Is it Cool to Have a Ghostwriter Write to Men for You on Dating Apps?

Is it Cool to Have a Ghostwriter Write to Men for You on Dating Apps?

I started e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003.

We were written about in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and hundreds of other publications. 

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

I came up with the idea when I took my George W. Bush $300 tax credit and used it to have a professional resume writer take a crack at my resume (even though I was a writer). Next thing I knew, I was working for JDate in 2002 and saw the same lame profiles you see today. A business was born.

Online dating profiles led to online dating coaching, which led to dating coaching, which led to relationship coaching, and well, here we are.

Then I readthis New York Times feature on a woman who handles your dating apps and I felt a negative energy. It’s not that I was envious (which is true) or that I should spend more time promoting e-Cyrano (which is also true), it’s that this business model feels out of integrity to me.

e-Cyrano involves a questionnaire that takes hours and a phone interview where we compile all of your words into a profile that’s 95% you and 5% e-Cyrano.

These companies involve a literal Cyrano – someone pretending to be you, writing your emails and texts, actually interacting with another person under false pretenses.

Put another way: how would you feel if you discovered a man hired someone to flirt with you under his name? Pretty creepy, no?

I’ve long had the opportunity – and many requests – to do this for clients. I have refused every time. While it may seem like a negligible difference, in my opinion, there is a clear dividing line between offering advice on how to write to men and actually writing to men themselves.

I’m sure the woman who owns this business is a nice person, doing good work and helping others. It just doesn’t feel right to me from a moral standpoint.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.


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  1. 1

    I would imagine if it happened to me, I’d feel a lot like guys do when they figure out they’re conversing with bots on Tinder. Betrayed, confused, and I’d wonder why they couldn’t be bothered to write to me themselves. Or I’d wonder if something was secretly wrong with them.

  2. 2

    Seems like the relationship would be with the bot or writer hired to be the person. Not a real relationship at all.

  3. 3

    Just seems lazy to me. If someone isn’t going to take the time to actually talk to and get to know me then I’m not really interested. I guess if I didn’t know what he was doing I’d be none the wiser, but if I knew then that would definitely be a turn off.

    I get we’re all busy, but if you’re using the service because you’ve got no game, I’ll find out sooner or later. When that day comes, I won’t be happy that you ended up wasting MY time instead.

    Plus what happens after your dates? Do I keep dating the bot, or do I suddenly have a tester with a totally different style on my hands who now seems like a stranger I need to get to know all over again?

  4. 4

    Wow, that is every kind of creepy. I view the way someone put words together to be as unique and distinctive as sound of their voice. Being a wordsmith isn’t the point.

  5. 5

    No way. It often takes enough time as it is before a person will reveal himself for who he is – add another layer to that process with fake email? No thanks.

  6. 6

    I’m surprised this dating writer/coach didn’t spill the beans. Single, educated men in Manhattan who date women are unicorns.

  7. 7

    Don’t see anything wrong with it. Not necessarily a lazy thing at all. People are afraid of making mistakes, write something stupid or something that can possibly freak other person out unintentionally, and ruin it from the beginning. Many men are bad communicators, Evan advises to run from those 🙂 but in reality not very many people know how to do it properly. I’d rather have a good guy with a potential using the service then him write something blunt to me at the beginning that can rub me a wrong way and more likely repel me.

  8. 8

    Sounds like a turn-off (basically saying “I can’t be bothered”). If she is as described, then it probably isn’t a problem.

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