Is There Something Wrong If the Guy I’m Seeing Doesn’t Post Me on Instagram?

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I started dating this guy on May 9th, 2017. We dated for 10 months and broke up and after that we’ve been on and off. All those times we’ve been together he never once posted me on his Snapchat and Instagram. He posts everything else but me and I just don’t understand.

Like I know I shouldn’t base our relationship off social media but do you think I’m wasting my time with this person? We have decided to get back together and I really want it to work but it’s like it’s 2 years and he still doesn’t post about me? I have brought it up to him like how it is so easy for him to post about his female friend but so hard for him to post me?

Irankuda

Ah, Millennial problems…

I tease because I love, Irankuda.

I can understand why it would be painful to not be publicly acknowledged by the guy you’re dating for a year and a half. You’re not wrong to wonder if this is normal or healthy.

But I also suspect you know that you’re asking the wrong question, which is not about social media at all, but about your status, security and future with this man.

The Instagram stuff is just a symptom of the disease, it’s not the disease itself.

And to put it bluntly: it ain’t good.

The Instagram stuff is just a symptom of the disease, it’s not the disease itself. The disease is that you know the exact day you “started” dating this guy, but you can’t even call him your boyfriend, you’re on and off for two years, and you’re asking a dating coach whether you’re wasting your time with this person.

I’m generally not one to give validation but here it goes, anyway.

Yes, my friend. You are wasting your time with this person.

Your future husband will ask you to be his girlfriend in a month, post about you proudly and never break up with you once.

You just have to kick this guy to the curb in order to meet him. Good luck.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    samantha

    I partly disagree here. People can be quite private about their relationship status and still be open about “everything else”. For example, I don’t include posts about my partner because I respect his privacy, my account is about who I am apart from my relationships, and I have personal limits on what I share. The lack of posting is not a red flag, but the on and off status is. It’s also a pain to delete posts after a breakup.

    1. 1.1
      Carrie

      The difference here is that you say that you respect your partner’s privacy, implying that your partner doesn’t want to be posted about. Also, you say that your account is about you and not your relationships, so I assume you don’t post about your friends either. OP mentions that her boyfriend posts about his female friend with no hesitation, meaning that his account is about his relationships to some degree. Also, OP has communicated her frustration about this to her boyfriend, yet he still chooses not to post about her.

  2. 2
    Sara

    I completely agree with Evan here

  3. 3
    Cathalei

    I don’t particularly care about social media, as I am a private person myself and don’t get inclined to share pictures because frankly, it’s none of others’ business. Of course that’s to show respect for their privacy as well. And as  samantha  said, it’s a pain to delete posts in case of a breakup. That being said, constantly being on and off signals that he’s spending time with the OP until someone better suited comes along. Of course people can break up and can get back with each other for a variety of reasons including time and space but doing this for 2 years with no such limitations shows that you are not suitable to each other. Good luck on your way for another one.

  4. 4
    Lisa

    I agree this guy is not the one for her social media only being part of it.   I found in my dating pre engagement that someone who fails to post about you on his social media can be an indicator of how serious he is, but it also could be meaningless.   If you are dating a guy who posts on social media a lot, and has not introduced you to any of his friends or family this usually means he’s playing you.   Another sign is guys that check in themselves at places you would normally not go yourself.    Now if you are dating a guy who has social media but barely ever uses it (his picture is not even him) then I would not be as concerned about it.   But being publicly open with everything but the girl you are seeing is normally a big red flag.   Another is his refusal to allow you to tag him in any pictures or check ins.

  5. 5
    Lizzy

    I would ask the OP if she has voiced her concerns to her man, and requested that to help feel validated, respected, and loved she wants him to post something of them together on social media. Some men are truly clueless about this and fear getting roasted from their friends or whatever other reasons. But if you tell him how you feel and what he can do to help, and then he ignores that, that would be the true red flag there. I told my BF why I think posting on social media is important and how it made me feel if he did versus if he didn’t and then let him make his own decision, and because he cares he took what I said into account and was happy to post. I would calmly explain to him why it hurts and how it makes you feel and then see what he does with that information. The right guy will want to make you happy, as Evan always says. The wrong one will make you feel guilty for wanting “such a silly thing.” Listen to what he says and watch his actions.

  6. 6
    Clare

    Ah, Millennial problems.

    Where the fact that he doesn’t post about you on Instagram is a bigger problem than the fact that you have an on and off relationship and have broken up and got back together multiple times.

    I agree with Evan that the lack of posting about her on Instagram is symptomatic of the quality of their relationship in this case. Their relationship is unstable, so why would he post about her? Annoying when someone posts madly lovey dovey stuff and photos about their partner, only to delete it a few days or weeks later when they break up.

    I also find it sad that Millenials (it’s not only Millenials, people of all ages can be sucked into this trap, but it seems to be worse with Millenials) have been sold a bill of goods that a person’s social media activity corresponds accurately with real life. This is a ludicrous notion. Social media is filtered, engineered, and carefully crafted only to portray to others what we want them to see. But people buy it wholesale as if it is an accurate representation of that person’s life. And they fall over themselves in a bid to outdo each other in the race to see who has the best life. I know people who seem to spend their lives taking and selecting photos and carefully putting together posts designed to try to make other people jealous. These posts usually start or end with the words “I’m so blessed” or “I’m so spoiled”. I feel as if these people should have their own T.V. show called “My Perfect Life.”

    I’m highly skeptical of these people. And I’m very skeptical of people who seem to feel the need to bolster and validate their relationship by posting about it on social media. It’s too much. If you need other people’s acknowledgement and attention that much, there’s something wrong.

    Not everyone is like this. Personally, I only have a Facebook account – no Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or whatever – with a handful of friends that I only post on rarely. I don’t even go on the Facebook newsfeed because it is horrifyingly overstimulating and invasive. When I’m in a relationship I do not post about it and I am in no rush to broadcast my status to other people. I also have friends who are like me in this way or like this to varying degrees. I say this to make the point that the fact that someone doesn’t post about you on social media does not necessarily signal something bad. You need to be able to go deeper and find out why it is bothering you. Is it because the relationship itself is not all that great, and you are looking for validation to bolster it? Or is it because you are someone who craves the affirmation and attention of others in general? It could be that you are excited to share your relationship, but if you are a solid couple who has been together for 2 years, the important people in your life should know about it anyway. The lack of posting on social media does not mean anything in an of itself.

  7. 7
    Berenice Puga

    Yes! Move on! I dated someone who had a secret Instagram account, I knew about it, but when I requested him he didn’t add me. He hated taking pictures with me. Later I found him communicating with women and sending them selfies….. never will I trust a man who doesn’t show me off in person and social media.

  8. 8
    Micky

    You said it, Evan! You hit the nail on the head again. 🙂

  9. 9
    alexx88

    Thanks for the article! I faced with similar issue and was useful to read

  10. 10
    ElsaG.

    10/10 with Evan on this.

    DTMFA, Irankuda. He’s a waste of your time and Instagram posts.

  11. 11
    Gala

    There is not enough info here to pass such judgement. If this guy has a curated Instagram persona he’s been cultivating, he wouldn’t necessarily post with his g/f. Plenty of influencers don’t, make or female. This has nothing to do with the person they are dating.

  12. 12
    Michelle

    It’s not about Instagram, you are just distracting yourself from the bigger problem; he’s not really feeling you.   It’s been 2 years of on again off again and breakups.   You are a filler until the real thing comes along for him.   That is what you should be looking at; he’s not committing to you, he’s breaking up with you more than once.   A good rule of thumb is if you breakup more than twice you are probably not a match.      A guy who is crazy about you would never let you go.   You may want to look at why you are attracted to and keep going back to someone who treats you like this?   That may be the bigger issue? You deserve love and happiness with a guy who is crazy about you.

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