If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

short man with a tall woman

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
I didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”.  I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker.  So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received — unsolicited 0 32
Winks received — unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6


This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life — and people — can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

Join our conversation (1,613 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1
    lady anonymous

    Honestly? It’s because I like to feel small next to a guy. I’ve been insecure about my weight my whole life. A tall, broad man does wonders for making me feel dainty next to him.

    1. 1.1

      Why do need to feel small next to a guy and feel dainty? I feel like I’ve been transported to the 1950s. You make no sense. Today’s women are so weak and pathetic.

      1. 1.1.1
        Just My Two Cents

        Hey, that’s not fair. It’s rude to call her sad and pathetic. That is just her preference as many people have. Same way some men are absolutely not attracted to fat women or skinny women. Could it be also that the women HE WANTS simply do NOT WANT him?

        1. SparklingEmerald

          I’m beginning to think the problem isn’t short, fat, bald, skinny, big noses, little noses, crossed eyes or what have you. I think a real sense of entitlement has crept into male/female relationships.

          I think the rudeness that abounds between men and women might be a bigger barrier than anything.

        2. Trimmer80

          Refusing to date a short guy isn’t a preference. It’s a deal breaker. I have a preference for brunettes but I’d still date a blonde. Too many women use “preference” to try and not sound like shallow bitches. If you refuse to date someone based on one thing that’s completely outside of their control, that has nothing to do with preference. Refusing to date a guy SOLELY because he is short is shallow by definition. Having a preference for taller guys is one thing; flat out refusing to date a guy who’s short is completely another.

        3. Jenn

          What if you’re refusing to date him because he’s short and unattractive and doesn’t have a good job and he doesn’t want kids, etc?
          And men are plenty shallow, too. How come it’s okay for them to say that they’re just not attracted to someone (for whatever reason), but when women say it it’s because they’re shallow bitches?

        4. bruno

          Okay, we can all want what we want. But it is typically women who consider that they often settle for a “lesser men”. Men don’t settle, they don’t think that way. You women are degrading in many ways. Men when they decide on a women, don’t typically think they could have gotten someone higher on their list. After all that a man can do for a women, to have her consider him a lesser man do to height is very insulting.

        5. ozzy

          In mating mechanism, taller preference is of course one way to tell that the man is healthy — same as beautiful looks and slim body to women. We’re likely to choose the best gene in purpose of bearing an healthy child. It’s not unfair. But without being tall, dispositional characters of men (humorous, intelligent, creative) can be a substitution for that matter — not to mention how personality takes the most part in long term relationship. Not like most men, women are not SO attracted by looks. But how about fat and ugly women out there, do they still got a chance? Yes, if you’re worried so much about being fat, go to the gym. And looks, believe it or not, we tend to get attracted to someone who has similar face. Despite you’re being ugly, there’s no reason to reject someone who looks close enough to yourself.
          Most women I know they want these rich, handsome, tall, intelligent, and funny, of all possible men out there. Sure, there’s nothing wrong about that. But if you don’t always get what you want, try to accept the reality instead of being shallow bitches.

        6. Julia

          “Could it be also that the women HE WANTS simply do NOT WANT him?”
          Head: meet nail.

        7. Sean

          I’m a 5’6 bald man. I’m also naturally   skinny (ie: skinny arms) in a heathly way. I happen to be a great all-around athlete and musician, amongst many other talents and attributes.   I’m also a good person raised from a great family.   I have been walking over taller men in numerous activities and engagements all my life, constantly being underestimated (including sports, schooling, manners, achievements, social life, etc.)
          All that being said, are all you women out there still saying you would rather have a mediocre shmuck with a much lower overall value just because he is 4-6″ taller?   That sucks lol

        8. David

          We are all entitled to our preferences, but some preferences can make us look sad and pathetic. Speaking as a short male, standing a shameful 5’7″ I agree that lady anonymous is sad and pathetic.

        9. janon

          The thing is…


          For women, height isn’t a “preference”.   Women get violently defensive here because they won’t just own it and instead they flip it on men “well GUYS are superficial TOO!”

          NO.   They ARE NOT.   And women KNOW that’s BS

          A short guy will *never get a date at all*

          A TALL guy *still* has to be handsome enough, fit enough, have clear skin, be hairless, have great hair or look great bald, be well hung… on and on.   And that’s *before* personality and wealth.

          Men look at a woman and she is either “hot” to them or not.   And guess what?   To 80% of guys 90% of women are “hot”

          Women can’t even *imagine* what that is like.

          Women find 80% of men “unattractive”.   That’s statistically proven.

          Guess what?   Only 15% of men are above 6′.   Coincidence? No.

          So women, you are honestly full of it.

          You have a LAUNDRY list of things you MUST have and *anything* less is “settling”

          And TOP of that list is a *requirement* that *85% of men cant meet*!!!!

          Sorry, but that is NOT how it is for guys.

          Women would rather stand in line with 20 of their girlfriends for the 6’2″ guy, then wonder why after having women throw themselves at him for 20 years he’s “entitled”, than “settle” for a short guy.

        10. Kilika

          No different than being rude and pathetic by virtue of the same standards when men don’t want heavy women. Guess we don’t want to “feel small” next to our women:)

        11. aaron

          dont compare a guys attraction to women who aren’t fat to women’s attraction to only tall guys. A woman can gain and lose weight. It us often a direct reflection if whether she takes care of herself. A guy has no control over his height.

      2. 1.1.2


        1. Day guu

          Well limb lengthening
          is an option

      3. 1.1.3


      4. 1.1.4

        If this is the way you speak to and about women, I believe your height has very little to do with your inability to find a partner. I have known many short guys who never had issues with dating ~ they had personalities that outmeasures their short statures.  

        1. Wilda Aponte


        2. randy

          I bet you don’t go out on dates with any of these amazing shorter guys…

        3. Corey N

          Ironic, tall guys can speak anyway they want does not stop them from getting women. Nice try though…

        4. Doglover02213

          I am a 5’0 female, and sure, I too find a man towering over me extremely attractive. But I am also so short that it does not matter if a guy is 5’3 or 6’3! No girl wants to be taller than her guy, but no self respecting guy wants to have to look up when he talks to his girl! If she doesn’t like you for you then she is not worth it. I promise you, Short Girl Nation is not as small as you would think. I am sure if you look hard enough you can find the girl that will complement your height perfectly!

        5. Sarah

          I completely agree. I have only met a handful of (short) men who are secure in themselves, are incredible charming and intelligent and THAT is what makes them attractive! However, many (short) men have internalized a negative self-image which has made them impossible to even speak to because they are so blantantly insecure.

          Online dating is tough when it comes to any physical drawback for any person because that is the only basis on which people are being judged. If you’re intelligent, charming and most importantly, secure in yourself, the world is replete with women who wouldn’t give a damn about a physical drawback if they were to meet you in person – not online.

        6. Kilika

          ….. I smell a misogyny bomb 🙂

        7. Will

          How many of them have you dated?

      5. 1.1.5

        Interesting, that while he complains about women not wanting him for being short, he makes a clear preference for PETITE women…….so really, pot calling the kettle black

        1. mark

          I guess you are right, it looks dumb.I’m 5’5″ an my nice fat “thing” would really look ridiculous compared to my short height, an your tall stature.

        2. Jesse

          Not wanting to date a heavy girl is nothing like not wanting to date a short guy. Heavier people can go to the gym, diet, and in the most extreme cases, surgery. Short men have no such options.

      6. 1.1.6

        Women these days are not “weak and pathetic ” as you say. Not all women want to feel small and dainty next to a man, but they also don’t want to feel like a giant compared to one as well. Something feels off being with a short man. No body wants to pick up their boyfriend to set em at the dinner table.

        1. Sepehr

          The truth is that short men are inferior in terms of physical attraction, intelligence, strength, etc. But with these days being concerned about hurting others’ feelings, no one wants to admit the truth. Don’t blame him for feeling this way about women. Rejection after rejection can make you lose any sense of acceptance of yourself and can cause you to try to find who is responsible for it, and it’s more hopeful to blame weak and pathetic bitches than to admit your place in nature.

        2. Julia

          I have a suspicion you’re a  short man trying to pass for some tall man bad ass advice.
          It’s self haltingly adorable.
          Anyway,  how about let us women choose whoever the fuck we are attracted to instead of blaming them for being superficial shallow bitches? Poster above is right something just feel off with shorter men. Like they never really reach adulthood. From what I read shorter  men usually stop their growth spur much earlier than tallerpeers so it’d make sense to rather be attracted at traits that indicate more robust sexual/reproductive health.

        3. mark king

          You wouldn’t have to pick me up, but I think my 7 could give you a lift.Hee, hee.

        4. Egypt

          That’s funny as hell
          #killedit #imdead

        5. Anon

          Unless you’re dating a dwarf, you’re not going to have to pick up your man to sit him at the table. But as you said, women like to feel dainty. I think that has to do with their self-esteem and self-image. I’m not putting blame on them for having these sort of complexes because society bombards us with these “norms” but don’t you think that constant rejection from women for being short would do damage to a short man? It’s a two-way street. Women can’t be shallow when they’re just as insecure… “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

        6. Anon

          I just reread your post, and noticed you said “not all woman want to feel dainty” but the studies mentioned in this article clearly show that MOSTLY all women prefer taller men.

        7. cold tundra

          Basically women are just confused because all they do is just feel things. Their emotions f-up their thought processes.

        8. Seanothan

          I am 5’7″and my girlfriend is 5’5″. She has no problems with the height. I can cuddle her and make her feel small. I can pick her up and toss her over my shoulder. She is not a petite woman either. In fact I am 150 lbs and she is 165lbs. Shes a beautiful woman, so I do not care what her weight number is. Or what others think of me saying that. Its the truth. Short men can still make a woman feel nice and petite as well. Really, if your height is not there, build strength and muscle. Wear straight legged pants to make your legs seem longer and boots so the ankle rests around the heel and not the bottom of the foot. I become 5’9″ doing that little illusion. Women wear make up to look unblemished, I wear the right clothes to look taller. Lol.

        9. James

          I think you’ve mistaken boyfriend with child. Unless of course they’re 5 years old in which case you have bigger problems than the height of your partner. Unless of course you’re 4-7 years old in which case kudos to your sentence structuring at such a young age

      7. 1.1.7

        It might be pathetic…but men make these same excuses when they’re talking about fat or unattractive women. The mantra is: I can’t help who I’m attracted to… you can’t make me be attracted to someone who isn’t… biology… blah blah blah

        For the record, I’m a petite woman (read very thin) who’s 5’4 and I did date men who were my height. I have an admitted preference for much taller men (husband is 6’4 and most of my boyfriends were over 6 feet tall), but at least two “short” men turned my head because they had an engaging personality and were in good shape. (One was a Marine and you would have thought that guy was a giant from the level of confidence. Way sexier than many very tall men.)

        Along with not wanting to feel like a land whale next to your date, you also have to field stupid comments from everyone around you. If your guy is confident, you can get through it. If he’s not… Let’s just say I’ve seen plenty of shorter men dump their taller girlfriends for a smaller female. It’s probably because they get insecure about the sizeism too.   

        1. Scooter

          Along with not wanting to feel like a land whale next to your date, you also have to field stupid comments from everyone around you.

          I’ve always believed that the societally engineered taboo (which plays upon the lesser effect of natural preference), is exactly why there is such a high percentage of women that won’t date short men.   Note- I said “short” men, not “shorter”. Even if a 5’6 guy is taller than his girl, there is still a bias against said guy, in most cases.

          Can you all imagine if the societal taboo and prejudice were absent? I’d bet anything that many more women would be find with dating a short guy.

        2. Blondie99

          Julia has hit the nail right on the head although I cannot reply directly to that comment it’s not that no one wants to date short men there are plenty of women attracted to short men it’s just the women the very attractive skinny women   they want to date don’t want to date them.   But wait a minute women are so horrible for judging these men based on looks now dare they?

        3. Mike

          You cant compare being short to someone that is fat i am so sick of that excuse fat people have the option to workout!

        4. Karmic Equation


          You’re missing the point.

          The point isn’t about fat or short.

          It’s about the fact that attraction cannot be controlled — There are “chubby chasers” who don’t find slender people attractive. Most people cannot fathom this.

          As a very short women (I’m under 5 ft), I’ve rarely been attracted to men between 5ft and 5’5″. However, I really haven’t met that many men in that height range. Most men I know are in the 5’6-6’1″ range. And the few short men I do know just weren’t handsome to me.

          There are fat women who are beautiful, and I’m sure many men make exceptions for her. Just as some women will make exceptions for the short guy who is confident and has a healthy outlook on dating and women.

          There were a few who commented on this thread, and from what they wrote, they weren’t hurting in the dating category.

          So, unfortunately, short, embittered men, whether they’re bitter because of their height or because of lack of success with women, are putting nails on their own coffins.

        5. Jacquelope

          Far more men date fat and unattractive women than women who date short men. Men are simply more flexible. And society routinely shames men who avoid fat women. Shallow Hal, anyone?

          And  any one, male or female, who uses the childish term “Land Whale” un-ironically… not that you were using it that way, but… yeah, they need to grow up. Just like people who refer to short guys as “needing to put them on the table”.

        6. janon

          15% of men are over 6′   So you are *really* lucky that you only date 6 foot guys.   These guys have also probably “dated” everyone you know.

          As for comparing to fat women, ugly women, etc…

          Are you saying that women are ok with fat men, ugly men, etc?   As long as they’re tall?

          That just *reinforces what is being said here*

          So either women are *more superficial* in their “preferences” than men, because they *add* height as a *deal breaker* to a list that includes every other physical quality, *or* they can *disregard every other physical quality* as long as the guy is “tall enough” (which actually seems *even worse*)

      8. 1.1.8
        nurse and momma & wife

        Ok, your comment is why you would be left as unchosen. You made a statement reflecting an attitude about woman that is similar to what I am used to hearing.   Not many secure females want to work extra hard to make a man feel more secure, or better, or confident….all the time so that they don’t have to run around being so bitter, as you expressed to feel. I am 5′ 6″ , my husband is around 5′ 3″ or so…shorter. I knew him when we were in grade school so when we hooked up a few years ago he wasn’t a “stranger” or , honestly he probably   would not have had a second date because I too am attracted to taller men. But in all reality, at first it was just about getting to know each other (because I am not that shallow). We found a connection, joy in having each other around. We are married and now I see him as this : Summing it up here is what has come about… he boasts confidence to hide lack of confidence. He wants extra praise for everyday things because he needs MORE to feel sufficient, he makes fun of other people of all ages shapes genders. ..I guess to feel superior. I hit menopause and lack of sex was very quickly a problem because that, to him, is how he knows I love and want him. He is horrible at letting people be happy by their own standards, I think it’s because he knows society’s. .umm..’view of the shorter’ and he’s afraid if we are allowed to live by ours he won’t fit in. So, what I did was go against anything I would have done in my younger years (38 now) and reminded myself not to be stupid and let something like his height be a reason to blow him off. I shut that voice up that says I like taller men. What I ended up learning was why…taller men, typically have enough confidence to let the female fall into the roll of less equal, the protected, that many of us like. You can say what you want about us women,   but it is genetically   appropriate for a lot of us and ( here’s the kicker) what makes us more attractive, or a better partner, to a lot of taller men. My husband has forced me to be an equal, and showed me what being shorter has made him…an ass. Seriously,   I cannot soothe what it has done to him in life. He would deny it but it’s an educated observation I have made as time has went on. He literally leaves no room for me to build him up to feel good about hisself in daily sincere ways and I don’t know how to. But his bubble isn’t to be busted if or when he’s ever wrong or has lied   because he is like n crying fussy kid that will declare God a liar before fess in up . I have guessed that’s because he hasn’t ‘grown up’ 😁sorry for the pun. He is a very hard worker, i believe his determination to prove hisself is why. Not all shorter men are affected like this I hope. I have noticed the trend with shorter woman too, they want extra ‘cute’ attention for being short. I guess to ease their insecurity. I stand by my earlier in life determination that taller-than-me guys are more attractive. Divorce may be in our future due to our inability   to see eye to eye on so many things of importance….not due to height, but attitude. I never had this experience with the taller guys I have been with, and will look towards looking up to, and respecting a man once again. So don’t blame it on height, not all woman are unwilling to date a shorter man, or marry them, just unwilling to make everything right in their world that being short messed up. I say if my husband would man up and be sincere,   comforting and allow me to be a bit inferior,   I would not have decided he is unattractive after all. ( yes he has a handsome face)  

        1. Ben

          Quite honestly, you sort of need someone to step in and say this, but you’re being a fool.

          Low self-esteem is not fun to deal with, I’m dealing with codependency myself.

          But you’re already divorced. Sincerely, you’re just trying to convince yourself to go through with it. Indeed, your husband may have issues that prevent him from developing a deeper intimacy. But what you fail to see is your own problems. Your husband does not ‘need’ you to make him feel better about himself. You, however, seemingly want your husband to be as codependent as you are. Would that really work for you?

          Would it work if your husbands’ self-worth and happiness was based on you?

          Sincerely, you probably know your husband better than he does. But you may not know yourself at all. A divorce may be in your future, but I promise that until you deal with yourself that it is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

        2. TomFoolery

          I enjoyed the plethora of short jokes you made, I am a short man like many here. I am not unaffected by my height, but also am not dramatically affected by it. I am also not the best looking guy, so that’s another issue, but I have dated and been with girls way out of my league.

          Vertically challenged males, if you are sitting there self loathing, just remember there is a cute girl out there who could be loving and fucking you off right now if you had just spent the last year working on all the other aspects of your self you have been neglecting. Mind, body, finances etc.

          Life is merely a realistic game with rules and relationships that have patterns and methods you can use to make you the best you, that you can be.   Here is a helpful link to watch, dont let it hurt your feelings, let it explain a reality, the reality that you decide to do something or you decide to not do something. the link seems gimmicky but i promise it is not.



        3. Corey N

          nurse and momma & wife,

          No, his comment is not the reason women do not choose him. His comment is the result, nice try. Oh, I have made some “educated” observations about women, but I guess they would be deem “sexist”. Your post cannot be take seriously…

        4. Bill

          You should share this post with him. He needs to know

        5. Bill

          To nurse, momma & wife
          You have got to share this post with your husband no matter what. He needs to know for himself and you. And you have a duty to yourself to stand up for yourself.

      9. 1.1.9

        Why are you shaming her for stating her preference? Why are men trying to control women’s body? Women’s preferences? Women’s sexuality? given how insecure your outlook and how you appear, you don’t seem to be particularly proud. Rather, fairly complexed…

        1. jam

          how in the hell are you going to show your personality to a girl who doesn’t even give you a chance because you are short

          fact: woman would rather live with a Tall Tattooed guy in a trailer in an abusive relationship then to date a short nice guy who has a very good shop and is amazing guy over all
          99.9% of the bitches want tall guys and they do this subconsciously.

      10. 1.1.10

        I’ve been tall all my life and i can honestly tell you that yes!!
        being tall, attractive, and intelligent makes life very easy
        almost every women i meet want to lick my bumhole!!
        even though i still live with my parents. i’ve destroyed a few
        marriages also. But it was the women’s fault it takes two
        to tango!

        1. SparklingEmerald

          jam at . . .said “99.9% of the bitches want tall guys and they do this subconsciously.”

          Then stop going for the bitches and find your self a sweet girl.

    2. 1.2
      Recently Heartbroken

      I think lady anonymous has said truthfully what a lot of women feel.   We want to feel feminine.. she may have said dainty.   But … we were brought up to want to be gentle and kind and light on our feet.   Some of us are athletic or curvy and have been criticized for years for our bodies.   Don’t try to minimize her feelings…   they are totally legitimate.   It does not diminsh your manhood to recognize that she wants to feel feminine.   Maybe try to find ways to make your female friends and relatives feel appreciated and feminine and accepted and that accepting nature will attract a woman whatever your size relative to hers.

    3. 1.3

      I feel exactly the same! Word for word! Dainty is hard for a geavier taller girl to feel!

      1. 1.3.1

        How about you do something about that and go to the gym? He can’t change his height you know.

    4. 1.4

      You know lady anonymous, overweight people can lose the weight whereas short men like me don’t have any option, plus I’m asian which makes it even more challenging.   My guy friends who are over 6′ tall with average looking face always brags about getting laid…doesn’t seem fair.

    5. 1.5
      dude anon

      i would get ripped into on the internet if i said i wouldnt date a girl thats heavier than me because she makes me feel skinny. which is isnt true. i have faith that most women arent as shallow as the ones who have commented bellow, most of you have been ignorant and stubborn and i advise you to rethink your “preferances”

      1. 1.5.1

        And I will probably get ripped for saying this too but I wouldn’t feel too bad about the comments here. Some are trolls, some find it easy to be rude and self righteous when they are anonymous. Some are here trying to find someone because they can’t admit their sucky personalities and sense of entitlement are why they have to come to a dating site.

      2. 1.5.2

        I would not rip you at all for saying you would not date a heavy girl.   You are entitled to your physical preferences just the same as I am.   On online dating I would readily send you a full length picture tell you my weight and height and be totally honest.   I am skinny and in decent shape.    I don’t agree however that weight is as easily changed as all of you seem to think but I’m not going to debate that.   We are all entitled to what we prefer.   I’m 5’2 and very petite and I am not attracted to men who are shorter than 5’9 I actually prefer men over 6′.   I’ve tried dating shorter men just because I’ve been called superficial so many times and the physical attraction is just not there.   You can get mad about it be bitter fight with me and all the other women but that’s not going to change it.   No ones mad at you for not wanting to date women who don’t have perfect bodies but what we are saying is don’t call us superficial for judging you based on looks when you are doing just the same.   You can advise us to rethink our preferences sure but will you?   You   are likely looking at women that are minimum 7 or 8s or above or let’s just go with women with great bodies and pretty.   A woman in the upper echelon of dating is going to have her pick of men to date so she is going to date along with her preferences can you blame her?   She has her pick of men why should she change her preferences?   She is not having a hard time getting dates she is meeting nice attractive men and she likes them tall so why should she?   If you were her and could date any women you wanted would you change your preference or would you date with your preference?   But you now could date women that are still very attractive and great but not in the upper echelon of attractiveness and have great success but you don’t you go for the 9s and the 10s and then complain they are being superficial for judging you for being short I’m sorry what? And you are the ones complaining about not getting dates not the women so who is it that needs to adjust?      This is the way things are, and I think   you need to adjust to that as it’s pretty clear women are not going to as much as you would like them to.   Badgering complaining getting mad is not changing that.    Focus on the women that are interested in you and not being angry at the ones that are not.

        1. Joe

          So really blondie?   How do you know 5’9″ is the cut off?   If you meet a guy out in the world and he’s really attractive, what are you going to do?   Measure him??   And if he’s 5’8″ then all that attraction just evaporates?   Do you realize how silly that sounds?

    6. 1.6

      Totally agree lady anonymous

      1. 1.6.1
        Shorty :)

        I’m a short man and I think most women would agree with lady anonymous… and that’s okay ladies, it is just a fact of life, not your fault. But thank you for being polite while stating your opinion, that was kind of you. The women who read this website seem to be highly intelligent and well adjusted and good-hearted. Big hugs to you all. I was married for 19 years to a very sweet, very short woman, so life worked out okay for the two of us shorties. Not all short men are so lucky as me though. This twitter stream is an example of what we live with all of our lives:  https://twitter.com/heightismxposed

    7. 1.7

      How would you feel if this guy passed up on you because of your weight, then? Isn’t that the same thing?

      Actually, what you are suggesting is worse. Weight you can do something about. But you are stuck with your height.

    8. 1.8

      And women complain that society imposes unfair standards for women’s beauty and body shapes…… Next time a woman pulls that sob routine on you, just say, “it’s a matter of preference.” 🙂

    9. 1.9
      James Mackin Jr

      Women can change their weight short guys can’t change their height that’s something we can’t control and tall guys are more likely to cheat smh

      1. 1.9.1

        When it comes to discussions about how “shallow” women are for having ANY preferences when it comes to physical type, men act as if the ONLY reason they would reject a woman is because she is obese, something she CAN help. Oh please, if a woman who you considered to be overweight proved that she had a medical condition that she couldn’t control that caused her to not meet your weight standards, you still wouldn’t be attracted to her, so let’s just can that argument.

        Even if a woman has a healthy body weight, her body could have proportions that aren’t pleasing to a man, and he would reject her for that.   Men on this blog have expressed a desire for women with long legs, a “bubble butt”   and naturally a D cup.   If a woman has legs that are proportionally short for the rest of her body, or was only born with an A cup, she can’t help that, and yet men will reject her for short legs, boob size, her butt not round enough, or flat enough, or for not having a perfect hour glass figure, although she could be of a healthy weight.

        There was an OKC study that showed that while men would rate women “fairly” on a 1-10 scale, they only asked out women who were 9s or 10s.     A woman could be of a healthy body weight, and take pride in her appearance, but that won’t always put her in the 9-10 scale range.

        And you know what ?   Iof a man is not attracted to a woman of a healthy weight because her legs aren’t long enough, her butt isn’t round enough, her boobs aren’t big enough, her rib cage protrudes to much, that’s fine with me, we are ALL entitled to be with people we are NATURALLY attracted to, and no one should be shamed into trying to force a relationship with someone they are NOT attracted to.

        So men will reject women for having physical attributes that they can’t change (short legs, too flat of a butt, not being naturally endowed with D cup sized boobs)   and that’s fine with me.   I just wish men would stop bitching about how “shallow” women are, for having their own physical attraction triggers.

        And women are chided for rejecting men with   physical attributes they CAN control.   I have caught flak on this board because I am turned off by men with Duck Dynasty style gray beards.   (not turned off by all facial hair, my fiance has a neatly trimmed moustache and goatee).   It is certainly within a man’s ability shave off his his down to his knees, all over his face gray beard, yet when I express that physical preference I’ve caught flak for it.   I also caught flak for rejecting men who smoke, something that while difficult habit to quit, is not   impossible either.

        I would never tell a potential suitor to shave his beard or quit smoking, I just wouldn’t go out with him.   Let him find a woman who finds him attractive just as he is.   Yet, I have been criticized for not wanting to be with a man with a scratchy beard, or stinky smokers breath, but women are evil if they don’t want to date a man they are not attracted to.

        BTW, I have no issue with men under 6 feet tall.   All of my major relationships have been with men in the 5’6″to 5’8″range.   I don’t select with regard to height, because honestly it doesn’t matter to me.   (I have been called a liar on this board for stating that I don’t care about height, and my track record confirms that I don’t care about height, but I digress)   I have also pointed out that men THEMSELVES don’t always want to date a woman taller than them,   and was told that shorter men rejecting taller women was irrelevant.

        Men reject women with healthy weight for things they can’t change, such as their age, their leg length, their natural boob size, their butt shape and their race.     And that’s OK, they are entitled to their physical attractions.   I just wish they wouldn’t expect women to date men they aren’t attracted to for ANY reason as well.

        1. janon

          Everything you said men judge women on, *women judge men on too*

          The difference is women add HEIGHT and make it a DEAL BREAKER and their “ideal height” is possessed by literally only 15% of the male population (something that seems to phase none of them)

          But oh yeah, most women will overlook all of that and hold their nose and tolerate you if you’re rich enough.   That really makes a guy feel special.

        2. SparklingEmerald

          Janon – You did not read my entire post, or you deliberately ignored where I said I don’t care about height.   I am marrying a man well under 6 feet tall and he is not rich either.   ALL of my serious relationships have been with men well under 6 feet tall.

          EMK ran an article that said short men get laid as often as tall men.   One male commenter chimed in and asked “But are they getting laid by 9’s and 10’s” (or something along that lines)

          If short men make a woman having to be in the top 90% beauty wise and refuse to date averagely cute women, they are hypocrits for complaining about women’s short bias, when they clearly have a beauty queen bias.   And short men who claim that ALL women want men who are 6 feet tall are liars as well, which is demonstrably true.   Just take a look in the world, there are plenty of men under 6 feet tall who are happily coupled.

          I am engaged to an average income, well under 6 foot tall man, because he is handsome, kind, funny, smart, treats me like a queen.   Me, I am an averagely cute older woman with average income and an OK job.   Neither one of us is “settling”, we are wildly-crazy-in-love with each other.   He thinks I’m gorgeous, I think he is the sexiest thing ever, yet neither one of us by universal objective standards are probably “all that”, but we are “all that” to each other, and that is all that matters.

          I could complain about all the men who rejected me for my age, my flat chest, or my less than a “10” face, or I could find the one man that I think is sexy who thinks I am gorgeous and we could just love each other.   I chose the latter.

    10. 1.10
      Uknown Male

      Hey, I’m a male and yea, i read the post. And started reading because i’m single, and curious because I am a shorter male. Honestly, Im about 5’5′-5’6. In my 20’s had no problems with dates, nor really felt people are as harsh now as they were before. i’m in my late 30’s now. Unfortunately divorced, and have most custody of my child. The true love of my life, she’s my princess. As you said you’ve been insecure about your weight, as a man might be as insecure about his height. I realize you maybe want to feel dainty around him. However I use to be a very successful MMA fighter, until I had to have a hip replacement, around 29. In which ended my career. I have absolutely no problem with larger women! No matter what size! This is going to be a horrible comparison!!!!!! So please no one get mad. I love animals period!!!! I have 2 awesome dogs. (I just want you to know I am not comparing you to one!!! lol.) They had been beat by there previous owners and have some disfigurements. Apprehensive at first, and after time it all came down to, that they just wanted to be loved. They are the sweetest dogs in the world. They love me daughter, she loves them. I do to. And I am happy. At this point I want the same thing I just want to be loved.

  2. 2

    I agree that short men have it very, very hard. The discrimination short men face is more unfair than the discrimination overweight women face since no one has any control over his/her height and being short, unlike being overweight, being short does not mean you are physically incapable of things.

    One question I have is why women find it so easy to make a guy feel self-conscious about his height. I’m 5’8” and several women have admitted – before our date = they have reservations about my height, asking me questions like “are you really 5’8”?” I would NEVER make a woman feel bad because of her height or weight, so I do not understand why many women do not give shorter-than-average men the same consideration.

    1. 2.1

      Those women who made you feel bad about your height were b*tchy losers and you shouldn’t worry about what they think. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s true. I’m 5 feet 4 or 5 inches, and I do prefer guys at least 2 or 3 inches taller than me, and I’ve mostly dated such guys. But the guy I was the most in love with was a childhood friend about my height or a teeny bit taller (the moment I wore heels I was way taller). There was noone more attractive in the world to me, esp because he had such an amazingly good heart…You sound like a sensitive and nice person, and so you deserve much better than those unkind women anyway. If they’d been attracted to you and u later ended up marrying one of them, she probably wouldn’t have made you happy.

      1. 2.1.1

        Speaking as someone who’s over 5’11” barefoot, I have this to say:  if you’re 5’6 and a woman turns you down just because of that, she’s never going to love you if you go back in time and come at her at 6’2. A woman like that loves a man’s value, she does not value his love.

        Likewise if you  turn her down for being fat you aren’t gonna love her if she’s thin, for the same reason.

  3. 3

    I’m 5’6.5″ and average weight. Like lady anonymous said, a taller man’s body makes me feel more feminine by comparison.

    Conversely, when a man is short enough to nestle into my chest, it feels oddly like having a child in my arms. My ex was about 5’9″ and it was hard to shake that feeling of being a mommy when he’d cuddle into me.

    The unspoken thing that vexes me sometimes is how women who are much shorter than me, say 5′ – 5’3″ will only date men who are +6′. What’s up with that? Jeez ladies– Leave some of the really tall guys for us taller women. Why won’t you date the guys who are still a good 5″ taller than you?

    1. 3.1

      i don’t really understand how a guy nearly three inches taller than you can make you feel like a mommy when you cuddle, and i can’t see him nestling into your chest easily. i just don’t get the whole “taller man’s body” thing, it would seem to make more sense to me if the guy was just broader and still somewhat taller, with a bigger emphasis on the broadness. A lot of tall guys look like gumby to me and sure as hell couldn’t manhandle 130 or so lbs.

      1. 3.1.1

        Yeah, she’s a weirdo  

    2. 3.2
      Anita Simmons Kearney

      the reason we have such disparity in heights is because when two short people mate they make short people duh, short women marry up literally.They want their children to be taller. we are attracted to our polar opposite for a reason. also our culture conditions us to what is attractive and desirable and we follow like the sheep we are …superficial little sheep that pay lip service to   “it only matters what is on the inside”   I call BS on all that  

      1. 3.2.1
        Torsh Johansen

        Anita, I disagree on the kids part — it’s not that simple.   If it were, you’d find short women who’ve already had their kids and not wanting more, not find height a problem with guys.   Or you’d find short ladies roll right to a much cuter shorter guy vs the okay-looking taller guy, but not want a relationship. Or when on Spring Break (just for fun!), the shorter gals wouldn’t aim to pair up with the taller guys. Not all short women are that way so much.   But still, they want a guy notably taller than they.   Why?   They don’t want the “shorter” guy in the room.   They don’t want to look/feel like they’re “settling”.   The more avid a gal is for social status, attention, etc — the more apt she’ll be to want a taller guy when she’s short and the whole height thing is taken care of by 99% of options out there.   She wants an Accomplishment — a big fish pulled out of the sea where there’s plenty of fish.

        1. bruno

          Women love powerful men, in stature and social dominance. Taller people are perceived more as leaders and have higher status. When a women’s husband is taller than her friends husband, then she wins that one–he may be an ass, but he is more of a man in the most shallow sense. Silly, but until women become more confident in their own values and self assessments, they find comfort in playing the games where society tells them what to avoid. BTW, I am 5 foot 8, which is not tall, but does not seem like an issue with my attractiveness–maybe they just want me for sex?

        2. RustyLH

          No, she is right…it does have to do with kids. It is biological programming. Just because she has mentally decided that she has had enough kids does not mean the biological programming stops working. I don’t see a reason to beat women up over this. I have my preferences also, as do many men. I definitely prefer women who are above average in looks. I know everyone likes to think they are at least just a little above average, but it’s the reality of the situation. The thing is, we all do that. They did research in a university and found that people will set their sites high when they are very young and first start noticing the opposite sex. Read that as all the guys want the head cheerleader, and all the girls want the star quarterback. Of course we aren’t all going to get the 10s, and after many rejections, we rest for s short period, and then look around again, slightly lowering our expectations. So now we are at the 9’s. If we again keep getting rejected, we move down to the 8’s. At the same time this process can be sped up if we are being approached by the opposite sex in enough numbers, and we begin too notice the prettiest girls or handsomest guys that approach us. At some point we learn where we fit in. After long relationships that end, we often have to go through this process again. What it really comes down to is a sort of economics. There is a very real economy there. If you go to one large area and the girls just aren’t very pretty but there are plenty of handsome men, then girls will likely be able to get guys that they wouldn’t in an area with many more very pretty girls. I’ve seen that work in reverse a few times also.

          While I was in the Navy, I saw several couples break up for this reason. In every case, the man had married a girl that was quite pretty. They were from fairly isolated areas like very small towns in Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, etc… They joined the Navy, and after a short period, brought their wife to live with them in San Diego. Well…welcome to the big city where beautiful people are everywhere. Suddenly these girls see guys that are very good looking, also noticing them. Never failed…these women would start to date some hunky guy while we were at sea for 6 months. And the Dear John letter followed.

          Note that I am not saying this is right, or OK…just that it is what it is.

        3. CPTAlon

          Rusty…. Biological Programing? This is in a science book? …LMAO    

      2. 3.2.2

        That’s not true, because if one wanted to “marry up”, then men would have too look for taller women to fulfill tall children, but men prefer shorter women.

        1. Jay

          Men don’t prefer any height, men don’t care about height.

      3. 3.2.3
        mark king

        Anita, I’m 5’5″, but I Can truly offer you something big.You see, one notable thing about stature is that size can’t be determined by it.Trust me.

        1. Kate

          You crack me up!   It’s all the same when you’re both lying down in bed!   🙂

      4. 3.2.4

        You do know that a tall man doesn’t always make tall kids, right? My dad was 6’6″…I’m 5’3″. I’m a carbon copy of him in all but height.  

      5. 3.2.5


        That’s not actually true. Two short people can have tall kids, and vice versa. Height is controlled by a number of factors, and is not easily predictable. Example: my neighbor is 5’8″, his wife is 5’1″, and they have three kids, a girl who is about 5’9″, and two boys who are both over 6′. And yes, they are all their natural children.

        So you can’t make assumptions; height is dependent on too many different influences and is not predictable in the simple way you imply.

      6. 3.2.6

        My grandfather was 5.6 and my grandmother was 5.2. Their 7 children ranged from 4.10 to 6.2. Go figure.

    3. 3.3

      I agree with you completely. It makes perfect sense for taller women to want taller guys. What doesn’t make sense is why a women who is say 5’0 wouldn’t date someone my height. I’m 5’4 so I would be 4 inches taller than her.

      1. 3.3.1

        Shawn, it’s because short women feel they have lots of options. Any time people feel that they can have anything they want, they become pickier.

        This is why the Internet is a terrible place to date. The huge number of people online makes everyone feel that they can afford to be as picky as they like.

    4. 3.4

      Why? Because we can.   A lot of men find petite women very attractive. As this thread is proving, dating isn’t fair. I’m 5’3″ and most of the men I date are above 6′ and they are the ones to approach/pursue me. That said, I approach/date men of all heights. I find the comments about shorter men not maturing pretty ridiculous and borderline offensive. Some ethnicities tend to be shorter/smaller. The not liking shorter guys thing is just base biology and gender expectations at its core. Sure, ladies, you are welcome to embrace this, but then don’t be upset if the men around you also embrace their biological urge for a young, physically attractive woman with a nice body.  

      1. 3.4.1
        Corey N

        Um no, men are way more flexible with “dating preferences” by leaps and bounds compared to women…

        1. Shandy

          NO they aren’t, that is absolutely not true.

          source- I’m female with dating experience

        2. pk

          Corey, men are absolutely not, more flexible in dating than   women. Think now Corey. Are men willing to eliminate sex? See, told you. So you all are not flexible.

          If you’re honest,   and think a minute, you would admit that your gender mates,   are the ones who are always sizing a woman up, from head to toe, from boobs to butt.   You are constantly checking her out and discussing her body parts with your buddies, like some over-harmonal   teenagers. .

          Men have just as many preferences as women, and probably more than women. Most of us girls, just want a clean, decent, gentleman, who is not touchy feely, nor a rapist, because for us, sex and body parts, do not make a person.


        3. janon

          Total BS.

          Women are OBSESSED with height.   FIFTEEN PERCENT of men are over 6′, yet somehow EVERYONE on this thread “only dates guys 6’+” , whether they are 5’0 or 5’11

          What does that tell you?   Women would rather *revolving door* tall guys.   Be with tall guys that have slept with 500 women.   No problem.   They’re tall.

          Men are *not* like that.

          But lets leave height aside…

          Do WOMEN like FAT guys? HELL no. GTFO of here

          How about HAIRY guys? Uh… NO

          UGLY guys? Yeah right

          BAD SKIN? No

          So WT F are you talking about?

          EVERY physical characteristic men use to “size up” women, women have the EXACT SAME criteria!

          EXCEPT women have boobs (which they can surgically enhance) and men have penis size, which women are FAR more brutal with than men are boobs, and they CANNOT surgically enhance

          And EXCEPT that women add height, which men DONT care about, as a deal breaker.

          Women on these threads make it sound like 500lb guys have NO problem dating.   What TOTAL BS that is

          FAT women are equivalent to FAT MEN

          The fact that you women are equating OBESE women with SHORT men says it all!

          You’re ignoring the fact that OBESE MEN even exist and also ignoring that PEOPLE CAN LOSE WEIGHT

      2. 3.4.2

        Janon said “Women are OBSESSED with height.   FIFTEEN PERCENT of men are over 6”², yet somehow EVERYONE on this thread “only dates guys 6’+” , whether they are 5’0 or 5’11”

        I didn’t bother reading the rest of your post after that whopper of a lie.   I have stated many times on this blog, and I am sure on this thread as well, that I don’t consider height in who I date.   In less than 3 weeks I will be marrying the man I love, and he is well under 6 feet.   Go back and read this thread, it is not EVERYONE as you falsely stated.

        Men reject women for small boobs, short legs, and flat butts.   All these characteristics could exist in a woman of healthy body weight with a healthy body style, yet many men (not all ) act as if morbid obesity is the ONLY reason why a man rejects a woman based on her physicality, and the go on to say they are really only rejecting the lifestyle and the character flaw that obesity is a reflection of.   Now THAT is total non-sense.   I have no problem with men having a physical type, and if that means a woman with short legs gets rejected, so be it.   BOTH genders are entitled to their own unique set of attraction triggers.   An OKC study showed that men only pick the 9’sand the 10’s to write to.   And men say that is perfectly OK.   But a woman having her own attraction triggers ?   Many men say “not OK”.


        1. SparklingEmerald

          “body style” should be “life style”

    5. 3.5

      As already noted, this is a matter of personal preference.   Are you annoyed because the preference of shorter women for taller men seems to be mutual?  

  4. 4

    Most short guys I know have wicked Napoleon complexes. It may be subconscious or not, but they tend to overcompensate by being overbearing, sanctimonious know-it-alls who are often bitter about women. I feel for them just like I would for an obese woman, but pushiness in a short man tells me he hasn’t gotten over his height and is a major turnoff.

    1. 4.1

      Comparing a short guy to someone suffering from obesity? Really? I guess this one really sums it up! I guess women would prefer a man 150 pounds over weight, than date a 5 foot 3 inch gymnastic stud? That is not to pass any judgment on such a choice–it is theirs alone to make. I just find it eye opening. But, if an overweight women wants to feel something that she is not (dainty), then the 350 pounder is a match made in heaven! I actually understand now.

    2. 4.2

      Oh yeah, and what type of complex do fat women have?

      1. 4.2.1
        John Micheal

        The idea behind this debate is that the world is unfair to short guys. I am a short guys, and I can vouch that getting a girl is MUCH harder than if I were tall (granted there probably is a bit of bias involved). However, taken to the extreme, the girls in the study are preferenced to tall guys, at least very much so. This being said, changing a persons opinions to suite ones needs may be morally right but it infringes upon that persons individuality. Overall, just as guys have their preferences for thin women, so do girls have their preference for tall guys. We cannot change that. However, we can change societies reactions to such declarations of preference. As multiple commenters have said, it would be social suicide for a guy to reject a girl on the premise of being fat, however it would not be so for the opposite (a girl rejecting a guys because he was short). Society needs to be as unjedgemental as it is of guys rejecting girls as it is girls rejecting guys. Period. The actual superficiality of the decision is impossible to change, and it is thus unreasonable to try.

    3. 4.3
      Iced Earth

      The real problem is too many people (people like timotea) believe shorter men are supposed to be weak & meek and people expect them to act like that. If your short and show confidence in your self, if your intelligent and thoughtful then you have a “Napoleon” complex or your overbearing since you do not conform to societal norms. FYI Napoleon was of slightly above avg height for his time 5″6″. It is the same concept when women who are smart and aggressive are labeled bitches. So I doubt most short men you know have any type of complex. They are just acting in a way that’s contrary to your expectations.
      Thank goodness for that!.

      1. 4.3.1

        Amen   to that,   Using the term Napoleon complex  just shows their prejudice.   Short men we are damn if we do and damn if we don’t. You can’t win. If you don’t always stand up for yourself than you are weak. If you always stand up for yourself than you have a Napoleon complex. Women will say just be confident and that will fix everything. Women will lie straight to your face so they will not seem shallow,   since women are always accusing men of being shallow, they will simply try to cover up their own shallowness.

      2. 4.3.2

        Going to have to disagree with that. I know many shorter men who have gotten over it, but I also know a lot of shorter men who are like switchblades. Just waiting for something to trip their trigger. I’m 6’0″ so right in the middle between the really tall guys and the shorter guys. I can honestly say that there is a huge difference on average between the way shorter guys act and guys who are taller.

        If you are shorter, you simply have to take a look in the mirror. Maybe even ask some friends you can trust, or set up some hidden cameras and watch how you act…just act normally, and then watch the video later. Or, simply do a self analysis. Do you act aggressive? Try to act tough most of the time? Do you believe that you have to act tougher to get respect? See, from a somewhat taller guy’s perspective, that never works. In fact, acting cockier/tougher just gets you noticed in a bad way, which is where the Napoleon Complex term came from…people notice.

        What struck me funny was how somebody above basically tried to say that if you are confident, etc.. you get labeled as a Napoleon. Well, that sounds just like the women whining that if they are confident strong women, they get labeled as rude and overbearing. No…if you are rude and overbearing you get labeled as such. People know the difference between confident and cocky. They know the difference between having opinions and being opinionated. They know the difference when somebody has respect for other people and when they don’t. They can see it when a guy who is 6’3″ and 230 pounds of muscle is normally cool and relaxed, and the guy who is 6’5″ and works out has to always act like a tough guy…always acting hard.

        1. CPTAlon

          Rusty…..If I had seen you response earlier I would have responded sooner.   I am going to be nice about this OK but you are clearly an ignorant self absorb person who cannot put yourself in other people’s shoes. And yes, short men who are assertive are labeled with the Napoleon complex. Also Rusty if you had a brain or did your research no credible psychologist would even entertain what you are saying about the so-called Napoleon complex  .   If this complex existed anybody can have it, short tall , fat skinny or whatever.       The term was simply made up by people who do not like assertive short men. I know men that are  short, tall and average height that I would describe as  “switch blades”. You have some twisted logic and inadvertently prove my point.      Its only an issue when the short man has those exact same negative personality traits.   So you just label all short men something negative based on the actions of one. That’s called being prejudice. Maybe you need to understand what that is. If you are an asshole who judge people based on their height you need to look in the mirror and see your own flaws, and stop judging others. Even though you wrote a lot I don’t think you gave much thought in how stupid and prejudice your  remarks were.    How would you react if people are constantly disrespecting you on a daily basis because you are 6 feet tall? . Most men can keep their cool, whether tall or short   but a few tall or short will “go off”   that’s just how it is. Maybe if people would stop disrespecting others than everything will be cool.

        2. RustyLH

          Sorry Alon, you were not nice. Your Napoleon complex is showing. Especially with your stalking me through three replies. WOW, I got under your skin a bit and your Napoleon Complex kicked into high gear. Attack attack attack! LOL

          I will be nice though. First, you need to learn to read. I did not say all short men have a Napoleon complex. Many do. Many keep it just under the surface. This is similar to how Ive noticed many black guys will seem cool, but at they will go on the attack very quickly. It’s the same thing, just different names. The broader concept is the victim mentality. Deep down you feel injured. There is a tender spot there that if poked or prodded, elicits an explosive response. Some with a Napoleon Complex don’t hide it at all. This is more an attempt to ward off aggression by other bigger men. It’s an attempt to say, I’m nobody to trifle with…I’m not an easy target.

          Now what’s funny is that my sister and her husband were both cops in Georgia and all of us who rode with both of them saw a huge difference in how they dealt with those that they pulled over. My brother-in-law who is 6’3′ would calmly and politely ask the person if they knew why they were being pulled over, and then he would politely ask for their license and registration. My sister on the other hand came across like a 5’3″ pitbull immediately demanding to see their license and registration. Both my dad and I questioned her about it and she got defensive and said that Doug could afford to be nice but because she was a short woman, she had to establish her authority. I told her she was wrong. I said, “Look, the majority of people just want to stay out of more trouble, and just want you to give them their ticket so they can leave. Truly bad guys are used to dealing with truly tough guys and truly tough guys don’t have to bark. I told her that in actuality, he attitude could actually spark a guy into action. He might get mad that some short woman is only talking to him like that because he has a gun and a badge…and then think…”well, I have a gun too.” I told her the simple fact is that guys see through that. You sound like a small dog snarling and barking, which doesn’t scare guys. I told her, simply talk in a calm, firm, confident tone. And yeah, that did work for her.

          Some big men are also jerks. This comes from two different but equally bad places. The big man is just a bully that acts like he does because he feels his size allows him to. I had two grandfathers. Everyone does. Not all people have a situation like my two grandfathers experienced. My grandfather on my dad’s side was a big man. Generally a quiet and calm man. Most of my uncles on that side of the family are similar…big but calm and reserved.

          My mother’s father was a short man. He was the opposite of my other grandfather. He did have a Napoleon complex. He was angry at the world for how he was treated, but what he didn’t realize was that the everyone, even big people have their crosses to bear. He allowed his experience to make him bitter and an alcoholic. He chose to get in my other grandfather’s face, so after repeated warnings that were ignored, my paternal grandfather picked him up by his collar, put him against the wall and told him that if he didn’t stay out of his face, he was going to hurt him. This was before my dad met my mom. It did affect my mom and dad, but didn’t stop them from getting married, obviously. My mom’s mom was a very beautiful woman. And I am not just saying that because she was my grandmother. My mom was a good looking woman, her younger sister was voted sexiest in her class in a large high school in Columbus Ohio. My grandmother was the type of older woman who attracted men less than half her age when she was out by herself. She was model good looking with naturally platinum blond hair.

          The point here is that these very beautiful women, then and now married short men. So there are women out there that have no problem with it. However, I think there are some things, especially physical things, things that the other person can’t change, that some people will not want. Not all white women want to date black guys. Not all black women want to date white guys. I like Oriental and Latino women. Not all of them want to date white guys. I just have to deal with that, and not be a hypocrite, because I too have things I do not want. Really not interested in dating black women. Also, I’m not interested in overly tall women. Are they any different than short men? Can I just flip a switch and change what I am attracted to? No.

          I think your problem is that you need to look in the mirror and give it an honest accounting. You acted just like somebody with a Napoleon Complex. Didn’t like my opinion so you immediately went on the attack. It’s in how far you escalate. Somebody throws darts at you and you return fire with nuclear bombs. You are just like women who have a personality problem standing in their way, then make excuses and whine that they are being discriminated against just because they are a woman. They say, “men just can’t handle a strong woman.” We say, “No, we like strong women…we don’t like rude, abrasive, snotty women. There is a difference.”

          People who see themselves as victims and act rudely as a result, don’t think they are doing anything wrong.

          Last point, I don’t think people tend to change. I don’t like what I see in women, and I don’t see them changing. Are their some good ones left? Maybe, but I still like the divorce odds better with a foreign woman. Women are reaping what they have sown. Now many men have had it and are simply looking someplace else.

          My ex-wife had a friend, and she was hot. She was married to a guy 4 inches shorter than her 5’9″. He ended up divorcing her and marrying another girl who was 5’7″ and younger.

        3. CPTAlon

          Sorry Rusty, you just showed your ignorance. first off like I said before Napolen complex does not exist. No credible psychologist would agree with you. Reading is fundamental, I’m not sure how you or anybody could have missed that point. You think you know everything but I’m sorry you don’t. I would never see myself as a victim, if you read anything else I wrote on this blog I am clearly giving younger dudes advice on how to deal with the discrimination and how to deal with idiots like you with pre-conceived notions. Your inflated ego is coming out big time. You like to go off on these long stories that you try to use to justify your predjudice assumptions. Then you talk about black people in a very generalize way. Hmm I am seeing a pattern here. You also sound like the typical person trying to play psychologist but in reality you simply do not know what the hell you are talking about. The reason why I responded is because I think your logic is so humerous. You talk as if every woman or at least most women have a pre- biological code which they can not control which forces them to choose a much much taller mate. That theory is so laughable, and I bet you typed it with a straight face. Dude you have issues. Also no one wants to here your pointless and long family stories, they are irrelevant to the conversation as you trying to desperately fit pyschological theories into a real life situation. You need to stop trying to be a professor you are not smart I assure you ..lol. I will continue to respond to you because I feel its my duty to educate you since you have an unconscious ignorance. And that’s the most dangerous kind of ignorance to have. Dr Martin Luter King said an unconscious ignorance is the most dangerous kind. I think you are a dangerous person that should never be allowed in any kind of high management or leadership position. Your own pedjudice may affect your decision making and a good employee may get fired becuase you have a predjudice. Loook in the mirror and take a long hard look at yourself.

        4. RustyLH


          “you just showed your ignorance. first off like I said before Napolen complex does not exist. No credible psychologist would agree with you. Reading is fundamental, I’m not sure how you or anybody could have missed that point. You think you know everything but I’m sorry you don’t. I would never see myself as a victim, if you read anything else I wrote on this blog I am clearly giving younger dudes advice on how to deal with the discrimination and how to deal with idiots like you with pre-conceived notions.”

          Are you a moron? It’s a question, not a statement. Do you know that? Not once did I say that all short men have this complex. In fact, I gave examples of one who did, my grandfather, and one who did not, the husband of my ex-wife’s friend. Both of these men were able to get top shelf women.

          Yet you are so wrapped up in your own victimhood that you continue to attack and attack and insult. Use your own advice. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL.

          Like it or not, SOME short guys feel inferior because of their lack of height and try to make up for it by being overly macho and quicker to aggression..,like you. Deal with it. Everyone has their own cross to bear. Some flat chested women feel self conscious about that. Everyone has a cross to bear. Some deal with it in a good way, some deal with it in a bad way.

          If you think there aren’t some short men with an inferiority complex, or a feeling of being victimized due to their height, you are nuts.

          Now, please continue to show everyone that you are indeed one who has this complex by continuing to attacks somebody and insult because they dare to have a different opinion than yours. Awesome…just awesome.

        5. CPTAlon


          Rusty, apparently you have not understood a word I have said or have been saying. This isn’t about what American women don’t like. A successful man who just happen to be short can just do like you did and say to hell with American women and date women in other countries who are not as shallow about height.
          That is a quick and easy fix.
          My point is to give short men in America advice on dealing with predjudice people like you. If you read other things I posted you would have gotten it. No one is whining dumbass about not getting a woman. Most good men regardless of height can and will eventually get a woman.

          Short men who are successful have no problem at all finding a good woman once they broaden their horizon and date women in other countries and cultures.

          Mostly fat women whine about their situation. Men short, tall or whatever simply adjust to the situation and deal with it.

          I want young men who just happen to be short, to know how to deal with predjudice people like you in the work place, that is my point. You showed your ignorance again by posting some crap from a website which was just someone’s predjudice opinion. What I posted has true research to back it up. Napoleon complex is a myth.

          I am not whiniung I am simply trying to educate the ignorant like you and if some young man is reading this they will know how to recognize and how to deal with people like you, they will know how   you think; they will know how to recognize people like you and the best way to react. This discussion is not about dating, it is about you.

          I agree there is a lack of respect for men in America but some men don’t deserve respect because of their trashy or egotistical behavior.
          You are a good example of that. Short men like any other men don’t need anybody’s sympathy. I just saw how this story points out women’s shallowness because the subject is always men’s shallowness. No one is arguing that either side is shallow, both men and women do basicly the same thing, which is the point I have made dumbass.
          Rusty it’s like you are doing a lot of talking but not understanding my point. It sucks you cannnot cut me off in mid sentence like you probably would do in your dailey life. You cannot simply dismissed my point because you feel someone who is short should not have an opinion. I will keep on responding until you finally get it.

        6. Realist

          You don’t know sh!+, rusty..   Your generalizing everything based on your effed upbringing.   I’m 5’10”, people show me respect because the way I carry myself, either that or appear disdainful out of pure fear…a bully will ALWAYS recognize true confidence and back off before incident because confidence is his TRUE enemy.. Just my experience…                                               Maybe women want a taller man because they HAVEN’T seen a truly CONFIDENT one..
          This is all coming from humans here…..smh

        7. mark king

          I know a lot of taller guys my friend who are like switchblades.I’m 5’5″ with a highIQ and the ladies like my endowedness so 2 out of three qualities isn’t that bad.

        8. mcurious1

          love how the guy with the worst, most boorish attitude and least level of self-insight on this entire blog is talking about introspection and manners!  

    4. 4.4

      Of course, if you’re confident and assertive as a taller man, you’re a go-getter that knows what he wants. As a shorter man, you’re pushy, or you have the dreaded Short Man’s Syndrome. Go to the other end of the spectrum, if you’re laid back as a tall man, you’re easy-going. As a short man, you’re a wuss. It’s ridiculous typecasting.  

      1. 4.4.1

        100% spot on.   Basically what people viciously brand “Napoleon complex” in short men is behavior that they *worship and admire* in tall men.

        Go figure.

        A tall guy who is loud, brash and assertive is a “real man” who “knows what he wants”

        A short guy is a “weirdo Napoleon complex freak”

        1. matt

          i’m 5’7. up to you whether you consider that short — i don’t feel short, but i have eyes and i realize most men are taller than i am.

          i’m loud, brash, assertive, and yet more than once people have specifically told me that i don’t act like i have a chip on my shoulder about my height.

          it can be done

    5. 4.5

      maybe it’s not a Napolean complex, maybe they’re just sick of female entitlement and holier-than-thou judgments like you just made?

    6. 4.6

      Pushiness for a short man means he hasn’t gotten laid in a long time, and it’s because women turn him down because of his height.   Again, it always goes back to you women.   He has no problem with his height, it’s women who do.   You women create men like this, by ignoring them, treating them like dirt and not caring about them.   How else do you think they’re going to feel?   Put yourself in their shoes for one day, you won’t have the strength to do it.

    7. 4.7

      And if a tall guy behaved in the exact same manner women wouldn’t give a fuck, it’s just charming or an indication of drive. You gave it away in the last sentence, pushiness in a *short* man…
      The bottom line is short men can do everything right, women will still make up excuses why they’re never good enough.

  5. 5

    My friend “T” likes short guys — because she’s 5 foot 5, 108 pounds, with basically no curves at all and has always been super skinny. She likes short guys because they aren’t twice her size.

    Along the same lines, most women may not be into short guys because it makes them feel big and heavy. There’s such a strong emphasis on women being small — mostly thin, but also petite — so maybe if it was okay for women to be any other size it would be okay for men too. If a guy is going to outweigh me (I’m 5 foot 6, mid 140s) yet not be fat, he’s probably going to be a few inches taller than I am.

    Come to think of it, I know a woman who is 5 foot 9 and has dated men shorter than I am. In that situation, both parties have to have TONS of self confidence and not really give a damn about how other people are perceiving them. Because he kinda looks short and she kinda looks like a giant.

    1. 5.1

      I am 5ft. 8 in. and 170 and have abs and very fit. So my height should not be a concern for you, at least not for your posted reason. But I know if I were 6 foot 2 that women would be all over me. But I, me as my own person, prefer 5 foot 8 as MY height.

  6. 6

    In line with the others, I’d have to say that as a tall woman (I’m 5’11”) I enjoy being shorter (and smaller) than my guy. However, most of my boyfriends have been an inch or two shorter than me. One of the things I look for in a man is confidence, and even if he’s 5’7″ and loves himself as he is (without any cockiness or napolean complexes) sure, I’d go out with him. (Though it would help if he were a stocky fellow, in that case.) Unfortunately for men like Tom, 5’3″ might be too extreme for me (and 5’11” for him–especially since I love wearing heels). In the dating world I am “discriminated against” plenty for my height but I have no problem with it. Preferences are preferences, fair or not, and if a man can’t get past my statuesque externals, I don’t want him anyway. Here’s to all of us still looking and best of luck to Tom!

    1. 6.1
      Corey N

      No you are not “discriminated” against, stats bare this out tall woman…

  7. 7

    I was in a relationship with a shorter (than me) man. It was great! We were both normal weight, probably both with some “baby fat”. The feeling of being a woman next to a man never left me for a second while with him. On the contrary, I think he despised my high heels (although he never commented on that) – and I like high heels, so I never asked if he feels bad about them (well if it was my wedding day I’d probably go on flats and give some heels to him!).

    Why? I am European. In Europe. There is something wrong with the U.S. in this regards, don’t know what. Like shame of nudity in changing rooms – that’s quasi impossible to understand on this side of the pool.

  8. 8

    SO, there are a number of reasons that women are not as attracted to shorter men: Since I’m not so sure the other ladies have the guts to say it:

    there’s something disturbing about going out with a guy who is eye level with my chest. It’s that whole Oedipus complex issue. We know you guys like breasts, so to have a guy who has even easier access to looking at them ALL the time is creepy. Then there’s the issue of intimacy. I enjoy being face to face with a lover and if he’s that much shorter, it’s a bit of a mood killer having his face buried in the fun bags constantly. And that’s coming from a girl who enjoys a little attention in that area.

    Then there’s the issue of fashion: Most of us love the way our Choos or Manolos make out legs look long and toned, even if we can’t walk after going out on a date with them! Incidentally, it also gives us a little more height, thus creating the need for a taller guy if the premise previously mentioned holds true for most of us women.

    SO it’s not that dating men who are shorter that is the problem. It’s dating men that are much shorter that is the hurdle. So, to the short guys out there: There are plenty of short girls. Stick within 2 inches of your height and you should be just fine.

    As a side note: I’m 5’9. I am currently dating a man who is 5’8. I specifically asked him if he cared about my love for heels and if he did, he’d have to get over it! There are those of us out there who don’t care but we’re a small portion of the population. Oh, and prior to 5’8 guy my last boyfriend was 6’9. So the same difficulty can be said for a guy who is unusually tall. Your dating pool is just going to be smaller.

    AS for the other items (fat, bald Asian…) IF you’re fat;start working out. It’s only fair that you are seeking out someone with the same level of fitness as you. If I’m taking care of my body, I would expect the same in a partner.

    If you’re bald: shave it all off. Don’t fight it. Embrace the baldness. It’s sexy. And it’s not that big a stigma anymore. and for god sakes, SKIP the hair implants. They look awful.

    If you’re Asian: this is NOT a disadvantage. You are the largest population in the world (all nationalities combined!). There are plenty of women for you to date…if you prefer Asian women. If you prefer white women, then you’re dating pool is smaller. Only a certain percentage (I don’t claim to know what it is) of white women will consider dating outside their race so again, the same senitment rings true: your dating pool is just going to be smaller.

    1. 8.1
      Hory Sheet

      I can’t believe these comments….”most of us love our choos”…Great .illustration of your intelligence in general,. Your life revolves around an overpriced, shitty shoe brand that hurts your feet and makes you unable to walk properly, but decides decides your choice on   future partner. I am sure your children will have great moral values!

      What happened to attraction based on looks, intelligence, and personality? Caking yourself in makeup does not make you a better person, nor does dating some idiot that is tall enough to get a parking ticket if he stands around for too long

    2. 8.2

      Lanie, don’t comment about things you know nothing about, mmmmay? Hair transplantation today is a highly refined art that produces undetectable results. You’re operating under the standard of “hair plugs”, which have been gone since the late 90s.  

  9. 9

    I’m 5’9.5″ (though people say I look taller) with an atheletic build. I dated a 6′ guy who looked scared of me when I wore heels, I did try wear flats around him but that felt unfair.

    I recently dated a guy who claimed he was 6’6″ but I’m almost certain he was more like 6’9″ and that felt awkward. I’m used to being one of the tallest people in the room and it just felt odd being dwarfed by a guy. Not being able to sneak a kiss without a running jump – not my idea of fun.

    The shortest guy I’ve dated was 5’8″. There is something about a guy gazing down at you (in my case, as long as it’s not from too far up!) that would feels great, it would take a lot of getting used to if the guy was significantly shorter and I had to be the one looking down. I don’t know if I could do it…

    I’m also an avid ballroom/social dancer so the ability to spin me without smacking my head is a huge plus, that usually requires a guy to be about eye level or taller. Maybe it’s a pipe dream and one of the reasons why I’m alone on a Friday night but I’d like to find a guy with a sense of rhythm who “fits” me on the dance floor. I think the rhythm requirement eliminates more people than the height one 🙂

    Jaya, I hear you on the petite women that are only after 6’+ men. It has to go both ways though – I have a 5’10” female friend who had what seemed like an amazing connection with a 6’5″ guy, however he couldn’t get past the fact that she was over 5’6″ (the max height his profile stated). Some (or many?) men enjoy that huge size differential.

  10. 10

    Just for the record, I didn’t break up with the 6’9″ guy because of his height (he dumped me for non-size related incompatibility issues).

  11. 11

    Count me in with the ladies who don’t want to weigh more than the guy I’m dating. But, that being said, I have dated men shorter than me, and it really doesn’t bother me. What counts in the long run is how they treated me… and that was always wonderful. I am with a guy now who is not much taller than me, and close in height does give a wonderful “fit” during intimate times! 🙂

  12. 12

    My first husband was 5’6″ and 130 pounds soaking wet (runner with a small frame). I’m 5’5″ and muscular (freakishly strong for a woman when working out regularly) and also overweight; I always felt like a horse next to him, and when I did his laundry, folding his tiny T shirts and underpants… it was like folding a child’s clothing. Just really killed any sexual desire on my part, which was minimal to begin with. He was a great guy in a lot of other ways, which is why I married him, but that piece was always missing for me.

    As for the Napoleonic complex thing: he was very even tempered and rational until he got behind the wheel of a car — can you say road rage? Apparently having control of several tons o’ steel with which to be aggressive is the great equalizer. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be in a car when he was driving. So when I divorced him after 10+ years (mainly because of the missing sex/affection/passion piece) I vowed, no more guys who were self-conscious about their stature, whatever it was.

    My next relationship was with a guy who was 5’9″ and told people he was 5’10”; so he was a little insecure about it obviously, but he was the perfect height/size for me. My next relationship after that was with a guy who was 6’4″; then with one who was 6’6″ — both way too tall for me. I could only kiss them properly if I was standing on the first step of a staircase. I got a stiff neck from craning my head up all the time to look at them. My new husband is 6’2″ which is still a smidge too tall for my taste, but he’s a keeper in every other way. 😉

    He sometimes teases me for being unable to reach something because I’m short and I say, “Listen, buster… the average American woman is 5’4″ tall. I’m 5’5″ tall, which makes me slightly above average in height. The average American man, on the other hand, is 5’10” tall. You, my friend, are the pituitary freak around here, not me.” We always get a chuckle out of that. It’s a turn on for him when I wear heels, which I dislike, but I occasionally indulge him. We do feel better matched, walking together, when I have 3″ heels on, but it’s a pretty minor note in the grand scheme of things.

    I will say this: I once stood in an airport security line in L.A. and a guy struck up a conversation with me… man, was the chemistry UNBELIEVABLE. He was totally hot looking, blond, off to Hawaii on a diving trip. We flirted for the duration then went our separate ways. That was the day I realized, OHH, yeah… I could totally date a guy his height. Which was? Well, he came up to my chin and I’m 5’5″, so… after that, I never put a height restriction on my dating but wound up with 6’2″ anyway. Go figure. I also said I would NEVER marry a smoker… and I did. So for me, it kinda comes down to, is a guy’s height REALLY a deal breaker? Also, if an Asian man had asked me out, or a black or Latino man for that matter, if I liked him and he was cute and I thought there was a chance we might be compatible, I totally would have gone out with him — but none ever did ask me out. I dated an obese guy for a while but there was just no chemistry there for me and I broke it off.

    It’s partly “what the universe sends you,” sorry if that sounds too New Agey.

    1. 12.1

      My biggest problem with all these women making comments about “napoleon complex” is that it’s a term that can’t be applied to tall guys. If a tall guy and a short guy each act aggressive in exactly the same way, then only the short guy will be said to have napoleon complex. Sorry, but I fail to see how that term is any different than any other negative term used to describe a physical attribute that someone is born with.

      1. 12.1.1

        It’s a cop out when a shorter guy has a upper hand on his argument

    2. 12.2
      Yet Another Guy

      Actually, your data is incorrect.   The height of the average American male is one of the most frequently misquoted pieces of information on the Internet.   According to the CDC, the average American man is 5’9.2″ tall (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/body-measurements.htm).   Even if we break out the different racial groups, the average height of man in every group is less than 5’10”.

  13. 13

    You gals are terrible ! Good night, what does it matter if the guy is a little shorter? Is he a good man? Can he provide? Does he make you feel safe amd protected? Is he romantic and can he make you feel special? Can he make you laugh ? Aren’t these attributes a a little more important than “I want to feel petite next to him” or “I don’t want to feel like someone is starring at my breasts”. I can’t believe how shallow you all are being. Ya, you’ll get tall guys allright, but that may be all. Whatever happened to chemistry and compatibility? My advice would be, if you can, go back and talk to your Mothers, I have a feeling they may be able to shad a little light on your confusion, because you have definatly lost sight of what’s really important. Best of luck…your gonna need it! And I’m 5’9″ by the way.

  14. 14

    I’ve dated all kinds: short, bald, and Asian. I’m 5’4 and very petite so I always feel that the men are bigger than me. Personally, I don’t like to date men taller than 5’10, otherwise I have to stand on my toes to kiss them and my neck gets sore.

    That being said, the shortest man I dated was 5’6. Right now I’m in love with a bald man who hovers around 5’10.

  15. 15

    I’d like to weigh in on this. I am barely 5’0″, 108 lbs, so every man I’ve ever been with has been taller than me…usually a lot taller. Personally, I LIKE short men, so send them my way. I find them usually to be friskier, more sensual, and generally less arrogant than the tall, head-in-the-clouds dude. Maybe because they’ve had their share of being diss’d, I find short men to be more humble, appreciative & giving. Many women were schooled in the “tall, dark & handsome” times, but the reality is, it’s foolish to limit your pool to a certain height in a man, mainly because you’re shooting yourself in the foot — why restrict yourself to something that’s got absolutely nuthin’ to do with what kind of man he is, his integrity, his level of passion or complexity, his sexual prowess. But overall, I think it’s still all really about attitude. And based on the statitics proven here, is it really any big surprise that men develop a Napoleanic attitude? Since I’ve always been short, I’m used to having most people taller than me. But when I’m engaging with a person who is about my height — whether male or female — where we’re at an even eye-level, the power dynamic changes dramatically. I feel more secure, confident, and relaxed. I do understand what taller women are talking about, not wanting to feel like they are dwarfing their man, but I also know what the flip side of that is. I don’t like the fact that I am always “looking up” at the guy, like he’s some godly father figure and I’m the helpless, submissive, dependent lil’ woman. And I’d be the first to admit that I carry around a bit of the short-woman attitude, which projects: don’t make presumptions about me — I am no pushover, no petite flower. I do wonder why a taller man would be attracted to me, and truthfully, it makes me suspicious when there’s a huge height difference. (You know, “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”) When my friends ask about some tall guy who has asked me out, I always ask, “What am I supposed to do with all of that?” I mean, I’m an energetic gal, but that’s a lot of ground to cover…so much scrambling around! If there’s a shorter man in the room and he’s single, you can bet his making his way over to me, and I don’t think it’s got much to do with my looks, body, or anything other than that it’s just such a relief to look a female adult in the eye. So, I say, Short People of the World — Unite! Lift yourself up to your full height proudly. And just send all those spry, fun-loving short guys my way, (including Tony) and I’ll gladly leave the Big Boys for women who want someone more their eye level. But for those women who “need” to feel smaller, daintier, less powerful than their men, I say leave that to the fantasy of the bedroom and use your imagination. And at the risk of waving my feminist flag too vigorously and obnoxiously, remember that a lot of us fought long & hard to NOT be powerless and to not let men dominate us, and to make sure we get our fair share. That applies to our intimate lives, as well, and with whom we romance. (And please don’t say, “Sure, easy for you to say, you’re a small woman,” because it’s not easy for any woman, period.) Yes, humans are visual creatures, and yes, we like what we like, but usually that’s because it’s what we’re familiar with, & sometimes we need to challenge what we think are “natural attractions.” I’m with the European woman — branch out and try something different and you may be surprised. I know several couples where the woman is taller than her man & is likely of equal weight or maybe even heavier. They seem unbothered by this, displaying affection openly and publicly, whether she’s reaching down a little bit to squeeze his butt or he’s reaching up a little to squeeze hers. If you care about each other, you make it work. Thanks for your insights & may you all find your mate, big or small, short or tall.

    1. 15.1

      Wow this was an awesome post! I hope to meet a wonderful and open-minded girl such as yourself one day! Thanks for giving us vertically-challenged men a try on for size.

    2. 15.2

      Excellent post!

      however, I must say (as a 5’5″ man), that most women simply won’t have anything to do with a shorter man. I know from experience.

    3. 15.3
      Jeremy Feit

      Awesome response. Very UnAmerican.

    4. 15.4

      amen. you and i would be buddies; love your attitude.  

  16. 16

    The only reason not to date him for me? He lives in PA and I’m not close to that state so it might be hard to see each other. Aside from that, it doesn’t matter to me if the guy is shorter. I’m 5’7″ and height has never been, nor will it be, a dealbreaker.

    The dating world, but most especially the online dating world, has a lot of shallow people who look to what the outside has to offer way before they’re concerned if the inside is as beautiful. Give me a man beautiful on the inside and he could be Quasi Modo, wouldn’t affect me in the least. I’ve dated enough great looking, hard bodied, duds to know what’s important.

  17. 17
    tom pandolfo

    Well, I’m Tom Pandolfo and it’s hard for me not to read this and remain silent (understanding full well that silence cannot be misquoted). In any event, while we all have our own preferences, I was especially impressed by what “Zann” had to comment upon, first because it is consistent with my own beliefs (who can argue with someone whose disposition and atttitude is commensurate with their own? LOL) and secondly due to her maturity about the whole thing, particularly as regards her comment concerning the fight women have had to not be “dominated” by men, which is both laudable and refreshing because it is obvious her own identity is measured not by her own (petite) “stature,” but by the content of her soul and her appreciation for freedom from what I may call the conventional mind set. I find that VERY SEXY. Okay, so I am biased, too, but I have found amongst my other shorter male friends and myself, too, that we may better appreciate the strides women have made towards greater freedom and respect because we have had to confront similar demons in terms of gaining respect that is based on the content and character of one’s soul as opposed to some external attribute that has no relationship to what one brings to any human transaction, be it a professional or emotionally intimate relationship.

    Like most of my shorter male friends, we have hordes of female friends, I suggest because we treat them as equals as opposed to submissive or dainty subjects in need of dominance. Dominance is fun in the bedroom, for sure, but quite honestly, while I like being dominant in bed, I also like a woman strong and aggressive enough to take control, too, for it expands, say, the repertriore, and decreases sexual boredom. I’ve always preferred partners that like to share in bed, it lends itself to better (and mind blowing) sex. It’s tough to have stature outside the bedroom (or in relationships) when one willingly chooses to be the submissive party in any relationship. That’s weakness, not strength, and who wants a weak partner?

    Doing things society (or peers) may not deem normal requires a lot of self confidence (extremely appealing in a woman!) and I believe also increases the amount of respect a man has for her, since, ultimately, her own inner beauty (as opposed to the external) places her on a level equal to her partner. When mates are equal there is greater opportunity for connection, I posit, and lessens the power conflict sometimes inherent in male-female relationships. A woman who suggests her feminimity is measured by being “dainty” sells herself, well, short (pun intended 🙂 and may never realize the esteem that comes from being truly free. For reasons unbeknownst to me, having spent some recent time in Europe, and as alluded to by “Jura,” European women seem to “get it” more (generally) than American women do. They seem INTO MEN while their American counterparts place such substantial restrictions on what a man is, some, not all, of which is based on self imposed height stereotypes. European women, accordingly, seem to have more male options. The more options one has (the real issue for short guys like myself given the way we seem to be limited by a reasonable portion of women), the greater the pool of connections, and the less needy and more desirable one becomes. I suggest American men do the same as their female countertops, implying there are strong cultural, as opposed to biological, elements at work. The biological argument, moreover, seems to suggest that it cannot be controlled, but the ability to overcome what may be deemed innate biological dispositions is what separates us from the animals, is it not?

    I have had female friends state it was refreshing to get outside of the box and try something different (dating a short guy) because it made them more free (and, accordingly, more powerful), and understand feminimity is not a concept based on weakness or daintiness, but ultimately, on a form of strength that may not be physical, but is at the very minimum emotional and intellectual. Women with this type of strength are VERY SEXY. And if some of the men can’t handle this, then why date such a Neanterthal? The posture that feminimity is based on “weakness” is a concept that sells women short and limits not only their possibility for greater emotional connection, but professional progress as well. Women that figure that out, I suggest, lead much happier and fuller lives because they are able to increase the number of human connections they have (and that includes taller people as well). And to be self serving, for a moment, they have also found that it all lines up the same horizontally and they may end up with a real giant if they spend a few hours with a shorter guy (let your minds wander). As someone who coaches athletics, I usually find the shorter guys better athletes in terms of balance and rythm and those attributes can lend themselves to sexual prowess. I very rarely see good tall male dancers.

    The real question, ultimately, is not how hard short guys have it in the dating (particularly online) world, but the power and control women can have over their own lives (and men) by being free from culturally imposed dating standards that limit, not the short guys’ dating prospects, but the ladies true strength. This is not a plea to have women date short guys, but a statement that it doesn’t make a difference unless you place your own limitation on your life. People whose outlooks are so limited (be they tall or short) are not as sexy and appealing as those who have freed themselves from conventional boundaries. My grandmother always admonishes us that you limit yourself most when you limit others. It’s that type of strong character that makes her such a strong, special and respected lady. She gets it.

    And by the way, I like ladies in high heels, be they 4’11 or 5’11, they are all sexy to me, because I like women, not just a small portion of them. But I have to say I was shocked by how significant a difference it was being “5’10” for 3 days. It was a sad commentary on the state of what is important for a portion of the female dating population out there, and no surprise, accordingly, women are still sold short by many men in many aspects of life.

    Interesting article, Evan, and some cool and honest replies.


    By the way, I am a strong, confident and successful guy, but for anyone to suggest because of such strength I am (or any short guy) “Napoleanic” is in need of some therapy. That’s a stereotype that doesn’t sell the short person short, but sells the believer in that concept short. A woman who is successful is not some power hungry b…ch, but should be lauded for overcoming what are still strong (albeit thankfully decreasing) cultural biases.

    1. 17.1

      Wow. So long as the guy is a gem I don’t care overmuch about height. I always thought other issues like compatibility are more important.
      That could also be due to my job. As a midget female in the military bigger guys always want to push you around or challenge you. (Officer. Nuff said.) Not all mind you but dealing with the alpha male nonsense can be fun. (Big jerks make big targets in deployed conditions… Being short has bonuses.)
      Having dated tall or short – and divorced from a short – I still know one thing. If someone can’t get past something I can’t help I’m grateful. (Shallow? Can’t date a military/alien/short/non-blonde?) Lucky escape for me! Sorry this doesn’t help you though.  

    2. 17.2

      Totally right Tom.   Thankfully not all women look at it that way.   Some are great but I find that alot of the younger, beautiful ones still have a major problem with height.   Sadly those are the ones that most guys want.   Heres a funny video about short guys getting girls


  18. 18

    In response to Paul, this is commenter’s opinion. It is no more descriminating then the men who prefer shorter thinner women, because they feel big and strong!! They also generally want someone that they can show off.

    When it comes to dating, in the US, there are a lot of hang ups. Men and Women are gulity of stereotypes and submitting to cultural norms.

    I’m tall and not thin. I like wearing heels, and can be an easy 6 foot tall when I have a pair on. I also like to walk aroung barefoot and consider myself a normal 5’9″. I’m not sayin’ I need a Paul Bunyan (sp??) but, I want someone that I don’t dwarf. Mainly because I feel just as awkward about my height.

    Yes, I would put the security and safety above looks, but you have to get to the point where you can have that. A lot of shorter men lack self confidence, or have an over abundance. But the same goes for women. If we can’t get over those hang ups, then it can be hard to even get to where you can start to feel safe, secure, and protected.

    I hope Tom finds a great relationship. He sounds like a great guy, but even if you read his profile, he has similar hang ups. As someone who isn’t overly active, I read his profile and thought, he seems like a really great guy. But, then, he has a section on being physically fit, and well I would think, he won’t even look at me, so why bother. If we are asking everyone to be open minded to shorter men, who have a few extra pounds, and come from Korea, then we ourselves should be open to a potential match that is maybe not exactly what we are looking for.

    Evan you are doing great things here, keep up the good work. These are just thoughts from someone who has had it rough in the dating world.

  19. 19
    Jared Meyer

    “Perceptions, Preferences, and Priorities”

    For the record, I’m 29 years of age, caucasian, and 6’0 (without shoes), and have a very athletic build. Positive physical features aside, I have been single most of my life. Why? I value being creative and working 7 days each week though conceptually I am sincerely interested in meeting someone with whom to spend the rest of my life.

    I’m sensing that many Americans live in fear with regard to their romantic lives. I’ve learned recently that many times, two people decide to commit to each other due to two fundamental reasons: the timing was great, the opportunity stellar, and hopefully because of authentic, powerful feelings.

    Personally, for years, I have felt that I won’t stop searching until I meet someone who fits my very specific requirements. I have not lived in fear while thinking, “What if I don’t meet her? What if I’m too picky?” It’s an abundant world. She is out there. Despite my specific preferences, I know that no matter what she looks like, what she does with her time and heart, and what she doesn’t do that if I know we’re truly right for each other long-term, I will make an effort to spend my life with her.

    Cognitive distortions and irrational beliefs make us angry, anxious, or depressed. Please consider understanding, accepting, and forgiving others for having very specific preferences. We are always changing. He who seeks a women with X, Y, and Z today may desire one with A, B, and C tomorrow. Relax and ride the wave. Think good thoughts and think big. Well, you know what I mean.

  20. 20

    Is it so superficial to want someone who is in shape? Let’s say you’re really active with things like tennis, skiing, biking, whatever — you have the right to want someone who can enjoy those activities with you.

    Some girls I’ve gone out with have seen a five mile, no elevation hike as a major physical challenge.

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