long, serious relationship – one in which she still had feelings for you – she was clearly hoping for some dating moratorium. She probably wanted you cry your eyes out for a few weeks, paralyzed, unable to imagine yourself in the presence of any other woman. And then, when she came back to reconcile with her beloved, she was shocked to discover that you had drowned your sorrows in the cleavage of another woman during – GASP! – a meaningless one-night stand. The gall! The disrespect! Did your relationship just mean NOTHING?

It feels pretty ridiculous to type those last few lines because they make no logical sense. You were broken up. You did when men do when they’re single – look for other women. When my serious girlfriend dumped me in 2004, I left her house, red-eyed, drove ten minutes home, and reactivated my JDate account instantly. Would I want to be the first woman to date me after my heart had been shattered? Hell, no. But I certainly wasn’t going to repair my wounds by sitting at home by myself for a month….

This isn’t to say that I don’t have sympathy for your ex-girlfriend. It’s just that it’s HER job to get over this bump in the road. There’s nothing you could do at this point that’s going to fix things. Especially since she asked for your honesty and you gave it to her.

This brings up a rant that I’ve always wanted to have in public forum. It stems from a conversation with a girlfriend from 4-5 years back – a girlfriend that I loved, a girlfriend who was deeply distrustful of men. It was based on her personal experience – she’d been cheated upon, and even dated a polyamorist at a time. As a result, I remember her telling me, point-blank, early in the relationship (and repeatedly thereafter):

“If you ever cheat on me, you’d better tell me. I do not tolerate cheaters and I will break up with you.”

And, me, ever the wise-ass, replied, with a twinkle in my eye, “Well, if you’d break up with me, why would I tell you that I cheated?”

And she’d reply: “Because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the manly thing to do. You’d want to have integrity, right?”

And I’d reply: “Yeah, but what if I made a god-awful mistake – say, drunkenly kissing a stranger at a party in Vegas? What if I made a mistake that I instantly regretted and would never repeat? What if I knew I would never intentionally jeopardize my relationship for any other woman again? What possible incentive would I have to confess, presuming that you’re instantly going to dump me for ‘honorably’ telling you? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

I’m not defending cheating. I am saying that I was living in the real world, and she was living in the fantasy world. In the real world, when someone cheats and realizes the consequences are dire, he’s got no incentive to confess. I can spit gum on the street in Singapore and turn myself in so I can get caned, or I can deny, deny, deny. I can “borrow” lines from a book when writing a term paper, and then tell the professor that I plagiarized, but that wouldn’t be too wise.

You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.

So while I’m not encouraging cheaters, let’s understand what logical behavior follows after infidelity: lies to cover up. You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.

To wrap up, I want to offer a quote from Ramana Hamarshi, “Wanting to reform the world without discovering one’s true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.”

If you’re frustrated with the dialogue here and expect to change men or women, make no mistake about it, you’re trying to cover the world with leather.


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  1. 121

    Hey Guys, something similar to this happened to me last night. My ex and I were together for six months but on valentine’s day she went all crazy jacked my truck and went God knows where all weekend leaving me with no car at home. As a result I moved out and moved to another state because I knew it was over or so I thought, for a couple of weeks I was doing my own thing until I started talking to her on a daily basis again, she said that she missed me and still loved me and wanted to see me very badly. I agreed and started getting things in order but as soon as I almost had my plane ticket and hotel picked out she tells me she has been thinking lately that an ex is an ex for a reason and she does not think it is a good idea to see me. I was so shattered and confused because just a couple days ago she was telling me she loved me and wanted to see me. I talked to her one last time and she said that she never said she wanted to work things out and that she thinks we should leave it in the past, but she still wanted to stay friends on facebook. I went out last night and met this cute girl, we went back to her place and got busy but during the moment I could not get into it and felt lost and confused, as a result I drunk dialed my ex at 3 am and am now ashamed of myself because we are done and she made it perfectly clear. Now I feel anxious and confused and am hoping my ex does not call me back but I got a feeling she will.

    1. 121.1
      Therra Boier

      Your Ex sounds like a narcissist crazy biatch. Much Love 2 You, learn to Love Your self first. Therra.

  2. 122

    Kat Wilder you hit the nail on the head~!!

  3. 123

    Oh my God! What is it with you guys?!!!! So assured of your ‘male needs’! Discussing together about how women need to get a grip and see how men are, and that’s just the way they are etc etc! We are men and we love sex and our women(grunt, as in caveman) should just accept it! Well, welcome to the world of women, who you may not realise need just the same. For years they have been breaking their backs trying to make ‘love’ work, and now eventually they have realised that you guys simply don’t care as much, they are having a great time too, and planning even better. i believe we were programmed to love and nurture and be pretty and faithful. But alas, our men couldn’t keep it in their trousers, so neither are we. And yes we love it too! What fun! Angry and passionate sex with a stranger! Pure rugged passionate sex with a stranger! Marvellous! Time you men took over in trying to keep the boring shit together! Drink, drugs and sex! Thanks guys. Your call.

    1. 123.1
      Therra Boier

      Love Your Comment.

  4. 124

    Let’s be honest, women have been holding the court for eternity in the name of love and the upbringing of their children. Men are not ‘programmed’ to be with one woman. Hey oh, that’s ‘how men are’….. At last we are deciding to have meaningless rampant sex with others. Hey guys, it’s just our oestrogen levels… I love men very much, but it’s about time they stopped saying ‘oh that’s how men are’…. Hello, we can be and feel just the same too! And the truthful reason s that we have generally been the nicer sex, but are finally done in by our partners behaviour!! We are the same now. Hello my best pal! That is a better love. You gotta laugh. Ridiculous.

  5. 125

    So, it’s ‘logical’ for the author to lie? Wow, some integrity there. The person  in this letter was totally in the right, but what kind of stupid logic is that on the part of the author to assume that the normal reaction to messing up is to lie about it? Be a goddamn adult here.

  6. 126

    After a break up ppl are angry and hurt but woman find it so hard to let a man touch her while she’s heart broken. Feels like your still cheating because your heart belongs to another and sex isn’t meaningless to most woman. Men have to remember that. U need to give your break up some time so no mistakes are made and maybe discuss it one more time before actually going out and doing the deed because once its done its done and your girlfriend will see you as dirty. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? You did right being honest knowing you could lose her but its easier to forgive the truth than find out later a lie.

    If your gf has been cheated on and even if not, if your in a relationship don’t act single. Kissing strangers in Vegas should not happen if you love someone. Cheating should not happen if your happy and in love. If your able to kiss that stranger you need to be honest because that girl doesn’t deserve to live with that lie, u need to think why did u do it, maybe no in love after all? Maybe a jerk who doesn’t deserve a good girl?

    1. 126.1

      …..a man can “think” his way out of a relationship….its not that he doesn’t deserve a good girl…or that, he is a jerk…..

      1. 126.1.1

        If you cheated on her then u don’t deserve her and is a jerk. Its easy not to cheat……

        1. hunter

          …how do you figure that..?

    2. 126.2

      Thumbs up for this. Just took the words right outta my mouth.

  7. 127
    Karmic Equation

    Look, for the women here who say they’ve never cheated, then you cannot possibly know the kind of guilt the cheater feels, if for that cheater, that is an aberration not a habit. Habitual cheaters will feel no guilt. I will never know. Just as I will never know how a murderer feels to have killed. There are some feelings we can’t know until we do the deed.

    In this case, Brian wasn’t cheating. But he feels like it was. That speaks highly of his conscience. But he needs to let go the guilt. He didn’t cheat. He as a free man.

    Back to the women who never cheat telling cheaters why they should come clean. You are not in a position to tell those people anything. You have no experience in that feeling. You can imagine all you want, but imagining how a colonoscopy will feel isn’t the same as actually experiencing the colonoscopy, ok? Just like chldbirth. Ask a guy to imagine it. Use all the wonderful words you want to describe it. He can try to imagine, but we all know if guys actually experienced childbirth, all childbearing would be painfree without an epidural, right? Men can’t handle that kind of pain. They would make sure that problem is solved. haha. Here’s the youtube video about that, btw (“men experiencing simulated childbirth”) — LIsten to their comments afterwards.

    No, I’m not saying the guilt of cheating rivals the pain of childbirth. (It could, I don’t know as I haven’t experienced either). I’m saying if you’ve never done the deed that causes the feeling, then imagining the deed or the feelings associated with it can’t do it justice. And you can’t preach about how good the coming clean will feel either, because if you haven’t cheated, then you’ve never had to come clean about it either. Same exact principle.

    Just go with this: If you love the guy enough to try to get back together with him after the break up. You owe it to the both of you to clean slate his actions (and your own) in between the break up and the reconciliation. And DON’T ASK him. Don’t make him decide between winning his integrity and losing the relationship. Let him live with his “guilt”, if he’s like Brian and feels guilty when he shouldn’t. And otoh, if he DOESN’T feel guilty, you know you won’t like that either. So just let it go. Keep telling yourself it’s none of your business. If after a month, you can’t let it go. Break up for real, THEN tell him why. Why break up first? Because then YOU’RE behaving with integrity. You’re not tying to manipulate him into telling you what he did during your breakup “because you just can’t get it out of your head that he slept with other women”. Because you know if you told him this BEFORE you break up with him, you’re fishing for information. Telling him this AFTER you break up with him ensures that you own that feeling and it has nothing to do what you imagined he did or didn’t do.

    1. 127.1

      I’m positive they didn’t have a ‘break up’.  And in any case the period of several weeks after any ‘break up’ is still part of the relationship in a way – if it was a truly sexual, truly loving , genuine adult relationship.  To be able to go with someone so soon after any ‘break up’ is a sure sign that the ‘cheater’ was  a fraud emotionally (and possibly physically) during the relationship and this is why such conduct causes such a distraught reaction.

      1. 127.1.1
        Anonymous Too

         Exactly…I am the gf . I broke up with him, and it was suddenly after seeing he was having conversations with other women online. I think that the background story matters soooo much and here’s why. After the breakup and it was an angry one I was the one that kept on trying to reach him through text. It clearly wasn’t over for me. I was ready to forget about the stupid conversations he had with some chicks and he knew… Whatever. Well, in my mind, it’s not like morally right to be like “oh they broke up with me, who should I f*** now?” it’s weak and stupid and I know I would regret it immediately and for the rest of my life, so there’s my empathy. However, I find it very low, and very very hard to forgive something like that just imagining that his d*** was inside someone else as well who knows what else happened and yes Fuckin get tested now…  I mean it’s a hassle really. That special place that we went to together, you ruined because of a spur-of-the-moment breakup. To be really clear. He kept evading me and blocking me through any means possible and I was the idiot knocking on his door, driving by his place to find he’s never there, plus texting him and calling, all while I thought “this guy is something else now!” He turned lol. . . So tell me, who should be the one Fucking around?
        I didn’t think he was getting sexually involved; I thought he was just hanging out with friends, right? I mean that’s what any smart guy would do. Well, looooong story short, turns out he kind of seeked me to be friends, and I was straight up like “wtf? This is shady; I can’t be your stupid friend.” That’s when I knew he was with someone else. He started saying “my friend” to me lol and I understood this person wants to make his mind believe we’re friends to justify whatever he did well “naaaahh but thanks.” He asked me to come along for a ride on his new car and I straight up asked him “did you have sex with someone after me?” Notice the wording please people. I never said “did you cheat on me?” Anyways he said “yes, I told you I was seeing someone.” I asked him like three times because I couldn’t believe it, I could see it in his eyes: the fear. I got off his car and walked 4 miles back home, crying the whole way. Yes, maybe I place importance on sex. Maybe I thought he was different. Now I know he’s just a man, right? A stupid, dumb one at it.It might sound fucked up, but it all comes down to having a bit of brains left, you know tactical strategic shit. If you knew that getting me was pretty hard and told you since the start “if you go fuck someone else after me the thrill is going to goo” then why are you outside my apartment now telling me you want me back. I swear it’s so hard. Idk if I can forgive this. I read all the replies to this thread for insights. I find it very difficult to forgive this. I understand the opposing views but a lot just sound so fed-up with life and lack empathy completely. I know this must be incredibly hard for him but he’s the one that complicated it even further.  I wish I didn’t give a f*** but at this moment I feel too proud and freed like “YOU set me free….how in the world do you want me back now?

        As far as the story at hand, we don’t even know the back story lol.
        ” When someone breaks up with you, f*** someone else asap”…. Wow 😂 you did nothing wrong lololol
        deep down you know it’s wrong, but just learn and grow. Try to let it go. If they forgive you, and don’t continue to punish you for it, consider yourself extremely lucky☝
        And in response to the ridiculous idea of hiding the nasty deed to stay with someone just know that the truth will come to light and will put you in Hell on earth at one point or another. After being with someone for a long time you’re going to say it’s “none of their business” if they get STDs lololol 
        I’m so disgusted by humans

        1. Therra Boier


          Get rid of the toxic Narcissist. You were and are right He is wrong. End of story. Learn to love Yourself and never beg a Men for Love or Attention. Derive Happiness from Yourself and do not derive your value from having a Man or not!! You are kind, sweet and loving good Woman.

  8. 128

    This might be old,but very insightful.I’m the gf in this case,I’m broken up that my bf slept w other women whilst we were broken up.I am not being logical and he echoed everything in your post ,that I wasn’t being reasonable,I realized I’ve been hard on him emotionally after finding all this out.It hurts because as a woman you can’t fathom hopping to bed after a breakup.We were broken up about two months, that’s quite a while after a 3year relationship. I want to continue our relationship because we are best friends and we care deeply about eachother! Thanks for this article!

  9. 129

    In the famous words of Ross…”We were on a break!!” ;p

    1. 129.1

      LOL. I swear I was thinking of posting this and then you did.


      We are all just looking for our lobster. 🙂

    2. 129.2

      ‘On a break’ clearly does not mean the same as the couple having ‘broken up’.  The couple still exists!

  10. 130

    My bf of four years has broke up with me many times and begged to come back. It hurt me bad Everytime.  I have asked him to leave two times.. first time he moved back in with his ex wife, second time he went to his ex and she set him up with a past fwb over a six year period.  Which I knew nothing of.. he asked me to go away with him so we could try and talk, I asked him if he had been with anyone, and he said no… we went away and his ex wife found out we were together, she called her friend that she set up with him, next thing I got a message on fb with all the details of there night… I was devasted, not that he ss with someone but the who and he still lied and said it didn’t happened.  I was 15 hours from home,  he told me to leave, that I had no business being there and I drove home alone…   now he is saying I left him stranded there, and still wants to work things out.  Really?   I wish I knew how, but I can’t be bothered with the childish games.

  11. 131

    If a girl breaks up with you.if you really cared about them you’d wait awhile before getting into another chick’S Pants and don’t lie about it . Don’t try to get the girl back because that’s disgusting. Shouldn’t lead her on either. Obviously she was upset. Shame on dudes saying not her business since they broke up. Well obviously it was her business Kudos for not lying about. Typical double standard.

    1. 131.1
      Karmic Equation

      Absolutely disagree.

      Women do NOT own men’s behaviors PARTICULARLY once she’s broken up with him.

      Similarly, MEN do not own women’s behaviors if HE breaks up with her.

      Whom you date/fuck or whom he dates/fucks during a breakup is neither party’s business.

      If you don’t want your bf to bang anyone during a breakup, then don’t break up with him.

      Once you’re broken up,  BOTH of you are free agents, whether you like it or not.

      This guy was a fool to tell her. And she was an idiot for asking.

      1. 131.1.1

        Wow Mr Karmic Equation!  I really hope that someone who refers to relationships in terms of who fucks who gets their due karma 🙂

        1. Anonymous

          Plus… it;s not a case of ‘owning’ behaviours but of having insight into a person’s character according to how they behave.

      2. 131.1.2
        Karmic Equation

        Anonymous and other women who agree with you that a guy has no right to sleep with someone else when the WOMAN did the breaking up, you women are the reason for MGTOW. Women are NOT entitled to dictate an EX’s sexual behavior, whether the breakup lasted one day or one year. If you want your boyfriends to remain faithful to he has to BE your boyfriend, not the guy you broke up with.

        If you’re breaking up with him to manipulate something from him, you were the one doing wrong. Him acting single was not wrong. You freed him when you broke up with him. Own it.

        1. hunter

          karmic E…Bravo..!..Bravo..!!…my applause…!!


  12. 132
    Jane Smith

    I just went a similar situation. My boyfriend and I broke up in early February and were in the midst of reconciling a few weeks later, at which point I was also diagnosed with breast cancer. Fast forward to April, after being on and off for two months we have a final blowout and we both end it. I try to have a conversation, however, and he makes it very clear that we are done by blocking me and ignoring me and refusing to talk. He left to go to Reno a single man. So, knowing that I have a mastectomy scheduled for the first week of May and chemo starting in June, I take an old friend up on his invite to head to the city and spend a weekend with him. Little did I know that my ex would want to reconcile upon coming home from Reno. How fucking convenient, eh? However, as soon as I admitted that I had slept with someone else (he asked pointedly), he will have nothing to do with me. Part of me is relieved that the cycle of bullshit is over and part of me is absolutely heartbroken that I caused it.

  13. 133

    I did the same thing as this guy except that i’m a woman and the guy I hurt is acting like the girl in this article. It’s not a gender thing. I regret it and it was not wise even though there were no hints of reconciliation and we were broken up I’m still to this day being called a cheater. He always throws it in my face and there is no reasoning with him.

    Maybe the girl in this case will end up being more reasonable. My advice. Stay away. Don’t have regular contact with her. If possible none at all. If a year or two later you still love this person and she loves you start clean. Right now it’s too fresh. She is very unlikely to move forward with you.

    If I had to do it again I would never. But if brought back to the point of whether to reconcile I wouldn’t. Not while he or she is still holding it against you.

  14. 134

    That’s cause you “guys” are set on cheating isn’t a big deal cause your a guy and it’s “in your nature” no your a dumbass and quit playing stupid like u didn’t know you were going to get back together just cause it was said doesn’t mean it’s what either feels in there heart..your going to tell me you’ve never said anything you done mean ever in your life..?? Doubt it! It’s not women being crazy it’s them having feelings. Men don’t have many feelings if you haven’t noticed it’s usually always the guys that sleep with someone in these “were broke up phase” if guys had any common sense or hearts they wouldn’t do such a thing and try and figure out what the girl wants. If they can say that they would take the girl back after the “break up” then there isn’t a reason to sleep with someone else and most of the time the break up is to figure out if the guy gives a shit or not. You don’t see happy couples breaking up to figure that out now do you? And if it does happen then they don’t sleep with people. You men will always have an excuse

    1. 134.1

      yousuck, does have a point, some couples do break up, ’cause women do like it when men are persistent, women love it when a man comes “begging” back…


      1. 134.1.1

        @Huntet and that is called “playing mind games” something you should never do to anyone you truly care about.

    2. 134.2

      @Yousuck Yes, because you women never do this kind of thing to men, don’t be a worthless hypocrite. She split up with him, how is he supposed to assume that she still wants to be with him when she suddenly kicked him out of her life? They were NOT together, hence it is NOT cheating. The definition of cheating is to have relations with another person while you’re IN A RELATIONSHIP, which he wasn’t. I also love how cheating is apparently all a male thing, sexist much? You are so narrow minded it’s unreal.

    3. 134.3
      Feeling scared

      I was engaged to be married to who I thought was the love of my life. We had a long distance relationship he lived 4 hours drive away and we saw eachother every weekend. He was in the process of buying a property close to where I lived so we could marry. We went on holiday to Malta in december 2016 he felt flu like before we left and had the worst nightmare of my life 2 days into the holiday, he kept going to the toilet through the day and night and said he needed to see a doctor on his own, I went to the surgery with him waited outside my fiance came out with a prescription for what he said was back pain. I found out during that night when he came out with a blanket wrapped around him that I sensed he was hiding something I pulled away a terrible shock! That he had a STD blistered and raw down below. Through my shock I asked him what it was and he said nothing! Just looked to the floor, I went to look for the tablets that were prescribed to him and read the information leaflet Genital herpes and he hid it from me! We hadnt made love as he said he had back pain so he spared me there. BUT he wouldnt explain or even speak to me he just got dressed and left our hotel room leaving me sobbing my heart out, and no answers. He got another hotel and the rest of the week was a numbing experience and I got a seperate flight home. With no answers and no contact from him ( he used to use the silent treatment) when we had a disagreement I heard nothing for 2 months then an out of the blue a text saying he loved me, and always will but still when I asked what happened in Malta he said he didnt know! Fast forward another month (3 months apart) he buys his house here and moves in and full on wants me back. We discussed the herpes and he said he doesnt know where it came from I said to move forward would he have a lie detector test to prove he didnt cheat while together he has agreed and its happening next tuesday 4th April I feel scared as he left it 3 months to make amends. He finally admitted after 4 days into starting again he had a ONS in January I felt crushed and still do as if he didnt have his mobile switched off at times I tried to phone him and he didnt give me the silent treatment we would never of parted ways but sorted the mess out as adults. He is 67 I am 53. He has lied to me about certain things in the past and promised to never lie again, I am so scared of the results of the lie detector next tuesday because I was left so alone after the discovery with no answers and I suspect he cheated while with me when we lived the long distance. Fear isnt the word now but I also know I will find out the truth which will be the deciding factor in being with him as a couple again. Sorry this is so long but the awful doubts I have is making me feel physically sick. Dread. Thank you for everyones posts on here helped me not feel so alone in the world as his ONS almost killed me off when he finally told me (when he initially denied sleeping with anyone when I first asked) Dreading Tuesday!

  15. 135

    Be gentle, feelings are feelings. If you love your ex even just as a friend try to look at it from the side of a broken heart. Being cold will only make things worse on her.

  16. 136

    Bitch is a time wasting head game player mate, move on and stop letting her screw with your head. This has fuck all to do with logic or emotion, this is she’s wasting your time messing you around, as much as you think you need her, you can not only do better but be happier with someone else. Clinging to fucked relationships instead of just moving on is just going to hurt YOU.

    1. 136.1

      “Bitch” is a slur that is used against women for people who do not have the emotional intelligence to communicate their perspective without feeling entitled to degrade another  person. “Bitch” is no different a slur than anti-semitic slurs, racial slurs or homophobic ones. This is a website that many women frequent and coming onto it and using degrading language simply because you don’t like the behavior of a woman is not okay. You don’t get the right to uphold degrading language that’s been used against women for all of time. Don’t write anything on the internet you wouldn’t want your mom, sisters, girlfriend, wife, daughter to see……I am 99% your mom didn’t raise you to humiliate women.


  17. 137
    Cameron Giordano

    Yo bro you did nothing wrong especially if she was the one that ended then she really can’t be mad at you I wouldn’t worry about it

  18. 138

    Well after two weeks is kinda shitty, shows You didn’t care much for her and You obviously weren’t thinking about her. But i guess if you broke up its not that bad.

  19. 139

    This girl is nuts. If she hadn’t dumped you then you wouldn’t have slept with anyone else. You don’t owe her any explanation after she cut yout loose. Who does she think she is. Ridiculous

  20. 140

    my fiance and i were together for 3 years and fighting but we also had really good times. i live in the usa and she lives in peru and i would go visit her for 6 months or sometimes 4 months each year. we have a daughter and she is almost 2 years old now. we broke up last year and after some months we were good again, technically we were together again since we were saying each other i love you i want to be with you forever, sharing naked pictures, videos, making wedding plans, etc. a week ago she told me she was dating a guy and had sex 5 times during  2 months while leaving my daughter with her grandma during the sex dates, they even hanged out with my daughter but she didnt like him. they had a fight and never saw each other again. she waited 1 month to tell me this and i was devastated, she said yes we were having sex cam and saying i love you to each other and making wedding plans but u never told me we were back together also i will never see him again it was a big mistake. what should i do now i love her a lot and ahe cried a lot and she says shes so sorry

  21. 141

    Hmmm…I had this happen to me. I had a disagreement with my boyfriend of 3 years, nothing major, but he stomped off in a huff. I did not hear from him for a few weeks and he would not take my calls.  I thought he was mad and gave him space only to find out that he went and slept with other women during this time and claimed we were broken up. This is not the type of man I want ! If a man is not prepared to work out issues when they occur, but instead runs into the arms of another woman, I say you are best rid of him. And if the OP really loved this woman, why did he start seeing someone else rather than work it out with her.!!! Oh, but wait—he does want her back, and is open to that…but used the break to see others.!

  22. 142
    Anonymous 126738900....


    Flip the script.  If she had done the same to you, regardless of who broke up with who, I would bet the farm you would feel the same as her.  Also, the fact that you are here even asking really shows you know it was wrong.  I don’t think you two were done yet and you know that.  Stop resorting on logic when you fucked up on the emotional side.  Both emotions and logic are “real” world.  But emotions are the most “real” thing about relationships.

  23. 143

    Interesting article.

    I broke up with my fiance and he returned to me months later – after his 2 back to back rebound relationships blew up. Was I hurt he moved on so quick? F*ck yes. Did he cheat on me? No. I initiated the break up and kept up my end of no contact. He came back after he realized he screwed up his life with empty sex, the facade of trying to prove to himself and everyone he moved on without being hurt, the rebounds were huge mistakes, etc.

    I felt it was my business to ask about those rebound relationships because I didn’t want to be the rebound of his rebounds and what his true intentions were. Plus in this day and age of whether safe sex was practiced.

    Your girlfriend in this post appears to be mixed up and probably won’t ever get over it. As a woman, I think you are better off without this nutcase. Also, get some self esteem and keep it in your pants for a bit after break up.

  24. 144

    Stories like this reminds me how selfish, irresponsible and heartless a man can be. Dear men and women, please do not sleep with someone you do not love, because that only means you are a selfish person who uses people for himself or herself to gratify oneself, and having sex with someone you do not love makes you less trustworthy. If you can sleep with someone you do not love, then there is a big possibility you will commit extramarital sex when you are married. Nasty.


  25. 145
    Heidi Jolly

    Doesn’t sound like the advice giver was deeply in kove if he ran home to get visuals of avsilable women right after she broke up.  Kind of makes me wonder why she broke up.

    And rebounding into sexual actions with a new person so soon makes it sound like he isnt too focused on LTR.  Rebounding is self-disrespect.

  26. 146

    Here is my take.  as a woman.  happened to me.  but 14 yrs relationship.  a fight.  you both scream break up…and in one to two weeks he has sex with someone?  We are not talking logic.  we are talking feelings.  being BROKEN UP is simply a label.  the relationship and the individuals deserve respect and an oppty to work thru things without involving 3rd parties.  Things get really screwed up when you do that..    Men need to learn to decompress.  give things some MATURE down time before making decisions that can become problems down the road.  Our feelings matter.  and a roll in the hay right off the bat screams immaturity and most definitely makes her feel she really didn’t matter.  He has a lot of reassuring to do.  Shame on him.

    1. 146.1

      Jean, both men and women medicate themselves after a break up, in this manner..


  27. 147

    It’s not wrong to sleep with someone else if your broken up. However, you probably desired to sleep with other people in addition to your ex-partner and that’s why you had sex with other people. I wouldn’t blame it on your unfortunate break up or a personal pity party. To be honest, both parties from the ex relationship were likely missing something important. That’s why there was a break up. Being single with all the lonely nights is much better than being with someone you can’t trust or don’t enjoy being around.

  28. 148

    People break up all the time for various reasons and then they often get back together even though in the middle of all of their emotions they are swearing it will never happen! I am 60 years old. I was married 28 years. I had a lot of boyfriends when I was young and I have had a lot of boyfriends the past ten years. What I’m saying is I’ve seen a lot! What you do when you break up is a sign of your character! You can say “I was hurt! I was depressed! I felt unloved” -while all of those are valid emotions how you handle them is a sign of your emotional maturity. It’s not a male vs. female thing! There are plenty of women who jump into new relationships right away. After spending over a year loving someone and sharing a life with someone and then immediately going out to “get over” them by sleeping with someone else just says you are hugely immature- and you didn’t think into the future and you were willing to potentially damage the person you presumably loved in case you did get back together. Getting over someone is an emotional process and takes time. If you can go “f” someone to forget someone that was not love you were sharing with them. You have no depth of character. If they were still in your heart no matter how mad or hurt you were you couldn’t or wouldn’t take that step- if you are emotionally mature! Honesty, trust and integrity are crucial to a healthy lasting relationship. Integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is looking! No one seems to be interested in having values and personal standards! I totally commend that man for being honest with his girlfriend. It would take me a very long time but I would try forgive a man that was strong enough to risk telling me that he had slept with someone else. If he could tell me that he could tell me anything!  As long as fidelity and other women had never been an issue in our relationship-it would still hurt because I think that is always a bad thing to do when you are feeling emotional and as I said I think it’s immature to do but to be able to step up and be honest is huge! You have to stop and think how you’re really feeling and realize whatever decision you make- in this case to have casual sex with someone else-could have terrible consequences for you in the future in case you do decide to get back together. Many times the truth has a way of coming out in unexpected ways. And as someone else posted let’s not forget about diseases! Saying you’re broken up doesn’t excuse the fact that he or she didn’t value the time and love that was invested in the relationship enough and wanted to go have sex with someone else- and the hurtful thing for the ex is that he absolutely wanted to have sex with someone else that wasn’t her! I’m sick of people saying it meant nothing and was a meaningless act! That is another excuse for not accepting responsibility and trying to validate the situation. Sex is not meaningless. Things don’t just happen. Everything you do is a choice! And someone on here said maybe that’s moving on or they didn’t want to miss an opportunity to enjoy themselves. People get emotional they break up they change their minds that doesn’t mean it’s a test of the other person’s love! Here is my advice- I say if you’ve slept with someone after a short breakup and your ex calls and says they want you back-never go back to them. They deserve better than you. 

  29. 149

    Oh and the reason I even wrote this and found this thread was because this recently happened to me! I was with my boyfriend a year and a half. He broke up with me. After three weeks he sent me a text saying he was sorry. We started talking and then got back together- total time apart 6 weeks. I knew he had been on dating sites so I asked him if he had dated or slept with anyone and of course he said no.Flash forward 2  1/2 years later. I found out that he had pursued another women, taken her to our favorite restaurant and she had slept over and they had sex. Guess what? I broke up with him even though he had really made an effort during the past 2 1/2 years. I tried for 2 months to just let it go but it was impossible for me. He knew how I felt about lying! He had broken up with me and then actively sought out another women and romanced her and slept with her! He never should have contacted me again! He wasted our lives. We are 60 now! He should have known better at this age! He kept telling me that lame bs that we were broken up but he was just justifying wanting to go out and screw someone else. He said he realized he loved me after he was with her! No one should accept this behavior! It is immature and irresponsible- thank goodness I didn’t get a disease!

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