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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
My fiance and I have been together for three years. About 2 years ago, I quit my job to work with my fiance and his business. Things were decent, but I didn’t make even close to the kind of money I was making before. Later on down the road, he decided he wanted to start a new business with me, and I agreed at the time, thinking that the business was going to take off and we would be more financially set. Fast forward about 6 months, and we are barely making enough to make ends meet. He gives me money periodically for my own bills, but I want the financial freedom of my own.

We aren’t making any money and when we do make money, he has all the financial control.

I told him I was considering taking a day job to make more money, so I’m able to go out and do more things as well as help take the financial burden off of our shoulders. He didn’t even consider the idea and flat out told me that If I took a day job, I would be choosing between him or the job. If I chose the job, I would have to move out and that would be the end of our relationship. My question is, what do I do? We aren’t making any money and when we do make money, he has all the financial control. I can’t keep living wondering when I’m going to get paid again. Please help.

Alice

I don’t know enough about you or your fiancé to address his charms or the merits of your relationship. But your story provided more than enough information to render a judgment.

Get out.

One of the interesting things about relationships (including friendships) is that you don’t really know what they’re made of until they’re tested.

You can be friends with someone for years — go out for drinks, take vacations, share war stories — but until there’s something at stake, you have no idea if people are selfish or selfless.

Your fiancé is selfish, which is not that unusual, since we are all, to some degree, selfish. What takes his behavior to a more dangerous level, especially considering you’re planning to hitch your train to his for the rest of your life, is that he’s lording power over you.

Which is to say that it’s normal for him to not want to lose his trusted (and inexpensive) business partner and employee. But for him to threaten to dump you if you want to have more autonomy of your finances? That’s just fucked up.

He’s your fiancé, not your pimp.

He’s your fiancé, not your pimp.

Although it’ll be a double dose of pain to lose your job and your boyfriend in one fell swoop, just think about what it will feel like to get your life back — to be valued for your labor, to have control of your own purse strings, and to be free to find a man who would never think of denying you the right to do what makes YOU happy.

Find another job first to cover your bases, then drop this loser pronto.