Maria’s Coaching Journey with Evan Marc Katz – Week 7

Last week’s coaching call with Evan was the most challenging so far. Every week he logs into my Match account with me, takes a look at what’s been happening and guides me on how to use the site more effectively. He asked why there hadn’t been much activity and I told him because I was visiting family in Puerto Rico. His response was that we didn’t seem to be on the “right page”, and I appeared to be paralyzed. He was right. It’s a lot easier for me to respond to messages than to send a new message, especially if I’m trying to use the techniques from Finding the One Online.

Beyond the idea of contacting the man first, I’m frustrated with not being able to create funny, flirty and/or opinionated messages. I sit with my iPad and stare at the screen waiting for inspiration. I just look at the blinking light waiting to write something for the longest time…I guess that’s called writer’s block. Last night it took me over an hour to write two paragraphs!

Next, Evan pointed out a couple of messages in my inbox. These were messages I dismissed a couple of weeks ago even though I liked the guys. Why? Because they didn’t write anything interesting. I even felt embarrassed that a man replied with a “LOL, like that’s important.”

Evan reminded me that the fact they took the time and effort, even if it was a small effort, meant they were interested and that I shouldn’t take anything in their message personally. And, since we exchanged messages a couple of times, that means they liked me and would be considered Hot Leads. Besides, I don’t reply to people that I’m not interested in, so why would they?

I also mentioned to Evan that the man I talked about the previous week (the one that asked me if I was following Evan’s advice) never called for a date after my trip to Puerto Rico. We had agreed to make plans for a date on Valentine’s Day prior to my trip but it never happened. Evan says online dating is all about momentum and that I should’ve stayed in touch even if I was out of town, just to keep the ball rolling. People on dating sites are talking to many individuals at one time and without continued contact, you’ll be forgotten and they’ll move on.

The takeaway from this coaching session is if you complain about bad emails, chances are you are writing bad emails. If you want people to write more, you have to write more and BE BETTER THAN THEY ARE.

As always, I’d like to express my gratitude for all your comments and for following my story. Hope my journey helps you in yours and remember to always keep your heart open to give and to receive love.

Until next week…

Maria

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Debbie

    I’ve been in your shoes many times staring at the screen trying to come up with a clever email. Writing a paragraph or two of interesting lines can be challenging! I do attempt to enter a compliment in the subject header to catch their attention. It’s equally as frustrating when you write a great first email then get back a one liner but I’ll try to remember Evan’s advice that they are at least interested. Maybe some guys are just better communicators through phone or in person vs. email. Keep the faith! 🙂

    1. 1.1
      Maria

      Hi Debbie! Thank you for your comment….
      Although sending you a one liner back means he is somehow interested if you keep trying and the conversation do not pick up is better do move on. I’ll talk more about this on next week’s blog. Make sure you watch it….
      I’ve learned in Finding the One on Line that sending a compliment is what Evan calls using the pedestal principle and he advises to avoid doing that. It’s much better to express your opinion on something in his profile….

  2. 2
    Marla

    Hi. I understand the part about keeping up the momentum. I replied to one guy with a reply to his 2nd email and didn’t get a response. I followed up and asked him out for coffee his reply back was that he thought that was great but when i suggested the times that would work again no reply. How much more keeping up the momentum so to speak are you to do if you aren’t getting a response. Just wondering.

    1. 2.1
      Maria

      Great question! This is something I talked with Evan this week! If the guy doesn’t follow through could mean that he is busy with other women and you’re not on top of his list. The same with the coffee date. Nothing to take personal, just the nature of online dating.
      One of the big AHA this week was the answer I received from Evan about asking for a phone date before the guy asks me for a date or a phone call. He said that if I wanted to be the masculine energy I could do that but if I want to be pursue then let him ask me first.
      I realized that for most of my life, unknowingly! I’ve been the pursuer. This time around I want the man to pursue me.
      When men want something they act upon it. On Finding the One Online, Evan gives a technique on how to re-direct the guy to pursue You.
      Thank You for your comment.

      1. 2.1.1
        MARLA

        Thanks Maria. I’ll keep that in mind the next time. In the meantime, I’m on to the next person who does see me as a priority.

  3. 3
    JD in LA

    Maria, Please don’t ever lose sight that you ARE the PRIZE. There are unlimited number of men who want a woman who is a good listener, and that they believe in public displays of affection and always strives to be a better partner. They are all praying that one day it will be their lucky day when they win you love.

    1. 3.1
      Maria

      Dear JD, thank you for your sweet comment and words of encouragement. 😉

  4. 4
    Helen

    I thought Evan says let the man lead.. mirror him. Yes make initial contact to show you’re interested. If they reply brilliant then reply back and so forth. If you’ve written a nice message and they then reply with one word is not encouraging. I’ve been in this situation written a nice message got an uninteresting one liner back, then it then is now even harder to write another interesting response but I have done so to can get the conversation going to then get no response or to get another one word or one liner. I also think it’s a little harsh to assume that if you get bad emails is because you write bad emails. I know I write good messages and also know others that do just some guys not all are not of high quality.

    1. 4.1
      Maria

      Very well said, I couldn’t said it any better. Thank You!
      If the guy sends you a bad email or onliner and you know you did a good email you’ve done the best you can. The message is to be honest with yourself and take a look at what you wrote. In my case I did send poor emails. Not anymore!

  5. 5
    Miranda

    I think we also have to remember that people have preferred methods of communication that they are more comfortable with. Personally I loathe phone calls with strangers (weird because I can chat for Britain) and love writing and am ok with meeting in person . I find many men prefer calls to writing. So I can have a problem if that’s the case.

  6. 6
    MAXINE

    Hello Maria:

    Maria, you are well on your way to finding the perfect match. I can sense it in your voice and your mannerisms. You are definitely on the right track. We are all learning so much from your videos. Evan is really a cool dude and a wonderful coach. I am also learning quite a lot from listening to you. I did as Evan said and answered some of those older emails. I have gone out on 3 dates so far. Two second dates! Yay!! I can thank you Maria and Evan for much needed advice. Continue doing all that Evan suggests that you do. I know in my heart that you will find that special man on Match. There are a lot of really nice guys on the site. Remember, you are very attractive and some men are somewhat shy when contacting someone they think is too pretty to be interested in them. Please be patient and answer all of your emails! Looking forward to your next video!!!

  7. 7
    Maria

    Thank you for your kind words, Maxine!
    It feels wonderful to have people like you in my corner… Most of my friends like to hear my story but don’t know exactly where I’m coming from. They’re not “looking for love” in an active way and the majority have never been on an online dating site. I hope that my story and my success 😉 will inspire the nay sayers as well as the believers in taking responsibility for their love life.

  8. 8
    Henriette

    It can be a tough line to walk, being proactive and fun without having masculine energy. “Finding the One Online” had some great tips but I never quite mastered it.

  9. 9
    Peter 51

    Be better than they are is always the requirement. They are applying different standards and you will both invariably fall short in each other’s eyes on something you don’t think is important.

  10. 10
    Adrian

    Thanks Maria for the courage to share your journey with us and thanks Evan for posting it. I had originally skipped past these post, since I didn’t see a point in them because they were from a woman’s prospective of online dating, but I’m glad I decided to read this one.
     
     
     
    Everything Maria spoke about happens to me a man ALSO! I read boring profiles and it makes writing a first message hard.
     
    I write long clever e-mails and receive LOL’s back.
     
    I just assumed the women wasn’t really interested or she just replied because she was bored. Many of us think -or at least I do- that a person would put more effort into a e-mail reply of someone that they are really attracted to.
     
     
    I’m going to go back and re-read all your journals now.

  11. 11
    John

    create funny, flirty and/or opinionated messages

     

    – there is no need for that.  Just be honest.

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