Would It be Worthwhile to Send a Brief Survey to Men Who Don’t Message Me Online?

You give great advice. One thing I’m not sure how to do is your suggestion to ask for feedback from guys that don’t follow up after first date. Would they really be willing to share? I’m more comfortable with asking guys in an email.

I had this crazy idea of maybe making a short survey to send online when a guy I like views me but doesn’t message. For example, what is the reason you are passing on this profile, and give four multiple choice, like too old, not enough photos…etc.

I have the probably typical issue where it feels like none of the guys I like message me and I’m not interested in the guys who do. So, I would like to know is it just a numbers game or could I improve my profile to attract the men I’m interested in? Thanks for your thoughts on the survey idea.


No. Definitely not.

Ready for Lasting Love?
Ready for Lasting Love?

Consider what your life would be like if every man whose profile you viewed sent you a survey? You’d have hundreds of earnest, unsolicited emails from men flooding your inbox. Ugh.

So let’s acknowledge that your impulse for self-reflection is admirable; there’s much more power in trying to understand why your marketing isn’t attracting the right men than there is in blaming men, as a gender, for not writing to you.

The browsing phase is not the time to ask for feedback. Too many men. Too little time.

But the browsing phase is not the time to ask for feedback. Too many men. Too little time.

If you want to get better at online dating, you don’t need to survey a bunch of clueless guys who are scrolling through hundreds of women. Here’s all you need to do:

Finding the One Online is my comprehensive audio series that helps you write a clever username, craft a one-of-a-kind profile, post the kind of photos that get you noticed, and develop an email technique that makes men want to follow through and meet you in person. Soon, you’ll have more men and higher quality men chasing you down like never before.

Click here to learn more about Finding the One Online.

If you discover that you are not capable of following the directions in FTOO (they come in audio, transcript and workbook format), your next stop would be e-Cyrano, my online dating profile writing site. Since 2003, our professional profile writing, username writing and photo critiques has helped thousands of women attract better men online.

Click here to learn more about e-Cyrano.


Finally, if you need professional photos, check out my friends at LookBetterOnline. I have sent over 1000 of my own clients to this site, which has photographers all over North America. I may be a big believer in the power of a written profile, but it won’t do a thing if he doesn’t want to click on your photo first.

Click here to learn more about LookBetterOnline.

I hate to use a blog post to plug products, but honestly, the first six years of my business (2003-2008) was all about online dating, and there’s no point in asking mediocre men for expert profile advice. That’s like asking your plumber for fashion advice. Maybe he’s stylish, but I wouldn’t put my money on it…

It is not a “rejection” when a man looks at your profile and doesn’t write to you, no more than it’s a rejection of every item at the mall when you don’t buy it up front.

Finally, two important distinctions for you, Brooke:

    • 1. It is not a “rejection” when a man looks at your profile and doesn’t write to you, no more than it’s a rejection of every item at the mall when you don’t buy it up front. In fact, you have a 40% HIGHER chance of getting an email from a guy who has checked out your profile than a man who hasn’t. Know why? Because if he looked at you, he finds you attractive. Men don’t look at women they find unattractive just for kicks. So instead of taking things personally and trying to send them a survey, how about you add the cute ones to your favorites list, get

Finding the One Online

    • and write some funny Opinion Openers to get their attention. You’ll be shocked to discover that 50% of the men you thought were “rejecting” you will actually write back!

2. I first wrote about Rachel Greenwald’s “exit interview” concept when her “Have Him at Hello” book (then titled, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back”) first came out. In short, if you have a good date with a guy who, one week later, has disappeared, you send him a brief email asking him what exactly happened. And yes, if you word it properly and let him know you’re a big girl looking for feedback, not some stalker trying to get his attention, you may learn something more valuable than I can teach you on this blog — honest feedback about the real reason he didn’t call you back.