In some of your blogs, I read that you helped your wife get out of something like $40K of debt. My ex-husband has left me debt-ridden, about $40K, and although I have a good paying career, there are not many jobs right now. Plus I am raising my children still, 11 and 13, and have home-schooled them for many years. I’m also a grandmother and enjoy spending time with my grand babies. My oldest daughter is 25. I am 44.
With this much debt, and no immediate hope of paying it off, not to mention having lost the house in the divorce, I am worried that I will be too much of a financial burden for someone to take on. I have been told by some men that this is a selfish outlook on my part. They say that what I have to give, love, kindness, generosity, loyalty, good looks, intelligence, wonderful mother, are what will matter most. Am I just not feeling worthy? What is the best way for me to think about my situation and present it to a possible suitor.
I do expect that once the kids are off to college, I will make more money. I have made very good money in the past.
You are a mother and grandmother who spends time with her grandbabies.
You have a good paying career.
And you home school your two kids?
You must be living in a parallel universe where there are 40 hours in a day.
Seriously, Jodee, you are some sort of superwoman, and God knows, you can’t keep a superwoman down.
You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control your reactions to it, as well as how you bounce back from it.
You know as well as I do that you can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control your reactions to it, as well as how you bounce back from it.
You got saddled with debt. Not your fault. But somehow, you’re questioning your own worth.
You have been told — and you believe — that your value comes in love, kindness, generosity, loyalty, attraction, intelligence, and being a great mother. Those are the exact same reasons I married my wife. They are the reasons that men generally choose women.
As such, you really don’t have anything to worry about.
Your debt is certainly not going to be a selling point, there’s also no reason for you to mention it to a man you’re dating.
While your debt is certainly not going to be a selling point, there’s also no reason for you to mention it to a man you’re dating. It’s your burden to handle, with or without a man.
Over time, you’ll become indispensable to your boyfriend and you can do the exact same thing my wife did, 9 months into our relationship: reveal the truth and why you held back on it.
You didn’t want him to judge. You’re working on it. It’s not his responsibility to pay for you.
It’s hard to argue with that logic. When you’re done with your confession, what you’ll get in return is a man who appreciates your self-sufficiency and your desire to shield him from this. Furthermore, you’ll probably inspire him to paying for everything — meals, trips, movies — just like I did with my wife while she pulled herself out of debt.
Soon, you can enter into a marriage debt-free, baggage-free and secret-free.