My Fiancé Has Money and Treats Me Well, But He’s Soooo Cheap! What Should I Do?

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Evan, what should I do?

I am engaged to a guy who I have been dating for 4.5 years. I love him but I have so much anger and resentment towards him. He is a good person and we have a great time together and I enjoy his company/companionship. He always is happy to see me and be with me. We have a lot in common, but I feel we have some major core differences. He is extremely selfish. He is wealthy and I think this has affected his outlook on money. I am very generous with a big heart, but I find that I am always disappointed. I don’t expect to be spoiled by someone, but he spends a lot of money on his (our) house, cars, gambling when he can, but if I need $200 to go to the store, he makes me feel awkward and here we are supposed to be getting married in December. All our finances are separate, I would be fine even with a pre-nup which I know is coming, but I am not fine with having a husband who puts himself that far above me because of his money. I do expect my husband to help with car payments, medical insurance, basic stuff, I am not even talking about shopping and material things, and this is a guy who is a multi-millionaire, and I made $100k up until last year because of the economy and now until I do something else, am only making about 45k. I am worried about marrying someone who would watch me struggle and not offer to help or was that spoiled that he doesn’t have the “right” consideration for me. HELP!

Lara

You know what they say about rich guys, right? The reason they’re rich is because they don’t spend any of their money

Dear Lara,

You know what they say about rich guys, right? The reason they’re rich is because they don’t spend any of their money! Ha! I kill me.

So first of all, let’s get one thing out of the way first: he’s definitely selfish. There are plenty of people who have issues around money – including yours truly – but your multi-millionaire takes the very expensive wedding cake.

As I’ve said before, many women don’t appreciate the difference between being cheap and being poor. If he makes less than $50,000, pretty much ANYTHING he does for you is generous. However, your guy isn’t poor. He’s rich, and yet you don’t feel he is generous of spirit. That really sucks when you’re facing a lifetime together.

But if you’ve been seeing him for 4  ½ years, I suspect you knew about this trait all along, but dealt with it as just one compromise you had to make in the relationship. It didn’t suddenly surface out of the blue. “He USED to throw me $10,000 birthday parties, but now he only has the Pizza Hut staff put a candle in my calzone!”

I’m not going to defend his penurious ways, and I’m not going to suggest that you don’t have the right to be frustrated. I am, however, going to try to look at the other side – something that you may not have done yet.

So let’s recap: you love him, he’s a good person, he’s super-wealthy, you have a lot in common, you have a great time together, he’s happy to be with you, and you’re engaged to be married in December. Sounds like a promising start, no?

But there’s this one thing – this big thing – you don’t get out of him. It’s a definite character flaw: no generosity. Yet he probably pays for the bulk of the house, car payments, medical payments, vacations, etc. He’ll buy you things and provide a nice life. The only thing he doesn’t want to pay for is you, spending the money that he earned. And since you’re now making less, you expect him to make up the difference.

At least that’s HIS perspective.

I think two things: he’s genuinely cheap, and he genuinely loves you.

Your perspective is that it’s not his money, it’s your money – together. And even though you have everything you want in your life, you can’t get over the fact that he’s so stingy that he won’t let you spend what he considers “his” money. In your mind, it’s not about the money, it’s about the principle! I hear you, and I’m sure a number of readers do, too.

The real sticking point is that his take on “his money vs. your money” is not changing any time soon. It’s deeply ingrained in him. Which gives you two choices: leave him because you feel like you can’t spend your life with a rich man who is cheap, or stick around and appreciate that you have a super life, filled with love, companionship, fun, and tons of material possessions – but your husband is simply a skinflint.

Life is about tradeoffs, y’know?

I also think you may be equating his lack of generosity with a lack of love. He can provide for you in 100 different ways, but because he’s hesitant to give you $200 to go to the store, he doesn’t truly love you. Do you believe that? I don’t. I think two things: he’s genuinely cheap, and he genuinely loves you. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t be marrying you. In his mind, he just doesn’t want his wealth to be taken for granted.

Just the other day I was talking with a semi-successful guy – not a millionaire – who took care of his girlfriend when she was unemployed and couldn’t afford to pay rent. The problem arose when, one year later, she STILL didn’t want to pay rent because “he could afford it”.   Ironically, the same way that she feels that “it’s not about money, it’s about principle”, so does he. You think he should pay for you because he can. He doesn’t want to pay for you because you assume he’s supposed to.

Another thing: your boyfriend may be cheap, but I’d have to guess he’s better than the rich guys who equate money with love. Their theory is: “If I buy you a Jaguar, maybe you won’t notice how emotionally distant and abusive I am!”   These type of wealthy men   make the worst husbands because they think that they can buy your affection and don’t have to actually, y’know, listen to you.

All of this begs the unfortunate and delicate question: is it possible that you take your boyfriend’s money for granted? Maybe just a little? After all, you may have taken a pay cut, but you probably still live in a big house with a nice car and have everything you need. So while I’m not going to defend your fiancées behavior – cheap is not cool – I’d have to ask you one really tough question:

Would you be marrying him if HE made $45,000?

And, if not, are you also equating love with money?

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to your plight, Lara, but it’s my responsibility to point out the side of things that you may not have already considered. Please let me know what you choose to do.

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Honey

    Oh, and my understanding of the LW was that he pays for numerous cars that are his, and she pays for her own. Maybe that’s not the case, but I think it’s not especially clear from the letter.
    .-= Honey´s last blog ..Is Your Love Style Blowing Your First Dates? =-.

  2. 22
    Jonsi

    Paul,

    Really? I get your general point, but it does not resolve conflicts. I don’t see how, if a man makes a lot of money and is married, that his wife can just go out and spend whatever she wants for her own pleasure as long as they maintain positive cash flow. There would still need to be boundaries on her lifestyle and what she can and cannot spend.

    I don’t think we have enough information to pass judgment; if her fiance wrote in, I could just as easily conclude “she’s not independent,” not that he is cheap. There is a big difference between saying “it would be fun to learn how to sail together. Let’s look into taking lessons” and “Suzy is learning how to sail and I want to take classes with her. Can I have $200?” From the author’s tone, it sounds like she asks for the latter. We have no way of knowing without more information.

  3. 23
    casualencounters.com/blog

    Object to this sentence and its implicit equating of success with wealth:

    “Just the other day I was talking with a semi-successful guy – not a millionaire – who took care of his girlfriend when she was unemployed and couldn’t afford to pay rent.”
    .-= casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog ..LiveJasmin.com review =-.

  4. 24
    sjz

    I have gone out with two men who were millionaires. I am currently unemployed and expected nothing of them. They were the cheapest men I have ever met on earth. One bitched because I wouldn’t buy an ice-cream for him because he didn’t want to pay for it! Any money that was spent on me, I heard about it. Its true what they say, if you marry for money you pay for every cent of it!

    On the other hand I dated a man for 4 years who made $35,000.00. He paid for what he could and truly understood what the reason for making money really was. He paid for the expenses he had, saved and had the kind of fun he could have by watching what he spent. Two totally different attitudes. It all comes down to seeing the world as one of scarcity or as one of abundance. No amount of money in the world will change somone’s mind when they think they will never have enough.

    1. 24.1
      Philip

      I agree with what you just said.   There is a reason a millionaire is a millionaire.   Usually it’s from watching their spending more than what they make.   I am fairly wealthy and I will watch my spending, not near as much as when I was young, but I am frugal.   I do know that if you have two completely different types of spenders, it can create issues.   That said, in this case, this woman still made 45k and I’ll bet her fiance covered most if not all her housing expenses.   45K is a pretty nice ride if your expenses are reasonable.

  5. 25
    starthrower68

    I had to read the letter again after reading Evan’s response, and I think Evan has a very valid point. I’m always troubled by the “I love him/her but….” sentence. If I’m reading this correctly, the gentlemen in question provides for pretty much all of her needs. I’m not sure it’s unreasonable for her to provide for some things. I’m only speculating based on what the OP wrote but he sounds like a man in love, even if he is cheap, as she says. If he truly is not generous, then that’s another story, as two people are supposed serve one another in love in a relationship. But I wonder if he is truly as stingy as he’s made out to be; after all, would he not have dumped the OP when she went from a $100K income to $45K? Only a guess, I dunno.

  6. 26
    Curly Girl

    I want you to read the letter again, and this time, imagine that the guy is writing the letter and instead of talking about money, they’re talking about sex……

    “She won’t give me what I want….”
    “I think that in a marriage the woman should take care of her man…”
    “My sexual needs are greater than hers…”
    “I ask for it and she won’t give it…”
    “Can I marry someone who is so selfish about sex?”

    Ha!!! 🙂

    1. 26.1
      Enlightened

      Most men would agree that marrying a woman known to be stingy with sex would be foolhardy, assuming that it is important to the man. Therefore, if a woman is dating a man who “makes her feel awkward” when she needs money, she would be a fool to marry him. He isn’t going to change.
        

      1. 26.1.1
        Kevin

        He’d be a fool for marrying her, if her understanding of money leads to a financial liability.

  7. 27
    Sara

    I’m most concerned that they are 6 months from marriage and don’t have a worked-out financial arrangement that they can both live with (i.e., putting 80% of both salaries in a joint checking account to pay bills with, save for a new house, vacations, etc and 20% to spend on themselves, or whatever they come up with). HOW they divvy it up is not my place to judge, and ultimately kind of irrelevant to this discussion.

    Clearly their expectations are not aligned, and that is a big problem. Have they not sat down and hashed all this out? They are planning a wedding and she’s expecting a pre-nup talk but they haven’t had it yet? She should ask for that conversation, immediately after she sits down and sorts out what she needs and expects from him financially. A pre-nup is not just about protecting a wealthier man from a woman. Hopefully they can figure this all out openly and honestly soon, or I fear for their marriage’s longevity.

    1. 27.1
      vino

      “immediately after she sits down and sorts out what she needs and expects from him financially. A pre-nup is not just about protecting a wealthier man from a woman”

      – The cynical bastard in me says it’s about paying her for her time….

      As an adult she should not NEED his help financially. Nor should she EXPECT it. Even after marriage. Unless they work out some arrangement vis-a-vis kids (& only for that). Otherwise, she’s already benefiting simply by moving in & raising her standard of living well beyond what she can afford.

      1. 27.1.1
        Sara

        When I said “expects from him financially,” I actually meant what they both expect financially from their relationship. Does he expect to pay certain things for her but not others? Does he expect not to pay for any of her expenses at all? Does she expect him to pay all their joint expenses? What their expectations are don’t matter to me, but they should already have this figured out. Since they don’t, she is resentful, and he may be as well.

        Finally, you sound a bit cynical. They aren’t dating; they are getting married. While she comes across as whiny in this letter and I don’t agree with her immaturity in addressing the issue head on, you seem to be implying she should be grateful that her standard of living is increasing at all, and shut up. Is that really how marriage works these days?

        1. vino

          “you seem to be implying she should be grateful that her standard of living is increasing at all, and shut up. Is that really how marriage works these days?”

          First, they are NOT married. Not yet. She’s didn’t even give an approx. date. So the assumption of marriage “what’s mine is yours & vice versa” does not apply. His stuff is his and hers is hers.

          Secondly, She SHOULD be grateful AND stfu. He is doing her a favor by letting her live with him prior to marriage. He need not do that at all. She is getting a GIFT of living in a place she cannot otherwise afford. And, since she mention he spends a lot of $ on his (our) house and no contribution from her (remember, she’s ‘generous’), I’m surmising that she ain’t paying for the house either. He’s under no duty or obligation to do any of it.

          And, let’s face it, part of the reason she is with him IS the $$. ‘Cause if he’s so good to her & she STILL resents him due to money, you know where her head is at ($$$).

          Simply put, she wants the benefit of his already earned (or inherited) money, without having earned it herself. Worse, she seems to feel as though she’s entitled to it. That’s sick.

          So yes, it is about paying her for her time, since I don’t see what else she is bringing to the table.

  8. 28
    girl-with-glasses

    I don’t know what she needed the $200 to go shopping for, gifts, clothing, grocery, etc…Either way, it sounds terribly tacky.
    He’s not her atm, it doesn’t paint a pretty picture of her mental state and expectations.

    Yes, he does come across as responsible but a bit on the stingy side. But I expect she’s hardly the big-hearted, fun-loving gal she imagines herself to be. I don’t imagine she’d be deludged by better offers if she left this relationship.

    To the op, if after a 4.5 year relationship, he still wants to marry you, I’d count my blessings. With the current economy, having a thrifty mentality won’t kill you. If you’re still not satisfied, I’d wait to see the prenuptials, and hammer away from there.

  9. 29
    LK

    Wow. They’re not even married yet. Why isn’t she covering her own expenses?

    I understand having a single income family if one partner stays home to care for children. And if there is a large income discrepancy in a relationship, then I could understand splitting common expenses — and splurges — on a somewhat proportional basis. But engagement or not, I don’t understand feeling entitled to someone else’s money just “because”.

    This is FAR from a dealbreaker, but I would really prefer to find someone whose income and ideas about fiscal responsibility are in a similar ballpark to mine (e.g., within a factor of 2 in either direction). I think it would simplify a lot in terms of compatibility and expectations.

    I really feel uncomfortable making relationships about money. (I would also not want to date someone who had severe money issues and was unable to provide for himself.) I try to take turns with paying when I’m dating someone to avoid the appearance that I’m just there for the free meal. Feminism has its faults, but in my opinion the opportunity to take responsibility for myself is a positive outcome.

    1. 29.1
      vino

      “Feminism has its faults, but in my opinion the opportunity to take responsibility for myself is a positive outcome.”

      I agree, but in a dating & marriage arena, most ‘feminists’ still clamor like hell for the patriarchy’s (*gag*) shouldering the financial burdens of dating & marriage. Kinda hypocritical.

      And you are right about dating closer to one’s income bracket. I think guys shouldn’t date anyone who makes less than them (within reason). These issues then reduce considerably.

      Of course the outcry that would ensue….

      1. 29.1.1
        Steve

        Playing both sides of the fence is human nature and is not peculiar to feminists or women.

        I think part of the cause is that many intelligent, ethical and fair women are truly unaware of the “female privilege” they have. Men crave any amount of positive female attention they can get, even just a smile. Men will cater their words to women with the result of women having a false impression of how men/the world works. A few feminists and really sharp, contemplative women see through all of this, but most women do not.

        Being able to smile, weep, or emote your way out of getting a traffic ticket isn’t nearly enough compensation for the negative sexism out there, but that and other examples of female privilege do exist. Like Simone, I think ultimately it works against the creation of a more egalitarian society.

        1. Jennifer

          So true Steve, so true.

        2. shawna

          Hey Steve,

          Only way I’ve EVER been able to talk my way out of a traffic ticket is by acting like an a-hole rich jerk. Countless old rich a-holes always get outta tickets by being rich a-holes. If crying and that crap worked, the cop is the sexist a-hole looking at women like dum little girls. I’ll let you know when acting like a little girl gets me anything other than perverted old men following me around……….

  10. 30
    Janet

    Heavens. There seems to be a lot of unfounded assumptions going on here. We have no idea what the financial arrangement is regarding their household, and yet the assumption is that she is some kind of gold-digger getting a free ride and that the reason he is so “stingy” is because she is usurious. The woman was making $100K before she got downsized (or whatever caused the change in her income). Hardly sounds like a free-loader to me.

    Further, we don’t know anything about his wealth or how it operates in his life. Is it family money? Did he make it himself? Is she calling him a “multi-millionaire” because he owns and lives in a $2 million house in a Connecticut suburb (pretty ordinary there) or because he can invest $10 million in commodities? These are all very different situations that go with a different way of managing wealth and a different mentality on his part. We just don’t have enough information to jump to all the conclusions that people have been jumping to.

    She is wise to think about all of this before marrying him, especially if she is feeling so angry at him. She is not without risk in marrying someone with more assets. If he owns the place but she contributes to its upkeep and pays him “rent,” so to speak, she is not building equity in her own place and he is getting a subsidy — tax-free money going toward the maintenance of one of his assets. If he has more money he may want to buy pricier things and expect to split the cost 50-50 with her — proportionately to her income, she ends up paying more. Or she may have given up a good lease to move in with him. She may have to commute farther to her work to live with him. She may be doing more housework than she would were she single. His career may take precedence over hers when it comes to decisions regarding their personal life. If he needs her to go with him to social functions that benefit his career she may be spending a lot of time and money to be outfitted appropriately, money that she wouldn’t otherwise spend in that way. The list goes on….

    In short, there are many situations in which his wealth may be great for him, and her living there makes his life easier, but it doesn’t necessarily go in the other direction. Bottom line is that they need to have a deep discussion about money before they get married.

    1. 30.1
      girl-with-glasses

      Janet, that’s a great comment. Sometimes, a wiser and cooler head does prevail.

      If it were only a discussion about money, or divison of duties, your solution would work flawlessly. Underlying everything though, I get the impression that the op doesn’t feel she’s loved , or loved enough, by this man.

      I still think the examples cited were tacky, and don’t paint a good picture of her character or maybe just her maturity with respect to a relationship, BUT, as a woman, I do somewhat get where she’s coming from. As grownup as we want to talk about money, it *is* tied up with the psyche. Money is a form of love too…how else do you explain how much parents shell out for college educations, etc… A woman might not need a man to pay her way, but being occasionally spoiled doesn’t hurt. I don’t feel she should have asked for money for shopping, but maybe she did it only pressed as a last resort because she felt he was never going to make a generous gesture toward her. If she feel he’s stingy with his money in respect to her, it might just mean she feels he is stingy with his emotional affection as well.

      Yes I know she mentions that they have a good time together, but how much does it really take for two adults to be polite in each other’s company? Maybe facing the prospect of a life time committment, she’s wondering what she’s really signing up for.

    2. 30.2
      Imogen

      This is by far the most SENSIBLE comment on here. The rest are like coming from people who either:
      a) are bitter because things did not work out for them spouse-wise so they are projecting on this woman
      OR
      b) They have money issues themselves and they make life revolve around it. Stupid.
      You are SO right there, Janet.   Life is not always measured by numbers nor can contributions that people make in one another’s life’s be QUANTIFIED.

      The OP SHOULD NOT be seen (as i hear the keyboard warriors here suggesting) as an ungrateful dependent to her man. They are adults who are together because of far more things than money can buy, and it is this value that the OP is anxious about, regarding values around money and generosity. I don’t  see any grounds to bad-mouth this woman, rather than just offer a polite advice.

  11. 31
    downtowngal

    Based on what she’s saying (and we’re only hearing her side) this is not about money – this guy sounds very selfish. And if she says she’s feeling angry and resentful now, imagine how it’ll be once they’re married.

    I dated a guy once who didn’t earn a ton of cash but treated me well, always insisted on paying.

    She should be his number one priority and if he’s nickeling and diming her while spending a lot of cash on things for himself, than it’s a sign of things to come.

  12. 32
    Hot Alpha Female

    Like many of the comments on here have suggested I think there needs to be a distinction between how he handles his money and him being generous.

    Is it that he is generous in every other aspect, just not in giving out cash.

    And if this is the case then, maybe its the actual handing out of money that he is uneasy with.

    I’m saying look at it from his perspective aswell. If he is wealthy, then is he concerned that women only really want to date him because of his money.

    Or does he not have that kind of generosity when it comes to you.

    I think if you answer that question, then you be able to make a more educated decision.

    Hot Alpha Female
    The Only Woman You should Take Dating Advice From
    .-= Hot Alpha Female´s last blog ..The "Hes Just Not That Into" Rules. Do They Really Apply? =-.

  13. 33
    Michael

    First: “$200 to go to the store”?

    What do you need $200 to go to the store for that you expect your fiance to simply open his pocketbook and hand it over without question?

    Second: Not much I can say that Evan and others haven’t said. No matter whether you’re wrong or he is, the fact is that money issues ruin relationships – unless you can speak honestly and hammer out an agreement you’re both happy with, you’re done.
    .-= Michael´s last blog ..101 Reasons That Salads Are Awesome =-.

    1. 33.1
      honey

      I usually do the grocery shopping for both the BF and me, and since we are veggie and go to 3 stores so we can get all the specialty items, a trip was often $300-$400. His share is FREQUENTLY $200 and if he did not pay me immediately I’d be furious, since most of the things on our shopping list are for him and I’d already paid. It’s tough to tell from this example.

      Perhaps her love style is gifts, and she doesn’t even care if they’re expensive or not, she just wants him to show her that he cares that way. It sounds like his love style might be quality time. If this is the case, then they just have to find strategies to deal with that.

      My love style is touch, and the BF is VERY accommodating…
      .-= honey´s last blog ..Is Your Love Style Blowing Your First Dates? =-.

      1. 33.1.1
        Selena

        I had a similiar deal with a partner re: groceries. I did all the grocery shopping and almost all the cooking for us. He would want to give me only about a fourth of what I already shelled out despite the fact he ate two thirds of the food. I understand the resentment.

      2. 33.1.2
        Steve

        I’m a vegan, I often go to 2-3 different stores. My grocery bill, is an expensive metropolitan area is about $60. I could get it doewn to $40 or less by cutting out luxuries and making more things myself.
        I don’t think two people need $200 per week just for a food budget.

        1. honey

          The budget we have is $300 every two weeks for two people.
          .-= honey´s last blog ..Pick Your Path And Take It To The Max =-.

        2. Jennifer

          Steve, $60 a week?

        3. Steve

          Jennifer;

          Yes, I spend about $60 a week on groceries for myself unless I am watching how much I spend.

        4. Honey

          Well, then I’m happy – my budget of $75/week/person isn’t too far off. I eat three meals a day “at home,” because I bring breakfast and lunch to work and eat dinner at home. The BF eats out quite a bit, sadly.
          .-= Honey´s last blog ..Random Thoughts On A Pickup Convention =-.

        5. Joe

          $60/wk sounds reasonable to me.

          Obviously, grocery budgets are dependent on how many meals you eat at home. If you only eat breakfast at home, your grocery bill is likely to be small (although your total weekly food bill may be much higher).

  14. 34
    downtowngal

    Two more points:

    (1) In some states, enough time must be allowed if one party presents the other with a prenup. In other words, you can’t just spring one on the other person the night before the wedding, you need to provide it at least 6 months beforehand for the other party to review, etc.

    (2) Getting off topic here, but I’ve grown weary of guys who complain about women being gold-diggers. Often times their the ones who make money the issue and believe it’s necessary to attract women. As a result they end up dating women who are shallow or need green cards.

    After 4.5 years, if this woman is truly a gold-digger this guy – if he had even a grain of sense – should know it.

    You should marry someone who shares your values. It sounds as if these two don’t.

    1. 34.1
      vino

      “(2) Getting off topic here, but I’ve grown weary of guys who complain about women being gold-diggers. Often times their the ones who make money the issue and believe it’s necessary to attract women. As a result they end up dating women who are shallow or need green cards.”

      – Guys complain about it ’cause it’s so prevalent. Calling the guys complainers only stiffens their resolve. What you ignore is that many women ARE goldiggers. As has been bandied about many times on various threads, one of the things women in general do seek in men is ‘security’ in the form of financial security.

      – And yes, guys SHOULD make money the issue and act to protect their $. After all, women who have $$ don’t want to lose it to some goldigging gigolo. That’s responsible & prudent, no? Guys should d the same.

      – And an average looking guy with no $$ has little chance in getting a good looking woman. But, throw seven or eight zeroes of net worth, and his options increase exponentially. That’s the reality. So on some level, it is necessary to attract women, even average ones.

      “After 4.5 years, if this woman is truly a gold-digger this guy – if he had even a grain of sense – should know it.”

      – I don’t disagree. But people can hide their true nature and intent for an awfully long time.

  15. 35
    Selena

    What if he also made 45k and the $200 she was asking for was for things for the home? He spends “his” money on expensive toys for himself and gambling but turns recalcitrant when it comes to purchasing a vacuum cleaner – would the observations on their characters be the same? Would she be advised to just “deal with it” ?

    Why is it that if a man has more money his partner is automatically slotted as a golddigger? What if he is a “paper millionaire”? One twist of the stock market, or one bad business decision turns him into a paper pauper. Is his attitude still reasonable?

    I don’t know if he is stingy or not, but it’s perplexing after 4.5 years together and 5 months away from a wedding they haven’t discussed this situation in depth.

  16. 36
    Seductress

    The bottom line is, she need to discuss openly, and right quick, this issue with her fiance’.

    Do it today!

    If she wants a generous man and doesn’t consider this guy to be one, then marrying him will bring more anger and resentment. He’s not going to change but perhaps she would feel more comfortable once they both have a chance to explain their vision of the finances of marriage.
    .-= Seductress´s last blog ..Heat Up His Desire Inflict Pain =-.

  17. 37
    LeahB61

    Dear Lara,
    My advice to you is call off the wedding. Don’t marry someone you resent in any way. Money is a huge issue in relationships. So is respect. If you feel disrespected, tell him.
    I wish you happiness,
    LeahB61
    Austin, Tx

  18. 38
    Joe

    Maybe it’s just me, but if I was making $45k and someone else was covering the mortgage/rent, I can’t imagine having to ask for $200 to go to the store…

    1. 38.1
      Ollie owen

      The mortgage/rent is paid whether it is a one person home or 10…how does your logic make sense?   Put a price tag on time: grocery shopping, sclepping groceries to home and putting away then preparation of meals and clean up.   Your logic is flawed at best.    You have no idea what the 45k is covering…perhaps cell phones, insurance and household items.   Simply because he pays the mortgage does not mean he is void of the other duties he would complete if she were not there.   BTW 60$ grocery bill weekly is farfetched at today’s prices.   Some of these comments sound made from the armchair house”men”.  

      1. 38.1.1
        Philip

        I think her point was, if the mortgage and other major expenses are already covered, 45k goes a long way. Why does she need $200 if the mortgage is out of his pocket.   Seems to me she has a spending problem.

  19. 39
    downtowngal

    vino, you’re right, many women ARE indeed golddiggers. My point is that guys who complain about these types of women often attract them because they’re just as shallow.

  20. 40
    Mary

    I was totally naive about money in my marriage and thought money problems would naturally work itself out. We were two hard-working people who made about the same amount of money.

    I was shocked to find out how difficult communicating about money issues became and much we thought differently about how to save and spend.

    It literaly spilled over to every aspect of our lives..

    If you can’t talk about money issues before you are married..get help and learn ..quick.

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