At risk of embarrassing myself (and a friend of mine), I'm going to share with you a conversation I had in 2008 when I was debating whether or not I should get married. It contained some priceless advice that I want to share with you.
Now, just because I am a dating coach doesn't mean I don't have a million of my own issues. I read self-help books, I take seminars, I've gone to therapists. You name it, I've done it, all in the name of gaining self-knowledge and pursuing happiness. In other words, I try to practice what I preach. Don't complain life's not working for you; figure out how you can tackle it more effectively.
Now, just because I am a dating coach doesn’t mean I don’t have a million of my own issues.
Anyway, since I am a notorious worrier/navel-gazer/overanalyzer, I had some deep concerns about my future with my then-girlfriend. She and I had been dating for a year, and, since she was 38, I really had to come to some conclusions fast. I could think of no better confidant than my close friend, Scott Greenberg.
Scott is not only one of my first friends in Los Angeles from 1996 and a nationally recognized motivational speaker, but he's also been married for ten years. (He met his wife at Johnny Depp's Viper Room, the same way most nice Jewish boys end up finding love).
Anyway, while I was pouring out my heart to Scott over tofu scramble at Swingers, he sat back and watched me with a bemused look on his face. Needless to say, this pissed me off. I asked him what he was smirking at.
"You," he said, "have absolutely no problems whatsoever. You're creating them yourself."
This took me aback. "Having serious questions and doubts about the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with isn't considered a problem by you?"
He smirked again. "You don't have any doubts about your girlfriend. You only have doubts about yourself."
He was right. If there was one thing I knew, it was that my girlfriend was the single best person I'd ever met. My question was whether that was enough. Shouldn't she be more ambitious, more well-read, and make more money? Shouldn't she be a few years younger? Shouldn't we agree on concepts of God and religion?
More smirking. "I'm going to give you one piece of advice that I used myself. You ready?"