Is it Possible to Have a Conversation With a Guy Online Without It Getting Sexual?

I want to know if it is possible to have a conversation with a guy without it getting sexual? I’m not talking about a little flirting, I’m talking about body parts being described, how they would be used, etc. I’m all for a little flirting, but it seems like the internet puts no barriers on what a person will say. I mean, if I met some guy at a party, after a little flirting, he wouldn’t tell me how hard his C$(K is, now would he?!?! And he wouldn’t want to know how I think that would feel, either. Now, he may very well be thinking these things, but he would never come out and say them in person, especially after knowing me only a few minutes.

I’ve even had some quality conversations, that after a few days of talking, turn into this kind of a discussion. Is this just the way it is? Is this what I am to expect?

I don’t have a problem with a man telling me I am sexy, but if I acknowledge that, am I setting myself up for these kinds of conversations? Is there a way to avoid it, or should I just avoid these men if they go into it?

I’d love some advice on this. I’m getting a bit fed-up!


Hey Leah,

What are you wearing right now?

Sorry. Too easy.

And that’s the thing with conversations that devolve into sex talk. It’s simply too easy to go there.

This is the nature of online communications. Millions of people hiding behind their computers to connect. Except some of them are dorks parading as big shots. And some are men acting like little girls. And some are women being brazen when they’re super-shy in real life. But the one thing we know about online communications is that people can be whoever they want to be. With one amazing caveat – they’re never held accountable for their actions.

The one thing we know about online communications is that people can be whoever they want to be. With one amazing caveat – they’re never held accountable for their actions.

I want to do something revolutionary here and change that statement to “we’re never held accountable for our actions”. Because when we’re talking about policing online behavior, it always seems to imply that it’s everybody else who’s wrong, when, in fact, WE’RE what’s wrong.

No matter how you slice it, this is a societal problem from the presidency on down – we’re a bunch of hypocrites who lie and cheat and misrepresent and fabricate – and cry and complain when everyone else does the same thing. This isn’t about you, Leah. This is just something I needed to get off my chest.

Sure, I’ve gone there before – notably when discussing liars. See, it’s okay when I say I’m 5’10” instead of 5’9”, but it’s awful when a woman claims to be 130lbs when she’s really 150lbs. It’s fine when I say I have an “athletic” body instead of an average one, but it’s not cool when she says she’s 35 when she’s really 37. Telling the truth is for other people; we want the right to play fast and loose with the facts as we see fit. Because WE’RE good people. And THEY’RE bad people.

But good people steal office supplies. Good people get “creative” on their taxes. Good people write nasty things on blogs. And we do this for one main reason – because we’re never held accountable. If we were, we’d clean up our acts REAL fast….

Take the hypothetical “test” that the military asks its members to consider before making decisions. It’s called the Washington Post Test: “If you are facing an ethical dilemma, ask yourself what you would do if you knew that your actions would make the front page of tomorrow’s Washington Post.” When faced with the idea of being “outed” for the world to see, our standards of behavior skyrocket. Would anybody leave a profane message like Alec Baldwin did for his daughter if he knew it would make the nightly news? No f-in way.

This disconnect between what we do in public and what we do behind closed doors is WHY we have private lives – so we can hide things that might be considered embarrassing.

This disconnect between what we do in public and what we do behind closed doors is WHY we have private lives – so we can hide things that might be considered embarrassing.

God knows I’ve probably done some foolhardy things over fifteen years of dating, and I can only hope that those women have forgiven me. And I’ll tell you – after seeing media figures raked over the coals of bloggers, haters and little people – for nothing more than being themselves – well, I’m just bracing myself for that day when some of my old bad karma comes back to haunt me.

I know this isn’t really an answer to your question, Leah, but it feeds into something just as important – the understanding that lowbrow, shady, embarrassing, perverted, negative behavior flourishes on the internet like bacteria in a Petri dish. Sure, you can minimize it by not tolerating it, but idiots will always be idiots. The quickest way to teach them a lesson about dirty talk is to block their profiles instantly. Maybe then they’ll get the idea that it may be fun, but it’s not going to get them a date with a quality relationship-minded woman. 


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  1. 31

    I was reading all the comments, but wondered, a friend of mine met a guy over the internet, in fact mentioning plenty of fish site. That where she met him. He talked to her for months. She started to like him, met him twice and had him over her house three times. within a year, most of the other times they spoke on the phone. (every night) He told her that he only wants to be good friends with her nothing more, she understood that, but it was too late for she feel for this jerk don’t ask me way? However all awhile as they were dating he was on all the dating sites. she mentioned this to him and he said that he didn’t know what he was looking for? But still she stayed with him. After a year passes, his calls and emails to her got shorter and shorter. Now he’ll write her very rear. and shes been writing him, but now he doesn’t even return a reply. But the worse part is that this man is on line everyday on one of the dating sites everyday, but can’t write back an email. She wrote him and asked him if he met anyone and he didn’t acknowledge anything that she said, she told him that she’s confused and wanted to know if they are still friends, he never answered that all he said is that he’s been very busy..And guess what! He started off with his conversations to her nice for the first four months, and then started talking dirty to her and at that time she already started feeling something for him. (but she knew that he didnt want a committment) so I say it’s her fault as well for likeing a pervert! She asked for for advice, i told her to forget him, I don’t know what else to tell her. could anyone comment? (PLEASE DO NOT POST MY EMAIL ADDRESS THANK YOU)

  2. 32

    (It’s one of the many reasons I loathe IM. An evil invention for those attempting to be productive. Men interrupt you and then sit dumbly on the other end; women interrupt you and then yatter endlessly on. But I digress.)

    Haha, me too for the same exact reasons.

  3. 33

    “Is it Possible to Have a Conversation Online With a Guy Without it Getting Sexual?”

    Yes, but it’s not nearly as fun!

  4. 34

    At last! Someone who udnrestndas! Thanks for posting!

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