12 Rules To Keep A Man

Saw this video on a friend’s Facebook page and wanted to share it with you.

It made me think two things:

1) While we can quibble with the messenger, the message is pretty spot on. Much of it – apart from the appearance stuff – can be read in Why He Disappeared, in fact.

2) I should start making YouTube videos that get 100,000 hits.

What do you think of this guy’s “rules” and are there any with which you disagree?

(By the way, comments that list the equivalent rules for men and what’s wrong with men will be summarily deleted. That’s not the point of this post. —The Management)

Join our conversation (97 Comments).
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  1. 21

    *LOL*   — Love the clapping.

    Most all of it was good, though I could have done without the f’n this and that.

    I don’t shave my putang (can’t we write that here???) and I have a hard time with this guy thinking that is expected.   Trimming is fine, shaving is actually a great way to spread stds and to hurt yourself during that infamous “rough sex.”   Seriously.   Grown adults have pubic hair and he needs to get over it.

    -From Nor Cal and Proud of It!   😉

  2. 22

    Ha! This was entertaining and pretty dead on. Although I would have to say one thing……as far as being open sexually to your man……I wouldn’t recommend crossing any moral boundaries, as this would sabotage the relationship anyway. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with, don’t try to change who you are inside just to please someone, if that is what you feel is necessary than there is someone else out there more compatable! Other than that, it was great 🙂

  3. 23

    LOVED IT……especially “Don’t be talkin’ a f*#king hole in your man’s head.”    Too funny.   

    I liked his non-pretentious delivery —  not-New-Age bone in that motherf*#ker’s body!    Refreshing, actually.

  4. 24

    @ Margo #18,
    You know, good old-fashioned sex isn’t good enough anymore.   We’ve become so de-sensitized as a society that we always have to up the ante.

  5. 25

    @Julianne 16, my guess would be for women NOT to “just happen to show up” at his favorite hangout when he’s with the guys, or on his doorstep (making sure he’s where he said he would be, keeping tabs).   No one likes a stalker, especially one who talks too much and wears nasty ol’ granny panties.   :>

  6. 26

    This was absolutely hysterical!   What an *articulate* guy!   And I think he pretty much has given great advice.   But of course, not as good as your advice, Evan ;D

  7. 27

    dead on…
    and the delivery was great!!!

  8. 28

    Great vid………………………….Thx Evan!

  9. 29

    I’m with Tina, if he can’t speak English without obscenities, I’m not interested! Trashy!

  10. 30

    Funny! Great rules, too!

  11. 31

    Doris @21–Exactly!
    The pornification of regular sex bugs me to no end. I am not a porn star, I don’t want to be a porn star and I’m not going to pretend to be a porn star.
    I think maybe this guy has a problem with his girl picker. Lots of girls are shy/quiet and don’t talk a guy’s ear off (as a girl I can state that it’s equally annoying when the guy won’t stop talking). And girls aren’t the only ones who “pop up.” A guy I’ve recently started dating showed up at my house unexpectedly three times this weekend.

  12. 32

    I’m not sure that being open sexually means that you have to be like a porn star.   But I also think he could be referring to people who won’t do anything beyond plain old missionary.   I mean, he referred to nasty stuff in his video, but there are plenty of people who won’t go beyond missionary style in the bedroom either.   I’ve been shocked by what male friends say they get shot down for requesting…and I’m no wild child.  

    I think that there are a lot of ways to fulfill a man’s fantasies that don’t involve playing a porn star.    Why does everyone’s mind go to the worst possible scenario, or worse yet, perhaps something so heinous that they don’t even really know what it might be, yet are sure that it would be porn-like and degrading?  

    Maybe a man can chime in but I think you guys are assuming that men want sick things when they say be “open,” and that’s not what I assume at all.

    This guy reminds me of Joe Torre…  

    Clearly some of the stuff, like body hair, is a personal preference, but if you’ve ever lived in a college dorm with roommates or a shared bathroom, you’d know that some people, male and female, are “hygenically” challenged in a way that defies reason, so it’s not bad advice. Again, talk to men about the horrors of being with a woman who just isn’t clean…

  13. 33

    Nicole, if you read the comment I’m responding to, it was about shaving; and in the video he clearly and explicitly said that hygeine=shaving your pubic hair.
    This expectation–that a well-groomed woman is nearly hairless everywhere–is well-documented to have come from the popularization of porn following its free availability online. It didn’t come from Venus or Saturn or the ether. Rather, the common availability of images of “hot” women who removed their hair taught (particularly young) men that this was COMMON, when it wasn’t, and they then brought that expectation to their relationships, where girls desperate to “keep their man” complied. If you want to see one accessible example of this kind of research, see “Pornland”:
    all the Ps have been stripped out so it’s a trick to read but it’ll give you the general gist.
    So when I say I’m not going to pretend to be a porn star, that’s what I’m referring to. Why would you assume it had anything to do with the openness thing? I hadn’t even brought that up.

  14. 34

    The sex advice is dicey. Men have that madonna / whore complex. If you’re the doing the nasty, you’re probably not the girl he wants to bring home to mom. As a bottom heavy lady I’m constantly harassed for anal sex. (The begging, bardering, and “accidental” slips.) As I’m sure many of you have also gone through. I no big moral issue against. It’s just not pleasurable. And the threesome issue. What man doesn’t ask for a threesome at some point in the relationship? I know there are some men out there with more conventional interests but given the fast majority of under 40’s have some high expectations how can you find a compromise?

  15. 35

    Great message! Most of these things are easy to do and cost nothing. Women are used to being complimented ALL THE TIME. Men are really taken aback and pleased to be complimented (unless he’s the 10 guy who’s had his tail kissed all his life–in that case he’s probably high maintenance.)

    The hardest item on this list to maintain is weight. I work 65 hours a week on my feet and that’s when the weight came on. But being groomed, made up and smelling great should be something people do anyway! Who wants to be sloppy?

    It took me a long time to learn guys don’t talk like girls. I save the long soul searching chats for girlfriends and give the guys bullet points. He hears what I have to say and I get the important points in.

  16. 36

    The ones that do not agree with this video will not keep a man. PERIOD.  
    He simplified a couple of rules with humor.
    Like he said, men are afraid to be honest because of what is going on now. Some of you are critisizing what a man wants.   
    He said stay groomed and hygentic down there.
    He said be spontaneous and open sexually. Go read some magazines.
    I talk to men all the time and they say they want a woman in the streets and a FREAK in the sheets.
    And any man that is successful and a quality man has MANY options.
    You do not have to do anything, but someone else will.

    This man is telling the truth. I had to google some sexual things to keep things interesting with my man. And it worked.

    Do you want to be cheated on?

  17. 37

    @ Nichole #32,

    If you’ve looked at some of the on-line stuff recently, you’ll know why women are quick to think worst case scenario when it comes to being sexually “open”.     I agree with you, something other than the missionary position, no big deal.   When a guy starts getting into the territory of three or more-somes, whips, chains, handcuffs, etc, or any other wierd stuff you can come up with, that’s over the top.   Obviously, if a woman is into all of that, then more power to her.   I also had a couple of guys insist on talking about how they shaved their nether regions.   When I’m just getting to know you, that is TMI.  

  18. 38
    Karl R

    There seem to be a few places where people are  disagreeing.

    Rule #10: Be sexually open
    I’d say you’re being sexually open if you’re willing to try  new and different things. I don’t expect  anyone  to enjoy every possible thing they try.

    To give an analogy that may be easier to connect with, let’s say you’ve cooked a new recipe. What is your opinion of someone who says, “That sounds disgusting; there’s no way I’m trying that.”  You would have a much different opinion of someone who at least tried it and then decided they didn’t like it. Even if they told you, “I tried that before and I really didn’t like it,” it still would indicate that they were open-minded about trying new things.

    Several months ago, my fiancée and I ended up with a bunch of sex toys as part of a gag. (A gag is a type of joke, for those of you not familiar with the term.) While we wouldn’t have considered buying most of them for  personal use, we decided to try each of them, one at a time, the next several times we had sex.

    We expected that some might be physically uncomfortable. Others were certainly going to take us outside of our mental comfort zone. But we tried them all. For over half, our  criticism was, “It’s really not doing that much for me.” Our favorite ended up being one that we both expected to be physically uncomfortable.

    While I’m not going to suggest that you ought to continue doing something that you find uncomfortable, you might want to consider doing something that’s slightly uncomfortable if it works exceptionally well for your partner.

    As an example of that, a lot of my sex partners have greatly enjoyed having oral sex performed upon them. If a woman doesn’t shave/trim/wax, I will end up with loose hairs in my mouth before I’m finished. (It’s not my favorite sensation.) If the woman trims, I’ll end up getting “stubble-burn” around my mouth. (Again, uncomfortable.) But for a lot of partners, it’s the difference between her having an orgasm or not.

    If the man is regularly doing something that he finds mildly uncomfortable because you enjoy it, how do you think it comes across if you absolutely refuse to do anything you find uncomfortable for his benefit?

    As for moral issues, the bible and Torah are explicit about whom you have sex with … not how you have sex.

    I’m not seeing the correlation between porn and trying new things. Porn is created to be stimulating to a third party who is visually observing … regardless of how ineffective/uncomfortable it  feels  for the actual participants. In real life, you want to try things that feel good for one or both of you … regardless of how visually uninteresting they might  appear.

    But if you’re going to avoid stuff that feels good (in favor of old-fashioned sex) just because it’s “like porn,” to me that smacks of elitist snobbery.

    Rule #7: Stay fresh
    Shaving preferences tend to be culturally based. Either way, you’ll be ruling out some men. If you rule out too many, you’re going to have a harder time dating.

    Rule #9: Don’t talk him to death
    I’ve been friends with a number of shy people. Most of them were quiet until they got to know someone, then they were just as talkative as anyone else. (The exceptions are a minority.)

    If you’re the only person contributing to a “conversation,” then it’s not actually a conversation. You can recognize it when you see it happening with two strangers. The same applies when you’re the one talking. Learn to recognize it then, too.

    This isn’t a matter of him choosing the wrong woman. Nobody likes being talked at for long periods of time.

    Yes, most of these rules  apply to men too. He acknowledged that with several of them. If you’re focused on how men need to do this too, you’re not focused on how they apply to you.

  19. 39

    @Karl #38,

    It smacks of elitist snobbery to you because you disagree with that person’s likes and dislikes.   If it’s not fair to consider a man a perverted freak because of his likes and dislikes, then it’s not fair to consider a woman an elitist snob because of her likes and dislikes.   But that is your opinion and you are entitled to it.   And it also depends on how much you want that man in your life as to what you are willing to do or not do.

  20. 40

    Starthrower, #38

    “And it also depends on how much you want that man in your life as to what you are willing to do or not do.”

    That’s the whole point. The title is “12 Rules to Keep a Man. If you’re not that into him, you’re not going to care to keep him. I think the basic rule to “be open sexually” is a great one. Men and Women need to be open to what their partner may want to try and Karl is suggesting that it may not be the most scary, crazy thing you can think of, but maybe just something different or out of your comfort zone. Being open to at least TRY something may be a pleasant suprise.
    I asked my last boyfriend if he had any fantasies that he wanted to try. He got all sheepish and I thought he was going to suggest something REALLY freaky. He ended up saying he wanted us to have sex outside, on his seadoo the next time we were on the lake.
    He was sheepish because he wasn’t sure how I’d react or if I’d be open to it since we’d never discussed fantasies before. I said, “Hell to the Yeah!” Nothing porn-ish or freaked out, just something new and different and a little risky of being seen. But it was great fun. I’m glad I had asked him and was  open to fulfill that for him/us.


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