How Many Dates Are You Emailing At a Given Time?

How many dates are you emailing at a given time?

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  1. 1

    I can handle e-mailing up to 5 guys at a time comfortably; when I do more it feels insane. Now how many of those actually turn into dates, and how many of them get beyond 1 or 2 dates, is another issue. And just to be clear, I define e-mailing as when each person in the relationship has sent at least two e-mails.

  2. 2

    By “dates”, I suppose, we are assuming I already find their e-mails and photos and vital stats appealing enough to agree to a meeting, right?

    In that case, on any given week of active internet dating, there would be around 3-5.

    A-L is right, it’s difficult to handle communication with more people than that at a time – it practically becomes a second job. I start having problems remembering who is who and several times considered setting up some sort of a file system 🙂 – thank Gmail for grouping messages by thread.

  3. 3

    Agree with A-L. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I’m back on the market again and trying to decide how many men, if any, to contact at once. Realistically, I know that if I email 10 men, I’ll probably get 7 or 8 responses back, because I’m selective about whom I’m contacting. Do I really want to juggle 7 or 8 email conversations? Even if that’s manageable, do I want to deal with the 3-5 phone conversations that may result? I had enough trouble handling two guys at once this summer, with a third possibility who kept popping up! The pair-and-a-spare theory sounds nice for improving your stats, but it can make for a very busy schedule!

    I’ll make it even more complicated for you. Because I’m in a position to move next year, I’m looking at long-distance relationships. I can date (without sex) several men simultaneously near home, but once you fly to someone else’s city, or they fly to yours, the expectations get raised. Of course, it’s permissible to say, “Sure come visit for the weekend, but you’ll stay in a hotel and they’ll be no sex,” but few guys will take you up on that offer. Or you can sleep with multiple guys during the same time period, but that gets tricky too, for all involved, and it’s not really comfortable for me. I made a relationship decision last summer quicker than I really wanted to because one of the men was 800 miles away. I really wanted to meet him, and I knew if we spent the weekend together, it would mean letting the other prospect go.

    That long-distance relationship just ended (we decided to remain friends, so it wasn’t a total waste), but I’m regretting never having the chance to know that other guy who was in the running at the same time. Now, I will email fewer out-of-state men to begin with (maybe 2) and they’ll have to wait a little longer for a meeting, in case there’s anyone closer to home who might also fit the bill. Sorry! That’s the long way to say: 1 or 2 men out of state, 3 or 4 locally.

  4. 4
    Karl R

    One to two. Three is my max. I just don’t have that much time.

    I expect that the ladies I correspond with aren’t necessarily under the same time constraints as I am, so they may exceed me.

  5. 5

    I can handle at least 10 at one time. I eventually let go of those who are sucked into the “Online only” and into IM only. I prefer to talk on the phone.

    I dont waste time for the face to face as I have learned so many lie as to thier appearance and it is a turn off when one lacks confidence ( Put up a pic older than 1 yr.)

    So out of the 10 it boils down to 2 that have become good friends.

    So I have decided no more online!! When my subscription ends in 2 weeks I am so done with it. I found most subscribers have been there for years, Darn scary thought!!!!

  6. 6

    Actively emailing 3 or 4 men at a time. May meet for dates with 2 maybe 3. I find that things seem to sort themselves out over time as one man usually becomes the more comfortable and fun one to be with. I really trying to let things unfold and not rush to decisions.

    I also like to talk on the phone prior to having an actual date. Sometimes it means I go no further.

  7. 7

    I will email with 5-6 men at a time. Rather quickly I will decide if the man is someone I’d like to meet. I do not want to email for a prolonged period of time. When I was new to this, I could (and did) write over 50 pages (yes, you read that right) to a guy before meeting. Now, a few emails, a phone conversation or two and that’s it. Time to meet.

  8. 8

    I would say that I would email 3 max 4 at a time. Dating more then one person at a time. I can honestly say 2 maybe. I personally feel it I date more then 2 then I am not giving it a proper chance to develop.

  9. 9

    The most I’ve ever emailed is 8. Normally it’s around 4-5.

  10. 10

    I once had 6 fisrt dates six nights in a row – and it was maddening and hard to keep track of everyone – so I limit myself now to maybe 3-5 at a time that I am in the process of seeing for the first time. Once that gets to second or third date territory – I cut down even further – figuring that if I am going on a third date – things are going well – otherwise why go on the third date?

  11. 11

    Around 3-4, although it depends on the market at the time. These days I’m emailing exactly 1 gal, but when I was really dating around, I’d email as many as possible.

  12. 12

    Five was always my limit. More than that and I’d just get confused and start calling them all by the wrong names.

  13. 13

    I’ve been online dating for a few years now and it was just standard to go on 3 to 4 dates each week.   I added them in my phone with name, and something unique…their job, town they lived in, etc.   I’ve decided the dating scene is great to get out and get to know someone.   When you get to a stage where you would actually like to form a genuine and real relationship, you’ve got to get out of that mentality.   Lately, I just go on 1 or 2 dates a month and prefer to meet someone who is interested in finding the right girl.   It hasn’t been successful, but at least we’re both on the same page and no time is wasted with intentional one-daters.:)

  14. 14

    Usually 1–2. I will send out about 5–10 emails, and I will get perhaps 2–3 responses back. Out of those 2–3, maybe one will drop out, giving me 1–2.

  15. 15

    When you do online dating for quite awhile you get the hang of it.   At first I was overwhelmed and emailed and dated my brains out – which is very confusing, and difficult to keep track of who’s who.   Then I learned how to be more selective which the volume reduced.   Now if a man seems good and he’s doing the right things to get and keep my attention, I’ll stick with him only to see what materializes.   It doesn’t take long to end if nothing is going to happen.   Then it’s on to another.

    I haven’t met the man of my dreams yet, but there is always hope.

  16. 16

    Jeez, I’ve been “online dating” for a month and I ALMOST was able to arrange a face-to-face…but then it fell through.
    Not sure what I’m doing wrong, but I’m thinking there is a reason why I rarely date.   Maybe I’m just “wired” that way?   So far, it seems like online dating has all of the head aches of “non-online dating” only you have to wade through all of the B.S. just to freaking have a conversation.
    Meh – I’ve just made the decision to cancel my membership.   I’ve been happily alone for years now, and that is just the way I am.

    1. 16.1

      OLD was a fail for me too, got very little interest or response from men no matter what I did. I’ve been alone most of my adult life,  it is what it is.

    2. 16.2

      You know a month is no time at all in online dating? It’s like saying in preschool that you’re not going to be able to handle the final year of school exams and giving up at that point. I would give it at least 6 months of regularly going online, initiating contact and chatting / phone calls etc. (with some in person meetings of course) before you call it quits. (I would actually give it longer than that, but 6 months minimum would be reasonable).

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