Let’s start with one thing:
Just like every study ever conducted, just because this doesn’t apply to YOU doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply. There is just a mountain of evidence that suggests that as much as women often want to be cool with NSA and FWB sex, for the most part, they’re not.
From Salon, Dr. Melvin Konner reports:
“The research on this is clear, and transnational. A 2008 study by Anne Campbell was called “The Morning After the Night Before.” A British television station surveyed thousands of people through its website; 998 of the men and 745 of the women who responded were heterosexual and had had a one-night stand. They were asked about their agreement with positive and negative statements about the event. Men were much more likely to report greater sexual satisfaction, wellbeing, and self-confidence, while women were much more likely to feel that they had been used and had let themselves down. Overall, subtracting negative scores from positive ones, men had more than double the net gain from the experience. As for regret, 23 percent of men but 58 percent of women said they would not repeat it.”
As for the sex itself, men spoke of “euphoria,” “excitement and lust,” and “blowing off sexual steam.” Some women had fun and felt free, but most said things like
– “The expectation was better than the reality, the sex was rubbish.”
– “The sex is never particularly satisfying because it is difficult to let go with someone you don’t even know.”
– “Not as good as sex with a partner; they are more into your needs and know your body a lot better.”
I’ve said it a million times. Men look for sex and find love. Women look for love and find sex. Sure, there are exceptions of men who are indifferent to lustful one-night stands and perfectly content marrying their high school girlfriends, and women who have racked up hundreds of sexual conquests without affecting their self-esteem.
There is just a mountain of evidence that suggests that as much as women often want to be cool with NSA and FWB sex, for the most part, they’re not.
But they are far fewer than the converse.
“A 2001 overview in the Personality and Social Psychology Review by Roy Baumeister, Kathleen Catanese, and Kathleen Vohs combed more than 150 studies to answer the question “Is there a gender difference in sex drive?” Overall in these studies, ‘men have been shown to have more frequent and more intense sexual desires than women, as reflected in spontaneous thoughts about sex, frequency and variety of sexual fantasies, desired frequency of intercourse, desired number of partners, masturbation, liking for various sexual practices, willingness to forego sex, initiating versus refusing sex, making sacrifices for sex, and other measures.’
There were no studies with contrary findings–not a single one indicating stronger sexual motivation in women than men.”
I don’t know why it’s so controversial to report that men and women – who are biologically different, are, in fact, biologically different, but it is. To me, this explains what we observe regularly: men are cool sleeping around and can easily separate sex from feelings. We’ll sleep with women we don’t like, women we’re not attracted to, etc. And while women sometimes choose that path, they often have regrets when sleeping around.
As always, you can do what you want with this information. But please don’t claim the information isn’t true because it doesn’t apply to you.
So, can you easily separate sex from feelings? Let me know in the comments below.