I can already hear you sigh:
“But I don’t WANT to make my first dates better. If a guy is nervous around me, that says something about him. I want a man who is confident, who is completely comfortable in his own skin, and can make the best of every situation.”
Now imagine a time that you were in the presence of a jaw-droppingly hot guy. He’s tall, gorgeous, rich, charismatic — and utterly oblivious to you as a romantic partner.
If you find that your dates consistently don’t go well, the easy thing to do is say, “He wasn’t the right guy.”
Do you feel confident?
Do you feel secure?
Do you speak profusely?
Do you clam up?
Whatever your answer, I’m pretty sure that there are some men whose mere presence totally messes you up.
Suddenly, you’re not acting like yourself.
Suddenly, you’re acting like a skittish schoolgirl with her first crush on a boy.
There are awkward silences. There is nervous laughter. There is stilted conversation.
But most of all, there is no chance for another date.
So if you’ve blown an opportunity with a hot guy because you weren’t able to act at your best, wouldn’t it stand to reason that there’s a great guy out there who wasn’t on the top of his game on your first date?
It also stands to reason that when you show up 10 minutes late, text on your cell phone, look over his shoulder, lean back with your arms crossed, don’t seem interested in his stories, interrogate him about his past, grill him on his beliefs, and dissect every single thing that you don’t like about him… that it may be hard for a man to have true confidence and poise in your presence.
Your takeaway from this short blog post is this:
Instead of seeing dating as a time-consuming, soul-sucking enterprise, where you have to figure out in an hour whether he’s a good husband and father and great in bed, try seeing it more like you’re entertaining a client and want to win his business.
Smile. Laugh. Go with the flow. Ignore his flaws. Do everything in your power to make the limited amount of time you have together into a fun experience.
Because if you’re having fun, he’s having fun.
If you’re easygoing and relaxed, he’ll be easygoing and relaxed.
But you can’t blame men for being bad dates if you’re not doing anything in your power to try to make their job easier.
As I wrote in Why He Disappeared, he’s putting on a show for you; the least you can do is applaud.
What you’ll quickly find is that the men you go out with are suddenly more confident, playful, and attractive, all because YOU decided to make them feel special.
It’s pretty magical when you can do this — on a first date and beyond.
Be a better woman and you will bring out a better side in your man.