I've been dating this guy for the past four months. I am 26 and he is 38. We met on Match.com. Both of us are divorced with no kids. We were both in relationships with someone who treated us like we were worthless. Because of that we both have a hard time trusting that the other isn't going to be like our ex. I have been divorced for over four years. He, on the other hand, has only been divorced for about nine months. I am his first serious relationship since his divorce. He is not my first serious – I've had a couple since my divorce. I am not in this to fall in love and get married right away – I am in this to have a companion. Someone to enjoy spending time with and get to know and see where it might go in a few years.
When our relationship started out, it was great! We enjoyed each other's company, always laughed, had plenty to talk about. Due to the past couple of relationships I have been in, I took my time to get to know this one. It took me over two months to get comfortable enough with him to feel like he could be someone worth pursuing. But it seemed that as soon as I got on board, he stepped off the boat. He has been distant, doesn't chat as much, doesn't come around as much.
We've had a couple conversations about it. Each time he says he has hit a brick wall. He's admitted to being afraid that I am going to turn out like his ex. He wants to go out and do things with his friends and things he enjoys, and he thinks I will be upset about it. I told him as long as he makes time for me too, I am fine with him wanting to have his own life. I told him the other night that if he just doesn't want to be with me, he needs to tell me and let me go. He said that he wants to be with me, but also wants to be able to do his own thing. So how do I get this guy on board again? How do I prove to him that I am not going to turn out like his ex? And most importantly, how do I trust that he isn't just dragging me along as just a spare time girl? –Jennifer
I have one overriding dating philosophy: Relationships are easy.
I have one overriding dating philosophy:
Relationships are easy.
All the people who tell you that relationships are “work” are people who married the wrong people and are justifying their bad decisions.