Are Marriages Better or Worse Than They Used to Be?

Are Marriages Better or Worse Than They Used to Be

Great insight from Eli Finkel, professor at Northwestern, courtesy of the New York Times:

“Perhaps the most striking thing I learned is that the answer to whether today’s marriages are better or worse is “both”: The average marriage today is weaker than the average marriage of yore, in terms of both satisfaction and divorce rate, but the best marriages today are much stronger, in terms of both satisfaction and personal well-being, than the best marriages of yore.”

This backs up what I’ve observed, and explains why I remain a marriage and relationship optimist. While there are many people who are opting out of marriage out of fear, and many people who continue to choose unhealthy partners, the benefits of a happy marriage remain self-evident.

Two people working 50 hours a week, who are committed to being great parents, sharing in the household duties, and maintaining separate friends and hobbies have a lot less time for their MARRIAGE than ever before.

“In addition to showing that marital quality uniformly predicts better personal well-being (unsurprisingly, happier marriages make happier people), the analysis revealed that this effect has become much stronger over time. The gap between the benefits of good and mediocre marriages has increased.”

Finkel talks about how our marriage needs have changed, per Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Before 1850, marriage was institutional. It was just what people did for stability and survival. Between 1850 and 1965, marriage was companionate – old gender roles were still in place, but love played a greater factor. However, since 1965, “we have been living in the era of the self-expressive marriage. Americans now look to marriage increasingly for self-discovery, self-esteem and personal growth..”

Due to societal changes, feminism, and self-awareness, people have become busier, choosier, and less likely to be satisfied with a partner. All of which makes marriage a dicier proposition than it ever has been before.

“Relative to Americans in 1975, Americans in 2003 spent much less time alone with their spouses. Among spouses without children, weekly spousal time declined to 26 hours per week from 35 hours, and much of this decline resulted from an increase in hours spent at work. Among spouses with children at home, spousal time declined to 9 hours per week from 13, and much of this decline resulted from an increase in time-intensive parenting.”

As always, you have two choices. Spend your time on work, hobbies and interests and wonder why you have no time for a relationship. Or give more time to your relationship.

Yep, that sounds about right. Two people working 50 hours a week, who are committed to being great parents, sharing in the household duties, and maintaining separate friends and hobbies have a lot less time for their MARRIAGE than ever before.

Finally, Finkel nails the prescription for what ails us.

“First and foremost, couples can choose to invest more time and energy in their marriage, perhaps by altering how they use whatever shared leisure time is available. But if couples lack the time and energy, they might consider adjusting their expectations, perhaps by focusing on cultivating an affectionate bond without trying to facilitate each other’s self-actualization.”

As always, you have two choices.

Spend your time on work, hobbies and interests and wonder why you have no time for a relationship. Or give more time to your relationship.

Expect your partner to be your best friend, lover, partner in crime, soulmate, hero and champion all wrapped in one. Or accept that he may not be the living embodiment of perfection, but he can still be a hell of a husband.

What are you going to do?

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Karmic Equation

    Expect your partner to be your best friend, lover, partner in crime, soulmate, hero and champion all wrapped in one. Or accept that he may not be the living embodiment of perfection, but he can still be a hell of a husband.”

    Perfectly stated, Evan. I couldn’t agree with you more.

    None of my significant others, including my ex-husband, have ever been my best friend. I already had one of those. My SO’s were 2-4 out of the list of: lover, partner in crime, hero, champion. I was happy in all those relationships until we grew apart. They were all (maybe with the exception of the walking red-flag bf) good guys: commitment oriented, wouldn’t dream of cheating, treated me well.
     
    Part of my contentment with my S.O.s was that I didn’t expect them to be all things to me. They had good character, they treated me well, they were supportive of my hobbies, they loved animals. That’s about it on my checklist.
     
    Current bf is everything except my best friend. I don’t expect that to change. And that is ok.
     
    I ascribe to the theory in “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel that “total intimacy” kills attraction. Therefore, having a best friend who is separate from my lover is ideal to keep BOTH relationships healthy and strong.
     
     
    I don’t need my bf to be my best friend…but I know that my bf needs me to be HIS best friend, though: the person he confides his fears to; the person he trusts to have his back; the person he counts on to support his dreams. As long as I’m his best friend, our relationship will remain strong and necessary to HIM. And that’s what I want. That’s what he needs. Easy-peasy because he is a really good guy. And sexy as heck. lol

    He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But we feel pretty perfect together. 

    1. 1.1
      kevin

      This post by karmic equation is the embodiment of the complaint from the manosphere and mgtow…explain the part where u talk about” growing apart”

      1. 1.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        “Growing apart” meant a few different things to me, kevin.
         
        My first boyfriend when I was 20 (yup I was a late bloomer) — I was with for about 4 years. That’s really too young for us to start planning a future. We broke up after I moved into an apartment close to where he lived (with his parents) and he hemmed an hawed about moving in together. I took his hemming and hawing to mean he didn’t see me in his future. I took that in stride, but that was the beginning on of the end for us. That happened in about year 3 of our relationship and I called it quits in year 4. During that time I started distancing myself from him. While I was sad our relationship ended, I felt it was for the best.
         
        I was with my exhusband for 11 years, 9 married, 2 engaged. We got unofficially engaged in week 6 of our relationship and officially (with the ring) in month 5 our our relationship. During the two years of our engagement, I had what I thought was “cold feet” twice and actually threw the ring at him the once. I say “thought” I had cold feet because I poohed poohed my fear of long-term commitment as cold feet (a valid fear) — but in hind-sight, I should have realized I’m not the kind of person to get cold feet and should have stopped and analyzed my misgivings then. I fell in love with him because I always felt that I was a “selfish” person and I thought he was self-less (a complement to me in that respect) — additionally, he was a saver, while I was living paycheck to paycheck — I respected his ability to save and thought it was a quality I needed to learn. During those two years while we were engaged, I started to feel that he was not selfless as I had thought, practical, but not selfless. In fact, he was a bit narcissistic actually, not in a very bad way, but enough that I found “noticeable”–and after 9 years of marriage, I found it to be annoying in a way I couldn’t accept anymore. As well, his “saver” mentality had an edge of miserliness to it. And after 9 years, that also grew into something I couldn’t accept anymore. Not that he was “more” narcissistic or more miserly as the years passed, but that year after year of trying to tolerate his narcissism and miserliness got to be too much to bear. Think of it as every event of narcissism or miserliness was a pound and after 9 years, those “pounds” added up to tons.
         
        An example of miserliness — I love getting flowers and I told him so — and I also told him I really like ARRANGED flowers (because I’m so bad at arranging them) — he would buy me flowers and then expect me to arrange them. So even once a year (on Valentine’s day or my birthday) — it would have meant A LOT to me for him to either arranged flowers sent to my work or at least buy the flowers and arrange them himself — and he couldn’t spend either the $70 or his time to do that. To me doing this one thing once a year for me wasn’t too much to ask. We could afford it. But he wouldn’t do it because he just didn’t see the “value” of spending $70 for arranged roses when he could buy a dozen for $12 from the street vendor and have ME arrange them. 
         
        But the nail in the coffin of our marriage wasn’t even that. It was something that was really beyond our control. I came off the pill in year 5 of our marriage. We tried for about 6 months to make a baby. What should have been a fun time turned into a monotonous chore for me. Partially because making a baby on a schedule is pretty unromantic LOL and mostly because I now realize that his “smell” was unattractive to me, which the Pill masked until I came off it. (I saw a show about this) — Basically people are either produce alkaline or acidic sweat and, immunologically, alkali people tend to be more attracted to acidic people and vice versa because this would create better babies, because they are complementary immunologically. And alkali and acidic people have different smells. I never noticed his smell, particularly after the gym, when I was on the pill. But after I came off the pill, I HATED his smell. I remembered this when I saw that show about alkali/acidic attraction. And this made complete sense to me, because after we tried getting pregnant and was unsuccessful — I stayed off the pill and we pretty much stopped having sex, because I didn’t want to have it with him.
         
        Contrast that to the men I’ve found attractive since, I either loved their smell or didn’t notice their smell. And the one guy that I was super attracted to, well, he did steroids when he was younger and still occasionally did them. I was off the charts attracted to that extra testosterone in him.
         
        Sorry for the long answer. 
         
        But the growing apart of those two relationships, specifically, was natural, imo. I don’t think it’s something either my partner or myself could have prevented.
         
        The saving grace of my divorce was that we didn’t have children and I earned good money myself and didn’t feel any need to make him a pauper, because I was the one who wanted out of the marriage through no fault of his.
         
        I could see how if he had cheated or had initiated the divorce counter to my desires, that maybe I would have tried to take him to the cleaners instead of being reasonable. He walked away with more assets from our divorce than I did, because I knew he valued money more than I did and I wanted to just end the marriage without bitterness on either side. We remain friends. Not close friends, but there is zero enmity between us.

        1. McLovin

          I hope all you men out in lurker land are reading this post and simultaneously deciding to never, ever get married.

        2. Clare

          Karmic,

          Sorry, I’m actually a fan of your posts but I found your point about the flowers to be very nitpicking. Do you know how many women are longing, at this moment, to get any flowers at all from their man? Men really don’t have a clue what the difference is between arranged flowers and non-arranged flowers, and they don’t see the point in buying them in the first place, but they do it because it makes us happy. If it had been me, I’d have smiled and thanked him SO much. Just a thought.

        3. Karmic Equation

          Hi Clare,

          I smiled and thanked him and arranged them.

          He never knew I was not happy about them.

          But I was unhappy.

          Contrast that to the bf I had after him to whom I only mentioned once I liked to get arranged flowers or have someone else arrange them (i.e., him!) — and he either bought me arranged flowers or bought flowers and arranged them himself. And I loved them even if they weren’t perfectly arranged. I always told him that they looked perfect, because they did to me because he listened to me and actually put in effort that was a small inconvenience to him but meant the world of difference to me.

          This was a recurring issue with my ex. He would be happy to do things for me, as long as it didn’t consider it an inconvenience or no value to him. And if he found something valuable, he didn’t care whom he inconvenienced. We owned a funky 5-bedroom 2-story L-shaped house with no attic. We looked into putting in central air. The HVAC people came and explained to us that they would likely have to put in two units and route duct work through the floors to install central AC. As soon as I heard that I told my husband, that sounds like a lot of money (and knowing him — I knew he wouldn’t want to have all that construction) so we should thank the HVAC folks for coming and let them get out. But no, my husband wanted a quote. And these 2 guys spent 2 hours measuring EVERY ROOM (about 13 rooms total) and we never installed the central air. Wasted their time. If it was only a 1/2 hour, of those guys’ time, I would have been fine. But 2 hours for a job I knew (and they knew) would never come their way? It was very inconsiderate. When the guys left, all I said was “You knew we weren’t going to do it. So why waste their time?” He replied, “I wanted to know how much it would cost. It’s their job.”

          To him, HIS time was always money, but other people’s time wasn’t worth anything. Sometimes this kind of stuff just adds up, particularly if there’s a pattern. And there was.

          He was a good-hearted guy. But very self-centered (for all intents and purposes he was an only child. His siblings were 16 years older than him and his mother raised him like an only child. She was supermom. I loved her.). He never ever did things to intentionally hurt anyone, but his inconsiderateness was not easy to tolerate over time.

        4. Karmic Equation

          @McLovin,

          It’s clear you’ve been burnt in at least one previous relationship. It’s clear you’ve never been loved in a way that makes you feel kindly towards women. That’s sad.

          Life happens. People change. People grow apart. People can also grow together. Luck plays a huge part in which direction the relationship goes. My bff (straight male) — his parents met when they were teens. They celebrated their 50th anniversary a few years before he passed away. They were devoted to each other. My bff thought he married a woman like the one his dad married 🙂 As a human being she is. But compatibility-wise not so much. They’re still married because he doesn’t want to lose immediate access to their children and their marriage has become “cordial” instead of tense.

          Sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together. When marriage was invented “Til death do us part” covered probably 10 years before either disease or accident took the life of a spouse. With the advent of modern medicine, “Til death do us part” can span well beyond 40 years.

          It’s my opinion that most relationships have a shelf-life of about 10 years, correlating to the original timeframe of “Til death do us part” was intended to cover.

          So if any of your relationships went at least to the 10 year mark, you did good. If they went well beyond 10 years, then you were lucky. If you grew apart, that’s to be expected. The world changes at a much faster pace now than in our parents’ time.

          As for marriage, it was created to give (religious) men power. Once upon a time the Pope had to sanction the marriages of kings. And marriage nowadays is more useful for tax purposes and for certain government benefits than for “love”. You don’t even need to be married to have children nowadays. Wills cover inheritances, so there is no distinction between legitimate and illegitimate offspring.

          I would agree that people no longer need to get married, particularly if they don’t want children. If a couple wants to have children, then marriage is still the way to go, for tax purposes, as well as for the good of the children.

          But don’t go telling people not to marry because they can grow apart eventually. Better to tell folks to not take marriage lightly. Don’t marry “just” for love. Love is not enough for a life-contract that could last more than 40 years.

        5. Clare

          Hi Karmic

          Ok, I think I understand your situation a bit better now. Lack of consideration and miserliness with time and money can bleed over into other areas of your relationship and life together, and can certainly wear on you. Although you don’t have to justify your reasons for leaving him to anyone – I thought that if it was just the flowers that would have been something I could let go!

          I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy and considers you in this way – although I still don’t get the arranged flowers thing!

        6. Karmic Equation

          Call it a quirk of mine. I’d rather get no flowers than flowers I have to arrange myself. If someone else arranges them, even if they’re lopsided and weirdly arranged, I still love them. And even if I arrange them perfectly myself (which I have yet to do) — I’m just unhappy having to do so. There’s probably some symbolism in all this I’m missing 🙂

          But it’s a really easy problem to solve if a guy is dating me. I’m perfectly ok with not getting any flowers ever. But if he gets them, they just have to be arranged, whether by him or the florist 🙂

    2. 1.2
      JJ

      not to pry but am curious why if such great guys why none worked out? I mean no disrespect

      1. 1.2.1
        Karmic Equation

        None taken, JJ.

        The guys were GOOD men. Marryable men. With the exception of one, I believe that none of my former SO’s would ever dream of cheating.

        I loved them all.

        But that doesn’t mean we were compatible for a lifetime.

        The one guy that I would have been happy with for a lifetime, he “decided” (although it can be argued that it wasn’t a decision) that drinking was more important than me. He didn’t want to fight his addiction to alcohol. And he wouldn’g seek help. I had to end it or become co-dependent.

        Now my current bf is someone who’s responsible, doesn’t drink (he used to but has been sober for over 20 yrs), works hard, is kind, relationship-oriented — an anachronism really — he’s a guy who only has relationship-sex.

        The irony. The one woman on this board who can have NSA sex without qualms finds herself a relationship-sex-only guy. I’m not complaining. LOL God has a sense of humor 😀

        From the morning after the night we first slept together, he calls a few times a day to say hi. Calls again to see what “we’re” doing for dinner. Is honest and authentic with me in every way. But he’s not needy or desperate. It’s just the way he believes he should treat a woman he’s with. A week after we first slept together was my birthday. I had taken the day off from work just because. He works for himself. He took the day off and spent it with me doing whatever I wanted, mostly eat (I’m a foodie), then shoot pool with friends 🙂 Then about two weeks after that we went on a mini-vacation out of state to a pool convention. Not one fight. Just continued bonding. And I found out he was a very supportive guy too.

        And I’m in this relationship because of Evan’s blogs and some luck. I recognized him to be a good man–a skill. I discovered he was relationship-oriented–a bonus. The fact that we both speak the same “love languages” (quality time and physical touch) is total luck. And I wouldn’t have been able to identify those qualities in him or in the relationship had I not been an avid EMK blog reader for the past couple of years.

        It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this content with life.

        1. Henriette

          Ah, Karmic – that’s wonderful to read. Yay, you! I don’t remember you ever sounding this happy about your love life. I’m delighted on your behalf. Thanks for sharing your happy news.

        2. Gem

          Funny how life works, Karmic!

          I’m a woman who also loves her NSA sex, and FWBs. Other women have me beat in terms of “conventional femininity”, personality-wise. I also don’t follow the mainstream dating rituals. It’s okay, I can handle the consequences for being me.

          Yet… I too found myself with a guy who only has relationship-sex. Good relationships matter to him. He’s also an incredible romantic, and is truly a one-woman kind of man in every sense of the word. He’s highly sexual and dominant in bed, but has eyes only for his current partner. This is the stuff women dream about, not write home about. I had no such expectations in my prospective partners, and hell, I wasn’t interested in a relationship at the time, but somehow landed myself a unicorn. He was the one who chased me down, and convinced me to change my mind about relationships! I was dead-set on being solo for awhile as I worked on self-improvement, because I knew I had “issues” that would make most guys run for the hills.

          Boy, does God have a sense of humor!

        3. Karmic Equation

          Thanks, Henriette. I would say I was pretty happy, even single. Though I’m definitely happier now.

          @Gem,
          Ya, those male unicorns are hot! lol

      2. 1.2.2
        Clare

        JJ,

        No one has to be bad or wrong or f***ed up in order for you to have the right to walk away.

    3. 1.3
      Carly

      I do agree with most of what Karmic Equation states, however the last paragraph you state:

      “I don’t need my bf to be my best friend…but I know that my bf needs me to be HIS best friend, though: the person he confides his fears to; the person he trusts to have his back; the person he counts on to support his dreams.”

      Don’t you believe this is what a partner should be?  Does that automatically make him a best friend?

       

      Thanks!

       

       

      1. 1.3.1
        Karmic Equation

        Hi Carly,

        I think Evan has posted an article on this site about men needing women to be their best friends because most men’s social circles are extremely small whereas a woman’s social circle is very large. Thus it is easier for women to find a best friend who is NOT her significant other whereas, often when a man commits, his social circle grows even smaller, so having his S.O. as his best friend is practically inevitable, whereas for women, it can be a choice.

        I do believe that modern couples, particularly women, expect men to be her “everything” and then is disappointed when he fails at one or many of those roles. In other words, this expectation sets him, and therefore, the relationship, up for failure when he shows he’s human and cannot fulfill ALL her expectations of a partner.

        If we relinquish the fantasy that our man should be our “everything,” we then set him and our relationship up for success instead. You know, that under-promise, over-deliver motto that good business people follow. If we have a small list of essential qualities our man needs to have/be–I only have four: (1) have good character, (2) treats me well, (3) supportive of my hobbies, (4) love animals–then everything above and beyond those qualities that my man has makes me feel lucky. If one has a long list, and a guy fails to meet one or many, then she feels she has “settled”.

        I never feel I’ve settled. I always feel lucky that I got MORE than what I needed.

        And that feeling translates into how I treat my guy. So now HE feels lucky and is more invested in making me happy. Win-win.

  2. 2
    Sarafina

    This is a comment about karmic equation’s response. I wanted to speak frankly and directly, but I intend no offense by my frankness. Karmic, from an outsider’s perspective it would seem to me that you are probably not going to be well served in getting married again. You admit yourself that you are selfish and that’s great to have insight about your part of the dynamic that you bring to a relationship. As someone who has been married for quite a while, I have found that selfishness is one of those qualities that one must leave at the door to the synagogue (or church) prior to getting married. Selfishness and a successful marriage do not go together. Now you may not want to be married again either. Also, all couples can grow apart for various reasons, but it’s one of those things that has to be worked on. Marriage takes a lot of work on the part of both spouses. That is also a sad story about not being attracted to your husband’s smell anymore. Very sad.

  3. 3
    Gabri'el

    This is why I have so much respect for people like Evan, Sparkling Emerald, Karl R, Karmic Equation, of course, and all the other posters who regularly comment. They tell personal stories on this blog all the time to help people, yet it’s gets turned upside down, and people always miss the point of the story to focus on the negative. I’m guessing that is why Evan gives most of his personal dating stories in his news letters and not this blog, which is sad but understandable, because there is so much to learn from those stories, but I can see how they can easily be twisted to make him into a bad guy and not a guy who has learned from his mistakes and wants to help us learn also, if he gave people a chance to comment on his stories it would be disastrous.

    I’m guessing that sarafina, mclovin, and jj you are all new to this blog, because anyone who has read more than 2 post on this site will know that Karmic -like all the other regular posters- would make a great partner for someone.

    To only read one or two post by Karmic Equation and then accuse her of being selfish is temerarious. Karmic is consistent in what she says, “love yourself, treat your partner right, make sure they treat you right, and be a understanding partner and communicator. Because as an adult dating, you have to understand that a partner that loves you and treats you right, isn’t the same as a perfect partner, search for the flawed good partner that treats you right, someone with whom you have mutual attraction, not the perfect person.

    Personally I look at Karmic admitting that when she was my age she was “selfish”, as still being better than the commenters on here -both men and women- who are much older than me but always play the victim and never see the part they played in their bad relationships. Stick around any relationship blog long enough and you will see the bitter and angry men and women blaming their ex or the opposite gender, but rarely will you see people admitting that they played a part in their bad relationship. At most they will say the mistake they made was loving that person too much or staying too long in that relationship, but never will they tell you about the time when they started the fight, made a comment or displayed an action that show their partner that they didn’t prioritize his/her needs as much as their own needs, or did something selfish that intentionally or unintentionally hurt their partner.

    Plus she said she was around 24-25 years old at the time, it’s called growing into maturity, unless you all have the arrogance to say you were a great dating catch when you were fresh out of high school. Also, why didn’t any of you acknowledge what she said about her ex-boyfriend and ex-husbands actions? The actions that caused the relationships to end. Actions what would have made most reasonable people leave also.

    1. 3.1
      Karmic Equation

      I <3 you, Gabri'el.

      Thank you for your sweet defense of me.

    2. 3.2
      Clare

      Great post, and great insight for someone your age.

  4. 4
    Jo

    Karmic Equation, I too am glad to read your stories. Maybe the people who object have never known someone like your husband, so they can’t relate. But I know someone exactly like him, could never put my finger on what bothered me so much about him, and your story made it clear.

    A little selfishness can be charming (for some weird reason) in the beginning, but if one selfish example after another builds up, it becomes too much over years together. You can’t expect people to change much, so better never to marry someone like that instead of hoping he’ll change or you try to change him. (BTW this is true of both sexes.) The man who acts like your ex-husband – I told him a few times things that have bothered me about selfish ways he has acted, and he cares enough that he’ll try to change in the short term, but a few weeks later he’s back to the same selfish behavior. Since he isn’t a bad person, I need to just let it all go, let ALL of it go, instead of expecting more and getting disappointed.

  5. 5
    kevin

    Based on everything I had read the craziest part is many of you women still want children or a child at some point…so let me get this straight a man is supposed to sign for a relationship where you talk into having ababy and them stick him with years of child support, and you all think that is ok…bbecause u have basically said that the relationship doesnt have to last to have been a good one…child support, no kid, no woman… sounds like a bad idea fellas

    1. 5.1
      McLovin

      Exactly. While I think Karmic Equation took my comment as a swipe at her, it truly was not.

      The point is, people change, and when they do, guys get screwed, lose their homes, their income and access to their children as the divorce industry rolls right over them.

      Better off to just not get married.

      1. 5.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        McLovin,

        I have a female colleague that pretty much lost her shirt in her divorce. She was the primary breadwinner and her husband was a SAH husband. Didn’t work.

        At their divorce, while he contributed no income to their marriage (they had no children) — he got 1/2 her 401k, etc.

        So the “higher earning spouse” is usually the one that gets “screwed”. In most cases that’s the man, I agree.

        My exhubby walked away from our divorce with $200k more than I did (I gave up the house, which had appreciated during the time we were together and didn’t demand that we sell and split the profits), and I was employed during the 9 years of my marriage while he was unemployed for about half of them. We didn’t have any children. We had dogs and I was the one that fed and watered and played with them every day. I was the one that took them to the vet, gave them their meds, etc. He didn’t mow the lawn, we paid someone to do that. He did do light housekeeping and the laundry. But the whole house was probably only vaccummed about once a year, lol. And then eventually we paid someone to do that too.

        But when we divorced, I knew he cared overly much about money, which was one of the reasons we were divorcing, so since I wasn’t leaving the marriage a pauper, I agreed to settle for less than he got. Oh, btw, I drafted the separation agreement and got it notarized. So we didn’t involve a lawyer.

        Anyway, if the divorced or divorcing spouse was reasonable, then most divorces could be amicable. But if a spouse cheats or the other spouse doesn’t want to be divorced, war breaks out.

        In those cases the spouse that done wrong, or the spouse that wants out, should be willing to pay more to get out, imho. Ultimately it’s a small price to pay for one’s freedom from a contract they don’t want to abide by anymore.

        1. McLovin

          Yep, equality, it is a bitch.

        2. Karmic Equation

          Ah. So you’re finally conceding that BOTH men and women get screwed in divorces?

          If yes, then why do most women still want to marry? I recognize that most of these women are the “never been married” ones. And the ones who have been divorced, like me, rarely want to remarry.

          However, even though I personally was “screwed” in my divorce, I didn’t decide to NOT remarry because I was screwed.

          I just didn’t believe that any man would make me think forever with him would be kind of cool.

          I suspect that’s why you’re so adamant against marriage.

          You haven’t found the woman who makes you rethink your position.

          That’s too bad. It’s a good feeling.

      2. 5.1.2
        In Not Of

        You don’t have to. The hook up culture is doing quite well.

  6. 6
    Ladybird

    Hi Karmic, I resonated with a lot of what you have said here and I wanted to thank you for sharing so much of your personal story.  It is really hard for me to openly talk about issues in my relationship and thank those that can because it allows people like me who are mostly a closed book to learn from other people’s collective situations and responses.  I have benefitted from EMK’s posts as much as the indepth personal responses to his post like yours.

    On a side note and completely off topic.. Karmic, what happened to your family pets that you looked after during your marriage after you got divorced?

    1. 6.1
      Karmic Equation

      My exhusband kept them. And he gave me unrestricted visiting rights to them 🙂

  7. 7
    Bernard

    I have shared your article on social media.Thank you

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