You ever hear someone say, “Dating sucks in (fill-in-your-city-here)”
I do every day. I’ve written, ad nauseum, about the value of connection, of slowing down a beat, of screening men prior to first dates, to using conversation instead of text as a primary form of communication. And yet people still insist they have no choice but to Tinder and text because that’s what everyone else is doing.
Well maybe – just maybe – people are starting to think for themselves and are ready to take more control of their destiny. Witness this Wall Street Journal article on “slow dating.” (Personally, I just call it “dating.”) Here are the opening paragraphs:
“Dating sucks in New York,” says Casey-Leigh Jordan, a 31-year-old manager at a hair salon New York City. “There are so many options, and it can be really overwhelming.”
Millennials like her who have spent years rapidly swiping through singles are looking to slow down dating. Zeroing in on fewer possible partners with more potential feels like a relief to them.
After struggling to meet people without apps, she downloaded the app Hinge, which seemed like a happy medium. The app’s incorporation of icebreaker questions and more detailed profiles made her connections feel more substantial…Millennials like her who have spent years rapidly swiping through singles are looking to slow down dating. Zeroing in on fewer possible partners with more potential feels like a relief to them.
When my clients work with me, we rebrand them online and suddenly they’re getting more attention than ever before. That doesn’t mean they’re going on more dates though. With my help, they go on fewer, high-quality dates with men who sustain an effort.
The guy who gives you his number, tells you to text him and pushes you to meet him ASAP for coffee? He’s history. But if you keep swiping and texting and rewarding men who make no effort, nothing will ever change. In short, don’t blame men for acting this way on Tinder; blame yourself for giving not insisting on better treatment.
The article continues, talking about a “better” app known as Hinge:
“Hinge saw its user base grow by more than 400% after redesigning the platform in 2017 to eliminate its swiping feature after learning 80% of its users had never found a long-term relationship on a dating app, according to Justin McLeod, Hinge’s CEO and co-founder. The changes were meant to foster more selectivity. Heterosexual men swipe right or “like” 70% of women on swiping apps but “like” just 20% on Hinge, he says.
“This is a more natural approach and it’s what we should have been doing all along,” she says. “It is a sad millennial age we live in when we are already addicted to our phones and we are relying on our phones to make our dating decisions.”
Amen. Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.