How to Write an Online Dating Profile That Attracts People You Want to Meet

How to Write an Online Dating Profile That Attracts People You Want to Meet

There’s an incredible man looking for you out there. He’s the full package: tall, handsome, successful, passionate, interesting, honest, considerate, generous.

And every single woman on your dating site knows it.

As a result, this man is fielding inquiries from women young and old, near and far. He’s a an impressive guy and he has the opportunity to be super choosy when it comes to the women he takes out on Saturday night.

Assuming he’s physically attracted to you (since it all starts there), what would compel this sought-after man to choose YOU out of  the hundreds of other women who also think he’s a catch?

That’s right. Your profile.  

Back in 2002, I was working at JDate and offered free profile advice as a customer care representative. Someone would call up, complaining about a lost password and I would help her rewrite her profile. Soon, it became my “thing.” I wrote a book called, I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating,” in 2003 and simultaneously launched my first business, e-Cyrano online dating profile writing.

What would compel this sought-after man to choose YOU out of  the hundreds of other women who also think he’s a catch? That’s right. Your profile.

My theory was this: I was a writer who paid $300 to a highly skilled resume writer just to get me a job at JDate. Imagine the millions of people dating online with no way to distinguish themselves online except through lists of adjectives, hobbies and cliches.

e-Cyrano was the first business of its kind; it got me on CNN and USA Today and suddenly, in 2004, I was writing profiles full-time. Since then, I have probably written more online dating profiles than anyone on the planet – and I’m pretty sure that’s a title that no one really wants to take. When you write 1000 profiles, there’s a formula to it, but to this day, every single e-Cyrano client has a 100% unique profile using her own words, not ours. We’re not ghostwriters. We’re like photographers. We probe with questions, we take copious notes, and we cobble it all together into a unique  profile.

I was thinking about e-Cyrano today when I saw this article by Ramit Sethi.

Sethi is a very successful online marketer who probably runs a seven-figure business. And, as an example of his team’s copywriting expertise, he rewrote a generic OkCupid profile and improved its performance by 275%.

Now, what struck me about the whole endeavor – nothing against Sethi and Co – was how the new profile really wasn’t much better than the first one. If we were giving high school grades, it’s like he took a C paper and turned it into a B paper, without ever considering what an A paper looked like. The rewritten profile took a handful of cliches and made them more specific, removed a few potentially negative references, and voila, it was done.

But did it blow my mind? Did it even strike me as a particularly compelling profile that demonstrated why the client was special and going to be a great partner? No and no.

So yes, this post was driven by constructive criticism for a very successful copywriter who found that his methods had some traction in online dating, but didn’t begin to scratch the surface of what’s possible because it’s not his area of expertise.

Expertise matters. I don’t want a general handyman to fix my plumbing; I want a plumber who’s been doing it for twenty years. I don’t want a good athlete running the marathon for the U.S. in the Olympics; I want someone who specializes in running marathons.

In a world where the most desirable men have and endless number of options, your B profile isn’t going to cut it. You need an A+ that’s going to knock his socks off.

It never really occurred to me that what e-Cyrano did was special until I saw a famous copywriter attempt to write a compelling profile – and fall considerably short.

In a world where the most desirable men have and endless number of options, your B profile isn’t going to cut it. You need an A+ that’s going to knock his socks off.

That’s what we do at e-Cyrano.

Sorry for the long plug, but I do get worked up when I see other people attempt to do what I’ve been doing for 14 years and pass it off as the same thing. It’s not.

Click here to get an online dating profile that attracts the people you want to meet.


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  1. 1
    Carissa Guidry

    Yes, I should consider buying the book, Although, I prefer meeting   people in person I have recently fallen victim to the on-line scandal?! I guess you really have to be good at it, I think I’m mediocre and need to change some things,…I actually met two   dudes off an on-line dating site and one of them I though we had something, apparently not. We met up a few times, big mistake and we messed around and I regret that decision all the time. But, I’ve learned from my mistake and from here on out,   I will only meet people in person not online. It’s not for everyone and I need a break from on-line dating.

  2. 2

    I have to point out the on-line profiles I have seen the majority of time are written by women aged 30-55 are often so bad it amazes me they are able to date anyone at all.
    Here are the worst of the mistakes I saw.   

    The biggest mistake of all is posting old photos and photo-shopped reality through “camera360” facelift editing and makeup hiding.   Men just look at the ugliest picture and say…that’s her now.

    The second biggest mistake is not posting 1 face shot and one full body shot (or even no picture). Men are attracted to your body and your face.   They know nothing else but screen thousands of women on these two filters alone. They don’t read your profile until you respond.

    Posting more than 5 pictures, screams narcissist

    Posting pictures with lots of girlfriend’s screams “I don’t need a man, and prefer my girlfriends company” and if we do date I’m too busy to have time for you.

    Posting lots of travel pictures or exotic dinners screams “gold-digger”. I just want your money and you are never getting any intimacy.

    Posting lots of outdoor activities screams “I’m not flexible about our date activities you choose” if they are not outdoors.

    Posting men’s faces who are blacked out or cut-off screams “he was not important and neither are you”.

    Posting professional pictures with studio modeling shots screams “I am a professional (dater) or (manipulator) looking for men to exploit by my gorgeous looks.

    Posting pictures with me shooting guns says “I am really capable of hurting you”.

    Posting a long profile says “I am self-absorbed and insecure”.

    Posting a short profile says “You are not worth my time, and you will do all the work”.

    Posting a mean, resentful, angry, selfish, desperate, needy, critical, shallow, arrogant, or indifferent profile screams “I am a difficult woman and you need to feel my resentment of all men, I don’t really have time for dating and I don’t really feel like dating you unless you are perfect   and do everything to tolerate me and my bad behavior ”.

    At the end of the day, successful dating with me (really an “average looking” Alpha male, financially well off guy dating almost out of my league) depended on finding and identifying beautiful and genuine women of any age who all looked the same to me, but whose personalities were so critical to long-term dating. I looked for and sent messages only to women who were polite, made an effort, considerate, really wanted and liked men, who responded to me when I texted them a second time after at most three days and preferably in the same day, who texted me or called me when I texted or called them, and who were not difficult to date.   I ignored anyone who appeared to play games or play by “rules” other than to be good to someone if you want them to be good to you and give them a chance by not expecting or demanding unrealistic “checklists”. Consideration and personality spells volumes for successful women successfully dating to achieve long-term relationships for mutual happiness.

  3. 3

    Sorry, tried to edit and delete the first message of a first draft, but not possible.   The second post is more helpful and more considerate of what people need to be successful.

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