How Can I Deal With My Boyfriend’s Family’s Racism?

Angry brunette looking at camera on white background

Hi Evan, I think you give some great, down-to-earth advice, and I could use some right now. First, let me give you some context. My boyfriend and I are both white, mid-twenties, and well-educated. I grew up in a diverse suburb of a mid-size city. He grew up in a fairly rural area, somewhat close to the small city in which we both live now.

To cut to the chase, his parents (particularly his mom) are racist and homophobic (though I am positive they only express these views amongst other white straight people). These are very common attitudes in the area where we are living now, but it makes me wildly uncomfortable. I believe that all people are equal and should always be treated that way and I believe that racist/homophobic jokes and comments contribute to system issues that are a threat to the well-being of those they are directed to.

I have only met the parent’s twice and both in very public settings. For the sake of my boyfriend have chosen to keep my thoughts to myself when certain comments have been made. Obviously, I am not going to start a confrontation when I have been invited to an event with all of my boyfriend’s family and friends, but I am concerned about when this happens in private. I will feel like I am not being true to myself if I do not make my views known, but I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. He loves his parents and accepts them for their flaws.

While I passionately argued my liberal point of view, I ultimately didn’t get anywhere. In fact, all I ever did was make everyone at the Thanksgiving table very uncomfortable.

I guess I ultimately have two questions. What is the appropriate way to deal with my discomfort with his parents because of these issues? And, should I be worried that the fact that my boyfriend doesn’t care about his parent’s prejudices is indicative of a much larger gap in our values?

Thanks, Cassie

Oh, Cassie. Your email hits home.

I am an argumentative liberal atheist.

I married into a family of non-argumentative Christian conservatives.

My in-laws and their extended family are lovely people – and I’m not just saying that because they’re reading this (Hi, Nana!) I’m saying this because they believe in God, family, and country, they are generous to the core, and they don’t have a bad bone in their bodies. They are Irish Catholics with a military background in a military town, and they have been indoctrinated with a set of beliefs and surrounded by other people with the same set of beliefs for their entire lives. A conservative worldview is all they know. Expecting them to embrace my liberalism would be like expecting them to speak Chinese when they’ve never met anyone from China.

In the six years I’ve been with my wife, there have probably been about five occasions where I decided to be like you and say, “I’m not being true to myself if I do not make my views known”. And guess what? While I passionately argued my liberal point of view, I ultimately didn’t get anywhere. In fact, all I ever did was make everyone at the Thanksgiving table very uncomfortable.

So now, I do my best to keep my mouth shut and keep the peace. Not because I want to — I honestly LOVE a well-informed and balanced debate between smart people — but because my experience has taught me that the downside of speaking my mind is significantly greater than the upside. I would suggest the same to you.

It’s easy to demonize people who think differently as “wrong”, but that kind of reflex rarely serves our higher purposes. When it comes to family (and marriage), it’s far more important to get along than to be “right”.

Are you empirically right that all racism is wrong? Well, you’re mostly right. Prejudice is, admittedly, dangerous. It’s wrong to assume all members of an individual group are the exact same way and to assign negative stereotypes without further inquiry.

At the same time, are there ANY stereotypes that are true? Are there ANY stereotypes that are funny? I’ll be the first to volunteer that there are.

I’m Jewish. Those things that you’ve heard about Jews, in general? They’re true. Both the good and the bad. Not every Jewish person everywhere in the world. But if you were to take a random sampling of the 14 million of us left on the planet, you’d certainly find a bunch of intelligent, neurotic, argumentative people who would much rather be lawyers than manual laborers.

Is there humor to be found there? I’ll say there is.

My wife’s family is Irish. They have fair skin, lots of children, and drink a hell of a lot more than any Jewish family I’ve ever seen. That is a stereotype, and, in this instance (not all instances), it’s true.

One of the ways I think the left has it wrong is insisting on political correctness at all times. Sure, it serves a valuable and higher purpose; we can all stand to be more sensitive. At the same time, wouldn’t you agree that being PC all the time is a bit humorless? I remember going to a comedy club with someone who was so PC that she couldn’t even enjoy herself. Literally any joke that played with a stereotype was offensive to her. Women. Men. Blacks. Mexicans. Old people. Young people. In a PC world, you can’t make any negative observations, lest you offend someone. Sorry, but I can’t ascribe to that worldview. And if a liberal guy like me thinks there’s room for the occasional joke, you can be sure that your boyfriend’s family is not going to take a scolding all that well.

He’s tolerant of things he can’t change. You’re actually being intolerant — which is hard to hear, when the thing you’re not tolerating is racism.

Listen, I know I took this on a big tangent. I know that your issue with your potential in laws is not simply about the occasional iffy joke from an otherwise cool mother-in-law. This is about your comfort level with rural people who are unlike you, and, in your mind, not as evolved.

Alas, you’ve already answered your own question:

Your boyfriend loves his parents and accepts them for their flaws. The fact that he does is a sign of his maturity, not a gap in your values.

He’s tolerant of things he can’t change. You’re actually being intolerant — which is hard to hear, when the thing you’re not tolerating is racism.

But it’s true. There’s not going to be some new PC girlfriend who makes his family change on a dime. So you have two choices: get so upset about biting your tongue a few times a year that you break up with your boyfriend, or smile and nod and talk about TV, football, and the weather when you’re around your in-laws. That’s what I do, and while it’s not as substantive as my normal conversations, at least no one goes home feeling angry.

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  1. 1

    Here’s the thing. There’s a difference between people in their own racial/ethnic group making jokes about themselves, and outsiders making the same jokes. Furthermore, racism isn’t the same as prejudice. Racism has multiple layers. Individual hatred and bias, as well as institutional and systemic patterns of oppression. Homophobia plays out a little differently, but is no less problematic. Reducing attempts to call out how these jokes play into larger patterns of suffering as simply “PC” behavior is dismissive. It sort of amazes me how many liberal folks have adopted a term – PC – that was the hallmark of 1980s/90s conservative activism to suppress efforts to address racism, sexism, heterosexism and the like. Furthermore, the idea that someone is “humorless” because they don’t participate or remain silent in the face of such “humor” is rot. There are endless forms of humor, and no one thinks everything is funny.
    With that said, I think part of the problem here is the way in which this kind of thing get approached. If you get pissed and start flying off the handle at your partner’s family because of some racist joke, then certainly, all you get is uncomfortable misery. Entering into this kind of situation as argument never works. I’ve been like Evan with extended family and it’s always a flop when approached as a conflict you must “win.” However, my own experience is that when I’m able to respond more calmly, by saying something like “my experience is different,” sharing some of that different view/experience, and then saying I don’t find the joke funny – well, sometimes there’s a little shift. And sometimes, we just have an exchange and then move on. I think you have to be under no illusions that you’ll “change” anyone, but sometimes you might have an impact anyway. If you actually maintain an attitude that the person or people on the “other side” are people like you.
    The other thing I’ve learned is that you have to recognize when to step in and risk upsetting things in the short term, and when to stay quiet. The person who is always leaping on every joke or offensive comment – that’s the humorless one. And the person who is likely to be rejected by the partner’s family. You have to pick your battles. You have to know when you have the energy and patience to engage, and when you don’t. That’s really key.
    In the end, I think for the OP some of this boils down to how much time she spends with the BF’s family. If they end up spending much more time together, there’s something really phoney about about always staying silent. You’re keeping a false peace, at the expense of yourself. If you see each other once or twice a year, it’s probably ok to mostly suck it up. Although again, if you have your wits about you, and don’t engage as an enemy of the other person, you never know what will come. However, if you see each other more regularly, then it’s kind of sick to stay silent. In the case of seeing the family more regularly, what good are your values if you stuff them whenever potential conflict arises?

    1. 1.1

      Thank you. I could not have summed up my own thoughts more perfectly after reading this article.

  2. 2

    I have to agree that there is a hell of a lot of humor to be found in all our little cultural quirks!   I am half-Jewish and half-Italian and my boyfriend is Irish.   A few weeks ago we went to a family get-together and his 86 year old, hard-of-hearing grandmother was asking me about my background.   Here it is, in all it’s glory:
    *complete silence as all conversation stops*
    Me: Yes, on my mother’s side.   My father is Italian. Can you guess which side throws better parties?  
    *Grandma fires up a Marlboro Light*
    Everyone else in the room looked like they wanted to take a long walk off a short plank, but I couldn’t stop laughing.   Once they saw that I wasn’t offended, everyone relaxed and had a good laugh along with me.   I may have to marry this dude, if only to make sure I don’t miss out on any further opportunities to hang with Grandma!

  3. 3

    Tell them your great great grandfather was [insert racial target here]

  4. 4

    People have a right to their opinions, which are largely shaped by their environment, however, everyone know hatred of a group based on the way they look is unacceptable. I have heard many experts say you should not argue with racists, you should simply state that you do not accept their language and they should respect that and not discuss such things around you. Being silent and taking it is bull, I have done this to members of my own family and they respect my boundaries.

  5. 5

    Out of topic here, but I find it interesting how some Americans say they are half German and half Italian, or whatever. It’s weird because it’s usually people who weren’t born in these places, don’t speak these languages or have a passport from these places. I mean, if you speak English, and you live in the United States, and your passport says American, that’s what you are, right?

    1. 5.1

      Its a North American thing. People here want to be seen as different and identifying with another country or culture helps them feel special. I am from Ireland, living in Canada and hear about how “Irish” everyone is… I took offense to it at the start, went through a phase of speaking to people from then on in Irish to show them how stupid they look, and now I just tell people I am half Canadian. Explain I am born and raised in Ireland, with Irish parents, but I am half Canadian because I have lived here for 5 years. People get kind of offended and I explain they sound that stupid to me claiming to be Irish….

      1. 5.1.1

        Yeah, I have to agree with you, that it’s a North American thing largely (but not exclusively) but there is a decent reason for this. I was born in Canada, so I know all about this. Since the US and Canada are both melting-pot countries, you can only claim national identity from the country you were born in, and since “Canadian” and “American” are not ethnicities, people add a hyphenated form to indicate their ethnic background. It’s not all that terribly important for most daily life, but there are many situations where it can and does matter, so people generally will know their heritage at least a few generations back. They will then identify themselves with their ethnicity-hyphen-nationality. So, when I travel abroad, I’m simply Canadian, but if someone in Canada or the US asks me where I’m from, I’ll say Canada, but probably point out that I’m British Canadian, with half my family being from Ireland, and the other half having come from England. It’s a way of helping to relate to people of similar cultural backgrounds. For example, although an Indian-Canadian and an Irish-Canadian are both Canadians and can relate to Canadian specific things, they probably wouldn’t spend much time relating in any other way since they come from very different ethnic and cultural backgrounds.

        It might have annoyed you to hear people who probably have never been to Ireland say they’re Irish, but I guarantee you that a hundred or so years ago their families were just as Irish as yours and they chose to keep this heritage alive as much as possible.

        I think most people get annoyed because they think that an American or Canadian are just that, Americans and Canadians. But they are merely nationalities, not ethicities, which is whole other layer of identity.

  6. 6

    Isn’t there a middle ground between starting an in-your-face debate and stating simply , in response to a racist comment, ‘I haven’t found that to be true’ and letting the subject drop or otherwise making it known that you aren’t trying to change their mind, but you dont agree with what they said? I’m all for not making people uncomfortable, but that also includes extending the same courtesy to myself.

    1. 6.1

      I completely agree well said

  7. 7

    People are products of their era and environment.   My mother doesn’t have a cruel bone in her body and is socially kind to everyone.   Born in 1932, she is very unevolved.   She will use what is considered today as racist names.    We explain to her that her language isn’t appropriate, and even after she acknowledges and agrees, one will still slip by every once in a while.   We’ve just learned to consider the source, bite our tongues and change the subject.      

  8. 8

    I’m sorry, but I find this offensive. And this is precisely how ignorance and racism continues to be passed on from one generation to the next,  when nobody decides to take a stand and  decides to be  complicit through silence. Most of the time when people make jokes about people of other races or ethnicities, especially people in the majority as racism does have a power dynamic, there are usually very insidious beliefs behind them. And I don’t buy the “they’re really not bad people, they’re just old” excuse. There are many elderly people who aren’t ignorant about race and culture. I don’t think she should break up, but sometimes the boat needs to be rocked and while it may be uncomfortable it’s better to say “don’t talk that way around me”. As a black woman who dates interracially, I’ve done this with my own family, and they know there are certain things not to say around me or they will get corrected. Some battles are worth fighting.

    1. 8.1

      Quite right, Lydia.

      We have a duty to speak out   when we hear bigoted views. Polite silence is acceptance through inaction.   If we always kept our mouths shut for fear of upsetting anyone, there would be no progress.   Bigoted attitudes have no place in society and we need to change those attitudes.

    2. 8.2

      Lydia I feel what you’re saying but disagree that staying silent is how ignorance and racism continues to pass down. Real racists who have lineage of the kind of deep rooted racism I think the writer is talking about won’t change. Thats almost like getting a devout catholic to convert to islam – most certainly an exercise in futility (there are always exceptions of course). The tone of her letter suggests to me this is more than tasteless jokes. Thinking you can change someones core belief is rather naive IMO. The most you may do is get them to reserve it for certain audiences but you aren’t really changing their beliefs. I think ppl should keep that sort of ignorance to themselves (mind you I am sort of like Evan in that I am not super sensitive to jokes and certain stereotypes) but real deep-rooted racism IMO will never disappear – at least not in our lifetime.

      She even states she moved into an area with the same mentality. There are probably ppl like her bf who don’t feel the same but have learned to ignore/tolerate it. You may have been able to get your family to stop expressing around you but this isn’t her family. This is an entire area of like-minded people that she has zero relation or history with.

      I personally think she needs to move on and move back to a more urban area. Not get long term with, marry, or procreate with someone who has a family like that. Is this the environment she wants to bring children into? Is that the kind of family she wants to have her kids related to? People cant pick their fam but I cant pledge myself to a man that has a racist family. That’s def a deal breaker and it sounds like it may be one for her as well.

      While I wish people would all get along and love one another history from every continent since forever has shown racism and prejudice in many forms. Just like there will always be crazy ppl, cheaters, liars, thieves, abusers, and killers there will always be racists. If she is as she says she is I don’t see any other choice but to move somewhere that isn’t inhabited by these kinds of ppl and if he is willing to come she can see about them (given she will still have racist in-laws) but if not move on.

    3. 8.3

      I couldn’t agree more, Lydia. I can never remember my heart breaking more than it did the night my wife’s family revealed their true colours. Racism is wrong. And if we don’t all stand up and MAKE the world realise that, whether that world be young or old or unevolved; then that makes us no better than racists ourselves. Shame on all you who perpetuated this evil but did so in the name of “preserving the peace”.

      We’ll never find peace until we can all be friends. And friends never talk about people the way racists do.

    4. 8.4
      Raquel Rhodes

      Thank you and I agree with your prospective 100%. If poor behavior is not corrected it will continue.

  9. 9

    @BGirl 81,
    LOVED your story! And your attitude. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  10. 10

    I agree with Lydia @ #8.   I come from a family with a lot of white supremecists and aryan nation members, and trust me…family reunions are very uncomfortable for me.   I do not keep the peace so to speak by tacitly agreeing with them by ignoring their racist and sexist comments.   Nor do I engage them in an argument.    I just calmly say, “I know that I can not change what you believe, but I would appreciate it if you did not talk like that in front of me.”   I take a lot of crap about   being the “liberal, overly educated and overly opinionated broad in the family,” but generally speaking, they don’t talk in front of me like that anymore, and I rarely visit so they don’t have any real opportuity anymore.

  11. 11
    Karmic Equation

    I’m a big believer in unintended consequences. I know people’s hearts are in the right places, but sometimes negative things result from good intentions.

    Affirmative action was supposed to help people of color get into jobs and schools to help diversity and grant those folks opportunity they might not otherwise have had, but the unintended message is that they weren’t good enough to do what the white man does without help. Over time, that unintended message becomes offensive to both those who can excel without help and those who were displaced because of the help. Not exactly sure of the cure, but it’s a reality.

    White folks who are offended by racism expressed by their own race towards others, again, have their hearts in the right places. However they may be unintentionally taking away the voices of those who were the target of the racism. I’m Chinese, and if someone makes an off-color joke in front of me and a non-Chinese person corrects them when I say nothing, you’re either taking away my voice or making a big deal out of something that didn’t bother me…In other words, you’re telling me that you know better than me. Not the message that was intended.

    In case you didn’t know, many Chinese people, particularly those who emigrated to America, as opposed to those who were born here, can be racist towards whites and blacks. An aunt of mine had the craziest notions about black people. Chinese folks can say very cruel things about obese folks too. I’m sure there are homosexual Chinese, but I’ve never met one, so they’re very much in the closet still, probably due to in-culture shaming.

    As well, I’m also a believer of it takes two to get offended: the person who means to offend and the person who decides to take offense. Sometimes people can just be thoughtless, have little to no experience with other races, or just too old to care, like BGirl81‘s grandma. Those people don’t mean any harm, so don’t make a big deal about their unintentional racism. But the people who are truly racist? Dissassociate from them if you can. And speak up if you want to. But you alone can’t change them, perhaps their behaviors around you, but not their belief system.

    1. 11.1

      I just wanted to address your comment about affirmative action. While you may not view it the way I do, the fact is this country was not built by just white people. Before Chinese or many other immigrants came to the U.S. Africans were slaves and did most to build this country. Fought for and paved the way for equal rights in this country and in return were discriminated against and oppressed. Your comment alone proves that life as a black person in this country is always looked down upon. However, know this….there are many “slackers” of all races, many blacks are given the least to work with and the most odds against us but we still rise. There are plenty of successful black people who come from nothing and become richer than some of the white people and Chinese you seem to think they are less than or incapable of achieving   levels that other   priviledged races are.   We have a lot to work on but we were broken mentally and financially which is the reason I believe it is so hard for us to make it or even believe it is possible because from children we have been degraded and the image of our peoples’ strength and beauty have been deformed.   We will get back one step at a time. Its been proven. Karmic Equation affirmative action is just one way that privileged America was forced to address oppression towards black people. It still goes on.Ask yourself truthfully if you would hire an educated black person over a white person? how would your family and friends answer? Think about it and how other peoples biased views can affect a black person trying to make it in this country.

      On a lighter note I hold no grudges and my man is Italian hence the reason Im on this post. If we do get past his family’s biased views and marry they will see first hand that as a black woman I am strong and beautiful and smart! I am a Queen regardless of what America wants to betray all my people as and most of all ….TRUE LOVE DOES NOT SEE COLOR.

  12. 12

    My Irish dad used to say some horrible racist things until I brought home my black fiancee whom I married while we were visiting  
    Love the grandma story GGirl81!!!!   Hilarious  

  13. 13

    I am fully with Evan on this one.
    The in-laws are a very delicate territory. You have a better chance of changing your boyfriend/husband than his parents (zero and sub-zero, respectively).

  14. 14

    I agree with what Nathan wrote. I have been in these types if situations before and the comments/jokes were about blacks (I’m black) and it made me very uncomfortable. If I did not address it, they felt it was okay and would continue to disrespect me by making racist jokes or comments that, I guess to them, were harmless and in good fun. I don’t think that one has to get into a big debate with these types of people, but if the situation makes you uncomfortable, I don’t see why keeping silent about it should be an option either. What’s wrong with saying, “I respect your right to feel as you do about a particular group of people, but I just wanted to let you know that I do not feel that way and when you make jokes or negative comments about them, I feel uncomfortable.”  

  15. 15

    Nathan puts it very well I believe. I should also add that the situation changes quite a bit depending on the nature of the stereotypes and whether the main import of the joke is irony and/or satire. For example, the stereotypes invoked by Evan above are all largely positive–no one would hold it against anyone for preferring to be a lawyer over a manual labourer, or for being an intellectual, argumentative, or even a bit neurotic. And the  Irish people I know hold their drinking abilities up as  a badge of honor. However, it’s completely different when one invokes negative stereotypes which historically have been used to oppress and marginalize  or dehumanize target groups–for example, by  referring to Jews as greedy financiers or to Arabs as terrorists, etc.
      @Karmic Equation
    I often agree with your comments but disagree with your premise above completely. No one is silencing you or second guessing you if they speak up against an anti-Chinese  racist joke or comment before you or  while you remain silent. The reason being that non-Asians have every right to be offended by Anti-Asian racist comments/jokes irrespective of whether a number of Asians are ok with it, just as non-gays have the right (some would argue the obligation) to speak out against homophobia irrespective of  whether certain gays have a problem with it  not.  Your argument above is a dubious version of stand-point theory, which posits that a certain view point automatically has validity if members of marginalized/historically oppressed groups are behind  said views.
    I should add that a non-Asian especially has an obligation to speak out against an overtly  racist comment/joke if they  don’t know you, and therefore cannot possibly know your reasons for remaining silent (ie, fear, embarrassment, internalized oppression?)  It reminds me of an episode of the British Office when David Brent felt justified to  go on making racist jokes so  long as the one African American in the office smiled or laughed along.    

    1. 15.1

      @Shaukat I think @Karmic Equation might be referring to “whitesplaining”:

  16. 16

    It depends upon what exactly the OP means by her bf’s parents’ racist comments. Is it a “a Jew and a Polack walk into a bar” type of thing, or a “wish we could reinstate slavery” kind of thing? The first, I can live with (I am 3/4 Ashkenazi and 1/4 Polish, FTR), the second, I would cut my losses and run. Especially if the boyfriend doesn’t seem to object to that stuff all that much. My dad was an outspoken conservative in the last ten years of his life, and sometimes the things that would come out of his mouth… all I can say is oy. Well I came up with a new rule for family holiday dinners – no politics at dinner table. I had no problem telling my dad to change the subject if he went too far. How come the OP’s boyfriend cannot do the same (assuming his mom really does go THAT far)?
    BGirl81, I have a similar story from when my new next door neighbors invited me and my then BF to their housewarming/graduation party. BF and I were in the basement talking to the wife’s dad. Wife is from a large, loud, outspoken, Italian family… god I miss those guys. (they bought a house in a better area and moved.) Somehow the conversation turned to divorce arrangements and I said that, during my own divorce, I only asked for the kids and left everything else up to my husband; I told him I wouldn’t even ask him for child support (which he gave me anyway). Well my neighbor’s dad was outraged.
    Dad: “What do you mean you didn’t ask for child support? Are you Jewish?”
    Me: “yea…”
    Dad: “THEN ACT LIKE A JEW!!”
    I thought it was hilarious, but my Irish/German bf was mortified… I still crack up when I think of it. I did not find it offensive at all.

  17. 17
    Karmic Equation


    I either tune out or avoid people who make mean racist/sexist jokes. Usually folks who are truly racist have other issues of character.

    On the other side of that coin, I don’t like people who are two-faced. As much as we hate overt racists, they show you who they are, and you can choose to avoid them.

    There are people who’ll be polite to your face and then stab you in the back as you walk away. My Chinese coworkers in the Chinese restaurant, for example, or even my own mom and dad and extended family.

    I’m more concerned about the people who hide their prejudices behind PC’ness than the overt racists. I’m not trying to be inflammatory, but I do believe that the KKK operated like that. One face for the public and another one behind the white sheets. You can’t avoid them because you don’t know who they are.

  18. 18

    Its interesting, as a white with an entirely white family, I understand what you are saying. I have family members who would never say something racist to someone of a different race but when they are with their people (other whites) that’s when their true colors show. I have an uncle who has badgered me about living in the city, he says things like everyone gets shot because “they” are all savages and thugs. I live in a majority black city, I know what “they” he is talking about. I first tried to argue with him then I finally said “I don’t share your view about people from different races and it makes me extremely uncomfortable when you make these statements. Please refrain speaking like this when I am in your presence.” He stopped. That is why I maintain you can show people that their hatred in not welcome in your company and unless they really want to make their son’s girlfriend uncomfortable, they will mind what they say around her.

  19. 19

    I’ve been in this situation many times over the years. I’m in it now, in that my husband’s friends have their moments where they are disgustingly racist, particularly against blacks. I’ve developed a policy: if we are in public, I will pleasantly but pointedly change the subject. “So Mark, I hear you got a promotion, congratulations!” is a perfect way to derail disparaging garbage-talk. If we are at their homes, I will excuse myself and go to the bathroom or any other room to get away from the talk before I say something I’ll regret later. 90% of the time by the time I return, they’ve moved on past it. When they speak that way in OUR home, I look them in the eye and say pleasantly, “When we’re in my home, I won’t tolerate that kind of talk. So let’s change the subject, please.” It’s worked for me. In my bleeding heart of hearts, I would rather leap on racist or homophobic talk in all settings, get up on my soapbox and smite the ignorant, but as Evan points out, it’s like talking to a wall. So I do what I can where it’s appropriate (my turf) and find socially acceptable ways to absent myself or turn the conversational tide without bludgeoning people elsewhere.

    1. 19.1

      @BeenThruTheWars This was very helpful for me. Thank you!

  20. 20

    Lots of good responses here. Warms my heart.

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