My question is how do you write someone who says nothing in her profile that you can relate to as a member of your sex? Specifically, oftentimes I find profiles of women who only list feminine interests in their profiles. They talk about shopping, liking chick lit, and fashion and nothing else that I as a typical guy am going to have any interest in. I’m sure that many women encounter an equivalent problem too with mens’ profiles. Let’s say that I’m interested in a woman like this, even if she has a badly written profile, how do you advise I begin communicating with her?
Allow me to answer your real letter with a fake letter, okay?
I’m reading your profile right now. I notice you’re interested in mixed martial arts, the stock market, and golf. I notice you don’t really say much about what kind of boyfriend you’d be or how you’d like to build a life together. I don’t see anything that indicates that you’re a great communicator, or that you have a good sense of humor. In short, there’s not much for me to work with here. In fact, there’s very little to give me hope that if we were to sit across a dinner table for two hours, we would have anything in common to discuss.
What do you have to say to that?
Why the hell would you want to go out with a woman who has absolutely nothing in common with you and nothing interesting to say?
I don’t know about you, John, but if I got that question from Mary, I’d be thinking: “Then why would you consider writing to me at all?! If you’re thinking of going out with me despite the fact that I didn’t say anything interesting, that must mean that you’re solely writing because you think I’m cute or because you think I’m rich. And frankly, I don’t want to go out with anyone who wants me exclusively for those reasons.”
I may be in the minority on that one, but that’s how I truly feel.
So allow me to ask you, point-blank, John: Why the hell would you want to go out with a woman who has absolutely nothing in common with you and nothing interesting to say?
Because she’s pretty?
Yeah, that and $.75 will buy you a Snickers bar.
I’m not picking on you, my friend — no more than I pick on all of my clients who do the same exact thing.
I’ll usually give them a homework assignment to build up their online favorites list. The following week every woman on the list looks like she’s a Maxim magazine reject. Each one is hotter and sluttier looking than the next. Same with my women clients, who often think that they should be paired with young, square-jawed, muscular cuties, regardless of whether they themselves are modelesque. Hey, we want what we want, right?
So my first answer to you is this: stop writing to people who have nothing to say. Because if you do, you’re pretty much inviting yourself to spend time and money on a very boring first date. Not always. I’m sure there’s some gorgeous woman out there who wrote nothing interesting who is simply AMAZING conversation. But it would seem to me that your better bet would be in looking for the women who are 7’s in looks and 10’s in personality. That’s where you find the keepers, in my experience.
So my first answer to you is this: stop writing to people who have nothing to say.
My second answer to you — the one you really want to hear — is this: use her girly details to your benefit. If she says she loves reading Martha Stewart Living, you can talk about the magazine they named after you, which teaches men how to artfully drape their underwear over the lamp without setting your house on fire. If she says she likes gardening, you can talk about how inefficient it is as a means of sustenance. After all, it took you nearly two months just to make one salad! If she says she likes shopping, you can talk about how you do, too — as long as it takes less than a half-hour and only occurs once a year. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having clothes from high school if your date’s never seen ‘em before.
This technique is known as Fun Fiction and is fully articulated and fleshed out in Volume 4 of my Finding The One Online CD series. There’s even a workbook included which shows you exactly how to do it. If you’re serious about getting results, you should give it a whirl — and at least consider the idea that the hot chick with nothing to say may not be your ideal first date.
By the way, my new Facebook Page is now up (thanks to Thomas, my stellar intern!) and I’m going to be engaging in more regular discussions on there. Just click here or on the blue Facebook icon on the right sidebar to connect with me. See you there!