The Guy I’m Dating Is Grossed Out by His Own Semen

The Guy I’m Dating Is Grossed Out by His Own Semen

This is going to be such a bizarre question and I’m not sure if it’s blog-worthy or even answerable, but here goes: In your honest and knowledgeable opinion, what do you make of a guy who’s grossed out by his own semen?

Let me elaborate…

I dated a guy earlier this year who was a virgin like me, and we started getting physical on the fourth date. Since we were both 23 year old virgins who weren’t ready to take the plunge into full-on intercourse (and still hadn’t by the time he dumped me), our sexual activities were pretty much limited to kissing, dry humping, and manual stimulation. Not everyone’s fancy, but hey, it seemed to work for us.

But every time I’d give him a hand job, he’d insist on wearing a condom. I went with it because hey, it can be a little icky and a pain in the butt to clean up, so whatever. It’s his thing. So there was one night when we’re together and he got caught up in the heat of the moment and he chose to go without one, and when he crossed the finish line it went all over his underwear and my pajama pants. I didn’t find it to be a very big deal and was prepared to just wipe up the mess and wash the pants when I got home the next day. He, on the other hand, was up and out of bed within a minute of finishing and insisted that I strip my pants off and put on a pair of his. He acted like we were cleaning up a crime scene!

I’ve recounted this story to my male friends and they all find it bizarre. I mean, he was fine with touching me when my uterus went through its monthly ritual of spewing blood and dead tissue out of my clownhole, but his own man-milk was something he couldn’t take. What’s up with that?

Thanks for your insight, and please accept my apology for the graphic nature of my question.

Aly

It’s so rare to get a letter that uses the phrases “dry humping,” “crime scene” and “clownhole” that I’m hesitating to even write a reply. You are easily the funniest virgin I know. (The only one, but still…)

Before I turn this over to our readers, I would have to say that when you write a blog, you realize that nothing is too bizarre. People are freaks.

I’ve gone out with a woman who stopped at a grocery store to buy whipped cream before checking us into a motel on our first date.

I’ve gone out with multiple women who wanted me to choke them when having sex.

I’ve gone out with a woman who was so germophobic that she asked me to take a shot of vodka before kissing her to kill the bacteria in my mouth.

Even though there may be nothing “wrong” with him, I would suggest that there are plenty of guys who have a more comfortable relationship with their own semen.

That last one is reminiscent of your guy, Aly. And I’m caught somewhere between “give him a break” and “kick him to the curb”.

The “give him a break” side feels that he’s a 23-year-old virgin, which means that he’s inexperienced and quite possibly religious. If he hasn’t masturbated much, doesn’t watch porn, and isn’t accustomed to the sight of his own bodily fluids, then I can theoretically see why he’d be freaked out. His behavior is odd, but benign. He probably doesn’t realize he’s acting weird or killing your intimacy after climax. His rushed crime scene clean-up is therefore a crime of ignorance, not malice.

Then again, it sure is weird.

And even though there may be nothing “wrong” with him, I would suggest that there are plenty of guys who have a more comfortable relationship with their own semen.

Unless you’re particularly invested in teaching this boy to act like a man, I’d choose one of them instead.

Your respectful cum-related thoughts are appreciated below.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Karmic Equation

    Are you absolutely sure he was a virgin and not potentially hiding an STI-positive condition from you?

    Being that freaked out can be because he’s weird or he’s very worried about passing an STI condition to you that he didn’t disclose. Some (if not all) STIs can be transmitted without intercourse via seminal and pre-seminal fluids, for example, via oral sex even.

    That’s why some prostitutes require Johns to wear condoms even for bjs.

    Maybe you should get tested for STIs, just in case?

    1. 1.1
      Kmar

      Is an STI the same as a STD.(sexually transmitted disease)? Just wondering 😊

      1. 1.1.1
        Karl R

        STI = Sexually Transmitted Infection
        STD = Sexually Transmitted Disease

        They’re the same thing.

  2. 2
    shaukat

    Her letter indicates that the guy already broke it off with her, so there’s really no dilemma here.

  3. 3
    jeremy

    It is very unlikely a 23 year old man, virgin or not, would be grossed out by his own semen.

    It is possible that he is worried about the OP being a “sperm bandit”. Maybe he read an article about women who accidentally get pregnant or impregnate themselves with a man’s semen without his knowledge. In fact, I recall reading a comment on Evan’s blog by such a woman, a while back. This would explain his wanting to use a condom every time he is with the OP.

    1. 3.1
      Fiona

      This doesn’t make any sense. It would be much easier to steal semen from a condom than from dirty pajama pants.

      1. 3.1.1
        jeremy

        Look, the whole thing doesn’t make a ton of sense, nor is it relevant since the relationship is over. But, from his perspective, at least a condom would be his to control – he could flush it at his discretion. Whereas if the semen went everywhere, it is no longer under his control. If a man was paranoid about this sort of thing, the condom idea would make sense.

      2. 3.1.2
        Gerry

        Not out of the sewer. If he flushes them himself rather than letting her handle the disposal, what to worry?

  4. 4
    Karl S

    Sounds to me like he just needs a little coaching on what’s totally fine and needs to be shrugged off and laughed at, even if it’s annoying to clean up later. There’s stuff I remember getting uppity over when it first happened and I didn’t know how to deal with it (probably don’t want to go into details here). Nowadays and I’m much more blasé.

    That said, some people remain forever pedantic about certain things. Depends on how flexible they are in their personality as to whether they’ll eventually alter their habits and perceptions.

  5. 5
    Gabri'el

    I’m hesitant to answer for fear of this turning into another religious thread, but Evan’s first answer is the closest to the correct one in my opinion. Having been raised within a very religious childhood, I’ve heard of this sort of thing countless times, you know, internal conflict with what the bible says about sex verses his own hormones. There is actually a chapter in the bible that speaks of semen being unclean before god and anything it touches is unclean for a day.

    Hmmm… Or… This kid could just be a germophob!

  6. 6
    Kmar

    I’m not a big fan of manmilk. I am a big fan of clown holes though. I don’t necessarily like the bleachy smell of it. I know more women who don’t like it for the same reasons and have not met a woman yet who likes it’s unless the manmilk goes in the clownhole. I totally understand the bond that goes with a long-term relationships. I do find the comment about the possibility of a disease being a viable reason, however, the guys in this case, is a 23 year old virgin. I would have asked him what the dealeo was before he dumped me.

  7. 7
    Ozon

    Well, I’m a guy, and I’m grossed out by my semen.
    Not saying I’m a freak. I know it’s weird. Yet I don’t mind giving an oral to my SO ‘clownhole’..
    But after we done dry humping, or P in V -ing, I’d rather wipe myself with a Kleenex or take a shower if we were wild all over the bed. (I’ll also cover puddles we secreted with a sheet our towel so I don’t feel their wetness on the bed)

    For all that I knew, it has to deal with cleanliness factor. (I would have done the same thing if someone spilled ketchup on me, or if I got rubbed all over with whip cream, and some was left over. I wouldn’t go on sleeping with that all over me)
    Usually I’d stay cuddled until she falls asleep though. Wouldn’t ruin her experience. Sometimes I fall asleep as well, and in the morning I’m fine. Coz all the goo has dried 😛

    …oh yeah, I’d wash myself up aswell if she cummed all over me. Really I’m simply not into that slimy gumbo like texture…

  8. 8
    Jaxme

    My boyfriend is the same way! He likes to ejaculate inside me (don’t worry, I’m on birth control) but insists on putting a towel down. I respect the fact that he doesn’t want a mess but he is also weird about kissing after any kind of oral sex. He is fine with oral sex as long as we don’t kiss afterward as if our fluids don’t belong in our mouths. I asked him why and he just shrugged and said “I just want to let go of that part of myself.” He laughed and then said “you can keep it.” I honestly respect his weirdness about this and so I just wanted to share my experience. Cheers!

  9. 9
    Gerry

    Jaxme, you can be absolutely sure that I couldn’t care any less about whether you’re on birth control. Sorry. Um, no, I’m not. 😉

  10. 10
    Anon

    I was with someone like that once.  He got his stuff on himself and whined that he felt like a ‘glazed donut’ and jumped up to clean himself off.  ***HUGE*** turnoff for me.  If he couldn’t handle something I enjoy (sex can be messy!), there was no chance for true intimacy in bed.

  11. 11
    Bill

    If it’s about being on him, that’s weird.

    However I would freak about the pajama pants a bit as it is quite possible for a woman to get pregnant from casually distributed semen, and I really want to be safe about it.

    Perhaps that was this guy’s thought as well, depending on how he handled it on himself vs. how he handled it on your clothes.

  12. 12
    unknown

    He has ocd ,simple as that . Spermatophobia and cleaning rituals, Google it I have the same issues.

  13. 13
    liminal minimal

    Perhaps he was molested?

    1. 13.1
      Susan

      I’ve been dating this guy for over a year and he’s totally grossed out by his own cum, he loves a blow job but NEVER will cum in my mouth.  He told me if I ever swallowed it he wouldn’t kiss me ever again.  I always thought it was strange and tried to encourage him to be more comfortable with me.  A few months ago I found out he was molested by a male relative when he was young and then it all made sense.  I don’t’ push him to talk about it but let him know I’m here if he wants to.  We’re both in our 40s, not kids.   Now that I know why, I don’t push the issue.  Just saying there may be some underlying issue that causes them to think sex and cum to be unclean.

  14. 14
    Anastasia

    Semen is gross to a lot of people so what. It’s ok. You’re not with the dude anymore so it’s a nonissue. He was probably embarrassed he came on you. Virgins have a lot of misinformation too so it’ s possible he was confused on pregnancy or something else ridiculous to you or me.

    Don’t spread the story it can be damaging or hurtful to the virgin.

  15. 15
    carlos

    Hello ? Virgins. Means you dont know yet.just keep practicing find out whats really going on and if he is just shy. That should pass as the bond betweeen you two grows. Just relax.😘

  16. 16
    Randy R.

    The reason is obvious. Face it, most people are grossed out by semen — male or female. And they can SENSE semen sometimes — you know what i’m talking about. It seems certain people can sense when its around and will avoid it like the plague. He probably had an experience in his life where he accidentally wet himself and saw the public reaction. And you know that people can tell without seeing any wet spots. Admit that you know. I don’t know why people act like they can’t sense it.

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