Dating a High-Value Man: How to Attract One Who Commits
Are you attracting the same kind of man over and over again? Do you constantly discover yourself reeling from another relationship with a man who is commitment-phobic or emotionally unavailable?
If so, it’s time to start working on attracting high-value men in your life.
A high-value man is worth his weight in gold. He is confident, self-assured, and knows what he wants in life. A high-value man – if he’s the right one – is not afraid to go after what he likes, and he is not intimidated by strong, independent women. As such, he cares for you, prioritizes you, and makes you feel valued and appreciated.
Most women make the mistake of acting differently when in the presence of alpha males. Sometimes, you’ll get too chatty. Sometimes, you’ll get too flirty. Sometimes, you’ll get too shy. The key to attracting a high-value man is remembering to be the same person you are with your closest girlfriends – funny, fearless, and relaxed.
This article will define the right man for you and help you snag the man of your dreams!
10 Defining Traits of a High-Quality Man
When you’ve had your fair share of men back out after commitment, it’s no wonder you’ll start searching for someone who you would recognize as a high-value man. But, in a world where so many beautiful women are insecure about their worth, how do you pick a great guy?
Here are the distinguishing characteristics to look for in a high-value man.
1. He is actively growing.
Whether you’re trying to know how to find a high-value guy or just trying to figure out what makes such a man, these men’s principles of ongoing progress set them apart from the rest.
Sure, he’ll watch a little Netflix with you now and then. But you can bet that he’s thinking about how he might constantly improve himself financially, emotionally, and intellectually.
This manifests both in how he pursues his career and how he shows up for you. A quality man wants to be a better boyfriend, a better businessman, a better friend, a better son.
You never have to ask one of these guys to improve. He’s already working on reaching a high-value status.
2. He looks after himself.
Simply put, a man who is concerned about his health will take care of himself. He understands the value of treating one’s body and mind with respect. He probably works out and maintains strong mental health, and he won’t be hesitant to seek help if he feels he needs it.
3. He has a clear goal in mind.
What inspires a man to get out of bed every day, face obstacles to the best of his abilities, and strive for personal growth? If he responds with “Beer,” without irony, it’s probably best to move forward.
It’s all internal. No one has to put pressure on a high-value man to aim high, try hard, and shoot for the stars. This is who he is. This is what he’s made of.
Remember, having a purpose involves having a WHY. Whether it’s financial status, pleasure, contentment, or a new personal record on his marathon time, his intrinsic goals motivate him to achieve whatever he’s set out to achieve.
4. He is emotionally intelligent.
When the right man is considered high value, he knows how to separate his emotions from facts. He doesn’t get too thrown by the issues that life throws his way. He understands the ups and downs that come with responsibility and growing older: fluctuations in the job market, the stock market, his physical health, his emotional intelligence, and his relationship status.
Rather than allowing sadness to dominate his actions, you’ll notice he tries to let go of what he can’t control and persevere to take care of himself. This same even-keeled nature applies to how he treats you as well.
5. He has high self-esteem.
Self-esteem is not the same as confidence. On the other hand, low self-esteem is simple to describe yet difficult to comprehend. His lack of belief in himself is like a black cloud overhead that he can’t seem to shake. Some men are dominated by guilt or shame for their entire lives.
But, when a guy has a good sense of self-worth, he is:
- Self-assured in communicating his wants and needs
- Capable of forming and maintaining secure and honest relationships — and less likely to stay in bad ones
- Confident in his decision-making abilities
- More resilient in withstanding stress and setbacks
Self-esteem has an impact on almost every aspect of life. It’s not about bravado; it’s about self-respect and coming to terms with one’s own flaws.
6. He is a man of his word.
The ability to keep his word is a necessary trait in a man of value. Such a man is trustworthy; you can rely on him, and you know he means what he says.
The right man’s true colors shine through when he is steady and keeps promises. He is consistent enough to stand with you through the rest of your life, not just at the beginning when you’re still in the honeymoon stage of being in love.
When you’re with a man of integrity, you never have to doubt him. He may not be perfect, but he’ll be honest, faithful, and you’ll always feel secure that he’s in your corner.
7. His presence motivates you to achieve new goals.
The man who is ready for you will stand by your side so that you can both shine. He inspires you to chase after your dreams and rise to new heights in life and in your relationship.
When both of you lift each other, relationships are at their best. Encouragement, inspiration, and support are the cornerstones of what a high-value man brings to a relationship.
And when you’re feeling like your best self, there’s nothing you can’t achieve.
8. He’s got a secure attachment style.
Men who have a secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy. They are not afraid of loving or opening up, nor are they afraid of being abandoned, like anxious men.
Vulnerability is essential in every love story. With a secure man, you get to know the real him; he isn’t hiding behind a mask that will slip three months, six months, or one year into your relationship. Since he has nothing to hide and has accepted his own flaws, he can really show up as an authentic presence in your life.
Relationships with secure men are easy and soothing, as opposed to the chaotic rollercoasters you experience with anxious or avoidant men.
9. He doesn’t exploit power dynamics.
High-quality men understand what is fair and what is not, what is sensitive and what is inconsiderate, and what they can and cannot accept. And they do so by establishing and enforcing boundaries.
A high-quality man isn’t scared to speak up – for himself or for you – when he feels threatened. And if someone steps over the line, he’ll let them know he’s not cool with it and that he’ll have to enforce boundaries.
More importantly, this kind of man, who is powerful wherever he goes, doesn’t take advantage of it. He’s not going to be unethical in business or domineering at home. Even though he is often the smartest and strongest in any room, he sees everyone as equals and respects others’ opinions.
10. He is respectful, dependable, and consistent.
Being a nice man – for some guys – a one-month act you put on before reverting to your old habits once you have a girlfriend. This isn’t the case for high-value men who are consistent in their approach to life. What you see is what you get. These men act the same with their employees, their family members, and wives: kind, consistent, and communicative.
How to Attract a High-Value Man
Do you want to figure out how to get a high-value man and how to attract one into your life? You need to figure out just what makes him tick.
Sure, showing interest in the things that matter to him is a great way to connect with him. But there’s more to it than just trying to understand the male brain.
The real thing that attracts such a man should be pretty obvious:
Be a high-value woman.
High-value men and high-value women are two peas in a pod. To attract a good man, you must embody the same exact traits that you want to have in your partner.
When a man sees you who is unapologetically enjoying life, he can’t help but be drawn in by your magnetism. So instead of focusing on landing a “high-value male,” become a high-value woman, and it becomes easy as those high-value men are going to flock to you.
Show interest in his life and listen attentively.
High-value men are attracted to someone highly motivated, concentrated, and has a growth mindset. To put it another way, he doesn’t want his companion to stifle his progress. Rather, he’ll be on the lookout for someone with whom he can share his growth.
If your abilities complement his and he complements yours, he’ll want to explore your dynamic because he sees the value in it. Show interest and let him know that you’re always on his side.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself – let your personality shine.
“Be yourself” is a time-tested piece of advice for a reason. It’s probably the best piece of advice you’ll ever get. Simple and cliche, maybe. But it still rings true.
Being true to yourself means being an honest person who follows a set of morals and values. Be genuine and authentic because the right man will appreciate you for who you are.
Know your worth, and don’t settle for anything less.
Every woman dreams of having a high-value man in her own life—someone who knows how to keep her happy. When you’re dating, remember, don’t put your eggs in one basket – cast your net wide and be open to meeting a new alpha male. Remember, you can always walk away from someone who doesn’t deserve your love.
Most importantly, it’s clear why you’d find a high-value guy desirable, but don’t lose sight of the fact that many men who seem like they’re high-status are narcissists. Your goal shouldn’t be to land the finest man on paper but to pay attention to how you feel in the relationship and how he treats you. It’s far more important to be in a safe, easy partnership than to be with a guy who checks all the boxes on your list.
Here’s the Truth
Men are not complicated, nor are they hard to understand.
We’re all human beings with unique qualities. Just like women, men have feelings – jealousy, insecurity, and guilt.
Men can be relationship-oriented but still not want to marry you.
They can say “I love you” and discover after some time that they don’t want to spend their lives with you.
Each man is a unique individual.
So instead of focusing on the differences between men, focus on yourself first.
Love U tells you to carry yourself like a CEO – to operate from a place of confidence, abundance, curiosity, and understanding, so you’ll be extremely attractive – both as a girlfriend and as a wife to ANY man.
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MEET YOUR Dating Coach EVAN MARC KATZ
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Since 2003, I’ve spent every single day listening to women like you share your romantic struggles, fears, and frustrations with me, and offering dating advice for 4 hours per day.
That’s more than 10,000 hours of dating coaching that’s allowed me to develop a bottomless well of empathy and understanding for your plight. This experience has not only made me a better dating coach but a better (and happily married) man.
Most importantly, I get life-changing results for the women who turn to me. In 2015, I took everything I’ve learned, put it into a comprehensive course called Love U, and created a GPS for your love life that all but guarantees your success, even if you’ve spent your whole life struggling to meet Mr. Right.
As your dating coach in Love U, I will help you overcome your fear and disappointment, fix your broken man-picker, and finally get you the life you deeply desire.
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You’ve gone to college, taken self-help classes, and put in 50 hours a week at work but have you ever considered taking a course to master love? Welcome to Love U – the world’s most effective program in helping women like you get the passionate, secure relationship you crave.
By watching the dating advice in Love U for only 5 minutes a day and joining our weekly dating coaching calls, you can get what thousands of other graduates have gotten: confidence in your ability to trust your judgment when it comes to men. Soon, all your self-doubts will go away and you’ll be able to create a lasting relationship with a man who prioritizes you and makes you feel seen.
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In 2014, I was 67 years old and planning to retire to a new community in the isolated region of the Adirondacks. Although I was used to living in small towns, I was always near bigger cities. My new home would have a population of 1,200 with the closest city of 19,000 an hour away. “Oh, no!” I thought. “I bet there’s probably one eligible man per ten square miles up there in the North Country!” Still, living in this town was a part of my commitment to be near my grandchildren and a part of their lives in my retirement. Could I fit a man into this life? Could I even find him?
I began dating online to find out. I was still working and living four hours away when I went onto my first dating website and posted my profile in the region I was moving to. Once a month I visited for several days and spent about six weeks that summer in my new digs. I had corresponded with a few men and saw them on visits north. Over the summer, I spent some extended time with one man and thought something might come of it. By fall, however, I realized this wasn’t going to work and broke it off with him. I didn’t do a very good job of it and found I wasn’t good at “breaking up!” “I wish I knew how to break up nicely," I pondered. So, I did what everyone does when they have a question — I googled it! Up popped Evan’s website and the rest is history.
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How bad did the doormat thing get? So bad. I was living under his roof, and made every meal. Never repeated a menu item in the 6 weeks we lived together, which was after a year of being together. A year where he was still free to meet other women. 6 weeks of living together where sometimes he didn’t come home. “Gone to Vienna, be back later” And sometimes I could sleep in his bed and sometimes I couldn’t. That wasn’t even the end of it, but those were things I did and totally thought were ok at the time. That is lower than low.
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I joined Love U for two reasons. One, I had ended up on Evan's email list and several of his emails literally seemed like they were talking directly to me. I always thought I was good at dating, because I could get dates. But if dating were baseball, I'm the girl that always got base hits and got tagged out before she got an actual run. The second reason I joined is because I've had huge success with fitness coaching, life coaching, why wouldn't I do relationship coaching? Bad relationship choices have cost me a lot more personally and sometimes financially than I'll ever spend on coaching
I didn't really even know what I didn't know when it came to dating. I knew that doing the same things I was doing would get me the same results, and I certainly wasn't happy with those. I wanted to know what I was doing that wasn't effective and what things I could change to be more successful. I didn't want just ANY relationship. I wanted a really good one.
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I gotta admit it's been a loooong road to this. Honestly, there were times where I really thought I may never find someone. Then felt stupid for thinking that and told myself my life is great in so many other ways. I hated it that quote that went something like - "you'll realize why all the others didn't work out when you meet the one." Well now I know, like REALLY know. My goodness, thank god you're in this business to help women find this person. Thank god you never give up.
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Hi Evan. I am writing to give you yet another success story from your coaching. I started reading your blog back in 2010, and followed your advice religiously. It took a while (like 2 years!) but I finally started applying your advice to my dating life. I knew it was working when I was dating a guy who other women were chasing, yet he was pressing me for commitment. I didn't think he was the one so I cut bait, but it was so EMPOWERING to be the one who made that choice vs the other way around.
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"This week, I got a proposal and a beautiful ring - we'll get married later next year."
“A few years ago, when I was first introduced to Evan, I was feeling increasingly frustrated with my dating life. After divorcing an emotionally unavailable man after 23 years of marriage I had two difficult, long term relationships with men who were not stepping up and I had gotten used to being treated badly.
I’d had some difficult family situations to deal with as a single mother of three twenty somethings and Evan provided me with my first ‘Aha’ moment which was when he told me ‘You’ve been a great mother to your children, and a good daughter to your elderly mother but who’s been there for you Christine?’ This actually made me cry – I had been the ‘go to’ person for my children and the men I was dating were narcissists who had me hooked but were not good men.
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I'm a happily married woman that found my husband applying all your advice and tips. Five years ago, I was so frustrated with love and dating, I started reading your blog in hopes of learning something about men. Boy, did I learn something! I went ahead and bought your book "Why He Disappeared" and read every single one of your emails. I also read your blog diligently looking for answers and insight.
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After reading your blog, listening to your audios, reading your books & watching your videos, it finally dawned on me! I realized that in order to find the "right" person, I had to be the "right" person and what that meant was that I had to change all my long-held beliefs about what love was supposed to look & feel like. All the chemistry and common interests were getting me nowhere near my goal of finding "the one".
To my knowledge, I had roughly 1400 matches on eHarmony. Can you imagine? It felt like a part time job! Sometimes after repeated disappointments I would log on just to clear the inbox because I was just tired of the same results.
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