Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry And Men Do

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According to a survey of 5000 members of MillionareMatch.com, 83% of divorced men would consider marriage in the next five years, while only 32% of divorced women would do the same.

That’s a huge disparity, and while the gap is a little surprising, the findings are not.

The article on MarketWatch does a pretty good job of explaining why.  Here’s the paragraph that hit home for me:

“Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved–rich or poor–flaws and all.”

Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them.

As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I’ve seen this up close, and think that this is a genuine obstacle for women to overcome. I’ve written a lot about gender, money, and equality, and believe that the entire point of having money is that it gives you the freedom to marry for love rather than security. This is what wealthy men do. Male millionaires (smartly) don’t seek out female millionaires because, to them, it doesn’t matter what she makes. All that matters is how she makes him feel: appreciated, accepted, adored.

Female millionaires – despite being equal to their male counterparts – have a huge block against dating a man with less money. Where men take delight in picking up dinners and vacations for their lower-earning spouses, women become resentful that their spouses can’t carry their weight. Which is pretty silly when you are a millionaire with the means to do whatever you want. Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.

Like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

My 67-year-old mom – who I recently visited with my family – has absolutely no desire to date, despite the profession of her son. She likes her friends, her card games, her home improvement projects, her grandkids, her dinner parties, her travel, etc. Of course she does. But, in a rare moment of candor, she confesses to me that she’s lonely, and I continue to wonder why she chooses solitude over partnership. To her – like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

Yet to 83% of divorced millionaire men, the risk IS worth it. Which is why those men don’t stay on the market very long. So while I really don’t judge anybody’s life choices – whatever makes you happy – I do find it curious that men are so much more willing to spend their money on partners and take the risk of getting hurt.

Your thoughts below are greatly appreciated.

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Comments:

  1. 101
    Jen

    I have not remarried and found that most woman don’t because they enjoy their freedom. After twenty years with controlling narcissists, I finally get to make my own decisions.   Also, I’m a single mom and I want to show my daughter what a strong woman does. Millionaire men usually just want a doormat and a puppy dog and there are many gold diggers that will oblige, but give it time, they will be divorced again and their children’s inheritance taken by the gold digger that was broke and contributed nothing.   Only one that loses are the kids. Millionaire women are too wise for this. We protect our children.

  2. 102
    Bill Malcom

    Most wealthy women got their money by marrying a man with money and then divorcing him and cleaning him out, or by having a sales ad marketing “job”, which is to say they were corporate prostitutes, racking up the big commissions by offering their bodies as a sales perk.   Both are to be avoided.   Divorced women with children are also to be avoided, since those children are going to have grandchildren, who will be the primary focus of her attention, and a sink for her time, and my money.   I have been with a few wimyn with children, and wonder why I am expected to contribute to their upkeep.   Wimyn with money have a staggering sense of entitlement and expect to be supported, to be entertained, and generally offer nothing in return.

    They are also bad news in that having gone through a divorce in order to obtain their money, they have a stable of divorce attorneys instantly available on speed dial.   Unfortunately, there are damn few “wealthy” middle aged women out there who came by their money honestly, and who are not predators or exploiters.

  3. 103
    Aaron

    At the end of the day, men marry for love; and women marry for security (money).   It has always been this way.   It only seems shallow now that we hunt for money instead of food.   Get over it.   If you want a smart and beautiful woman, you have got to be able to afford her.   End of story.

    If you want to know what women truly want, watch reality TV.   It, for the most part, sums it up.

    If you guys want true love, you  may have to go gay.   I just work on making more money.   Money will cure an empty bed, but don’t ever be fooled that she is in your bed because of your sense of humor or love making skills.

    Love is for your parents and children.   With a woman, love is a four letter word.

  4. 104
    Wolfgang Sprung Jr.

    Of course wealthy divorced women don’t want to remarry. After they married a wealthy successful man and divorced him, took everything HE worked for, she got what she wanted. Marriage is a money making business for women.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVuHp3tygaE

  5. 105
    wonder

    This is a question about wealthy   divorced women choosing to stay single. To many women — it’s not about risk or reward but about reality – men value money and compare to other men, while women connect through their weaknesses. That is why it is better to have honest friends than a fake companion.

    Life is too short.

  6. 106
    Lissy London

    “Dr. Liana Leach of the Australian National University  studied  the anxiety levels of  1,910 couples over the  course of their lives. She and her team found that men who were in bad relationships showed no change in their emotional well-being. Women who were in  bad  relationships, however, showed a deterioration in their overall well-being.
    Interestingly, men who were in healthy relationships showed an increase  in their emotional well-being, but women who were in happy relationships had the same levels of well-being as they had  when they were single.
    If being in a relationship doesn’t increase a woman’s emotional well-being any more than being single, why run the risk of entering a bad one? For the sake of our sanity, why not stay single?”
    https://www.elitedaily.com/women/some-women-better-single/1344931

    That pretty much sums up the argument.
    You will not find many women that say- “hey you look like husband number 5!”
    Because the last four benifited them in no way. Especially if not monetarily. Nor sexually.
    Women don’t need the connection that men do- especially after a divorce. They write men off for
    good reason. Men on the other hand never fully write women off no matter how horrible the divorce or how much money they had to pay to the ex.

    1. 106.1
      Yet Another Guy

      @Lissy London

      Women don’t need the connection that men do- especially after a divorce.

      That is complete and utter nonsense.   The number one complaint that hear from women in my age group is that divorced men are not interested in being part of a committed relationship.   All they want is sex.

       

    2. 106.2
      Buck25

      I suppose, if a woman wants to, she can find plenty of ways to rationalize the idea that she “doesn’t need a man”. Seems to be common wisdom (among women in this thread, anyway) that aside from money(and maybe sex, provided you think we’re even good for that much) “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, to quote one popular women’s T-shirt slogan. I can only guess that to most women, financial security trumps all, whether she got that through career or divorce settlement. Oh well, I guess you’re entitled to want to have “everything and nothing” if that’s your choice. Funny, but once I actually made a lot of money, I actually found it more enjoyable to give it away than have it; the fun part, actually, was in the challenge of earning it. But hey, what do I know; after all, I’m a man, so every woman here knows that the only brain I could possibly have is the one between my legs, right, ladies? Yeah, I’m just a stupid, useless old fossil, but you know, somehow I’m damn glad money hasn’t made me half as cynical as it’s apparently made you. Oh well, I believe everyone is entitled to go to hell in the hand basket of his or her own choosing, so by all means, rationalize away; apparently it just beats the hell out of contemplating reality.

  7. 107
    Mekka TT

    Men has two brains, the lower one tend to take over majority of the time.

  8. 108
    Caroline

    I feel like a relationship looks like a bigger emotional effort for women, often trying to constantly make things work, while men seem more relaxed about these things when they’re in a relationship. Many men are less likely to handle many chores and so if the woman is in a relationship she will often have to handle more chores, while also usually needing to work just like the man does. It often turns into dissatisfying experiences in the longterm for women, so when they end up in divorce they probably feel like they’re not quite up for the deal anymore. Maybe many of the women who divorce do so because they felt that the emotional toil did not balance the emotional winning of the relationship.

    I heard something about women in general having more other social contacts after divorce. I think that helps them cope with it and find other ways to have community and love with other people. I also heard that men are often worse off when they’re single, which matches with my perspective of how the Internet is filled with pissed single men. Maybe men develop higher stresslevels of not finding a longterm partner, while women maybe more commonly found the ability to “choose” to not have a partner when she doesn’t find someone that feels right enough for her.

    I do agree about the base point of this article though. It’s time for women to start looking also for mean who earn less than they do. In my closer life, most women earn more than their male counterparts though.

  9. 109
    Sally

    Speaking only from my own experience.   I’m 57, financially independent (retired on my own money), divorced (no spousal support received), physically fit, with a wide range of interests.   Twice I’ve dated men who say they didn’t care about my financial situation, and were ‘proud of me’ for what I’ve accomplished.   Then, both times the same thing occurred.   When planning for evenings out to a concert, dinner, or vacations, they are very uncomfortable doing anything which they can’t afford.   I tried several different approaches to ‘offer’ to pay, so that we could go on nice vacations, or attend a concert, but ultimately their answer was ‘no’.    The choice was to continue dating a nice guy, but not being able to share so many of the things I enjoy.   I worked hard for decades to be in a position to enjoy a few nice trips a year (we are not talking crazy expensive trips) or the occasional special restaurant meal.   Driving for 12 hours to stay in a budget motel and eat at chain restaurants was great decades ago, but now I do want to enjoy the fruits of my labor.   My search continues for someone willing to share that with me.    Again, just speaking from my own limited experiences.

    1. 109.1
      Marika

      Hi Sally

      That’s a shame. Are younger guys more open to you paying? It could be age or culture, but I don’t find in my dating cohort (mid 30s to mid 40s) guys are so concerned with money and who pays. Again, it could be culture. But just wondering if you target slightly younger men, they could be more open to living the life you describe? I know my father (late 60s), as one example, would never be comfortable with what you describe, whereas my friend (early 50s) would be fine with it. Again, like you say, just my limited experience.

  10. 110
    Elizabeth

    Women can’t cohabitate or remarry because they won’t get spousal support anymore. In most states, the support is termed as soon as they remarry. Men are usually the payors so they can move on and find love again. I believe most of these women are lonely and would prefer to have a partner. They are too lazy to be independent and self sufficient.   Pathetic.

  11. 111
    Hal

    Seems there is a lot of ‘gaslighting’ taking place on both sides of the fence. Google it if you don’t recognize the term.

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