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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
I have a particular question about sending pictures to potential dates. I have on my dating profiles two to three pictures, all recent. I’m honest about my age, height, and whatever else I write down. After exchanging numbers the men ask for more pictures. I understand they don’t want to be fooled so I send another one or two.

But the pattern is that they don’t stop demanding more. This has led me to stop talking to some guys who may have been a great potential. I wince when they ask me to send a “body shot”. Not because of issues with my image, but because they’ve seen other photos and I hate to think a date rides on how my body looks from this or that angle. I’m also uncomfortable with strangers I’ve never met having a stash of my photos.

I have guy friends who don’t see it from my point of view. That they’ve been duped in the past and women trick them with angles and lighting. How do I handle this in the future? I’m sure I’m not the only woman that feels this way!

Christine

I understand why you feel the way you do.

You don’t want to be objectified.

You don’t want to feel pressured.

You hate to think that you’re being evaluated on your looks.

But there’s always an issue between how the world works and how we want the world to work.

But there’s always an issue between how the world works and how we want the world to work.

I want to be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Not how the world works.

I want to be able to write whatever I want without people getting mad. Not how the world works.

You seem pretty upset at how the world works – as evidenced by your own words:

I wince when they ask me to send a “body shot.”
I hate to think a date rides on how my body looks from this or that angle.
I’m also uncomfortable with strangers I’ve never met having a stash of my photos.

That last comment is a little extreme. Most guys aren’t photo-collecting stalkers; they’re men who don’t want to show up on another date with someone who is 25lbs heavier than advertised.

But you know that, Christine.

In fact, it sounds like you very much understand how the world works — you just don’t want to accept it. And, of course, it’s your right to do as you see fit.

The question is whether it’s serving your larger purpose. I would suggest it’s not.

You can protest men who ask for more photos by refusing to play along with their request.

You can write off all men who ask for more photos by assuming they’re all shallow, which is partially true.

But, as you said, chances are that some of these men are decent guys who have been fooled by one too many women who misrepresented themselves.

Thus, there’s a pretty obvious solution: stop men from asking the very question you abhor.

Instead of posting two recent photos that don’t include full body shots, post 7 photos that do.

Instead of posting two recent photos that don’t include full body shots, post 7 photos that do.

The men who are attracted will still write, the men who aren’t won’t, but you will have largely eliminated the request for recent, full body photos, because you provided them up front.

There. Easy-peasy.

It’s the same advice I give in Finding the One Online. Let me know how it works for you.