(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

First of all, thanks for your great questions.

It was touching to see the outpouring of responses and it makes me want to work even harder to take away your pain and frustration about the opposite sex.

It was also somewhat validating, because the one thing that I thought was going to be the most popular question turned out to BE the most popular question.

Here are a few variations:

  • How do you decipher the men that are looking for a real relationship vs. the ones looking for a one-night stand?
  • How can I be sure the man that starts out so strong is a man who wants to build a relationship and not a player?
  • Why didn’t he feel connected with me since he showed signs of being in love?
  • How can I know when to invest and open up and when can I tell he doesn’t have real long term potential?
  • What makes men commit to some women and not others?
  • How do you know when you’ve met the “right” guy?

In short, we’re looking at a pattern that applies to just about every single woman.

“How can I stop wasting time on the wrong men and finally choose a husband?” Believe it or not, there is an answer to this question.

You fall for a guy based on chemistry and common interests.

He makes a great effort to charm you, seduce you, and win you over.

You get your hopes up.

You let down your guard.

You fall in love.

You discover that he is selfish, abusive, unavailable, critical, and unable or unwilling to make a commitment.

This has happened so often that it’s made you want to give up on men altogether.

The problem is that you don’t want to give up.

You don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.

You want to find love.

You want to live happily ever after.

You made this loud and clear in your questions, which can be summed up in one choice phrase:

“How can I stop wasting time on the wrong men and finally choose a husband?”

Believe it or not, there is an answer to this question.

In fact, there are TWO things you need to know to help you choose a husband — and I’ll tell you both of them next week.

In the meantime, I recorded a couple of videos to answer the other main questions from my survey. And I was delighted to discover that your questions corresponded neatly to the way I’ve structured my new coaching course, Love U.

My theory is that skills build on top of skills.

Before a doctor becomes a heart surgeon, she has to take organic chemistry.

Before a lawyer argues before the Supreme Court, she has to go to law school.

While you certainly don’t have to be academically inclined to get married, before we talk about how you can finally choose a husband, it would be valuable to walk through a few of the steps that come before marriage.

  • Confidence
  • Meeting Men
  • Dating
  • Understanding Men
  • Relationships
  • Commitment

These are the 6 modules of my upcoming Love U program.

My theory is that skills build on top of skills.

I am going to answer ONE question from each module before I reveal how to choose your husband next week.

In today’s video, you will learn the answers to the 3 most popular dating questions:

  • Why do I have confidence in every aspect of my life except dating and relationships?
  • How come I never meet any quality men?
  • Why do I always seem to attract guys who treat me poorly?

Juicy stuff, huh?

Click here to watch the video, and, when you’re done, be sure to register for my free “How You Can Stop Wasting Time on the Wrong Men and Finally Choose Your Husband” webinar on Monday, May 18th.

In it, I will tell you the two things you need to do to choose a husband, even more great information about understanding men, and give you an opportunity to learn more about my new coaching program, which has been 5 years in the making.

Can’t wait to hear how this first video helps you out!

Watch the first video now.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


Join our conversation (18 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    Great advice Evan! But where is the line between acting bitchy and acting with confidence. And when do men think you don’t have selfrespect when you as a woman just want to be polite ?

    1. 1.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      They are completely different, Lin. Confidence doesn’t require that you act rude or condescending or arrogant or bitchy. It just means having healthy boundaries, expressing your feelings in a way that isn’t rude or attacking, and walking away from behavior that is unsatisfactory. If you don’t understand the difference between confidence and bitchy, you are probably not operating from a place of genuine confidence.

      1. 1.1.1

        Thank u for the quick reply Evan. I always felt like expressing my feelings made me weak. So behaving condescending/with sarcasm helped me
        and is indeed more like a shield against heartbreak and disappointment. You made me realize with your blog I am doing the opposite. Healthy boundaries are necessary and I need to work on them .

    2. 1.2
      Karmic Equation

      Confident women can make men smile; bitchy women can’t. Making men smile is not at the top of bitchy women’s lists.

  2. 2

    I loved this video. It very clearly encapsulates so many things that I’ve learned from your various blog posts, Evan. Well done.

    I guess, though, I don’t generally fall into the same traps that most of your clients do. I’ve never slept with a guy who wasn’t my boyfriend; I haven’t fallen for the “insta-chemistry” since I was a teen; I have never been cheated on or abused.

    Many men simply aren’t attracted to me and those who are seem to be attracted quickly, whereas I need time to gauge whether or not I feel friendly or romantic towards a guy. By the time I figure it out, they’re generally long-gone. I don’t know how to keep a fellow hanging around and interested in me long enough for me to make up my mind. I wonder if Love U will help those of us with these less common predicaments find our way.

    1. 2.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Yes, Henriette. Love U is designed to be comprehensive, so that any woman can start at the beginning, go through a guided curriculum (like a massive online course) and learn everything there is to know about dating, relationships, and men. Register for the webinar and you’ll see. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done by far and I hope you’ll be a part of it.

    2. 2.2

      Henriette, did you tell these men that you enjoyed spending time with them but you’d prefer to take it slow in the beginning? Based on my experience, the right guy will stick around until you are sure of your feelings for him.

      1. 2.2.1

        Thanks for your thoughtful response, @J (and, of course, yours too, Evan). I don’t tell them that I’m taking this slow bc I feel like I would be implying that I’m “in” and that we have something together that I want to take slowly. That if, after 5 dates, I say “sorry, I don’t seem to be developing feelings for you,” he’ll feel like I lied to him; I wasn’t taking things slow, I just never liked him.

        However, I do realise I tend to overthink these things. Maybe I should just say that, as you suggest, and hope that the guys will understand what I mean.

  3. 3

    Great video! The timing for the webinar doesn’t work for me unfortunately, but I eagerly await Part 2 of the video. I think I’m guilty of #3, the chemistry trap. I am torn between not having the relationship I want (not looking to get married, but I want better communication) and my fear that I will not find another guy that has everything else I want (other than good communication between dates).

    1. 3.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Lauren, register for the webinar, so you can listen to an encore presentation. It’s some of my favorite stuff and I hope to see your name there…

      1. 3.1.1

        Signed up and will wait for the reprise. #4 in the new video really resonated. Because I fear getting hurt, I tend to look for red flags.

      2. 3.1.2

        I signed up too, will wait for the encore presentation. 🙂 I’m glad there is one as I was very disappointed to find I couldn’t make it for the first presentation, it clashed with something else I absolutely couldn’t skip.

  4. 4

    Evan- I really like your work. I recently met someone who I wasn’t sure of on our first date. I asked her on a second date and still wasn’t sure. The third date was about the same. But the 4th date, things started to develop and we had our 5th date recently and I’m really starting to like her a lot. It’s going slow but it feels right. Before reading you, i probably would have bailed after the 3rd date, if it even got that far. But I’m glad I stayed with it. And things are going the way you described they should (and it’s different than I’ve operated in the past and it feels strange but right, if that makes sense). I’m being much more present and aware than I used to be and it feels so much better. I’m controlling my excitement about the situation and reading how she mirrors back. I just thought I’d take the opportunity to let you and the others know that your advice is good stuff. Glad I found your site. Thanks.

    1. 4.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Wonderful to hear. Says a lot about you that you hang out on a blog geared for women to see what you can take away. Thanks for being a regular reader and poster. Good luck with your new relationship.

    2. 4.2

      It’s refreshing to read this , with so many people geared towards instant gratification. I tend to overdo it as far as giving guys a chance, but I no longer doubt or worry I cut things off too soon for shallow reasons. I’m remaining one to the guys I will date, and open to letting something simmer and develop.

      1. 4.2.1

        “Open to the guys I date”, rather than “one”

  5. 5

    I finally managed to watch the videos; it didn’t load on my Google Chrome browser, but with Firefox the videos worked fine.

    And I Loved the 6 tips, although some was just a reminder of stuff from WHD. Every woman in the dating world should watch! Dating is still tricky though, even when u try to have the right attitude and mental frameworks. Especially when u date a guy who seems like a borderline case–a great bf in most ways, but there are little nagging issues and u can’t decide if those are dealbreakers or not.

    Thank you for your great advice and sincerity.

  6. 6

    I think it has to do with learning from your past mistakes to know what you really want and not be willing to put up with the poor behavior. When you are not acting with fear you aren’t afraid to ask the questions that lead to the answers you need to determine whether he is right for you neither are you afraid of the answers as in you are prepared to walk away

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