The Worst Dating Advice From a Dating Expert

God, I hate people who give advice. They’re so smug. So opinionated. So unqualified. So wrong!

I’m sure that’s what many people think about me, and that’s certainly what I think about Charly Lester, London-based “blogger, journalist, dating expert,” and Huffington Post contributor. I don’t know Ms. Lester and I’m sure she’s a nice person who feels strongly about what she writes. I also know that anyone can call herself a dating expert and write a listicle for the HuffingtonPost, so I can’t get too bent out of shape.

The truth about dating experts is that we’re all self-proclaimed. Everyone with an opinion and a keyboard can do this job. But that’s why there’s a responsibility to do it well. And most of my peers do – we tend to agree on 90% of all advice – even if we have different ways of saying things.

But when I read a piece that says that GOOD advice is BAD advice, I have to call it out, if only for the sake of helping some innocent person who may believe in the author’s expertise. Here’s some good advice that the author thinks is bad:

1) Put A Lot of Time Into Your Online Dating Profile

I created e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003 and have helped thousands of people write better profiles that attract quality partners. We’re literally saving lives out there, just through the power of words. So when I hear this, “Singletons don’t have time to trawl through detailed online profiles,” I will acknowledge that people are certainly as shallow as ever before, busy as ever before, and lazy as ever before. I will acknowledge the vast popularity and staying power of Tinder and texting. At the same time, if you’ve ever been on a dating site and seen two identical twins – one of whom had a GREAT profile and the other one who gave you virtually no information, who would you write to first? I think it’s obvious that, for people of any depth, yes, they have to like your photo, but they actually care what you have to say, too.

2) Improve Yourself

Again, the author is suggesting that this is bad advice. Okay, let’s tell men who write to women 30 years younger to keep doing it. Tell men who send dick pics to keep doing it. Tell men who only contact you for booty calls to keep doing it. Tell men who don’t pay for dates to keep doing it. Tell men who only communicate by text and never plan in advance to keep doing it. “You shouldn’t have to change yourself in order to bag him or her” is the worst piece of advice ever given, in that it validates ANY advice whatsoever. Methinks the author only feels that SHE shouldn’t have to change, but she’d be very happy if MEN changed on her behalf.

3) Get to Know Someone First

This is when my head started to explode. Quick, let’s sum up why you go on so many bad dates:

You go on Tinder. You swipe right with a bunch of guys based on their photos. They do the same for you. You send one text and meet up for drinks. He’s an absolute neanderthal misogynist sexually aggressive douchebag.

You don’t think you could have seen that coming if you emailed him for a few days? Or talked on the phone for a half-hour before agreeing to meet him?

The reason you hate dating is not because you’re moving too slow, it’s because you’re moving too FAST. Hell, I did a TED talk about this that will instantly change the way you view online dating and the speed with which you meet.

Watch it and let me know if you still think meeting total strangers ASAP is a great plan.

Again, everyone has the right to offer his or her opinion, but let’s not pretend that all opinions are created equal, shall we?

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Marie

    I will affirm that Evan’s advice and carefully thought out strategies are the best, especially for the sweet spot of his target audience.  And I did a lot of research into dating coaches before picking Evan.  I’m the kind of person who has to buy into something before enacting a plan or strategy.  His advice is logical and based on his experiences of coaching many women through difficult dating situations.  I adopted each of his points one by one in succession and they were very effective.  I am now happily married thanks to Evan and I cannot emphasize how important it was to have Evan’s coaching during the crucial moments of my relationship.  Evan will have his detractors but I suspect many of those have never been a client of Evan’s so don’t entirely understand the full approach or do not apply everything consistently.  To the points of the article above, I can tell you that to this day my husband still remembers my profile (vetted by Evan).  My husband thought the writing was hilarious and the profile was the catalyst for our communication.  Yes, my pictures were okay but my personality was what drew him in.  And we emailed for a week and a half and talked by phone before meeting.  As to improving yourself, I did a crash course dating a bunch of different people in quick succession, getting Evan’s advice on every “case” to see what I could improve on along the way for about 2 months prior to meeting my husband (poor Evan, you were a trooper).  By the time I met my husband, I was much more relaxed and confident and I could really focus on the relationship and not have to worry about silly things that psych other women out.  Maybe for the younger 20 somethings, Evan will have to research a “strategy” for Tinder (if there is one) but I think for the late 20’s and onwards, his advice is spot on.

  2. 2
    Jo

    The link to the article is not working.
    Personally, I think online dating is like looking for a needle in a haystack.    You can spend a lot of time on your profile, you can have professional pics taken – but its basically the same thing.    People look at the pictures and then decide whether they are attracted to you first off – then they might read the profile – they might not.    At least with Tinder you do not get a bunch of old creepy dudes that look like an geriatric version of ZZ Top band members emailing you – which you end up having to block them anyway.        There is really no way to locate quality people in the online world – anyone and everyone jumps into the database and it just way too time consuming to sift thru all of the garbage.      My .02 worth.

    1. 2.1
      Marie

      Really Jo?  Not my experience at all. In addition to my future husband, I met a lot of relationship minded quality men.  I’m in my 30’s.  Yes there were some old guys but those were easily dealt with.  It’s a lot easier and more efficient than real life.  I set out to find my husband and it only took 3 months from the time I started working with Evan.  I know several happy couples who met online.  Just ran into another couple at a party the other day.  They just got married and are expecting a baby.

      1. 2.1.1
        Jo

        I was married in my thirties so I would imagine if I was on the market back then I would of had a “totally” different experience as well – try this in your late 40s or early 50s and you will find exactly what I describe.    
        Either its the 20 somethings looking for sex, or the 65+ looking for someone younger than them, probably so you can wheel them around the hospital.   haha ….  Especially “Our Time” – OMG, I am ready for the nursing home each time I look through that site.     In my opinion, online is a complete waste of time and money.     
        I actually look younger than my age, but I still get mostly junk online and its *because* of my age.    If I lie and place my age at say 35, I will get more people my real age inquiring – but you know, most of them are not attractive nor do they have their shit together.     I think the men that are attractive don’t need to be online!    
        I wish I had the opportunity to just get out of the house more often because I think I would have a better chance of meeting someone for real versus the “virtual” way.    I work at home, travel for work, and am raising a 14 year old and an 18 year old.    I had one of those marriages where I had to bring home the bacon and cook it, because my husband was such an under functioning dude he could barely work 6 hours a day, nor could he figure out how to operate the lawn mower.   As of late, he has been unemployed for the past 3 years.       😀      
        Typically when I encounter an “online” someone my own age and do the meet and greet after trying to qualify the person, they seem to be fairly messed up folk – married one or more times and in financial distress.    If you, the woman, have your act together then “you” make them uncomfortable.    I guess they want someone beneath them – but of course they don’t like the struggling single mother either do they.       
        A number of men on this blog post comments claiming middle aged women are losers toting around a bunch of kids and the game is over for them.    Maybe that is true for a majority.      For me it is the contrary, the reason the game is over for me is because the men seem more depressed and messed up than ever at midlife, especially after the great recession.        So ya, really – its a waste of time.
        As the joke goes, “Have you heard of the new dating website for middle aged singles?     Its called Carbon-Dating”       

        1. Sunflower

          I admit, I agree with this.  It’s hard being a middle-aged woman and trying to date online.  If you’re the least bit attractive, you either attract the young ones who want to try and bed an older woman, or the creepy older dudes who are trying to hang on to their youth.  It’s really hard to try and find a quality guy who is in the same age group without a lot of baggage.  They may claim they’re looking for someone special, but they’re just looking for someone special “right now.”

        2. starthrower68

          I look at it this way: if having children makes me undesirable and I’m given contempt and disdain, so be it.  My children and I have a rock solid relationship because I value them.  They will always be in my life. They are my family. Men come and go.  Many of them are over the moon about you one day and forget your name the next (I said many, not all so please take note).

        3. Marie

          OMG that sounds terrible.  I always wondered why middle aged men who have a passel of kids don’t seem to run into the same problem as much.  I guess it’s because they have their ex-wives to take care of the kids.

        4. Lia

          Jo,
           
          I am a 52 year old woman and I did NOT find what you described. I am a long time fan of this blog and Evan. I have done online dating in the past and though there where men who wrote to me that I was not interested in and yes even some that made me go YIKES!, I met several really great guys and I had a lot of fun! 
           
          I met my boyfriend online and we have been dating a little over a year and we are now living together. My mother was more than a little upset that I was dating online and was not shy about expressing her opinion. However, since she thinks my boyfriend pretty much walks on water she has had to eat her words.
           
          You wrote: “ I think that men that are attractive don’t need to be online”. In my opinion there are the same percentage of quality men online as there are in “real life”. My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He is honest. kind, educated (doctor), intelligent, funny, affectionate, handsome and he loves me and treats me like a queen. We would never have met in “real life”. 
           
          We recently had our one year dating anniversary. He made dinner reservations at a lovely restaurant and bought roses which he delivered to the restaurant earlier that day so that they would be on our table when we arrived for dinner. On the card he had written, “My love, I am so happy I found you. You are the joy of my life.”
           

      2. 2.1.2
        Karmic Equation

        “They [my children] will always be in my life. They are my family. Men come and go…”

        Starthrower, I’ll say to you what I’ve said to some folks:
        If you raise your children right, they’re going to have their own families someday, who will be THEIR primary focus. So yes, your children are family and yes, they will remain in contact with you. But when they have their own family you will no longer be number 1 with them, because you shouldn’t be then.
        You can’t obligate your children to be your sole emotional and physical support when you age and they have their own families to tend to.
        So the best time to find that new person to grow old with is before you actually grow old yourself. Not after your children are grown. That will be too late.
        That’s obviously assuming you raise them right. If you raise them wrong or selfishly, yes, they will remain mama’s boys for the rest of their lives and you’re ensuring his wife and family will never be happy.
        Just something to think about ST. Children are the best things that come out of marriages. But as a good parent, you will need to cut the apron strings someday…and you don’t really want to be alone when you have to do that, do you?

        1. Adrian

          Karmic thank you, I never considered it from that angle, the “my children always come first” argument is like the magic bullet that many single mohters use in dating to justify lack of effort with a new guy, but as you said when the kids leave then what? If she is a young mom, it may be okay, but if she is in her late 20, early 30’s… when she gets on the market she will be older.

          Though I will admit Karmic, if not for this site and all the comments for the female posters, I would have never guessed that it was so hard for older women to date. Sure guys like youth, but they love beauty and compatibility more, so as long as the women takes care of herself, I don’t see why age would matter. 

          Starthrower, again I’m commenting on the subject, “NOT” you or your personal life, nor am I saying that you are one of the women who use your children as an excuse to not put effort into a relationship. If anything I think from all your post you seem like you would make a Great girlfriend/wife, you just have to get over “YOUR” weight issues, the comment you made about knowing a high quality man wouldn’t want you from a previous post conversation between Emerald and I still stings. 

        2. JennLee

          @ Adrian.

          “If anything I think from all your post you seem like you would make a Great girlfriend/wife, you just have to get over “YOUR” weight issues, the comment you made about knowing a high quality man wouldn’t want you from a previous post conversation between Emerald and I still stings.”

          For most people, the best answer is to go low carb. Carbs are fuel to do work. But it is bad when you have a fairly sedentary lifestyle, and most Americans do have a sedentary lifestyle, which is why Americans are so fat compared to the populations of other countries. Unless you are very active, you need to drastically reduce the carb intake. Stop eating anything with sugar, and don’t replace it with artificial sweeteners, unless you use Stevia as the sweetener.

          Stop eating bread and instead buy the low carb wraps that you can find in most stores. Stop eating pasta, potatoes, bread, rice. Give them up completely. They are nothing more than simple carbs…same as sugar. Later, you can add a small amount back in once you’ve lost the weight. But go with whole grain wheat bread that does not use enriched flour. To reduce the carbs, you can use the same amount of meat and cheese, and add in the lettuce, tomatoes, etc… but use one slice of bread cut in half.

          What’s interesting is that when you do this, your energy level goes up, not down. And, no sugar roller coaster highs and lows.

          Best advice I can give anyone is to look at the first phase of Atkins and do that if you want to lose weight. It is proven effective. Then do the 2nd phase. If you make it through those two, you won’t want to go back to the way you used to eat.

        3. starthrower68

          First of all, I am well aware that my children will have their own lives and with all due respect, it’s a bit presumptuous and condescending to assume that I am raising them so that they will remain tied to me.  Secondly, because there are no guarantees of finding/meeting anyone, it only makes sense to foster and nurture Those non-romantic relationships. To me, those are the meat and potatoes of life, and the romantic ones are gravy. Your mileage may vary.  Whether I have weight issues or don’t, that still makes sense to me.  I may not even be meant to be partnered up, but I am purposed to have a life of joy and fulfillment either way.  

        4. starthrower68

            BTW Adrian, if a single Mother chooses to focus on her kids and not pursue dating so what? If she’s happy and content in that then let her be. As far as the older women comment, I was merely parroting what many of the men who come on this sight have said. The comment was made tongue in cheek. We all need to move forward. 

        5. Adrian

          Again Starthower, I apologize, you are right; I have no right to guess at your situation, I was just basing my comments off your many post through the years.

          You’re an adult, most likely older than my 30 year old self, so I’m sure you know what you are doing and have a better handle on your life than I do.

          As far as the age thing, are you saying only men see it as a problem? I can see this, because I just can’t believe that an attractive older women who is in good shape would have trouble finding a guy.

        6. starthrower68

          KE, your last sentence is a curiosity to me.  It would almost translate as, just because they grow up and have a life of their own, my kids will no longer have anything to do with me.  We don’t stop being family just because of that. If lived closer to my folks, I’d be with them quite often.  There was a day when we valued the closeness and presence of a large extended family as a normal part of life.  Secondly, I cannot live my life in fear of not having a significant other now, when all the kids are out of the house, at the hour of my passing, or any other time.  It’s a good and legitimate desire to want a partner in life but to live with the fear of that not happening isn’t useful or productive.  While I agree that most people are happier if they have that, it doesn’t happen for everyone.

        7. EmeraldDust

          ST68 – Yes I was puzzled at KE’s response to you.  Actually, I thought she made some  very good general comments and if her post was a stand alone post, I actually agree with much of it.
          But it was in response to a post where you said “I look at it this way: if having children makes me undesirable and I’m given contempt and disdain, so be it.”

          I did not see anything in there about you obligating your children into some sort of eternal emotional security blanket for you.  In fact, isn’t one of your children engaged now ?
          Women should NEVER be with a man who makes them feel undesirable and worthy of nothing but contempt and disdain.  It doesn’t matter if that sentiment is based on you being a single mom, your age, your weight, or your eye color. 
           
          I think it’s very possible to have multiple priorities.  There are many successful relationship where one or both partners have children from a previous relationship.  I don’t think there is a need to choose between making our children THE ONLY thing in our life at the expense of a new boyfriend, or neglecting our children in order to please the new boyfriend.  If a balance can’t be achieved in a relationship between single parents, then it’s time to move on.  I don’t think children have to be the ONLY priority in the life a parent (single or otherwise), but only that the utmost care be taken to insure that their safety, emotional and physical well being and their needs are being met.  If ANYONE demands that you neglect your children (emotionally or physically) for them, then the obvious solution is to DUMP them.  (apparently Susan Smith didn’t get THAT memo)  But if a single parent can find a partner who is willing to find that balance, then they should go for it.

        8. starthrower68

          SE, you interpreted mt meaning to a tee. And yes, my oldest boy is engaged and is getting married in July.  I respect his relationship with his fiance and they include me in their life together, but not beyond what is appropriate.

           Adrian, I’m not mad or upset at you and I believe you are very well-intentioned.  But I am somewhat of a loner and always have been.  I don’t know if that is something I can or want to change about myself. Vulnerability and emotional intimacy are not things that are easy or comfortable for me.  That I even mention that to you is a stretch, but at least I have that self awareness and don’t expect anybody to deal with it.  

        9. Adrian

          Starthrower, I just received and read Evan’s lated newsletter entitled:”You have two choices, choose better (wo)men or treat (wo)men better” In it he tells the story of the person named Paul and how from being hurt he gets jaded and defensive… basically he is afraid to open his heart again… This newsletter really struck home with me because I sometimes hide behind the excuse that I am a loner… when in reality… I’m just afraid of opening my heart to have it hurt again.

          I’m not saying it’s the same with you Starthrower, I’m just saying that I’m afraid, I guess that is why I fought Emerald and others so hard on the courtship post, it’s really hard to give so much time, effort, energy, and… hope to a someone just to have them reject you. To do it right away is one thing, but to do it after a few dates/weeks when your hopes are up … is painful…

          I just hope that you don’t give up 

        10. JannaG

          Yes, she will need emotional support from other sources, including from other women. Even married women need good female friends. But, children will be young when she is elderly. A spouse would likely be elderly himself. Children can be very helpful later in life in ways that spouses and peers won’t be.

  3. 3
    SAL9000

    Fantastic TED Talk. I too was an online “slut” of sorts having met/dated scores and scores (stopped counting at 100). This is good advice for men.

  4. 4
    Noquay

    Years ago, I wish  I ‘d had known about dating advice blogs; woulda saved me a lot of heartache. If nothing else, to know what behaviors should be considered”abort mission” red flags. Earlier in my life, I was pretty much going from one LTR to another and really did not date around much so I was unable to recognize, for example, hot/cold behavior for what it was. Don’t behave that way myself and had never encountered it from others. As each advice giver is different,
    I read multiple blogs to gain perspective from many
     angles. My only issue with these blogs is that the posters, like Evan are from a very urban background, younger, more into having children/family and are more societal “standard fare” than I. I am an older, non-White, fairly successful, very liberal, environmental, very intellectually oriented chick currently living in a very impoverished area where my dating pool is overall anti education and does look like something out of Duck dynasty.
    My mate finding issues therefore are very different than most. Yep, I oughta just leave but right now that’d mean financially loosing my shirt which doesn’t raise one’s value in the dating world. I try and meet folk on line and IRL but understand either way, I am looking for something like 0.1% the available pool. I write a good, articulate profile, have current pics, and look for the same in a man. Yep, you are gonna get the Harley dudes, down and outers, the just plain weird. These guys approach everyone. One year I had 7 of these approach, just had to cut loose a wounded bird I’d
    met online. Does it mean I am horribly ugly, dysfunctional, an evil person? Nope, it just means that’s the majority of who lives in the region. All women here deal with this same issue. Dating is a huge weedout process made easier by reading profikes thoroughly, asking the right questions, not investing too soon, and paying attention.Yep, telling someone not to write a good profile, not to self improve, to just look at pics , is a recipe for disaster. If you are a guy, a bad profile will get you rejected post haste as will bad
    pics for both sexes. If you don’t read the profile, or accept someone with a bare bones profile, you stand a good chance of a disastrous date with someone totally incompatible. And yep, you gotta BE the person you want to date, no shortcuts. If you want someone fit, good looking, successful, you gotta be these things too. Advice is probably the wrong word for dating blogs, probably more like perspective from a different angle. One must read it, process it, then make ones own decision what’s best for you.
     

    1. 4.1
      SAL9000

      Move then :shrug:. When looking back in 10, 15 or 20 years, which would you have more regret about – not finding someone or losing money? Money is the most important thing in the world but it’s not the only thing.
       
      Perhaps you know but in case not – as men age they tend to move away from “liberal” and “environmental” irrespective of the geographic area, so your estimated 0.1% pool size is probably generous.
       
      Also, the Duck Dynasty dudes are very very wealth ;).

      1. 4.1.1
        Noquay

        Easier said than done with the depressed housing and job markets (in my area anyway) these days. Deliberately bailing on ones mortgage and choosing joblessness does not make one quality dating material and you are  guaranteeing youll be alone. No one marries a deliberate deadbeat nor should they. Tis not the money per se, its being honorable and responsible regardless of the loneliness of my current situation. Most of us want a mate with good character, right? Yep, some of us take jobs in places we may not belong but do not know that at the time and, in my case, my immediate
        neighborhood and town has gone very much downhill courtesy of the recession. BTW am looking for jobs and trying to up class mi casa so I can afford to leave and simultaneously teaching myself a retirement career and
        refining my organic farming skills. The duck dynasty dudes may be wealthy, dunno, don’t watch TV, but good grooming , caring for our planet,
        and our fellow human beings trumps wealth without those things. My values are what they are; coming from three decades of personal
        experience, from participating in social/enviro justice issues in many
        places. In dating, we need to be our true selves, unless one is an ax murderer perhaps. Do you really think I, given my description of myself, could pass for a Sarah Palin wannabe? Some older men, as they’re retired and their kids are grown, no longer buy into the corporate/consumer line and are in a place to start questioning the status quo. I realize that on line is geared toward more “status quo” and urban luvvin folks. Precisely why I read many dating blogs to suss out potential problems quickly, not waste uneccessary time, and do not assume I should just meet men on line.

  5. 5
    Lin

    What is good advice. I have no idea. I have had plenty of dates since I broke up with my ex, it was easy since im good looking. The problem is the lack of commitment of the man. They always only seem to see my pretty face. Then I had a wonderful date, ALOT of wonderful dates with my first and only vanishing guy. I did not understand why, so I red the book WHD. Since I got my standards up, it’s been a year since I got a date. What am I doing wrong. I have used some of Evan’s quotes. That I don’t look for sex/tekst buddy and they all answer ok well bye bye. Im so tired of looking for a match.

  6. 6
    Margaret

    Definitely agree with starthrower, Jo, and Sunflower. Lin, congrats, you are one of the few real success stories I hear in our age group. unfortunately, it just doesn’t happen often enough. I am not looking for a doctor. I would be thrilled if I could find a teacher making 50K who was passionate about his work and in good shape, and hopefully within five years of my age.

    I have just seen way too much of what the other ladies described: under-un employed, brokenness, way too old, or too young looking for a MILF. Too many men just do not take care of themselves, I know they say the same about us. But I don’t want to go into a relationship with the expectation that I am going to be someone’s nurse from the git-go. I don’t doubt that there are men who are just as unhappy with their options, but bottom line is that most men, particularly as we age, will always have *more* options.

    For now I have given up. Maybe one day I will use E-Cyrano again, get new photos, and give match.com another go. Right now, I am just battle-weary and disillusioned. I do know that feelings change and shift. And I just broke my wrist in a freak accident, so am not exactly feeling date-ready right now.

    I know Evan has helped many women that are older than I am. But the process is all-consuming and not for the faint-of-heart. You have to be all in or not bother.

    1. 6.1
      EmeraldDust

      Margaret @ 6 – I don’t think Lia went looking for a doctor, a doctor found Lia, 🙂

      And I am very happy for her !

  7. 7
    Margaret

    Oops, sorry, I meant Lia, not Lin.

  8. 8
    Charly Lester

    I’m the ‘dating expert’ in question, and have only just stumbled upon this article, which I believe is a huge overreaction.  My response to Evan Marc can be found here – http://wp.me/p3IDIx-1E1

     

    1. 8.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Charly, as I said at the top: I’m sure you’re a nice person. I disagreed with three of your 5 bullets on HuffingtonPost and I explained why. I stand by my take on things: People should spend a lot of time writing their online profiles. People should try to improve themselves. People should get to know each other before going on blind dates.

      I didn’t need to notify you or the Huffington Post of my opinions in advance. Does everyone on the internet check in with each other before writing posts? Did you contact me before writing your post? Of course not. So I’m glad you have an audience in the UK, I’m glad you’re making a difference in the world, and I’m sorry I won’t get to meet you at iDate. But the fact that I am sharing your rebuttal to me on my own blog should be all the evidence you need to see that “spineless” is the last word you can use to describe me.

      Best of luck in the future.

      Sincerely,

      Evan

  9. 9
    Sabine

    The video is awesome! And, what you said is so true. As I am “getting back into the game”, I’ve become more acustomed to really listening to what these guys say instead of rushing into anything. I’m impatient to a fault. You know what? By doing this, I’ve learned to “weed out” the guys who are so wrong for me while focusing on the ones that have qualities that I like. I met a really nice guy at work but am proceeding with cautin. Thanks!

  10. 10
    sfsdf

    More advice about online dating:
    1. Posting pictures on your profile is paramount.  But unless the people who are viewing your profile are interested in photography, they are only interested in pictures of YOU.  They are NOT interested in pictures of your family, pets, vacation, etc.(unless you’re in these pictures). So don’t post pictures you don’t appear in on your profile.
    2. If you make a date and want to break it later, have the decency to call the person on the phone.  Only cowards break a date by sending an email or a text message. Also, don’t act like a real jerk by either completely avoiding any contact with the person after you make a date….that is, not calling them, not answering their phone calls, and not returning them……., or waiting until they call you before you tell them you can’t keep the date. Again, have the decency to call them, and make the call when you know you’re not going to keep the date.
    3. If someone sends you a message on an internet dating site, and you’re NOT interested, DON’T reply.  Sending a reply will probably entice the person to keep sending you more messages.  Also, don’t say something stupid like you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  It’s not believable….if that’s really your situation, then why are you on the dating site?
    4. If the main picture on someone’s profile is appealing to you, and you’re thinking of contacting this person, have the common sense to look at ALL of their pictures, and anything else on their profile that may be important to you, BEFORE you decide to send them a message.
    5. If you receive a call for the FIRST time from someone you’ve given your number to, and you can’t talk to them at that time, then YOU should return the call.  DON’T tell them to call back.  They took the initiative to make the call, and obviously didn’t know it was a bad time for you to speak, so YOU should have the decency to make the return call.
    6. Post the CORRECT city and state where you live in your profile.  It sounds like basic common sense, but intentionally posting a city, state or country where you don’t live does happen. If you’re contacting someone on a dating site, and you tell the person you live in another place, it’s a real turn off, especially if you live in another country.

  11. 11
    Julie

    just curious. How many people have read the original article? Am adding the first point in here. To me it made sense. The other points too were well explained by the writer. I would encourage you all to read in entirety first and then weigh in with your honest opinions. (That is as long as evan doesn’t delete my comment in here).
    ########### original version
    As someone for whom dating has become a career, what do I think are the five worst pieces of dating advice you can listen to?
    1) Put A Lot of Time Into Your Online Dating Profile

    People overthink online dating. It’s 2014, not 1994, and the nature of online dating has changed a lot!
    Singletons don’t have time to trawl through detailed online profiles. We want to be able to click through our options easily and quickly – it’s one of the reasons Tinder was such a success. Your photos are the most important part of your profile. Most online dating sites are designed tempt people to read your profile using a main profile picture, so choose it wisely.
    Fill out the rest of your profile honestly, and in a way which is true to yourself. But don’t spend days refining it – if you were answering the questions in person you wouldn’t spend hours on every answer. You want to appeal to someone who is attracted to the real you.
    ################

    1. 11.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Yes, that is exactly the piece of advice that I think is bad. Encouraging people to spend less time differentiating themselves and less time screening potential dates is actually the PROBLEM with dating. People will always post photos, short profiles, swipe right, text and meet total strangers. Advising them to do MORE of this is like advising oil companies on creating more global warming.

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