I’m Too Unique To Find A Husband, So Please Tell Me I Don’t Have To Change

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Hi there, I came across your blog seeking advice. I searched the archives and haven’t found my particular situation. I’m going to be 31 in a month, and my biological clock is ticking. Jeez, I really hate writing that, but it’s true. Problem is, I only seem to attract younger guys who don’t want to have children. I tend to hang with a lot of artists and musicians, all in the early stages of their careers. Your articles (and my mother) say that based on my wants, I need to aim for older, more established guys. In the past I’ve never been able to picture myself with this type of man… You might as well ask me to date a martian! Now I think I may be ready for it…but my fear is that we won’t have a connection, and he’ll be condescending, treat me like a kid, or just an ego-boosting piece of ass. Or what if I DO meet a fantastic, fun, family-ready guy, would he even be interested in ME?

I’ve always been a bit of a scrappy tomboy. I hate jewelry, nail polish and high heels. I’m perpetually converse-clad and bed-headed. I haven’t owned a TV in 7 years because TV drives me crazy, and for 6 years (but not currently) I didn’t own a car. I have an insatiable music appetite and was an arty-punk in college–living in San Francisco, getting tattoos and joining a ragtag street bicycle “gang” of mostly guys. I had a boyfriend during most of my 20’s who was in a touring band, and we broke up when it became obvious I wasn’t his priority. Three years ago I left SF for LA as some of my friends grew up and moved to the ‘burbs and others descended into neverneverland. I found a new group of friends in LA and we have blast–karaoke parties, midnight bike rides, ultimate Frisbee and goofy croquet tournaments.

Wow, writing this I must sound like some sort of teenage street urchin, but there IS more to me. I am incredibly responsible, a college graduate and professional, and I haven’t been without a job since I was 15. I work as a graphic designer for a corporation, have a 401k and a rather hefty savings account. I’ve provided for myself independently since college and have lived by myself for the past 6 years. I travel extensively, I volunteer at an animal shelter once a week, and am involved in causes. I’m cultured and well read. I am attractive, incredibly active and fit–my body’s tighter than my 25-year-old sister’s–and I don’t eat junk.

I’m not one of the girls who is desperate for a fantasy-dream-princess wedding, if a wedding at all. I just want to fall in love with a terrific lover and companion who wants to be a partner in raising children. So, how do I get there?

Do I have to completely change how I am? Change my friends? Take up golf?!? I hope the answer is “no” to all of these questions, but I know SOMETHING has to change.

Thanks,

C.

Dear C,

I really appreciate the self-awareness in your email. In the years that I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve discovered that the less self-aware the question, the more powerful the answer — basically because I can tell the reader something she doesn’t already know. In your case, it seems you’ve thought this through considerably, and it’s harder for me to say something illuminating. But I’m sure gonna try.

I’d like you to consider a few clients that I’ve had over the years:

By restricting their tastes to a narrow slice of people, they exclude a vast majority of the eligible dating population.

  • A Jewish man who wore dreadlocks and wanted to marry someone Jewish
  • A man with a 170 IQ who needed a woman who could discuss his career in physics.
  • A woman who had 4 dogs who wanted a man who loved animals as she did.
  • A woman who was 50lbs overweight and wanted a traditionally attractive, fit man.
  • An Asian man who would only date white women.
  • A fiftyish woman who would only date cool, stylish, hip men with great taste in music.
  • A wealthy older man who would only date women 20 years younger with no kids who’d be willing to relocate.
  • A 57-year-old woman who refused to date any man older than she.

It doesn’t take a dating coach to identify that all of these intelligent, well-meaning, relationship-oriented folks might struggle to find suitable partners.

And it would be no judgment against any of them to suggest that by restricting their tastes to a narrow slice of people, they exclude a vast majority of the eligible dating population.

To parse this even further, I think we need to distinguish between two things: changing who you are vs. changing what you’re looking for.

Both are of equal importance and value when it comes to dating.

The more restrictions you put on, the harder it is to find a partner.

The woman who is 50lbs overweight and determines that she is comfortable and happy at that weight is well within her rights to draw that conclusion. She must also understand that if she’s looking for a mate, over 90% of the men adhere to the modern Western standard of beauty as seen in Maxim, Playboy or Vivid. This isn’t news, by any stretch of the imagination, but the ramifications aren’t always clear. They should be.

The more restrictions you put on, the harder it is to find a partner.

That’s not an opinion. That’s a fact.

If we were to go through all of my clients above, what percentage of people are open to dating them? Let’s just do an approximation:

The percent of Jewish women who want a man with dreadlocks = the percentage of women who understand quantum physics = the percentage of men who want to have four dogs = the percentage of men who want obese women = the percentage of white women who prefer Asian men online = the percentage of fiftysomething men who are as cool as Bono = the percentage of 37-year-old women who don’t have kids, want kids and are willing to relocate = the percentage of 54-year-old men who want to date older women.

In other words, it’s slim pickings for everyone who has very definite ideas about who their partner should be. It’s not until you let go of those ideas that you find true happiness.

So how does this pertain to you, C?

Well, let’s do a little math exercise and consider:

a)         How many young male artists and musicians at the early stages of their careers make for good bets as husbands and fathers?

b)       How many men who make for good bets as husbands and fathers want to date a scrappy, tattooed tomboy who hates dressing in a feminine manner?

I think you’ll find that the first number hovers at less than 10% of musicians/artists and the second one can’t be much higher…

So if there are 10,000 men in a dating pool…

And 10% of them are creative types…that’s 1000 men.

Among that 1000, let’s say 10% of those young artists are successful and financially stable. That’s 100 men.

Among that 100, let’s say 10% of them are emotionally available and ready for marriage despite their shaky careers. That’s 10 men.

Among that 10, we haven’t even factored in whether they’re tall, cute, smart, funny, sane, cool, or have drinking/drugs/anger management problems…

The point is that you are perfectly valid in saying “this is who I am, this is what I want.”

But if you won’t change who you are, nor compromise what you’re looking for, it seems readily apparent that the pool of interested eligible men is, to say the least, small.

It sounds like you’re a grown-up, C, who likes hanging out with people who aren’t grown ups. That’s going to come back to bite you.

So I’m going to make a recommendation to you — one that might surprise a woman as smart and open-minded as you.

Stop judging everyone who is not a struggling artist with a bicycle and an iMac as being “wrong” for you.

Let go of the picture you had of your ideal guy and start experimenting with a new way of viewing dating.

Men who like football can be creative.

Men who watch television can be interesting.

Men with conventional careers can have karaoke parties.

Thus, your preconceptions are the big thing getting in the way of your own success. The idea that you need to have a person who is your clone, but male, is a fallacy.

You just need a guy who loves you and wants the same things in life. And your odds increase dramatically if you both open up to more men and appeal to more men.

I told the dreadlocks guy to cut his hair.

I told the older woman that there were older men who were in shape, too.

I told the physicist to get off his high horse and appreciate the virtues of smart, if not brilliant, women.

And I’m going to tell you to let go of the picture you had of your ideal guy and start experimenting with a new way of viewing dating.

Maybe it means dating on Nerve.com to find some urban hipsters. Maybe it means dating a divorced guy with a kid because he knows the importance of family. Maybe it means retiring the Converse when you’re on a date and leaving them for Saturday afternoons.

But you have enough going for you that I’m confident that you will find your prince.

Just make sure he picks you up in a car instead of on a bike, okay?

If you struggle with the same issues as today’s letter-writer, please https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/ to learn how I can help you separate what you should and should not compromise on in a partner. I promise, you will never have to SETTLE on a relationship again…

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Comments:

  1. 21
    sayanta

    Honey-

    With the emotional intelligence quote, that’s the soundest advice I’ve ever heard. I need to actually follow it. LOL

    I’m wondering about the verbal aikido thing too- sounds like something I should take.

  2. 22
    Honey

    Hi, Ruby, #19 – No, I see how that could have been confusing.   If you are super emotionally intelligent than I think you can only be in a really successful LTR with someone who also is.   I was saying that in the context of casual dating (which is what I was doing at the time) I could have a perfectly decent time with a perfectly decent guy (who wasn’t especially emotionally intelligent) without panicking because he wasn’t “the one.”   The more aware you are of your emotions the more easily you are able to not get riled up by the emotions of other people that you encounter in casual circumstances.   And if someone doesn’t have the emotional depth for the kind of relationship you are looking for, you politely and genuinely wish them all the best while ending things sooner rather than later.
    Aikido is a martial art where you never attack, but always use the energy/momentum of the attacking person to defend yourself.   It was developed by a guy who wanted to teach people who were tiny/old/sick/otherwise frail to defend themselves successfully against much larger opponents.   In verbal Aikido, the same premise holds.   Such as, when someone criticizes you.   “I can’t believe you formatted that report that way, that’s totally not what the client asked for!!” becomes “I’m so glad you offered to help!   Can you show me what I should be doing?” or if someone complains about something, you validate their emotional response (“you sound really frustrated, it must be hard to interact with so-and-so”) instead of fighting with them about who’s right.   Ideally it should be really subtle (my examples are terrible), but basically the idea is that you can defuse other people without attacking back, and you try to think on your feet about how to do that.

  3. 23
    A-L

    Honey,
      
    Thanks for the clarification as I totally misunderstood your previous statement about emotionally intelligent people.   Sort of thought that the more emotionally intelligent a person was, the greater amount of emotional stupidity they could deal with from a partner.   I like the new reasoning much better!
      
    Starthrower,
      
    I know from previous threads that you’ve had some issues with your weight.   I also remember that (at one time, at least) you felt that guys who were interested in you at your current weight were weird fetishists.   I can’t remember though if you said you were going through any counseling or taking other steps to improve your own self-image.   If you’re tired of dating and just want to take a break, I totally understand.   But if you’re avoiding dating because you think there must be something seriously wrong with a guy if he’s interested in you, that’s a completely different kettle of fish (that probably won’t go away even if you reach your desired weight).

  4. 24
    Zann

    Okay.     I purposely avoided responding the first time I read C’s letter and Evan’s kind response.   And then I read all the supportive comments that others have made, and I really wish I could be that generous and patient.   But today  I went back and read the letter again, in case I missed something, but nope…it was just as  self-indulgent and troubling  to me as it was yesterday.    Make no mistake,  I’m sure part of me is just jealous — face it, I can barely remember being 30, but I do know that at that age I was already a responsible working parent with no time whatsoever to ponder questions such as those that C poses to us.   Still, in the hope of avoiding yet another young woman  having a baby because she thinks it’s time,  because she thinks she should, or maybe even because she thinks it might be cool (but only if she can take the wee one along on those wild ‘n crazy late-night cycling excursions with her guy pals). Okay, sorry C, that last  one was a little cruel.   BUT C!!  Nothing in your  query suggests  that you have given the idea of being a parent the careful consideration it  requires.  Look, there is nothing wrong with your lifestyle, and I believe you when you say you’re responsible and make your own way in the world financially.    And plenty of people have babies without giving it a lot of forethought; in fact, many, many people have babies they never planned to have at all.    But why be one of those people?   Most of all, your  question should not be  whether you  — educated,  artsy, good-looking, with a body “tighter than my 25-year-old sister’s”  — might  have to give up your tomboy punkster ways to snag an older guy to have a baby with.   The question you should be asking is whether you are ready to have a child with anyone    — musician, artist, brain surgeon, geekster, hip hop artist,  rocket scientist or Republican!   To answer your question..no,  you don’t have to start wearing  Eddie Bauer fleece vests with your Docker khakis and  bob haircut to be a mom.   You don’t even have to live in suburbia!   Take a look around — lots of mothers  live in all kinds of environments, in all kinds of situations, with or without partners.   Some of them even live in  war zones.    If you’ve got  a sincere  interest in children,  put your strengths towards working with other people’s children in need of those strengths,  or helping  their mothers  who are struggling.    Then you’ll have a better idea of whether  being a parent is something you feel ready for,  and THEN  you can focus on finding a man you think would make both a good partner for you and a good co-parent for your child.  

  5. 25
    Joe

    @ Ruby #15:

    I didn’t read the comment to mean that the suburbs are neverneverland; rather I read it to mean that some of her friends moved to the ‘burbs and others went off their merry way elsewhere, possibly into drug-addled fantasyland.

  6. 26
    Ruby

    Joe #25
      
    You’re right, I think I misread her comment. Although I still stand behind the gist of my original post,  thanks for pointing it out.

  7. 27
    Adrienne

    I think the woman needs to look at what it is she truly wants in a mate   – which is what Evan said in a round about sort of way.   Really understand what you would value most in a relationship/mate   . . .   then let go of everything other than his appearance.   I don’t think an edgy appearance is turning men off.   What if I told you my current boyfriend of 8 months had quite a few tattos and piercings and is a metal (copper, bronze sculpture) artist at GASP – 40.   Yes, he’s the guy you are hanging out with when they grow up and their careers materialize.   He hasn’t lost his edgy appearance, or given up his Harley, but he has materialized his creativity.   And when that happens – voila! They are ready.  

    Now the problem is – you are stuck in a group of friends that has not yet said “Oh – I would like to be married and have children.”   You have to move out of your comfort zone . . .   no – you aren’t going to go to museums on a Saturday afternoon – but you ARE going to go to Art Show openings.   You are going to as your wonderful edgy self and be yourself in a group of your PEERS.   It’s okay to be artsy and edgy, but if you want a mate/ partner – then you have to put yourself in the realm of men who are on   that wavelength.  

    BTW – the appearance may not be ‘everything’.   I.E. I’m a devotee of the LBD for ‘dress up’, J. Jill the rest of the time, and addicted to pearls.  

    So if my guy could step out of the ‘art world’ at 40 (he’s now 41) – you can step out at 30.   Bonne chance!

  8. 28
    C.

    Hello all, this is the letter writer. Thanks Evan, for your response!   I am so glad you weren’t as harsh as my mother 🙂 I agree I have to start looking at men I wouldn’t have in the past. And hey, I wore some heels last weekend! (granted, it was at a gay friend’s fashion show where I didn’t meet any straight guys, but hey its a step!)

    Thanks for the comments, guys! Couple of things, Ruby, Joe is correct about my reference to neverland (drugs) and I certainly wasn’t criticizing my friends who moved to the burbs, I just meant that as my friends moved on in different directions I was sorta left in between.
    A-L, I have been riding my bike less, especially after a good friend of my recently got hit by a car which broke her arm 🙁 So, maybe that will help my sitch, Not sure.
    Zann, I appreciate your concern for the future of my (possible) children. I’m sorry my query didn’t delve deeper into my experiences with other people’s kids; I suppose thats because Evan is a dating coach and not a parenting coach. I do have a large family including lots of cousins who are single moms. I babysit for them and I do know kids are hard, but worth it. In the past (before my full time career) I volunteered at a group home for disabled adults, and I’ve also been involved with a youth center in SF that is a refuge for homeless gay teens. More than anyone, I agree that too many people have children without thinking it through. Believe me I’ve been thinking it through for years…
    Which brings me to Honey’s mention of having a child on my own…I figure I’ll adopt or foster in 6-10 years if I don’t have a partner by then. Honestly, I’m not simply looking for a baby-making partner. I want a man to love and love me and *hopefully* he’ll want a family too, but first things first, we have to get along and be attracted to each other. Anyway, thats where I’m at.

  9. 29
    Adrienne Ragland

    C- I read nothing in your letter that indicated that you had not thought through the ramifications of having a child – its impact on your life.     Here’s the thing – I’m 7 years older than you and are where you are at right now?   About  a year ago.  

    There is nothing wrong with saying I want a life partner and a family.   If you were writing this at 18 it would have caused me to pause and question. But there’s nothing wrong with that very strong desire to couple and have a child.

    Especially when you enjoy being single. Let’s face it – No ONE (Male or Femal) eveeeeeeeer has to get married and have a child. If you can face the singilism head on and dodge, deflect, and defer the matrimania? The more power to you! 🙂

    But if you do have an urge to merge – don’t let people question that.   You are a woman like me a year ago .   . . happily single ‘in the moment’ but ready for a lifetime commitment if it presents itself.   Nothing. Wrong. With. That. At. All.  

    Just make sure (once again) you are putting yourself in the path of men who are commitment ready.   Men in your age range (29-33) are in a high ‘marriage’ mode if they have done post graduate work or have been working on their own business. Next age group is 39-42 (if never married before).     The ‘Marrying Kind’ is out there – but you have to leave the comfort zone of ‘this is what I believe I need’ and move into:   Character, Compatability, and Shared/Common goals for life experience.  

    Best to you!

  10. 30
    A-L

    Thanks, C, for coming back and clarifying some things.   Good luck with your search!

  11. 31
    starthrower68

    @A-L #23,

    I am in counseling and trying to figure it all out.

  12. 32
    C.

    Thanks for the well wishes! I have a promising date set up for next week! He *is* a bit younger than me, but a professional photographer and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. We’ll see!
    Starthrower, I think I can kinda relate to your sitch. I think I’ve aways been afraid to be this sexy, ultra-feminine woman that the men-folk seem to like. I’ve just always been a tomboy, and if I DO decide to get all dressed up to snag a man, I feel like I’ll resent him for being attracted to me. I don’t really get it, but its something I struggle with.
    Anyway, best of luck to you!
      
      

  13. 33
    Karl R

    C said: (#32)
    “if I DO decide to get all dressed up to snag a man, I feel like I’ll resent him for being attracted to me.”

    Shortly after I began reading this blog I discovered that many women look at a man’s shoes and judge a man based on how well he cares for them. Their theory being: if a man takes care of his shoes, he will also take care of his partner; if he doesn’t take care of his shoes, he won’t take care of his partner.

    To me, this is a ridiculous idea. I buy inexpensive but comfortable shoes, then wear them until they’re completely worn out.

    However, I didn’t want to limit my options just because some women might use this standard before getting to know me. So I bought a nice pair of shoes to wear on first dates. I figured that I could still be myself in a nicer pair of shoes.

    Do you ever dress up for job interviews? Do you resent your employer after they hire you? In either case you’re trying to get your foot in the door.

    C said: (original post)
    “older, more established guys. […] but my fear is that we won’t have a connection, and he’ll be condescending, treat me like a kid, or just an ego-boosting piece of ass.”

    Some might, other won’t. My girlfriend is significantly older than me. She’s never condescending,  never treats me like a kid, etc. If she did, I would leave the relationship.

    If you see yourself as another person’s equal, they will have an easier time seeing you as their equal. (This is true outside of dating as well.)

  14. 34
    Sarah

    One extremely important fact that Evan does not consider in his mathematical analysis is that the men that you seek to date are not inert entities. If numbers were the only criteria for selling something, there would be no niche marketing in the world. As it is, there are a zillion sites for different kinds of people. In fact, the more unusual you are, the more fervent your fans. What if Apple tried to gain Microsoft’s market share by selling out? Would its customers have the same depth of passionate commitment? What if Dita von Teese decided to act like Cameron Diaz?
    That’s not to say that you can get by with zero fans. Some niche markets are too small to support products.
    But your math reveals a clear fallacy, Evan. I think better advice for unusual people, such as the Jewish man with dreadlocks, is to seek out places where Jewish women who like dreadlocks would go… Hippie Jew events, etc.
    Where should a hipster-ish but responsible girl go? The older members of the Burning Man community, maybe. But losing your natural market by pretending to be someone else is not a great strategy. it’s poor marketing, and I’m really surprised that it’s your best advice.

    1. 34.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Sorry, Sarah, but your advice is actually no advice. You can be a niche market that’s so small that it doesn’t support itself. 90 year old men who want 20 year old women? I suppose you’d tell them that it’s okay and that they should just hang out at Hooters! Double amputees who crave basketball players? Prop yourself up in your wheelchair and target those lockerrooms!

      Telling the OP to keep doing what she’s doing doesn’t require any relationship expertise. Because if you’re a Jewish guy with dreadlocks, you’re already going to your Burning Man festivals…and wondering why there are so few Jews there. I’ll tell you why: a) because less than TWO percent of the U.S. population is Jewish and b) because a vast majority of Jewish people are drawn towards being doctors, lawyers, bankers, and talent agents, as opposed to blown-glass bong makers.

      If you reread my response, I didn’t tell the OP to pretend to be entirely different; I told her that she needed to broaden her horizons with men. And if you read her comment, she seemed to agree. Sorry you didn’t.

    2. 34.2
      Cat

      @Sarah: Get back to us when you find that mystical land “where Jewish women who like dreadlocks” reside. 🙂 Clearly the guy in question couldn’t find it!

      And you’re really suggesting sending her to Burning Man to find responsible husband/father material? I think she made the point that she was trying to get away from “neverneverland.” Not marry into it…

      Evan’s point is: you can be as unusual as you want, but be prepared for the consequences of really limiting your dating options. Or you can be flexible and decide dreadlocks or high tops aren’t a core value that must be held onto at all costs… Changing your hair or your shoes is hardly “pretending to be someone else.” The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

  15. 35
    sayanta

    #35-

    EMK, about the careers to which”Jewish people are drawn” you forgot ‘rock star.’ (Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, Anthony Kiedis, Billy Joel…lol).

    But in all seriousness, I’ve always found it interesting that Jewish people have that in common with Indians- I wonder why. Although, we pretty much stick to ‘doctor’ and ‘engineer.’ I’m the equivalent of Burning Man woman in my community by entering law.

  16. 36
    Sarah

    I live in that land… there are lots of Jews who like dreadlocks. Most of them aren’t bankers, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
      
    And I think you are missing my point. Quirky hipsters is not such a small market that it doesn’t exist.
      
    You are also confusing two very different things:
    1) niche markets – people that like/are unusual things
    2) people who are not in demand in mainstream markets who want mainstream things
      
    1) is Apple Computer, vegan restaurants, Burning Man, Suicide Girls
    2) is going into Best Buy to buy a big-screen TV waving a $5 bill
      
    There is a huge difference between not having enough currency to buy something that is very much in demand (young hot rich people) and wanting or offering something unusual.
    C. is clearly in category 1). I don’t think it’s good advice to ask her to change– and not out of any sense of “being real” or whatever. Purely from a MARKETING standpoint, it doesn’t make sense to destroy brand equity to pretend that you are a mainstream product.
    I hope that makes sense — please do consider it, Evan.

    1. 36.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Sarah – the OP can STILL be into urban hipster things – hell, I am – and learn to broaden her horizons. It’s not an either/or.

      But her predilection for struggling young artists who are in no position to/have no desire to settle down is pretty much a one-way ticket to Singlesville. Don’t know how you can see it any other way.

      SHE may not have to change (although it may benefit her) but if she wants to get married and have kids, her tastes certainly need to broaden beyond her current slacker crowd.

  17. 37
    JuJu

    Cat # 36 said: “@Sarah: Get back to us when you find that mystical land “where Jewish women who like dreadlocks” reside. “
      
    I do! I do!   😀
    Selena asked me in another thread if the “personal god” level chemistry is even possible, and this is kinda how I imagine my personal god: 6’2″-6’3″, built, with Mediterranean / Semitic features and long(ish) hair, possibly in dreads.
      
    I have yet to encounter anyone who even fits this description, let alone would be interested in me in return. 😉
    I know, I know, a bit too much dwelling in the fantasy world. 😐
      
    But then, I think, the man in Evan’s story was considerably older than my age group – I really mean someone in his early to mid-thirties. I think this would be ridiculous on someone middle-aged.

  18. 38
    Karl R

    Sarah said: (#38)
    “You are also confusing two very different things:
    1) niche markets — people that like/are unusual things
    2) people who are not in demand in mainstream markets who want mainstream things”

    A lot of what C wants is mainstream. She wants kids. She wants a husband who helps provide for them. That describes about  75% of  the women her age.

    How many women are attracted to artistic men? Half of them? Compare that the the number of artists/musicians who earn a steady living in that field. Those men are a niche market.

    What percentage of men want sexy women? Almost all of them. What percentage of men are only seeking non-sexy women? It’s an extremely small percentage. Compare that to the number of women who aren’t sexy (at least in how they present themselves to those around them). That’s a much larger percentage.

    If C is a sexy tomboy (and it sounds like she’s capable of being  that), then she’s in a niche market where there’s some demand. If she can also come across as “a lady” when circumstances require (like at her boyfriend’s office Christmas party), then there will be even more demand.

    Think of it in terms of supply and demand. You want there to be more demand for people like you than there are people like you. You also want there to be  a greater supply  people you find desireable than there are people who desire them. Under those circumstances, it’s really easy to find someone.

    That’s why Evan is recommending that C expand the pool of men she considers -and- why he’s suggesting that she try to be appealing to a broader pool of men.

  19. 39
    C.

    Karl r said:
    “Do you ever dress up for job interviews? Do you resent your employer after they hire you? In either case you’re trying to get your foot in the door.”
    Yes I do dress up for interviews (but lucky for me I work for a company where I can dress casual).   In the past, all of my boyfriends were guys I met in friends’ circles, usually doing casual activities, so I never really needed to dress up. Now that I’m trying online dating, I intend to dress nicely for a first date I have coming up. I think I can pull off a basic preppy skirt and pretty flats and still feel like myself. I think its the overdone make-up, jewelry and manicure thing that I cannot do.
    I’m noticing, unfortunately, that most guys online regardless of age leave the “want kids” question blank. I could broaden my horizons to older, financially stable guys, only to find out they have no desire for a family. So at the moment, I’m a little confused as who to reach out for. I’m ignoring anyone who has a picture of themselves playing in a band, at least 😛

  20. 40
    christina

    @C you can easily go and date a older than you if you want they will love to do all you are doing…i have some older friends who just like to go on their bike explore new places…so I don’t think you should have any problem with finding a right man for you best of luck.

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