I am a long time reader. I am a tall, educated, beyond athletic, attractive woman who is successful and age 42. I entered college to get my higher level degrees later in life, and my classmates assumed I was in my 20s (whilst in my late 30s) and I was asked out often by them (Just painting a picture. While looks are not everything, I volunteer with children and animals, my degree is higher level medical, I am into sci fi, nerdy things, and all kinds of music. I have my life together.) I am told by friends and family I am the ultimate catch. I am open to all kinds of people and not judgmental.
Up until recently, I did NOT follow your advice.
I was married in my 20s up until age 30, and that fell apart for the reasons marriage typically do. For the last twelve years, I’ve navigated the online dating battlefield. I have gone on more coffee “dates” than a human should go on. I probably have you beat.
I am not one to get physical right away (I need to know the person), but I’ve had my share like others of meeting people who have lied about their marital status, and hid lifestyles that were dealbreakers for me. n one way–that’s flattering. They wanted me so badly they lied.
In the last ten years I have been proposed to SIX times. Every person that I allowed into my life was high passion, high fireball energy with immediate “high drunk on love” feelings that escalated into an insta-relationship immediately.
I never saw someone proposing to me in the first week in as a red flag (now I do). All of these relationships ended in a supernova.
I would fall in love fast and hard, just like they did with me, but that is not love. Love has roots, and it takes time to build. Infatuation is immediate. With my degree credentials, I can honestly state that I was in love (and so were my suitors) with a preconstructed fantasy of what life should be, and what the relationship should be. People were trying to fit me into these fabricated stories of how they envisioned the rest of their life playing out. Looking back, I know that any skin sack human would have sufficed for these people.
These people came with emotional issues, and although they are quite successful (a couple doctors in there), being with them came with high drama from their side of the fence. It came with constant battles and it was like trying to hug a porcupine. I made excuses because I was swooning, and “in love.”
I am not one to date people into sports and hunting (I live in a state where this is the culture–football is part of people’s lives here) and I pushed away the normal guys.
I remember reading in a post of yours once that someone who has issues or is full of issues is not interesting, it is not good. Easy should be the way. EASY should define how relationships proceed. They are not rocket science.
I never dated in the sense most people date. I would talk to people for FAR too long online, and we would become romantic too quickly, as we thought or volleying of texts back and forth meant we were bonding. That is not bonding. That is not anything.
I went outside the box recently after being asked out by a cop (yeah, I cannot believe it either) who has a basement full of football stuff and plays video games sometimes.
But you know what? The date was normal. There were no high emotions running. I wanted to kiss him, but we just did a peck. It was awkward and there was no explosion of passion. We want to see each other again, and are proceeding.
To add in to this, I was so burnt out when I went, I put zero effort into my hair or anything. I did not dress up. He still enjoyed my company and wants to see me again.
Now I have no idea what the future holds, and I am not making plans for any wedding, but for the first time in my life, I am about to do this normal dating thing with a normal guy, even though I sing in a band, do art, love sci fi, and volunteer.
I finally am seeing a normal human, Evan, and it feels good!
Thanks for reading this, and your online time and effort to help women out there.
I did what Christie did and I’ve been married for 10 years now
I usually don’t post reader comments, but figured that it might be worth it to hear from a woman who is making positive changes in her life as opposed to answering another question about “what’s wrong with men/dating/me.”
Have you tried dating against type? What have you discovered?
Once upon a time, I did what Christie did and I’ve been married for 10 years now.