Online Dating is the Worst. What Should I Do?

I am so discouraged by online dating. Seems after 1-2 exchanges, men get vulgar and aggressively sexual. If you retreat, they call you uptight and dump you. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing or saying. I’m left feeling drenched in ick.


Aw, Jessica, I hear you.

My first book was about online dating.

My first company was an online dating profile writing site.

My first audio program was a comprehensive how-to-guide to meet better men online.

My first TED talk was about online dating.

Ready for Lasting Love?
Ready for Lasting Love?

To say I have thoughts about online dating would be the understatement of the year.

Every day, I listen to women complain about the realities of 21st century dating — and their complaints are 100% valid.

Online dating was ALREADY shallow when I was doing it from 1997-2007.

Then Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and CoffeeMeetsBagel happened and the only vestiges of depth — longer profiles and longer email exchanges — were removed, leaving a fast, frictionless medium where everyone is judged on looks and everyone is disposable.

Contrast that to a time when men went out to a party and spent the entire night trying to procure one woman’s phone number written on a napkin, and yeah, we’re in a different time right now. One where everyone is overscheduled, texting ten people, and looking for any reason to dismiss the next stranger.

You are mistaken if you draw the conclusion that online dating is a pure waste of time.

It’s not just icky men either, although they are disturbingly prevalent. I have friends who are so fed up with flaky women from dating apps – women who bail in the middle of a text exchange, women who cancel plans at the last minute without explanation, women who are so busy as to be virtually unbookable.

These men, too, are at wit’s end (without the dick pics).

So while you’re not wrong that the entire endeavor can feel pretty demoralizing, you are mistaken if you draw the conclusion that online dating is a pure waste of time.

It’s not. And it’s not even debatable.

Every new client who tells me she hates online dating, gets offered a proposition.

I don’t care about online dating,” I say, her ears perking up. “I’m a dating coach. All I care is that when we talk on the phone every other week, you’re going to have stuff going on. So, if you can guarantee me that you’re going to have at least one date every single week for us to talk about, you can completely skip online dating.

I’ve never had anyone take me up on my offer.


Unless you’re 25, attractive and in a very social, population dense place, online dating is a mandatory supplement for “real life.”

Put another way: if you go on one date a month without online dating, you have 12 chances of finding love each year. If you go on one date a week doing it my way, you have 52 chances of finding love each year. It should seem obvious that online dating is a presence that should be readily maintained, just like a gym membership or a yoga practice.

But what about how much it SUCKS?

Yeah, I know. But that’s what I’m here for. I’m not going to change men, Tinder, your location, or anything that’s beyond my control. But I can help you write a killer online dating profile that attracts higher quality men. I can teach you how to flirt with men on and offline. I can illustrate how to schedule your time so that you control online dating instead of it controlling you. I can show you a method to lead guys from the dating site to a first date without getting stuck in endless texts. I can show you how to differentiate yourself from all the other women he’s talking to and make him choose YOU.

Alas, I can’t do it if you give up.

So if you want to find love, you don’t meet enough guys in real life, and want to do something different to get different results, please click here.

And if you want me to teach you this personally, please click here.

You don’t have to suffer. You just have to conquer what’s currently dragging you down.

Some women do it. Why not you?