My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend!

I am dating this guy I really like. We have been dating since November of last year. 

We both believe in being up-front about things so he made it a point to tell me he wanted to take it slow because he has rushed into relationships in the past. We do have sex and it is great!

The main issue I have with him however is that he talks about his ex-girlfriend a lot; I feel like he is still hung up on her. She is a drug user and he knows he’s better off without her, but is still drawn to her. Should I bail on this relationship or talk to him at length regarding this issue?


Dear Lerene,

You’re probably asking the wrong person.

I’m serious.

I’m one of those people who doesn’t see anything wrong in dredging up the name of ex’s for one simple and obvious reason: THEY’RE EX’S!!! There’s a reason I’m not with them and whether they dumped me or I dumped them, it amounts to the same thing: the case is closed.

And if I’m in a committed relationship and I want my girlfriend to really understand me, she needs to hear my crazy stories. This is my history, this is my rocky path, this is my life. The mere concept that I shouldn’t mention how crazy this ex was, or how devotedly misguided I was to another ex, is silly. But again, I’m not pining for them, putting them up on a pedestal, or talking to them four times a day. I’m sharing a very important part of my past, like talking about the way I was in high school, or my deceased father. These are the facts; I hope you choose to accept them.

To my girlfriend’s credit, she is a virtual Rolodex of Evan’s ex- stories. And it doesn’t faze her in the least. Because she knows it has nothing to do with her. And I know, when she gets emotional or vulnerable when sharing the pain of her failed marriage, that it has nothing to do with ME. She doesn’t miss her ex-husband. She misses the innocence, happiness and security that she felt when she was in that relationship. As a result, I do everything I can to make her feel special, including not getting jealous if she talks about the good times she had before the marriage fell apart.

While it may not feel good to know that your guy has latent feelings for someone else, as long as you don’t think he’s going to act on them, you should probably get over it.

This is all about removing your ego from the equation and looking at the facts in front of you. You didn’t give me many details so it’s really up to you to decide:

Is he talking about her because he wants her back? Or is he saying that he really cared about her, but she was fatally flawed? Because those are two different things. While it may not feel good to know that your guy has latent feelings for someone else, as long as you don’t think he’s going to act on them, you should probably get over it.


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  1. 31

    well, i have been dating a wonderful guy for two years. it really bothers me that he mentions his ex (only one in particular). he says that she went in this store and spent $1,000, or the last time i was here i went with her and she drove. i know he doesnt mean to upset me but its almost like she is the perfect girl….but she cheated on him. it doesnt help that her parents are rich and live at a lake house. they only dated for a month but i still wonder if he didnt get completly over her.

  2. 32

    I agree that it is the WAY a person talks about their exes. It can be extremely flattering to hear how devestated he or she may have been at the time the relationship ended and never expected to feel the same way and yet you entered their life and not only made it all worthwhile but also grateful it never worked out. However, I found this blog after googling “boyfriend talking about exes” because 5 minutes ago I got in an argument with my boyfriend about this very topic. He is 50 and has had every type of experience and has dated every type of girl. He tells me I am the best girl he has ever known in 50 years. However, the one girl that is a “close second” is the first woman he fell in love with when he was my age (27) during law school. She turned him from a boy into a man. She was the “all-american” beauty in lawschool. I have heard the whole story seven times and counting. It is a tragic story that involves love, pregnancy, cheeting, and more love yet consistent respect and admiration to this day. I have always listened with a curious ear because I want to know him. However, he ended the conversation tonight saying, “I should call her. She always said we would end up together later in life. I still have so much respect for her. She was the prettiest girl in lawschool and she probably looks good at 50. But don’t worry, I wouldn’t have sex with a 50 year old.” that is supposed to be reassuring?Not to mention, he gave her a job at his law firm while dating another girl over 10 years ago. Are you surprised to hear that finally his girlfriend at the time had enough, broke up with him and then . . . he screwed his first love. She was deep and smart and complicated. I am surprised I don’t know her cycle by now. Bottom line, it doesn’t mattter what you say but the WAY you say it. Tonight my feelings were hurt. Word of advice to anyone discussing the past: reassure the present. Even if you think the other person has a limited perception that is rooted in ridiculous insecurity, they gave you the respect to listen at least give them the luxury of reassurance. At first I did not vent. I asked if anything was unresolved or he wished things were different. He said, “it is more philosophical than that.” When I expressed my dismay about his last words of the conversation he said he was sorry for overestimating my maturity to hear about the deepest part of his life. I am only human. A fatally flawed young woman.

  3. 33

    I should be more honest with myself. Anytime there is an issue in a current relationship I fantasize about what could have been with my first love who I believed at certain times I would never get over. After 6 years, I am over him but I will never have the same experience with another man. Perhaps that is why I am innately on-guard about any “first love” that is truly deep and vulnerable. Once naivety is shot, the scars don’t cut the same way or in the same places in the soul after the first lasting mark. And even if I met my true soulmate – no matter how much healthier and more fulfilling that relationship may be – if I were face to face with the first love of my life I am not sure those initial feelings would not be triggered by virtue of love memory.

  4. 34

    Gracetar, the realationship your in seems in my opinion to be a dead end. Any man or woman in a relationship has to be expected to talk of past relationships as they shape us into the people we are today and to hear about them helps others understand us. However, from the incident you refer to, your boyfriend is out of line. The comment that he “wouldn’t have sex with a 50 year old” and that your “immature” indicates he doesn’t respect your feelings. Additionally, he has not moved on emotionally from that relationship, and will never truely be there for YOU.

  5. 35

    This is a very good thread; I intended to just write down my situation and found myself absorbing the words from everyone.

    My situation: I have been dating the same lady for 1 1/2 years and have a very good relationship. The only thing that is a sticking point for me is that she cannot stop talking about her ex-husband. According to all the advice in this thread, I should not feel threatened as she does not bring him up in a pinning way and it is typically just part of a conversation however, when is enough enough? She easily brings him or a situation involving him and/or her about every other day. After about nine months I said something to her and she proceed to get very defensive to the point where she would be talking to me I would tell you a story about that, but it involves Chris. I finally told her she could talk about him, just not continually. She did talk about him much less for a while but is back to bringing him up about every two or three days. For instance, tonight we were talking about an insecure friend of mine, and she starts in with how her ex left her for a girl who was insecure in a similar way to my friend. This constant conversation about her ex is beating me down slowly, so to all of those people saying so it is the WAY in which they talk about their ex s I would say you can punch someone and it is one act that hurts, or you can poke someone until they are numb from it. I’d like to think I’m not insecure, but I’m growing tired of the constant stories.

  6. 36

    I want to first thank everyone for their contributions- they have helped me so much. I also typed in “boyfriend talking about ex” because I am having the same problem. Some days are worse than others, and recently there was a day where he brought her up in 6 different scenarios. But, then now he hasnt talked about her in 3 days. My boyfriend is older than me (7 years, and I’m in my early 20s) and I have only had one other significant relationship, that I do not feel the need to constantly discuss.

    While some of these posts have made me realize that maybe I shouldn’t be threatened, I cannot help but be hurt everytime he brings up her name. Its like he has not gotten over it, even though its been 4 years and they havent spoken. She was his first love, and best friend prior to that, a girl he thought he could marry. While he says I’m better than her, prettier, smarter etc etc… I still feel like his heart yearns for her (which is something that is very hard to admit to myself). I haven’t really brought up to him how much it hurts me and how much I obsesses over the situation in my own mind because I dont know exactly what to say. And I feel like he wouldn’t admit to me if there were feelings still there. I just never want to be that “second best girl” or the girl he settles with because his first choice left him. However, I am frustrated because I feel like I will never find out the true answer.

    I understand and sympathize with all of those in relationships who have heard ENDLESS stories about the ex. But the true question is, when is enough? How do you know they are truly over the other person? And even if I do bring up the fact he brings her up a lot, and he cuts back talking about her, how do I know hes not constantly thinking about her to himself? I just feel like when he is talking about his past relationships he is undermining his future and present relationship with me.

  7. 37

    hey lerene! i can relate to this. i was in this situation. i dont think he is over his ex. my ex talked about his ex so much that i kept asking him if he was over her and he kept saying yes. after 5 months of hearing enough bout his ex and him picking up her phone calls and bs, i asked him again. he finally told me that he wasn’t over her. that made me cry so much that i left him. all that he said from the beginning to that point, especially his fav quote, ‘if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship’, made me feel like i lost all my trust in him. i gave him all my trust. i told every little personal details of my life and my family to him and at that moment i felt like i he was the wrong person to depend on. because i didn’t have any trust in any of my friends and family because we had so many probs ourselves. i didn’t have anyone to run to and now that i had a man, i could go to him. but he crushed my world right there and then. sadly, or happily, i’m married to him now. every time i run away from him, he’d run to come get me. he says he’s very sorry for doing that and he wished he could turn time back and do everything right. i love him very much but even after being married to him, it still hurts and i still cry and we still argue. i’m a stubborn person and i hold long grudges and this is going to take a lifetime for me to trust him and get over this. it just makes me feel used and when a person makes you feel like you can put your life in their hands, you feel like you actually mean the world to them. and when they crush it, it just makes you feel like theres nothing left. yes, i regret for getting into this relationship, but then again, theres no better guy than my husband. i try to get over this because he didn’t cheat on me or anything, but it surely feels like he did. i hope you the best in everything. tk

  8. 38

    oh wait, he’s not my ex. he’s currently my husband but at that time my boyfriend. and you have to ask him some time. you’re going to hurt yourself on the longrun. my husband keeps saying that its not like he cheated on me with her, but i always say, even tho he didn’t physically do anything, he thought about her all the time. and thats cheating with my heart. even tho you want to pull it off, you wont ever be able to and please dont. i know its hurting you on the inside that it seems like he only cares for her and thinking of her all the time, and all you do is put a smile on but soon you’re going to get the truth and by then you might be too close into the relationship where its hard to leave him when deep inside it might be the best thing to do. and yes it is like what you said, when is enough? he did also say that i’m the best thing that happend to him, but then his mind was always on her. settle anything down before any further plans happen. tk! keep smiling! 😛

  9. 39
    Gwenalyn Fritchel

    Talking about the EX’s takes up a lot of time that could and should be spent on talking about your new relationship. Most especially negativity brought into the new relationship about the EXs will eventually drag your new relationship down. If you need to talk about your EXs then hire a therapist and get over them. Otherwise, go back to the EX and hash it out and have a “Bad” time. What are you guys looking for …??? sympathy. Get over it and move on. Gwena

  10. 40
    match sites

    Lerene, if he doesn’t talk about the ex anymore than he would any other significant part of his past, go with Evan’s advice and let it roll off of you. If he is pining for her, or if he is endlessly festering over her like Sarah’s ex s have a polite, nonthreatening talk with him about it. If he doesn’t stop consider whether or not it bothers you enough to find someone else.

  11. 41

    I completely disagree with the advice given I had a boyfriend who constantly talked about his ex and I did what you said I ignored it I thought the same thing she is an ex and he broke up with her and next thing you know he leaves me to go back to none other than his ex so if your boyfriend is talking about his ex and if you say you don’t Like it and he doesn’t stop dump him because he is in a relationship with you not her and he shouldn’t be allowed to bring her into your relationship

  12. 42

    To Sarah G. Post #4

    I hear you girl…dating a divorced guy is not the best thing there is. But guess what…unless you give dating and relationships the importance they have, in your late 20’s and early 30’s, all you have left is that…divorced guys, at 40, like me. Never-married guys into their 40’s and beyond are most likely battling issues. So if you’re not in your 40’s yet, best of luck!

  13. 43

    my bf talk about his ex a couple of times even on our first date. at first, i hinted that I don’t want to hear about it, then I told him that he’s hurting my feeings, but he still mentions her. then I finally got mad and yelled at him. I understand whatever logical reasons it is to suck it up and not bothered by the ex talk, but I’m a person who’s feelings, I care about his feelings and tried to listen to him, I’d expect him to get a grip about it if he cares about my feelings too. It’s hard to remove “ego” from the equation, i’d question whether he’ll still get back to her if she comes around, whether I’m just a replacement he’s seeking, whether I should feel secure about his feelings to me, whether I should trust what he says.

    Evan is right in his rational analysis, but we can’t tell ourselves how we feel. It’s unfair for someone to get into new relationship before they’re totally ready. If you both want to stay in that relationship, you should talk and try your best caring about your partner’s feelings.

  14. 44
    Relationship Writer

    Personally, I disagree with Evan in this case.
    I feel that you should be honest about your past before getting to a new relationship but once you are together, there is no point mentioning about your ex.
    Repeatedly story sharing about their ex only shows a lack of mindset preparation for your new relationship and the inability to let go of your past.  Imagine you are deeply in a love with a man and wants to give all your attention to him but all you are required to do all day is to put up with stories about his past.
    To me, it is disrespectful and unfulfilling, time wasting and emotionally draining.
    Different people enter a relationship for different reason but when the right time to do is to give love in a relationship rather than sharing stories about your past love!
    Well, but that is just me!
    p.s – many people bring emotional baggages into their new relationship without realizing it!  unless you are ready, you should not enter into a new relationship yet!

  15. 45

    I have to disagree. While I think it is ok to talk about exes, it depends upon the context. I once had a guy I was living with confees that his ex was the love of his life and he regretted breaking up with her. Sorry, but you don’t say that to someone you’re in a relationship with. It’s hurtful. I had another guy I dated talk about his ex all the time. He would complain about her, and bring her name up in conversation. I would say something about me, and he would reply, “My ex was like that too.” I’m sorry, but again, not cool. Bringing up your ex in this kind of context means you’re still not over that person and most likely not ready to be in another relationship. However, just mentioning an ex in passing or relating a funny story about an ex would not bother me. It’s all about the context.

  16. 46

    “I’m one of those people who doesn’t see anything wrong in dredging up the name of ex’s”

    I am generally very understanding, and by no means too obtuse to recognize the value of “being open and honest” or “explaining your paramters”, but: a girl I have dated a few times is doing this incessantly–all bad things that she is describing, and it is one of the most UNsexy things imaginible.

    I am considering ending the whole thing as a result.

    I do not want to end up with a person who is SO unable to see me and what I am offering.

    I do not want to be compared to past idiots.

    I do not believe that their reactions were entirely one-sided.

    I do not want to be denied normal, fun, development of the relationship because she is broken.  This is NOT fun, and all the extra boundaries aren’t either.

    I am considering ending the whole thing as a result.

  17. 47

    I’m also having a similar problem. The guy I’ve been dating pretty seriously keeps bringing up past sexual exploits. It’s starting to really bother me, and I would normally consider myself pretty confident. But he’ll tell me the crazy things past women have requested of him, and he even bragged to me once of a woman he had sex with who had fake boobs.I asked him what he thought and he said fake boobs are much better. I have real boobs. I should have never asked him further questions. I got divorced a while back and was monotonous for 14years so I don’t nearly have the experience he does, although I do have a kid. I’m not sure if he brings these things up out of insecurity or he’s just too obtuse to realize it’s inappropriate. Anyway, I’m feeling pain about this too…

  18. 48

    So I have no idea how old this thread is but I’ve found it relatively useful.  My situation is a little different, I’m the one talking about exes.  Married for 6 months, been with hubby for 2 years. I’m talking about Exes to girlfriends in conversation, and usually it’s a conversation around once every three months.  Like, a fantasy I had from age 16 up with an authority figure that never got acted out.  Or talking about other fantasies.  Or using an experience with an Ex to give advice on a girlfriend’s current situation.  My husband finds it extremely hurtful that I would even mention an Ex to anyone, when he feels like I should just be perma-praising him and our sex life or whatever.
    I find it hard to see from his point of view, as my Ex references are almost always only with girlfriends (he and I have talked it out in terms of EVERYTHING we’ve ever done with anyone) in conversational context.  My intention is never to be hurtful, and my husband and I have a very fulfilling sex life (new job = libido boost), and we certainly have rough patches, but this seems like such a bizarre thing to be in an argument about.

  19. 49

    The only reason you should bring up an ex is to show that you learned something and improved as a result of that experience.  Someone I dated constantly brought up his ex, how excited she made him, etc.  While this was happening, our intimate life was flagging.  How could he expect me not to compare myself to her and how could anyone, no matter how secure, not take this ‘ex talk’ personally when their partner was showing no interest in them?  We used to have to walk past the restaurant his ex co-owned with her husband (whom she was married to during the time my partner was ‘seeing’ her) and he would rubberneck the whole time we went past.  Needless to say, I didn’t stick around with this guy too much longer.  Turns out she was pretty hot (I’m not shabby either), and because all the guys who frequented the restaurant wanted her, he felt like the top of the alpha heap when he slept with her.  No matter how nice a guy is, he will never be above his primitive instinct to mate with the (perceived) most desirable female, and most men insensitively bring up their exes all the time to show their sexual desirability and prowess.  The only reason he didn’t like me as much is because he didn’t have to compete for me (I didn’t tell him about all the other guys I turned down in order to date him only).  Ladies, when a guy brings up his ex in a way that reveals something about his need to win, or his esteem for her as a coveted sexual object, immediately start dating other men and make sure he knows it.  Constantly talk about other men with awe in your voice for their abilities and qualities that he doesn’t possess.  He will straighten up right quick because, in essence, you are dealing with a primitive alpha male, and you don’t have to dump him and start all over again because deep down you know that on some level, all guys are like this.  To keep breaking up with each one hoping to find another who’s better is going to be a waste of your child-bearing years because you’re constantly going to be playing roulette with your heart and the chances of you finding someone more evolved will be slim.  Many factors must coincide for you to meet the right person, and it could take YEARS.  If he brings up exes just to talk about his history in a way that doesn’t feel like he is devaluing you, by all means, have the talk.  In many cases, I have felt like the ex talks I’ve had with most men are tainted with a combination of bitterness and braggadocio (neither of which make sense to me as a woman).

  20. 50

    I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You can get it on Amazon or other bookstores. It helped me to deal with so many issues that I had with my fiance’s ex – who I really hated!! Now, my relationship is perfect 🙂 xxx

  21. 51

    Completely agree with Roger (35). It’s hard to know what to do with the guy I’m dating because (we’re not even in a relationship yet) he says he wants a relationship but every date we’ve been on he brings up his ex 3 or 4 times. Their relationship ended a long time ago – over 3 years which is long since we’re both young. She was the only girl he had a serious relationship with, I know all about her and her parents – I even have a picture of her in my head because he’s referred to her so often. I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to hurt me, but it’s so awkward, as when he does this describing I have no idea what to reply, it’s just not interesting and has no value to me. It makes me think he is very immature that he doesn’t realise that’s not what you do on dates. At first he just described their relationship and what went wrong (and all that was fine – I listened as he described it intently as it was a part of him and his life); but the constant references are just so needless and rude. I want to call it a day but maybe I should meet with him one more time to tell him how I feel about it.

  22. 52

    I have the same problem with my boyfriend. Except he compares me to his ex all of the time. They broke up three years ago and I don’t think he’s over her.

    I think that when you’re in the first month of a relationship,  you can share all of the ex stories you want. However, I think that after that, the relationship should move on. The present is what’s important, not the past. This person that you are with now will give you so many new memories, you won’t need to talk about the old ones.

  23. 53

    Sara, your new “date the past” guy needs to go to therapy.  You are obviously not having a GOOD…. time with … oh oh poor little me dude, my ex, my ex, my ex….. I would hand this freak a big ol piece of paper with a great big red X on it and wave with twinkling fingers, saying in a slow Southern drawal,,,, baaahh, baaaahhh, baaahhh,,, baaahhh…
    HEY SARA, bet you could have a freak out of a good time with a real MAN!!!

  24. 54
    Miss M

    This seems to be a common guy thing. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. He first mentioned his ex on our first date, just to get it out if the way I guess (either that…or to forewarn me!) She was twice his age & started off as FWB for about a year, but their relationship lasted 2 years. She broke his heart when she ended it via text message. We started dating about 4 months after their breakup. Every time we hang out, he’ll bring her up in conversation, whether it’s just a little mention or she’ll be the subject of conversation. He has also told me about the sexual side of things they used to get up to. He has admitted that maybe he shouldn’t tell me so much (especially the juicy stuff) & I’ve agreed…YET, he still does it! We haven’t taken our relationship to the next level yet. He knows I’m a virgin & doesn’t want to rush things like he did with his ex. But when we do happen to share a bed, again, he’ll reminisce about being with her. I actually got so sick of it the other morning that I put my hand over his mouth & said “Shooosh!” He automatically changed the subject & didn’t talk about her for the rest of the day 😉 Maybe that’s the method I should’ve done all along. I know for a fact that he loves me (he never fails to tell me every day), but sometimes I can’t help feeling like there’s 3 people in our relationship…not 2 🙁

  25. 55
    jealous girl

    my bf talks about his ex too which happens to be my bff, she got mad at him and he always asks me eveyday why do u think shes mad at me do u think we will become friends i mean i get he wants to know why but does he have to ask everyday ??? were in highschool and my other friend talked to him and he said he liked both of us but he liked me more he asked me out reassuring me he didnt like her but he always talks about her it bugs me makes me feel invisible but i love him a lot.

  26. 56

    The very first night I tried to get my now boyfriend to come home with me, I kid you not, this is how it started – “You’re divorced now? I dated a divorced girl that broke my heart and sent me into therapy and every single time I see her husband I just want to punch him.”  I looked at my friend after he walked off and said “Did that just happen? I’m trying to sleep with this guy and he brings up an ex?” Regardless, we did wind up together but it has dredged up every single insecurity I have, especially when he talked about how involved she was in the community, how he felt like he batted out of his league and how heartbroken he was that life became suicidal.  It finally got to a point, after a year, that I screamed “Do you effin’ mind? If you want someone like that, just leave and let me be, okay? I’m never going to be some pinnacle member of the community known by all, that’s not me, and never will be.”  Oh, did I mention they broke up SIX YEARS AGO? Although he has told me multiple times that I’m light years ahead of her in every way possible and she ultimately turned out to be incredibly bitchy and horrible, it’s one of those “Great, ok, she’s a bitch. Why are you still talking about her when you broke up in 2005? Cripes, man.”  Let’s just say my self esteem took a hell of a beating and I’m still trying to get over it…almost two years after the fact. Yeah. I hold on to things for far too long.

  27. 57

    I think I have something substantial to offer given that my boyfriend and I just broke up because he was not over his ex. 
    I love EMK’s advice that he/she is the EX, they are in the past and there is a reason for that. However, if your partner is not OVER the ex, he/she will not be 100% present for you, and you will be compared to the idealized ex. It could potentially sabotoge the relationship.
    In my case, we jumped into the relationship just 4 months after his breakup, and it became clear that he needed more time. And yes, he talked about her a lot.
    My advice would be to consider how long it’s been since the breakup, and whether your partner has serious residual feelings and healing to do. This can be tricky, since some people are emotionally done with a relationship a year before they get out of it, and could be perfectly fit to enter a new one right after the breakup. 
    Interestingly, my therapist encouraged me to pursue this relationship, saying that it was common for men to dive into a new relationship after a breakup. I’d love to hear EMK’s thoughts about this.

  28. 58

    Onward #57
    “Interestingly, my therapist encouraged me to pursue this relationship, saying that it was common for men to dive into a new relationship after a breakup. I’d love to hear EMK’s thoughts about this.”
    Sure, it’s common, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea. Many men think they’re ready before they really are, and they really want to be ready. Most people need time to heal, depending on the length of the relationship, and 4 months isn’t much time. Too bad your therapist wasn’t better acquainted with the signs of a rebound.

  29. 59

    I recently had really nice date with a guy who was about a year divorced. He did seem to mention “the ex” often. Ok, whatever i thought- he even said “I swear I’m not hung up on her” .. After that she still kept coming up in negative way i.e. “the x wouldn’t let me do this or that”.
    The major buzz kill was when I was talking about italian food- my culture – and he said “yea the ex never wanted to eat Italian food”. It was just such a turn off and after a couple days of imagining having to deal with that i told him i didn’t want to date anymore and why. He seemed shocked. I felt bad cuz I know he did like me but I could just tell he hadn’t healed from his divorce and at this point in my dating life (single mom of 10 y/o never married 33) I don’t want to settle for that. I told him I’d be interested after he had some more time. He seemed bummed but was nice. 
    Anyways just venting. Crazy now old this thread is. Great one tho. I’ve read enough advice on this topic to feel confident made the right decision on this one.

  30. 60
    Is it me

    I have a similar problem.  My boyfriend sees his exes once in a while.  There’s one he goes to a late movie with every few months and even though I have expressed my discomfort with this he has made it clear that it’s not going to change.  Also, he has told me that he has continued to have sex with exes after the relationship was over and lastly he brought one up as a candidate for a threesome.  I was pissed off, and I’m questioning our relationship. 

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