Why Women Have Sex – And More…

sexy young woman wearing lingerie on the bed

I’m no sexologist but I find studies like this compelling, for the same reason that I found What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently” interesting.

Newsweek reports on a new book called, bluntly, “Why Women Have Sex”. The reasons, very much like women themselves, are varied and complex.

“One of the things we realized early on was that there’s this huge gap in the field of study in that we thought women’s sexual motivations were sort of intuitive and understood. But what shocked me was the sheer complexity of women’s psychology.”

Newsweek reports on a new book called, bluntly, “Why Women Have Sex”. The reasons, very much like women themselves, are varied and complex.

The piece also cites this really cool study, detailing 237 reasons that women sleep with men. And while it should go without saying, Newsweek makes the same disclaimer that I do when posting something potentially controversial

“The women who answered Meston and Buss’s online survey certainly don’t represent every woman, says Julia Heiman, the director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction. Nor will an anonymous online poll tell us everything we need to know… “Up until the past 10 years, we weren’t even talking about the nuances of female sexuality, let alone the multifaceted reasons we have sex,” says Laura Berman, a professor of psychiatry at Northwestern University and the author of Real Sex for Real Women.  “So in that sense, this is a really big step.” A step, with many more to go.”

By the way, this is a great organic intro to my upcoming interview with Dr. Berman on Oprah Radio. We’re kicking off Singles Week in style on Monday afternoon at 5pmEST/2pmPST.

Just tune into XM156 or Sirius 195 to join us.

Have a great weekend!

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  1. 2

    I don’t think the findings of this study are all that suprising. What a novel concept that women can have sex for a multitude of reasons? We’re human beings, of course it’s complex.

  2. 4

    I sent a message to the authors to disabuse them of the focus in this book on the sex/procreation attractant. I wanted to promote the reality that lots of women have sex for reasons that have nothing to do with babies some of which are mentioned in this book but the male author of this duo was more focused on procreation as the real reason behind attraction when in fact, sex for love, sex for sex, sex for fun are all huge motivators as well or else sex would stop with a tubal ligation, stop at menopause or stop once the babies were here! Which, of course, it doesn’t.

  3. 5

    Are you sure that sex doesn’t stop when the babies are born?   It was my experience that life was thus.   I managed 18 years of enforced celibacy before I started to crack.

  4. 6

    Peter #5,
    From my personal experience, sex  Does NOT  stop when babies are born.  
    A mother could very well be exhausted from the care of the children, home, husband, job etc and that needs to be taken under consideration but one may look into whether :
    1) The said mother enjoys sex before Baby in the first place (low/high libido)
    2) Sex with partner is enjoyable and fun for the mother (skills and intimacy)
    3) How the mother sees sex (obligation versus bonding experience versus fun and romantic)
    As a partner of such a mother, you have power to shift this dynamic.   Yes, you do!  

  5. 7

    Great Gal,
    One motive for being a world travelling hippy might be to avoid decisions that involve commitment to a serious task.   But women who get to 35 without a baby can change their priorities.   There’s a shortage of older men without baggage at that age.   They may use sex for seduction (my partner count was zero.   I was very traditional.   Have sex must marry).   But the priorities only change for a moment.   Then she may feel trapped and look for some way to take out their anger.   And a 10 year old little girl whose mother developed cancer and died when the little girl reached 12 might be angry all her life because she was helpless (and ignored by her relatives).   26 years of passive aggressive anger directed at me was enough.   Interestingly, after I used the Divorce word, once, for real rather than a device to avoid compromise, everything became sweetness and light.   Too late.   She’s now in Africa and my mistress is 24 years younger than I.

  6. 8
    Karl R

    Peter said: (#7)
    “There’s a shortage of older men without baggage at that age.”
    Are you implying that you were a man without baggage? Your own story suggests otherwise:
    1. You were so traditional that you felt obliged to marry a woman just because you married her.
    2. You used the word “Divorce” (perhaps routinely) as a device to avoid compromise within your marriage.
    How are you convincing yourself that you didn’t bring baggage into your marriage? It certainly sounds like your ex-wife had plenty of baggage of her own, but your willingness to threaten divorce just to avoid compromise would have been enough to sink your marriage.

  7. 9

    Baggage in the context of my wife’s ideas meant ex wives and children.
    My wife used “Divorce” routinely to avoid compromise.   It’s called kidnapping the children.    I used it once with meaning.   The effect was transformational but 23 years too late and counting.   I think I’ll change traditional to ethical.

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