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I was a comedy writer in my 20’s. 11 screenplays. 15 sitcom specs. Agents. Managers. Meetings at every studio and network. Warner Brothers Writers Workshop. Project Greenlight. UCLA Film School. I pretty much did everything one could do in Hollywood without making a living. And while I am much happier as a dating coach  than when I was a penniless screenwriter, every time I read something funny that sounds like something I could  have written, I get a twinge of envy.

This is one of those times.  

Entitled “If People Had Honest First Date Conversations,” it requires no further introduction. If you’ve been on some bad first dates (and I’m betting you have), you will find this piece both true and entertaining, which, to me, is the hallmark of first-rate comedy.

A small excerpt (as told by the woman author):

Me: By the way, what are you looking for?

Him: Well I sure as hell don’t want to be in a relationship. I just want someone I can fuck, who’s cool with me fucking other people.

Me: So you can avoid your feelings by keeping things on the surface?

Him: Yup. You cool with that?

Me: Well, I really like you, so I’ll say I’m cool with that, because I believe that I can change your mind by proving how fun and entertaining and worthy of your love I am.

Him: That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. But you’ll still fuck me, right?

Me: Oh, yeah, totally.

Click here to read the whole thing and let me know in the comments section which line you found to be the most embarrassingly accurate.