Renew Breakup Bootcamp Heals Your Past. But What About Your Future?

Should I Have a Long-Distance Relationship with a Man in Another Country?

“Among other attempts at self-healing, I have tried: casual sex, dating apps, uppers, downers, day drinking, and sobriety. I also tried somatic healing, boxing, Buddhist meditation, Ayahuasca and finally, because it was offered to me for free by a publicist, Botox. “A few pricks may ease your blues,” she wrote in an email last March. Well, I thought, at least I wouldn’t look so sad.”

That was a strong opening paragraph for this piece on a high-end break-up boot camp  in upstate New York – a getaway for women who can’t get over it.

I can see why it sounds appealing:

“A  multi-day program that includes sessions led by the top psychologists, behavioral scientists, coaches, energy healers and meditation teachers. All meals are cooked by an on-site chef using organic and local ingredients.

Each retreat has under 20 people so that we can keep an intimate atmosphere that feels safe, calm and supportive. You will meet others who are also going through the same feelings and stages of mourning and detaching, and a psychologist with a Ph.D. in behavior will lead sessions on how we can detach and let go of the past that no longer serves us. Renew’s Chief Heart Hacker will provide group talks on the psychology of our attractions and  how we can start rewiring our patterns to create healthy love. There will be yoga and meditation sessions, and a tantra expert will show you how to connect to your body and harness your feminine energy. A professional dominatrix with a Ph.D. in human development will lead sessions on power dynamics and sexuality. There will also be private, one-on-one sessions with either an energy healer or relationship coach available.”

Wow. It really does take a village.

Wow. It really does take a village.

Things like this sometimes make me second-guess myself. I don’t do energy healing. I would never call myself a Heart Hacker. I don’t think you necessarily  need  a tantra expert or dominatrix to get your  mojo back, although both sound titillating.

I guess that’s just what it means to be a man in a world consisting of mostly female coaches.

I have no objection to spirituality or woo-woo, but my clients come to me for practical, honest, reality-based advice

I have no objection to spirituality or woo-woo, but my clients come to me for practical, honest, reality-based advice on how to get over your past, embrace the present and make healthier long-term relationship choices.

The fact that we do it at the 4 Seasons over lawn parties, champagne breakfasts, and prix  fixe menus just makes my Love U Retreat a different kind of event – less energy healing and more exercises, deep dives, and fun than perhaps a Breakup Bootcamp.

There’s definite value to healing your past, but, frankly, I’m much more concerned about giving you steps to build a new future.

Click here to learn more about the Love U Retreat and get on a waitlist for the next time I host one.  

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.






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  1. 1
    Emily, the original

    There’s definite value to healing your past, but, frankly, I’m much more concerned about giving you steps to build a new future.

    It’s not just past break-ups but the past in terms of your childhood. I read somewhere that 85% of people had a dysfunctional upbringing. You have to work hard at clearing that stuff out of your subconscious, where it’s been lodged for decades.

  2. 2

    The boot camp sounds like a mental/emotional health carnival. When I had trouble getting over a breakup I was depressed and tired and wouldn’t have had the energy for something like this.

    A professional dominatrix with a Ph.D.  in human development will lead sessions on power dynamics and sexuality.  

    Well, that’s something different. ???

    1. 2.1

      Lady Heather?

  3. 3
    S. (with a period)

    Hey, different strokes for different folks.   The other stuff works well for me that that woman mentioned. (Except for Botox. I’m scared of injecting a neurotoxin into my sensitive skin that doesn’t even like a rough washcloth, lol.)

    Does it matter how people heal and go on to find love as long as they do?

  4. 4

    This boot camp sounds great. When i was broken-hearted i tended to be completely fixated on the object of my unreturned love and would gladly use such distraction to talk it through and move on.

  5. 5

    IME, the pain after a break-up is one of the worst things a human can experience. I remember the sleepless nights when I prayed for an hour – heck, even for 10 minutes – of sleep, so this unbearable suffering would take a break. The tons of wine I drank until throwing up, so I could numb my mind just a little bit, and the next day the pain was ten times worse. How every little thing reminded me of him. It was… hellish. Devilish.

    The worst thing was the hopelessness. I had times in my life when I was ill, but I knew my health would come back. A period when I was unemployed, but I knew it was temporary. But he will never be back in my life like he used to be. We will never be like we were. All those moments gone forever and nothing left behind. No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.

    I remember a writer who said that we suffer so much after a lost love because a break-up is a preview of our own death. We go on with our daily life and our extinction is something surreal, beyond our imagination. And a lost love is a reminder that we are mortals and all things have an end. We will never be like we were.

    Anyway, to get more mundane, the worst advice I received was to start dating other men when I was still in the period of grieving. Because they all seemed so beneath him and this just deepened my pain. I swear that if by that time I had met a man with the looks of Sebastian Stan, the mind of Einstein and the charisma of John Kennedy, he would have still seemed beneath him. Which just proves that my mind was shattered and I had the brains of an amoeba. Oscar Wilde had a point when he said that love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. And the ancients also had a point when they believed that passionate love is a state of temporary insanity.


    1. 5.1


      I agree with everything you have written here. The pain of a break-up is probably most like grieving a death, because it is something that will never come back again. Even if you get back together, you will never be like you were before, and some part of you knows this.

      I used to think (although this could just be my self-pity talking) that break-up grief was even worse than grief over someone who has died because the object of your grief is still alive and one or both of you are choosing not to be together. So you are actually choosing this grief, which to me made it so much harder to bear. At least with grief over death it is something over which you have no control.

      It’s not hard to understand why people stay in wrong relationships longer than they should… the pain of breaking up is not for the faint of heart.

  6. 6

    Yes, the pain of a breakup IS excruciating. However, the only way to heal and move toward a better future is to embrace that pain, go thru it, use that time as a chance to re-evaluate one’s life. Thee are no shortcuts. Looking for repeated patterns, demographic issues in your area that make healthy rships difficult, other contributing stresses in ones life all must be evaluated so that the same problems don’t recur. Eating healthy meals, doing yoga, exercising, exercising self care are great but need to occur as an entrenched part of ones lifestyle, not just for a week or so.

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