Agreed Evan! The most important takeaway here, and where most other women I know make the biggest mistake is to accept reality when you see and cut bait when things pop up YOU KNOW wont’ work out. Do it fast and clean. ie He tells you he is not looking for a serious relationship (believe him and no,your amazing bedroom skills won’t change his mind), he’s a heavy drinker (there is no such thing as “high functioning” alcoholic), he spends most dates talking about himself and doesn’t seem interested in your day or he’s a selfish lover, he makes you split the check on every date. These are not “little quirks”; they are huge red flags. You don’t feel safe, secure, around him. “Butterflies” is another sign of imbalance not love. Your intuition is picking up on something not right;you don’t know where you stand. It’s not a good sign. Don’t let your need to find someone cloud your good judgement. So many women I know divorced or ended long term relationships over issues they saw the couple months of dating. The pain isn’t worth it. When you come from a place of “want” not “need” you make better decisions about men. This comes with age maybe, I did all the things above and paid for it. I’m older and wiser and my “picker” is much smarter these days. You have to get yourself solid first to attract high quality men. Know you are worthy and you do the picking. Better results that way.
2
Melissa
Evan, you are the big brother I wish I had! Xoxo
3
Karen
Evan, So very true! Even though it hurts a lot and it’s hard to hear and get over. He did her a favour so she can see his true colours and can move on and find someone who truly appeciates her.
4
Sally Sayre
Evan you are simultaneously spot on, funny, and empathetic. I have recommended your blog and books to so many women. I think the most amazing and sad truth is that so many of us, despite our many successes and courageous moves, still feel less powerful or powerless around the issue of men and love. We accept much less than we should. I am in the middle of ditching this particular mindset thanks to your blog and books.
5
Gmoney
Finally the guy posts the reality. Any woman, any person out there. The reason there are floods is because you are not your own gate keeper. Ain’t nobody is going to be your gatekeeper but you. If you question your judgement, that means you have to reflect more and ask yourself why are you going after these lost people. These bad people you chase, aren’t bad but they sure are lost. If you can’t accept the simple concept, if you don’t know who you are, surely, you will inevitably be lead blind.
Relationships are great. With the right person, they’re the best but it’s up to you to ask yourself what can you offer to a interdependent relationship? What does that person have to offer? I remember being at a club and I was with my friend. Some stranger decided to hit on us, and the first thing she told him was she was a lawyer. My mouth dropped. I’m like what does this stranger, who is nobody and if he was somebody deserve to know what you do? I asked my friend, “do you want him to know you’re ‘almighty and powerful’ because you went to seven years of school”. Or, do you want this guy to genuinely get to KNOW you? I would never let anyone know what I do for work. A) It’s none of their business. And B) if you’re going to be my friend, then be my friend.
6
Suzanne Rent
Thanks Evan. I am getting better at this, for sure. What happens, of course, is that friends and family think you go through too many men and don’t give them a chance! I think that’s better than wasting your time on someone who was probably wrapped in a giant red flag from the beginning. It also makes you better at spotting the red flags earlier.
7
Carrie
Thanks Evan! That was a beautiful video. Thanks for being brave, putting yourself out there, sharing your content, building your business, and helping a whole lot of people in the process. Sending you big hugs & blessing to you and your family!
8
No Name To Give
Girl, that selfish man ain’t gonna change. And if he does, it’s probably gonna be another woman. Let that ish go and move forward. It’s much better to rip that bandage off quickly.
9
Ilana Orea
Hey Evan! Just wanted to say, thanks again for your amazing, down to earth, realistic and super empowering dating advice. There’s a lot of dating advice for women that focuses on what you attract. I love that you flip that advice on its head with your “It’s not about what you attract, it’s about what you accept”. This video is a reinforcement of what you have said in your book, in your blog, in your coaching advice, but it never hurts to hear it again and again and again! I really appreciate you taking the time to reinforce this message with women (myself included). I’m really sorry that your clients had to go through those negative experiences with those asshole guys but your headline is 10000000% on point. Those men gave those women a blessing to free them up to find a good guy, someone who will treat them right, someone who will honor the idea of monogamy, someone who shares their values. I do come from a religious background so I tend to see God’s hand in moments like that where people are protected from things that ultimately aren’t for their highest good.
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"Dale and I have been together for two and a half years and will be married in 3 months."
You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one "normal" response to love and commitment. I think your insight and perspective is incredibly accurate - you seem to understand the plight/perspective of the working, successful urban woman over 30.
"Your email gave me new motivation to be open to new possibilities that didn't fit in my box."
He makes me feel special, goes out of his way for me, doesn't keep me guessing about whether I'll hear from him, gives me his full attention.
"I have a mature, supportive, satisfying, committed relationship, and I am so happy. "
Regardless of how women want to go about finding the relationship they want and need, you are the one to help them find it... Thank you so much for everything!!
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Agreed Evan! The most important takeaway here, and where most other women I know make the biggest mistake is to accept reality when you see and cut bait when things pop up YOU KNOW wont’ work out. Do it fast and clean. ie He tells you he is not looking for a serious relationship (believe him and no,your amazing bedroom skills won’t change his mind), he’s a heavy drinker (there is no such thing as “high functioning” alcoholic), he spends most dates talking about himself and doesn’t seem interested in your day or he’s a selfish lover, he makes you split the check on every date. These are not “little quirks”; they are huge red flags. You don’t feel safe, secure, around him. “Butterflies” is another sign of imbalance not love. Your intuition is picking up on something not right;you don’t know where you stand. It’s not a good sign. Don’t let your need to find someone cloud your good judgement. So many women I know divorced or ended long term relationships over issues they saw the couple months of dating. The pain isn’t worth it. When you come from a place of “want” not “need” you make better decisions about men. This comes with age maybe, I did all the things above and paid for it. I’m older and wiser and my “picker” is much smarter these days. You have to get yourself solid first to attract high quality men. Know you are worthy and you do the picking. Better results that way.
Evan, you are the big brother I wish I had! Xoxo
Evan, So very true! Even though it hurts a lot and it’s hard to hear and get over. He did her a favour so she can see his true colours and can move on and find someone who truly appeciates her.
Evan you are simultaneously spot on, funny, and empathetic. I have recommended your blog and books to so many women. I think the most amazing and sad truth is that so many of us, despite our many successes and courageous moves, still feel less powerful or powerless around the issue of men and love. We accept much less than we should. I am in the middle of ditching this particular mindset thanks to your blog and books.
Finally the guy posts the reality. Any woman, any person out there. The reason there are floods is because you are not your own gate keeper. Ain’t nobody is going to be your gatekeeper but you. If you question your judgement, that means you have to reflect more and ask yourself why are you going after these lost people. These bad people you chase, aren’t bad but they sure are lost. If you can’t accept the simple concept, if you don’t know who you are, surely, you will inevitably be lead blind.
Relationships are great. With the right person, they’re the best but it’s up to you to ask yourself what can you offer to a interdependent relationship? What does that person have to offer? I remember being at a club and I was with my friend. Some stranger decided to hit on us, and the first thing she told him was she was a lawyer. My mouth dropped. I’m like what does this stranger, who is nobody and if he was somebody deserve to know what you do? I asked my friend, “do you want him to know you’re ‘almighty and powerful’ because you went to seven years of school”. Or, do you want this guy to genuinely get to KNOW you? I would never let anyone know what I do for work. A) It’s none of their business. And B) if you’re going to be my friend, then be my friend.
Thanks Evan. I am getting better at this, for sure. What happens, of course, is that friends and family think you go through too many men and don’t give them a chance! I think that’s better than wasting your time on someone who was probably wrapped in a giant red flag from the beginning. It also makes you better at spotting the red flags earlier.
Thanks Evan! That was a beautiful video. Thanks for being brave, putting yourself out there, sharing your content, building your business, and helping a whole lot of people in the process. Sending you big hugs & blessing to you and your family!
Girl, that selfish man ain’t gonna change. And if he does, it’s probably gonna be another woman. Let that ish go and move forward. It’s much better to rip that bandage off quickly.
Hey Evan! Just wanted to say, thanks again for your amazing, down to earth, realistic and super empowering dating advice. There’s a lot of dating advice for women that focuses on what you attract. I love that you flip that advice on its head with your “It’s not about what you attract, it’s about what you accept”. This video is a reinforcement of what you have said in your book, in your blog, in your coaching advice, but it never hurts to hear it again and again and again! I really appreciate you taking the time to reinforce this message with women (myself included). I’m really sorry that your clients had to go through those negative experiences with those asshole guys but your headline is 10000000% on point. Those men gave those women a blessing to free them up to find a good guy, someone who will treat them right, someone who will honor the idea of monogamy, someone who shares their values. I do come from a religious background so I tend to see God’s hand in moments like that where people are protected from things that ultimately aren’t for their highest good.