Is Fear Keeping You From Finding a Relationship?

Is Fear Keeping You From Finding a Relationship?

I’ll admit: I don’t read much dating advice. It’s not that I’m above it, but since I’m a busy married guy who writes his own dating advice, reading others’ takes on dating is pretty low on my priority list. But when an article popped up on my Facebook newsfeed that was called “The 12 Reasons You’re Afraid to Get Into A Relationship (And Why You Should Just Chill)”, I clicked through.

I quickly learned that author Lauren Passell and I are kindred spirits. Tell the truth with humor and let the chips fall where they may.

Most people don’t identify themselves as “afraid” of finding a relationship. They couch their singledom in other terms so that it doesn’t sound like a cop-out.

“I’m taking a break from dating right now.”
“I’m really busy with my career.”
“I don’t know too many happily married people.”
“I really like my independence.”

It’s not that these stories are definitively untrue; it’s that they don’t come close to telling the full story.

Most people don’t identify themselves as “afraid” of finding a relationship.

Which is that you use all of these examples to justify why you choose not to be vulnerable and partner up with someone – and sure enough, you never partner up with someone. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Fact is, if you want to fall in love, it’s there for the taking. Whether you’re afraid of heartbreak, afraid of intimacy, or afraid of compromise, you can stay single for the rest of your life, and that’s cool by me.

But you know what’s cooler? Sharing yourself fully with another human being and building a life together. And if you let your fear make all your decisions, you’ll never see the beauty of being truly in love.

Click here to read the article here and let me know what fear is making your decisions for you right now.

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  1. 61

    I’ve been in love before a few times, and they “all” ended in heartbreak. So I’m afraid of getting attached to someone, for fear of getting hurt again. I’m 45 years old, with no kids and not a bad looking guy…. I have realized though, that being single, is not as scary as people think. As long as you can still date the opposite sex here and there, without any commitments I don’t see it as a bad thing. Now if you’re a loner with no friends, and lives somewhere near the woods or in a secluded area, I can see that, as being a depressing thing.

  2. 62

    Thanks for bringing this important issue to light, Evan. Fear is a huge issue in the dating world. In fact, I wrote a piece about my own experiences with women who avoid relationships out of fear of being hurt or disappointed. Check it out at: Your comments are welcome.

    Best wishes,


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