(Video) The Secret to Getting a Man To Love You

The Secret to Getting a Man To Love You

We may disagree on a lot, but I hope we can agree on this:

The most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.”

Believe me, I understand the appeal of black and white thinking.

It’s simpler. It’s cleaner. You don’t have to understand anyone else’s feelings. All you know is if someone disagrees with you, he’s WRONG.

The problem, of course, is that black and white thinking creates friction out in the real world, where there are a lot of bright, ethical people with different worldviews.

If your needs are excessive, you may unintentionally come across as “needy” — which is usually unattractive and draining.

I was thinking about this when I was making the Need vs. Needy video that I shared with you a couple of days ago.

I was well aware that I could potentially offend some black and white thinkers, but it was too important to me to present a more nuanced view about the concept of need.

In short, everyone has needs.

If your needs are excessive, you may unintentionally come across as “needy” — which is usually unattractive and draining.

Thus, the most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.” Being vulnerable allows you to share your thoughts and feelings openly without driving men away.

Since you value vulnerability in men — as opposed to weak men or standoffish men – it’s important to recognize that men value vulnerability, too.

Once you start leading with trust, authenticity, and vulnerability, you will attract more men, connect with more men, and be able to find a boyfriend fast.

There’s only one problem about finding a boyfriend fast.

You have no idea where your story is going to end up.

Once you start leading with trust, authenticity, and vulnerability, you will attract more men, connect with more men, and be able to find a boyfriend fast.

It’s not that hard to find a guy who’s willing to sleep with you regularly under the guise of being a “boyfriend.”

It is much harder to find a guy who treats you consistently well over the long haul.

That’s why I’ve made another video that addresses some of the most timeless questions you have when you’re dating someone seriously.

What is my boyfriend thinking?

How can I make my boyfriend want to commit to me?

I refuse to settle on the wrong man, but why is it so hard to find the right one?

Where my first video covered Confidence, Meeting Men and Dating, this one talks about what happens AFTER you finally meet a great guy.

Understanding Men. Relationships. Commitment.

If you’ve found all three of those hard to come by, I can’t wait to show you how to turn your love life around right now.

To experience the joy of having a cute guy find you wildly attractive…

To have a partner who does what he says and says what he means…

To relax around the man who makes you feel safe, heard and understood…

If you want to turn the corner on the failures of your past, click here to watch my 2nd video.

When you’re done, please, share your takeaways in the comments section, and register for my free webinar, “How You Can Stop Wasting Time on the Wrong Men and Finally Choose Your Husband” on Monday, June 6th at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern.

This is a life-changing event — with some extremely powerful advice on confidence – that will give you all the tools you need to find the man of your dreams — in just 90 minutes.

No more loneliness. No more frustration. No more embarrassment. No more anxiety.

Soon, you will feel happy and connected, knowing you are loved by a man who is singularly devoted to making your life better every day.

Enjoy the video! And don’t forget to register for next free Monday’s HUGE event! (2000 women max)

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


P.S. Zoe finally learned to understand men. Here is the result:

Before Evan, I thought that if I had a great date with a guy, then it meant that he wanted me in his life. I thought that if there was immediate chemistry and attraction and good conversation, then we were meant to be together. I thought that it was perfectly all right for me to remind a man that I existed in between dates, by texting, calling, emailing, and checking up on him via the dating website. I thought that the best way to be happy in a relationship was to keep the man on a short leash. Unfortunately, none of these beliefs were getting me the sort of results I wanted in my dating life. It had been over a decade since my last satisfying relationship and I had nearly resigned myself to being alone and unhappy for the rest of my life.

From listening to Evan, I learned that men will do what they want to do and my nagging, complaining, and harping will not get him to change his mind or his behavior. What it will do is create distance and cause him to feel unsafe/unhappy around me, leading to his withdrawal. I learned that when a man is really into you, he’ll be thinking about you, calling you, eager to see you again, and generally keeping well in touch in between dates. He’ll be interested to learn more about you, as a person. Even though he’s anxious for it, he’ll wait for sex. He’ll respond to appreciation and acceptance. He’s not commitmentphobic.

I have to say that I am in the most satisfying relationship I have ever had and I owe it all to Evan’s coaching. I have been challenged to examine my beliefs about relationships and about men and about myself. I have been urged to step up my communication and meet my man at the level of honesty that he is proposing. I have been gently reproved. I am in an exclusive relationship with a man who is always happy to see me, who treats me like a lady, and who welcomes me into every aspect of his life, unreservedly. He tells everyone how happy he is with me. I feel completely accepted by him and I look forward to more time with him.

Zoe F.

You want a man who tells everyone how happy he is with you?

This is how you get him.

Join our conversation (34 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    I clicked on the link but it just brought me to the register page, there was no video to see. 🙁

    1. 1.2

      I’m having the same issue…. I did sign-up for the webinar though!

      1. 1.2.1

        I’m having the same issue. I am running Safari 7.1.6 .

  2. 2

    Safari Version 7.1.5 on my iMac.

  3. 3
    Evan Marc Katz

    Shared it with my tech team.

    I’m always amazed that I can get 200 comments for answering a question about some guy who cheats, but when I take the time to make a nice fancy video, all I hear are crickets.

    Anyone watch the video and get something out of it? 🙂

    1. 3.1

      It’s hard to watch a video at work (lol!).

    2. 3.2

      I’ll watch it when I get home, Evan!   They’d probably frown on me improving my love life at work.   🙂

    3. 3.3

      Thank you for the video, Evan, I watched both segments and posted a comment there afterward, plus I signed up for Monday’s webinar.   I had plans but will postpone them – I NEED to hear this.   Thank you in advance.

  4. 4
    Karmic Equation

    I like watching your videos, Evan. You’re cute and so expressive.

    As for the videos themselves, they reinforce what I already know. Perhaps you could put all your videos in one place on this blog? Would be so much easier for newbies visiting the site.

    They’re great tips and reinforce what you’ve been saying all along in a concise way.

    Can’t wait to see the 3rd video. I may not comment, but I will definitely watch it 🙂

    1. 4.1
      Evan Marc Katz


      I am putting all my videos into one place. It’s called Love U, and it’s launching Monday night.

  5. 5

    Hmmm when I tried to open it, it brought me to your first video?? I tried several times so perhaps there is a glitch somewhere….although I am not the most computer saavy person 🙂

  6. 6

    Absolutely! I’m always dialed in Evan, just because I don’t respond every time doesn’t mean I’m not listening and learning. I’ve learned so much from following your blog. Faithful listener since 2008.

  7. 7

    I love the reminder that a boyfriend actually wants to make his girlfriend happy. It’s so easy to misconstrue what someone says or does, especially in the early days, as him not giving a hoot whereas he probably just doesn’t know how some of his behaviours are interpreted. And, of course, if he actually doesn’t care about his girlfriend’s happiness, then that’s not a sign to whine, get angry or make a fuss; it’s just time to leave.

  8. 8

    Hi Evan,

    I can hear the audio of your video but cannot see anything. I’m using Firefox 36.0.1 on a Mac.

    Otherwise great stuff as usual! Love hearing what you have to say. 🙂

  9. 9
    Maggie K

    Hi Evan, I am also unable to view the video. The link leads to a screen that shows the title and share buttons and then links to register for the webinar. I’m on Mac, have tried both Safari and Chrome but getting the same screen. Hope to view the video soon! Thanks.

  10. 10

    I think that one of the best pieces of advice you’ve ever given–and that you reiterate on this video–is that men take it hard when we voice our unhappiness. It seems that we girls always want to air our grievances and point out every little facet of our dissatisfaction. I’ve been reflecting on past relationships and can’t think of a single time that a boyfriend has complained about me being a bad girlfriend. I don’t know if men just don’t communicate when they’re disappointed or if they tend to accept that nobody’s perfect and take a more stoic stance, but the typical man and the typical woman handle hurt feelings and unmet expectations very differently. I’ve learned the hard way, through escalating frustration and ultimately breakups, that trying to correct a guy doesn’t get you anywhere. The hard part is knowing what to accept from an otherwise good man and what to walk away from.

    1. 10.1

      Such a great point, Rachel. Whatever cannot be accepted or gently talked over, needs to be walked away from.

    2. 10.2

      The hard part is knowing what to accept from an otherwise good man and what to walk away from.

      EXACTLY so.   I’m finding that’s the hardest part.   The other hard part is knowing how to sound vulnerable without sounding whiny or needy.   I just don’t know how to express myself without getting emotional, and it drives me crazy to do it.   I don’t know if I’M the problem, or if he is.   And that’s why I tend to stay longer than I should in an unfulfilling relationship.   Hoping that Monday’s webinar will make more sense of the “vulnerability” issue.

      1. 10.2.1

        Well RATS – my computer crashed and my response wasn’t posted so I tried to reconstruct it, and voila, now there are two.   Sorry Evan, feel free to delete one of them.

    3. 10.3

      The hard part is knowing what to accept from an otherwise good man and what to walk away from.

      EXACTLY so, Rachel.   In fact, that’s the hardest part for me along with knowing what “vulnerable” sounds like without sounding whiny or needy.   Because when I try to be “vulnerable,” I get too emotional and it makes me crazy.   And him too.   I would love to know what being vulnerable sounds like, right down to a pretend script.   I’m hoping Monday’s webinar will shed some light because I think that’s my biggest weakness and is why I tend to stay in unfulfilling relationships longer than I should.

  11. 11

    ” I learned that men will do what they want to do and my nagging, complaining, and harping will not get him to change his mind or his behavior. ”

    i know that basically this is the idea of the whole Evan’s coaching…

    But really, how do you know if it’s red flag if he doesnt want to meet your parents? After 1,5 years together….? if you cant really make him do this?? And nag about it….

    When it’s three years passed and you’re not married, i have met only one advice: leave him, he will feel he cant live without you and will arrive with the RING!

    Isnt this making him do what he doesnt want to ? Ultimatum?

    1. 11.1

      Don’t get to excited, he probably can live without you cause he doens’t change his behaviour even after you told him it upsets you,
      so you wont see any ring either…

    2. 11.2

      Are you serious? He is not going to come back with the ring and I can bet he has another woman or life. Save your time and dignity and just leave him.

  12. 12

    I stumbled on this page. And I am having a different problem. I have no problem listening to this advice, etc. But I just still can’t convince myself why I should want someone to commit to me. To be honest, I am fine without it. I am actually 35 year old female. I am happy to be single. Everyone says that I should find a husband and commit. It’s a   tremendous pressure. But I just don’t see why I should do it. I have been single for the past 10 years. And it seems good. I don’t need intimacy or extra paycheck. I don’t need sex either. So whats the point? Of course I can’t sustain any relationship, because I just can’t make up my mind. :-/But to be honest, I always feel relief when its over and I go out to celebrate. And sometimes I wonder if I am crazy, because I should want a person next to me.

    1. 12.1
      Isobel Matheson

      You are not crazy.

      I, too, do not feel the need for A.N.Other in my life. But, it took two marriages and a long term relationship before I finally realised. I gave in to friends and family telling me not to be ‘bitter’ after my 1st divorce when I said I was OK solo. I told myself that the right one is out there and I’d find him, and kissed a helluva lot of frogs before I came to the conclusion I don’t want to make time for someone else.

      Since then, I have grown in confidence, got a full and interesting diary, have no money crises, loads of friends and hobbies, get plenty of quiet time, and sleep like a baby in my big bed. I honestly can’t imagine what kind of man would make me give up one minute of my enjoyable life.

      Don’t give in to the social pressures to couple up. Do what you want with your life, and enjoy it.

  13. 13
    Still learning

    Very good video – it’s a good reminder that WE are actually in control of our life.

    It is OUR decision on how to behave with or without confidence, to put in the effort to meet someone, and what we decide to accept in a relationship.

    Good to hear it from a male’s perspective.


  14. 14
    Taylor Jacobson

    Great advice Evan. I’m a man who works with a lot of women on relationships and have learned a lot here.

    P.S. Go Blue Devils 🙂

    1. 14.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Why, thank you! I don’t get much Duke love, as you can imagine…

      1. 14.1.1
        Taylor Jacobson

        Absolutely, keep it up.

  15. 15

    Thanks for your free content, Evan. I watch them.   🙂

    I often know what a man is thinking.   I just don’t always like what I know! LOL.

    1. 15.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I think that might be the best response I’ve seen yet. I don’t say/write these things to make me look good. I write them because I am somewhat of a representative sample of one breed of smart, strong, successful, ethical, monogamous man…and I personally wouldn’t go on a fourth date with someone who thought that stopping at first base was a suitable option. I’m sure I’m not alone.

      Men don’t need to get laid on the first date. They need to know that there is attraction, excitement, possibility, progress. Take this away from him and, well, he might as well be your client, taking you out to a business dinner.

  16. 16
    Not Jerry

    Interesting video.

    And your video platform is absolutely outstanding. Very smooth. As good as it gets, I’d say.

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