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Dear Evan:

When I was younger (disco diva days), I used to have this (fun for me!) phenomenon of men just coming up and kissing me. Nice kisses, movie-style, lip lock but no tongue. Then they would smile and just walk away. I’m verbal, but not that kind of quick wit and so would be left standing there with a silly grin on my face and my girlfriends or guy buddies asking me “Who was that?”

It was never a guy who had asked me to dance; never a guy who I had approached or had knowingly flirted with; and never would they talk to me or ask me out. Just kiss and run. Anglo, Hispanic, sometimes I wasn’t sure of their ethnicity (disco lighting); but never an AA (which I am). Sometimes, they would just hug me.

Well, disco days passed, I got married and so for the past 20 years – nothing, as I was definitely on ‘off.’ Well, here I am divorced, as of ’05, fast approaching 50 and trying to turn it ‘on’ and it happened, again, of all places in a Lowes! It was a kiss on the cheek. A lovely one and the gentle man gave me his business card – so some things have changed, but some have not, as I’m still not at all quick enough to follow up with anything.

And I was out, for the first time in years, with a girlfriend, having a fun time playing pool, and I got hugged as I was leaving the bar. The gentleman said bye and that he hoped I’d come back to the bar soon.

Well, this has made my ego feel good, but, it got me to wondering. Have you heard of this before? I don’t know what to do with this effect, but would like to turn it, safely, into a way to met guys and maybe, this time out, finally learn how to date well.

Thanking you in advance.

ML

PS: I ‘ m not a beauty – am described as ‘cute,’ 5′ 9″, a little ditzy and a geek, don’t wear makeup, and no one has ever described me as being ‘cool.’ And I really like your blog.

Dear ML,

Rarely do I get an email that renders me nearly speechless, but you take the cake. Usually, something is shocking because it’s vulgar or dirty or embarrassing, but this is just…surprising.

You turn men into Kissing Bandits, and profess total innocence about how this keeps happening to you.

And while I’d like to think have a considerable amount of experience and knowledge in the dating arena, I have never heard of anything remotely like this in my life. Which is why I feel unqualified to weigh in as to what this means or what you can make of this.

But that’s never stopped me before.

So stick with me while I think out loud here…

You’re saying that strange men kiss you for no reason without ANY warning?

No smiles, no sideways glances, no conversation, just… SMOOOCH?
Wow.

Where I went to college, this could be considered battery. A unsolicited physical assault from a stranger? How is this any different than being flashed or being groped on a subway?

In fact, the more I think about it, I’m not sure which is more unusual — the fact that you have a penchant for bringing out the friendly freaks or the fact that you really seem to ENJOY being touched by these friendly freaks….

And hey, I believe you when you’re telling me that it’s always gentle and innocent and it goes no further. I just don’t understand how a guy could a) think that’s an effective way of meeting women, b) somehow avoid getting slapped or doused by a succession of woman, and c) hasn’t gotten his ass kicked by some large, unseen boyfriend. And I know there are men reading this who have trouble approaching women, and they’re thinking, “THAT’S how easy it is? You just go up and KISS ‘em?”

No, guys, you don’t. Unless it’s ML, who seems to be cool with it.

I tease, ML, if only because I don’t know what else to do.

It sounds to me like you have a beautiful spirit and an easygoing way about you that would not only make guys comfortable enough to talk to you, but to plant one on you as well. And anyone who has THAT power should figure out how to bottle and sell it to the masses. You probably have a way about you that is simply open, compelling and non-judgmental, all of which are key in attracting men.

So keep doing what you’re doing, my friend, as long as it doesn’t bother you. And next time a guy liplocks you out of nowhere? Make sure you give him your card instead of taking his. If he REALLY wants you, he should know where he can find you.

Oh, and talking to them might be a nice idea as well.