DISCOVER HOW SMART, STRONG & SUCCESSFUL WOMEN (THAT'S YOU!) CAN FINALLY Find Your Man

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FINALLY Find Your Man

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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
I met him online almost two years ago. We played the same online game and we began to talk and I had a major crush on him for his deep voice. He lives on the other side of the world so I didn’t anticipate anything more than a crush, but he’s made my life so much better! Over the next 6 months he helped me leave my abusive, alcoholic husband (now ex). He supported me as I made my decision to leave after 9 years of marriage. That was scary! I married when I was 21 and my husband was not a good guy. I’m no angel either of course, but my life has been amazing since I left him. I online dated prolifically in the last year since I’ve left him and had some short, but fun and diverse relationships. Meathead gym bro w/sexy body. Highly intelligent, but emotionally unavailable guy. Rich alpha male, with ego issues.

Anyway, through all this my Swedish guy supported me as I dealt with my own alcoholism and other issues. I’ve been sober longer than I’ve been in 9 years. It’s been a year since I left my ex and this man has saved me in so many ways. He’s my rock and I love him.

We started an official relationship, bf/gf style even though he lives in Sweden and I live in the US. He flew to see me and arrived only a couple days ago. He is much heavier than I thought. The problem is NOT that he’s overweight, it’s that he’s obese
.

That said though, this is the most comfortable relationship I’ve ever been in. He loves me and I love how he explores my body and how sensual he is. I’m not disgusted by his fat, but I don’t know why. I love him and it’s the strangest relationship ever, but it’s so happy. And he’s so smart, confident and somehow…sexy. He turns me on with the way he talks to me and touches me, way more so than my last boyfriend who was a muscled gym bro.

Am I in a weird infatuation stage? Do you think it is infatuation or disillusion that makes me attracted to him? Will it crash and burn? I’m confused. I was married 9 years to a man who didn’t turn me on, though he was a healthy weight.

I don’t care what my friends or family think. I don’t care that we look goofy together because of our size and health difference. Well, in some ways it does bother me, but I’m grown-up enough to ignore those what-will-people-think worries.

I’m aware that if a man were to write this message I would judge him so hard 🙁

Thanks,
Katie

You don’t have a question, Katie.

You have a beautiful story — a tale that’s as old as time, if you will.

I normally don’t provide much validation here — namely because there’s not much to learn from it — but in this case, I wanted to make an exception.

You are a perfect illustration for how real love works. You are a demonstration that, despite how it looks from the outside, if a man makes you feel safe, heard and understood, you can be extremely happy.

You have a beautiful story — a tale that’s as old as time, if you will.

I’m positive some women are reading this right now and rolling their eyes:

“See, this is just more evidence that Evan is asking us to give up on things like looks, attraction and health!”

Except I’m not. Read Katie’s letter. She IS attracted to him. She arrived at this conclusion on her own, without my help.

That said though, this is the most comfortable relationship I’ve ever been in. He loves me and I love how he explores my body and how sensual he is….I love him and it’s the strangest relationship ever, but it’s so happy. And he’s so smart, confident and somehow…sexy. He turns me on with the way he talks to me and touches me, way more so than my last boyfriend who was a muscled gym bro.

But it feels foreign to her. Of course it does. That’s what happens anytime you step outside your comfort zone and date someone who doesn’t meet your preconceived expectations of what it “should” look like (which is generally “you,” but the opposite sex version).

Substitute the word “obese” with “Catholic,” “black,” “blue-collar,” “short,” “older,” “handicapped,” and you can see how millions of people find lasting love with people in different packaging.

The only thing I want to address, Katie is not whether this is infatuation that’s doomed to crash and burn. Most relationships start out white hot and end up cooling to some degree over time.

You are a demonstration that, despite how it looks from the outside, if a man makes you feel safe, heard and understood, you can be extremely happy.

My concern isn’t the weight of your boyfriend.

It’s that he lives in Sweden.

Long-distance relationships are tough. Long-distance relationships that require an intercontinental flight or relocation are tougher. My only close friend who did this fell madly in love with a woman in Europe, proposed to her via Skype, she moved in with him in the U.S. and they were broken up within 2 months.

So enjoy your big, sensual, confident, sexy Swede, but don’t lose sight of the fact that this is the beginning of your relationship and there is a lot to work out before you should start picking out china patterns. Congratulations on falling in love with someone that you wouldn’t have previously considered. I believe in your character and in your ability to make this work. Please, keep us posted.