I’m a writer.
I can’t say whether I’m any good. All I can say is that I’m prolific.
I wrote the comedy column in my college newspaper.
I wrote a dozen screenplays and 15 sitcoms when I moved to LA in my twenties.
I have written over 1000 blog posts, 400 newsletters, 100 podcasts and 4 books since then.
But the most meaningful thing I’ve ever written is something no one has ever read before.
It’s a series of lists called “100 Reasons I Love You” that I wrote for the extraordinary woman I call my wife.
The first one was dated July 25, 2007. That was six months into our relationship when I first told her I loved her.
The second one was dated November 25, 2007. That was for her 38th birthday.
The third one was dated April 24, 2008. That was when I proposed to her.
Since then, we’ve gotten married, bought a house in the suburbs, and had two children, now 6 and 7, who fill up our world with delight.
As a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and small business owner, I’m as harried as you are, trying to spread my time and attention around to make everyone I love happy.
But, as you know, things fall through the cracks. That’s life.
We all have to pick and choose what’s important.
As a dating coach, I have a daily window into this, and one of the things I see regularly is how well-meaning couples fall into a rut and start to take each other for granted.
To be fair, we all have a great excuse: life is, indeed, busy!
And really, who has the time and energy to treat your spouse like you did when you first began dating?
Yet that lack of time and energy are exactly why relationships falter.
It’s why people grow apart.
All the little things stop and you fall into your roles.
You work. You parent. You sleep.
All the time you put into being a couple has disappeared and been absorbed into life’s other endeavors. Next thing you know, you’re wondering: “What happened to us?”
THAT’s why I insist that relationships don’t take “work,” but they do take EFFORT.
So while I’d like to think I’m a good husband – I wake up the kids and make them breakfast, I’m out of the office every day at 5:30 to help out my family, and I’m fluent in all 5 Love Languages – there’s always something that can be done better.
I’m doing it today.
This week marks my 10th Anniversary.
It’s not only been ten years since my wife and I tied the knot, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part – but it’s been ten years since I wrote a list for my wife of 100 reasons I love her.
It’s something I’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t gotten around to, what with soccer practice, cleaning out the garage, and putting together that earthquake preparedness kit.
My 100 Reasons list is not a work of literary genius. It’s mostly a series of inside jokes for an audience of two. But I’m sharing it with you today for three reasons:
1. I’m proud of it. I’m proud of my wife. I’m proud of my marriage. I’m proud that I’m given this opportunity to let you peek in on my relationship and show you what healthy, lasting love looks like from the inside.
2. My wife is cool with it. Sure, this is written for private purposes, but my wife has made peace with the fact that I’m an open book. So while I respect her privacy and cherish our marriage, I also see our partnership as an education on love that I can offer directly to you. All the good, all the bad; I only have one mode: honest.
3. True love can be yours. While I wouldn’t hold my breath on your future husband writing you 4 lists of 100 reasons he loves you, that’s because he’ll have a real job besides “dating coach.” What he lacks as a romantic and fast typist, I promise he’ll make up for with other traits: character, consistency, kindness, and commitment.
This much I know is true.
Great husbands come in many forms to the millions of women who look for them.
Great husbands come in many forms to the millions of women who look for them.
They don’t, however, come to women who have given up on men.
They don’t come to women who think the worst of men.
They don’t come to women who think dating is a waste of time and that relationships only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.
That’s why, starting officially on Thursday, November 1st, I’m having a special sale on my Believe in Love program where you’ll get $50 off just for being on my mailing list.
Consider that my 10th-anniversary gift to YOU.
You deserve to be happy and in love.
If you don’t have it now, then something has to change – preferably sooner, rather than later.
In the meantime, enjoy your day, hug someone special, and check your inbox on Thursday morning to take advantage of this opportunity to get your groove back and save big money.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. You didn’t think I’d close this email without sharing my list, did you?
So, without further ado, 100 Reasons I Love My Wife, Volume 4:
1. You always have floss with you.
2. You let me read bedtime stories to the kids every night.
3. You know how to turn on the pool heater and filter since I don’t.
4. You make a generous effort to visit my family whenever we can.
5. You have separate washes for blacks, colors and lights.
6. You say yes to all social plans – and often consider whether I want to be part of them.
7. You encourage me to see my guy friends.
8. You are the pioneer of the Mad Libs Dance Challenge.
9. You are really fun, considering you’re the not-fun parent.
10. You will always go out of your way to help a friend.
11. You validate me when I say I need more quality time with you.
12. You appreciate how much I want to provide for the family.
13. You offer me fair criticism in ways that I can always handle.
14. You drive six hours in a day for a weekend without the kids.
15. You make a mean gazpacho.
16. You rock those holiday wall calendars.
17. You care about the details of every barbecue, dinner party, and birthday party.
18. You continue to surprise me with random military facts that I don’t know.
19. You can spend three nights packing for a three-day weekend.
20. You need to have 10 different kinds of vinegar to eat one large heirloom tomato.
21. You listen to me relentlessly vent about the technology part of my business.
22. You are proud of your age and you’re proud that I’m proud of your age.
23. You know how to laugh at yourself.
24. You make sure the kids can laugh at themselves, too.
25. You are the model for all the Catholic wives at synagogue.
26. You sort through endless amounts of kids’ homework on the kitchen table.
27. You always prove that when I can’t find something, I just did a “man-look.”
28. You are willing to go to the beach with me, even though you don’t like sand.
29. You made sure our 16-day East Coast road trip was an experience to remember.
30. You’re willing to listen to my ideas about how to be happier and more efficient.
31. You like to keep the pool at 88 degrees.
32. You get 97 texts from your PFA friends in one day.
33. You dominate at board game night, especially Taboo.
34. You are wonderfully shameless when it comes to karaoke night.
35. You never go to bed mad.
36. You can somehow sleep until 11am on weekends.
37. You write cards that make me cry.
38. You only cry when your computer is causing you trouble.
39. You will always want to go to a movie on a night when the kids are in San Diego.
40. You put salt on salted popcorn.
41. You actually owned a tank of helium for balloons.
42. You like math.
43. You are the designated poop-picker-upper when there’s an accident.
44. You never say no to a Mommy’s Night Out.
45. You curse more than I do.
46. You are more into reading, theater and politics than when we first met.
47. You insist on themed Halloween costumes for all four of our family members.
48. You have a whole section of the attic reserved for different holiday decorations.
49. You need two attics to house all the things you’ve never thrown out.
50. You like 90% of what I buy you for Christmas.
51. You trust me when it comes to choosing a restaurant.
52. You always order the least healthy (and most tasty) thing on the menu.
53. You are cool with canceling Christmas. Or our 10th-anniversary vacation, if need be.
54. You are slowly coming around on the dog thing. Maybe a dwarf hamster first…
55. You finally got into book club – but you have a better idea if this one collapses.
56. You are always agreeable when I invite old friends over to dinner.
57. You treat my family like your own family.
58. You care about how you look – and you invariably look beautiful.
59. You make incredible meals in the crockpot.
60. You have a pantry with about 50 kinds of carbs, crackers, chips and cereals.
61. You don’t tell me how you vote – but I’m pretty sure you vote the way I would.
62. You are an excellent disciplinarian with the kids.
63. You invariably agree with me when we do our post-party rundown in the car.
64. You are the unofficial mayor of our town.
65. You embrace why my Israel trip meant so much to me.
66. You are the best kind of stable – I know exactly what I’ll get for the rest of my life.
67. You are almost willing to go camping, as long as there’s a shower in the woods.
68. You are an easy audience.
69. You don’t count calories.
70. You make bangs look good.
71. You take pride in being the best school treasurer ever.
72. You’re sometimes willing to have sex TWO times in a week.
73. You use 12 pillows when you go to sleep at night in your pillow fort.
74. You knew every word at the Depeche Mode show and braved three days at Desert Trip.
75. You allow me to play dinnertime DJ and introduce the kids to our music.
76. You don’t want anything more in life than a weekend alone.
77. You still read wedding magazines and consider them your version of porn.
78. You laugh at my mishaps at Thai massage places.
79. You drive much faster than I do.
80. You read much slower.
81. You say “I love you” at least 25% of the times I say it to you.
82. You are a hero to women you’ve never met.
83. You save random Saturday Night Live sketches for me to watch after you’ve seen them.
84. You handle customer service issues when I’m about to blow a gasket.
85. You make sure the kids are prepared for any fluctuation in temperature.
86. You never pass up a glass (or two) of wine.
87. You have middle-class taste at home and five-star taste in hotels.
88. You look great naked.
89. You make me feel like I do, too.
90. You donate to every charity that any of your family members request.
91. You can take a 2-hour break from telling a story and begin right where you left off.
92. You can operate on three hours of sleep.
93. You are more than willing to leave a party…an hour after I first asked if we could go.
94. You never make me feel bad when I’m falling short.
95. You don’t let your past relationships negatively affect your present ones.
96. You understand my need to talk about my past – my father, my exes, my career.
97. You have the highest emotional intelligence of anyone I’ve ever met.
99. You know all my embarrassing anecdotes – and you’re still here!
100. You are my muse, my north star, my raison d’etre, my favorite person in the world.
Happy 10th anniversary, honey!