Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

old man with a younger woman

Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.

1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.

2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.

3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.

So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.

But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.

Check out the clip here!

Join our conversation (385 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    It was a quick segment… but I liked it. Wow, 3:30am! Crazy! ha, ha.

    Is the whole “fibbing your age” thing a blanket recommendation or just for women/men who may want to start a family again or who feel they are being wrongly discriminated against because of their age?

    I mean… I guess I’m okay with “weeding out” the guys who want to have babies. It’s a joint decision, but I’m okay with only communicating with the men who feel they don’t want children or have kids and don’t want anymore. Sure, if I fall in love with someone whose hell bent on having his own kid, I wouldn’t squash his dream… but I’m truly okay with being done in the kid department too, so I could go either way.

    And, since not getting enough emails or not having enough men to date has never been a problem, are there any advantages to knocking my age down 5 years, since everyone thinks I look 32 anyways? I don’t know… I’m open to it if I saw advantages, but I guess I feel by keeping my age as much to the truth as possible, I’m weeding out ones who could be a potential problem anyways.


    1. 1.1
      sally mendelini

      So what if people lie about their age, really. If you look good and take care of yourself it can’t hurt. A person may miss out on meeting a good person because age, that number, has a connotation of being old and unattractive. When they meet you, see the beauty in and out, the age factor becomes unimportant. It’s hard enough meeting someone you like, lying about your age shouldn’t be a big deal.

      1. 1.1.1

        So, if I lie about my income to get you into bed is that ok?

        1. Sally Mendelini


          Most women can tell if a man has money or not, that may get her in bed, but the size of your —— will make her stay or hop out of bed while she points and laughs running out of the room. If you’re not well endowed physically, money is a must to offset a little weenie.

        2. Line

          Seriously? I have never asked a man   (or a woman) about their salary. I have my own money, I don’t care about yours. Plus, I would be creeped out if a guy tells me how much he earns out of the blue because it would look as if he wants to buy me. You are pretty pathetic and believe that a woman’s worth is only measured by her age and a man’s worth by his money.

        3. Tezza

          You’d never get ME into bed just because you’re rich. Takes more than that. I date guys who carry on about their money, or they think I must be materialistic because I’m ‘hot’ and money must be what I want. Stereotyping. Leads to nothing.

      2. 1.1.2

        So, I guess I can lie about my salary?

        1. Abby

          Sure lie about your salary. A women is not gonna stay with you JUST because you have money or don’t.

    2. 1.2

      If you can’t be truthful about something simple as age then what else are you going to be untruthful about….ummmm

      1. 1.2.1

        In online dating, anyone over 50 is filtered out. You’re not even in the race, because of your number. So, a little white lie evens the playing field. I am a truthful person, but I’m not going to let age discrimination get in the way of my happiness. I get told I look much younger than the age I say I am.


    3. 1.3

      I personally do not want to date older men and i am talking laye 50s. I am 50 and these type of articles always make it look like women are older at 50 but men aren’t. I need to have more in common and to be honest I live in an area where men don’t try to look at that age or even my age and I exercise. I would date older and younger but closer to my age. If you want to lie your age do it but keep in mind some people look at it as dishonest and some don’t care.

  2. 2

    I find most older men, unless they want to have kids or are just emerging from a bitter divorce, don’t care if the women they date are their age–as long as they don’t look it.

    I’m 47 and often told I look about 10 years younger. When I go to events at my son’s high school and look at the other moms, I can see why: married or single, they’ve let themselves go. Short hair, gray hair, dowdy clothing–most of these women look *older* than their actual ages. A style makeover with a little hair color and a youthful attitude can go a long way.

    I’m currently dating someone who is 52, although within the last year I’ve dated men as young as 27. It seems that regardless of age, it’s the total package that counts. All men want a woman who is nice to look at in their eyes–it’s not enough to just have the cerebral qualities that take up so much space on those online dating profiles. While there will always be older men who insist on dating 20 somethings, there are plenty who are willing to date in their own age bracket provided they find a woman attractive enough.

    1. 2.1

      We’ve heard it all! Yes, yes, the obligatory, “I look ten years younger” and what not. You have it all figured out, you are the authority because you are dating somebody (likely, a man from a “bitter” divorce).  

      1. 2.1.1

        WOW!   That came off as much more bitter than I’m sure you intended.   I didn’t see anything wrong with Cilla’s post.   Yeah, I get that it gets old seeing everyone claim to look 10 years younger, but I think she touched on a truth there.   While most people probably don’t think she is 37, they probably also don’t think she is 47.   But the reason is what she highlighted.   A lot of her peers aren’t trying anymore, so they look older than they are.

    2. 2.2
      Sally Mendelini

      Many old guys are not the greatest catches themselves unless they have $$$ and Viagra. Good looking, thin young girls can get Louboutins, Louis Vuitton bags, fancy homes, restaurants and trips and have their bills paid or else she’ll move on…otherwise he has no better advantage then the older woman. Who wants an old man who farts, pees and naps on the couch all the time, who is limp with saggy balls, has man boobs and a pot belly unless you’re desperate and fat yourself. Usually educated, attractive men and women around the same age with similar backgrounds will be appealing and interesting to each other no matter what age. Anyone looking for someone out of their league is surely headed down the wrong path.

      1. 2.2.1

        Don’t forget Sally, no one is out of anyone’s league!


        Good looking old guy! :]

      2. 2.2.2

        Not all older men are like what you posted. I am fit muscular slim 60 year old with all my hair and very active. Blanket statements only make you look ignorant

      3. 2.2.3

        Great generalizations. Not all older men are like that. I know many that are fit. It’s the women that are gaining the most weight in there middle age. I am 10% body fat with bmi if 20. Slim fit with muscle definition at 59.

        1. Mary

          The younger man Ive been seeing 2 years loves women older than him, I am 3 years older but he normally dates women 10 years older. He just turned 51. Also he does not like thin women at all, he loves women with an hourglass shape with 10 or more extra pounds and its the hip area he loves the most. I also want to point out by the time you reach our age what counts is character, being funny, honesty, loyalty, money does not play much of a part for me or him. I also accept at our age most men wont be in perfect health nor will most women. There is no perfection no matter who you are or what age!

        2. Rebecca Hiott

          It always amazes me how delusion goes untreated as a mental health issue.

      4. 2.2.4

        cannot stop laughing

      5. 2.2.5

        I think it’s funny that so many guys are agreeing that they wouldn’t want to date older women or women over 30-35 regardless of their own age because according to them women become apparently more and more disgusting with every passing year. But the moment a woman dares to say that men don’t become more attractive or desirable with passing years either, all these guys come out of the woodworks trying to convince anyone that truly they are just as much a catch as they were 20-30 yrs ago. In my experience men really don’t look any “better” than their female peers. It’s just that woman think of other things besides looks when they think of someones attractiveness and no not because of biology but because that is what is stamped in our brains by media and society as a whole. While men are taught that what women are concerned it’s just looks, looks, looks. If it where just about biology than women be just as shallow  or even more so.

        1. DeeGee

          I feel it is pretty equal.    Most men and women as they get older let themselves go.   I  have been  on five dating sites for the past  five years, and  80%+ of the women 45 to 65 are overweight to obese.   Just like in the younger years, 20s, 30s, 40s, there are the 20% who take good care of themselves physically, there are the same smaller number who take care of themselves in their 50s and 60s and beyond.   This entire men versus women argument is just silly.   And both older men and older women these days are often looking at connecting with younger people. I don’t think either gender has the market cornered on acting that way.   You all are just seeing things from your own perspective instead of looking outside of yourselves and your arguments at both genders equally.
          I also disagree with the statement that Veronica makes regarding men or women being shallow and just concerned with looks.   There are a percentage in both genders that are that way, it doesn’t mean they all are.

        2. Deepsouth

          Women are just as shallow, arguably more. Just look to dating sites for proof. Men on dating sites are willing to date average looking women, even below average looking.  They do not have to be knockouts or 10’s for most men to be willing to meet for a first date. And men will respond to just about any woman that messages them.  Women on the other hand, well its the complete opposite. Not only will they not date an average looking guy, they wont even respond to a message from them. Women on dating sites are extremely shallow, and many male model  fake accounts have been made to prove this. Women don’t care what your hobbies or interests are. They don’t care about that silly love poem you wrote in your bio. They don’t care how funny or smart you are. They care about your looks and your looks alone.

        3. Momo

          Thank you for that comment..sister you said it for us women at a “certain age” I’ve also agree that men in my age group don’t look any better. I’ve found younger men are attracted to older women because of the life experiences or wisdom we bring to the plate.

        4. RustyLH

          Momo, I am totally not trying to be mean, but no, younger men don’t care about your life experiences or wisdom. Evan has told you all on this site, many times, what men look for from a woman. Looks, and personality…basically how she makes him feel about himself when he is around her.

          Men don’t care about your degrees, where you work, what countries you have visited, what famous or powerful people you know, etc…

          Those things can make for conversation topics, but men don’t really care about them. Women need so much more from a man than a man needs from a woman. All you need to do is look at the profiles of men and women on dating sites. Like it or not, women are pickier in every way, including looks.

          Like it or not, younger men date older women because they are not successful with the younger women they want to be successful with. And most who do date older women, will end up with a younger woman, at some point.

          Many of the younger men are now expecting women to pay for their own meal, on a date. At least until they are committed. Many I know, now expect the older woman to pay, just like older men know they have to be generous with their money when dating a younger woman, these guys have bought totally into the women being equal thing, so they now expect the women to do what men do…pay for dates. They know they value that their youth holds. More and more, they are insisting on the older woman being generous with her money.

          Men want to be Mel Gibson in Braveheart, where he is the one the woman looks up to. The scene where he talks to her in Latin, and then tells her he will have to teach her that Latin…that’s what most men want. You can be upset about that all you want, and try to shame men for it, but it’s as much an inherent need for men as any inherent need women have. Men need to feel looked up to. Most men anyway. They feel safer in a relationship where that’s the case.

          The reason younger men are with you is quite simple, but you don’t want to know the answer. I dated older women, and know many younger men who do, and we talk, and they admit it’s still the same reason. You are easier. Easier to get in bed, and easier to please, especially out of bed. Mostly because you subconsciously know you don’t hold the power, the same way a woman does when the man is not younger. You try harder, and you are more agreeable. And, he often knows that when he meets “the one,” he is gone.

          But you ask a guy why he likes older women. Think he’s dumb enough to admit that? Know…he knows the things to say. You don’t play silly immature games. You have life experience that he finds attractive. He appreciates your wisdom, and can learn things from you. You know what you want. etc.. So let’s translate that.

          You don’t play silly immature games. Translation…he is striking out with the younger women. The silly games they are playing is the two ladder theory, and they have a whole lot of men vying for their attention, so she shit tests men, and plays little games trying to find the right one…and he isn’t on the top of the romance ladder, if on it at all.

          You have life experiences, and wisdom he can learn from. Translation…yes, and this is a major part of the Mrs. Robinson fantasy most men have. Deep down they don’t feel confident, even if they act like it, and they want to learn from an older woman, so they can go out and conquer, and find his princess.

          You know what you want. Translation…Oh yes, you know what you want. This is one of the primary reasons. You know what you want. You are easier to get into bed. Of course you are. He may be striking out with women his age, or at a minimum, having to expend way more energy and resources to get them into bed. Older women are much easier to get in bed. You may think you are not, but it’s all about perspective. You may think you are not, but from his perspective you are.

          I had sex with many women, within minutes of being inside their place, the first time, or mine if that’s where we went the first time, but it happened far more often with the older women I dated. It always took less time, less effort, and less resources to get an older woman into bed.

          Also, older women are more complimentary. They show their interest far far more than younger women, who play a game of who cares the least, wins. Older women look at you with more open desire in their eyes, and are freer with the compliments.

          For the vast majority of men, dating an older woman is not about long term love, it’s about short term gratification, companionship, and happiness in the now. The vast majority of them expect that at some point, they will meet a younger woman.

          As far as older goes, a couple of years older is not older. That’s still in his peer group, and while it may not be what he was actually hoping for, it’s not the same as dating an older woman…4 to 20 years older. The more the age gap, the more these things are true.

          I once had a doctor, while in the Navy, who was very honest to me about what worked, and what did not work. I noted that and told him I had noticed that, compared to civilian doctors. He said, “I don’t get paid any different, no matter what I tell you, so there’s no incentive to sell you on something that doesn’t work, or you don’t need.”

          That’s me in this situation. I have nothing to gain in this situation, one way or the other. I just don’t. So I tell the truth that the men who know you in real life, will not.

          I’m not telling you not to date younger men…as if you would listen anyway. I’m just saying, don’t be naive about the situation. It’s just not the same for you as when you were their age, and dating guys that age. It’s just not.

        5. Emily, to

          Wow. Your extremely long answer said so much more about you than it ever did about the older women/young man pairing.
          And as far was wanting to be looked up to … ok. Then you have to do something worthy of being looked up to, no?

        6. Jeny

          So true, the ever present double standard. I know so many guys, that get so mad at a woman for dating a black or Hispanic ma, but see no problem with dating an Asian or Hispanic woman. Guys worth having aren’t so easily butt hurt.

  3. 3

    I thought it was funny that one of Evan’s clients who railed against lying about their age lied in her own online profile without even remembering that she had! It makes one wonder whether someone lies so much about a particular aspect about themselves that they end up believing the lie.

    There are ways to tell a lie in order to widen your dating pool of people who are compatible in other ways but after a while it’s just plain deception; especially if there’s nothing else in common. Personally, I don’t mind women who fudge their age in their bio but come clean in their profile. It makes perfect sense marketing wise and it does show a lot of character.

    1. 3.1

      Thank goodness for “marketing wise guys”! Lol

  4. 4

    What fun! Evan, I like your hair better as depicted in the masthead. Just saying…

  5. 5
    Evan Marc Katz

    I put some gunk in it to tame the frizz, and, well, I looked like a wet poodle. Hey, some women like that…

    1. 5.1
      Billie Britton

      Hi Even I like your hair. I’m one of those almost 40 & I still look like a 12 year old!😋

  6. 6

    Evan, can you get a video clip of your segment and put it on your site?

  7. 7

    I’m 43, I have no problem dating a woman up to 5 years older than I am and I actually prefer women my own age.

    I find them to be more fun to talk to and a whole lot less drama.

    The downsides are that many of them, like many men in the same age group, let themselves go. Also, like many men in the same age group they have let the battle of the sexes give them bitter attitudes about the other sex. Many of them have also forgot how to have fun on a date. If they aren’t giving you a “job interview” with an agenda of questions ( ready to disqualify you at any answer slightly off program ) then they are rushing off to the next item on their perpetually tight schedules.

    1. 7.1
      Fred D McMillan

      I am fourty getting ready to turn fourty one and I agree.

      1. 7.1.1
        Fred D McMillan

        I do agree totally, I am   forty and soon to be forty one soon.

        1. Jon Cunningham

          Totally agree, the older the woman, the more their insecurity drives a guy away. The woman that are interested are half my age. They may have a half-life of only three months, but a lot of fun it can be.


        2. Mary

          Im over 50 and everyone my age wants a man the same age give or take a fe years, its the same for every man I know, they may like a pretty young girls attention but they want to stay and marry a woman their own age |They cant relate to a 24 yr old like a woman their age we grew up in the 80s! Women over 40 are confident that is the bigget turnon for a man its not your looks, job or money!

    2. 7.2

      Bravo, Steve!

    3. 7.3

      “…they have let the battle of the sexes give them bitter attitudes about the other sex.”


      I find this to be the case also, and a chief reason I’m not attracted to women my age (late 40s).   I’m a happy go lucky person, myself,   and I just can’t take the bitterness and anger so prevalent among women in their 40s on up.


      Sure, some younger women have their issues too. Immaturity at any age can be a major turn off. But I find those so much easier to deal with than the hostility and angriness.

      1. 7.3.1

        why do so many guys talk about women in their 40s being “hostile, bitter and angry”?

        I am just curious, is that really true?



    4. 7.4

      I’m 26 and I loveee your response

    5. 7.5

      “…up to 5 years older…..…..”   So, if she’s hot, interesting, fun, sexy, and there is a connection, but she is 48, she’s a dried up old bag?

      Age is a construct, and men are idiots to put age parameters on their dating sites that are so low.   Attractive women their own age aren’t even being seen because of this.   There is no F-ing difference between a hot 45 year old or a hot 50 year old, really.

      Men are sad.   I am happier without the stress of having to lie, pretend, whatever.   I can outswim and outrun most of them anyway, so their loss.   The 30 something with 3 kids doesn’t have junk any better than mine. In fact, I’d bet money she’ll have swollen ankles and a prolapsed uterus down the road, so have fun with that.   Sorry, but I’m sick of this whole topic and the world of men in general. It’s a joke.

      1. 7.5.1


        You sound like a 40+ woman who has been rejected a few times once a guy found out your age. Let me break it down for you since you clearly don’t seem to get it and can’t see passed your bitterness.

        Men are wired to spread their seed as much as possible with the condition of a healthy female. There is a prime age for females when they are at healthy child-bearing age providing the best opportunity of survival for the offspring. This is between 16-24.

        Whether men are consciously aware of this or not is irrelevant. It’s a fact and men finding the 18-25 women more attractive has nothing to do with how pretty or thin or confident they are. It’s all about healthy offspring and the healthiest female isn’t 35+ whether or not menopause has arrived. Of course being that men aren’t purely physical or sexual as you may or may not believe, just being the right age for healthy child-bearing isn’t enough which is why you don’t see men exclusively dating women 16-24.

        It doesn’t matter if you like it or hate it, it just is. Men aren’t doing anything wrong, they’re only doing what they’re supposed to do and more. Sorry if you’ve had some naive men who don’t understand this hurt you, but this isn’t a reflection of men in general. But I think you already know that.

        1. Dave

          Ha ha like she is gonna read that book you wrote!

        2. Abby

          But the problem is Stephen, men your age 40’s and 50’s, I’m guess, are not attractive to us 25 year olds. I am so sick of men above 40 asking me out. I’m not at their stage of life, and you are not in mine. Just don’t try. It it gross.

  8. 8

    I’ve only started lying about my age (or choosing not to reveal it) as I’ve gotten older. I never reveal my age in the workplace, and I haven’t revealed it to men I’ve met outside of cyber-space. I’ve found that many men have preconceived ideas about what a woman of a certain age looks like. I’m constantly told I don’t look my age, but guess what, I am that age! I’ve lied about my age by a few years and the men had no idea. I really don’t look my age (does anyone think they do?), so no one seems to guess. I’ve actually found that men lie about their ages (and their height) quite a bit, but as Evan said, it’s so they can date much younger women. Even men who don’t want kids lie. I just want to stay in the game with men around my own age.

    I’ve also found that the same men who are knocking 10-15 years off are posting pictures 5-15 years older as well. I’m very careful to make sure any photos are recent. I’ve also found that younger men are ok with dating an older woman, but middle-aged + men are not. (It was interesting to see the three men tripping over themselves on that!) As Leslie from More says, ideally no one would need to lie, and of course, it’s easy enough to find out if someone is lying, but there is so much age-prejudice out there. Everyone makes a big deal about lying, but no one wants to confront their own age-bias. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, but I liked what Evan said about “fighting it from the inside”.

    1. 8.1

      I agree with Ava. I am an attractive 56 year old woman (pass for late thirties/early forties) I prefer to date men my age give and take a few years. Also I’ve recently joined a cougar website to test this about older women and younger men. The response was overwhelming. Also doing the same on the conventional dating sites I’ve lowered my age limit to see if I got any hits from younger men. Same response. Older women have much to bring to the plate on a different scale.

  9. 9

    @Cillia, post #2.


    There are sexy and short hairstyles for women.

    Having written that, if I was a woman who wanted to make sure that she never got male attention I would get a short, utilitarian “man cut”. Aside from large amounts of excess weight few things will stamp “matronly”, “boring”, “un-vital” across a woman’s appearance more.

    I realize I may be offending people by writing that, but offense is not my intent.

    1. 9.1
      Laura Jones

      I am a female in my mid 40’s with a short hair cut (recently went from long to short). I don’t give a fig if men find me attractive. Women spend far too much time worrying over their looks, much more time than men. It’s a trap, it’s a waste of time and energy. Just be natural ladies, you want a man who loves your insides, that’s the man u will grow old with


      1. 9.1.1

        …as you sit alone, night after night…

  10. 10

    Many women are as guilty of the ageism of which they so frequently accuse men.

    From a woman’s actual profile:

    “I am 41 years of age….and I am TIRED of 54 year old men writing to me! That is why I listed my age younger.”

    Even if one were to respect the fact that she’s coming clean about her real age in her profile, why would a guy want to give her a chance with that type of attitude?

    Marc´s last blog post…My Cell Phone Would Never Get Laid

    1. 10.1

      Evan, that’s not ageism. the woman said she was 41 & isn’t interested in 54 year old men. A 54 year old man is not in her age group, he’s 13 years older then her.   I don’t blame her. the reason I say that is frankly, 90% of 54 year old men have long ago let themselves go. Their hair (if they have any) is usually gray and just sticking up all over the place. They are fat, and at the same time they act like ONLY they can have anybody in the world. It’s crazy. Not ALL 54 year old men are like this, but a lot “seem” & “look” like I what I described.

      1. 10.1.1

        Caramel, you just described tons of women in their 40s who let themselves go yet still think somehow? >  they can compete with women in their 30s for men in their 30s…that is delusional = cougars.   Wow, what liberation has done to Baby Boomer women’s minds is out of this world rather than down to earth.   Give them an inch and they took/take a mile to nowhere so Unreal.   I looked outside of this cultural decay of Caucasian women because of their attitudes and of course, excess weight yet not around their mouths.

        1. Karmic Equation

          John, I think you misunderstand about cougars. We don’t go out seeking and propositioning younger men. They approach an attractive woman and the woman reciprocates the interest, she just happens to be older. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to tell guys “Honey, I’m old enough to be your mom. You know that, right?” And their reply, of course, is some form of “Age is just a number.”  

          I know of some women who do chase younger men, but those women are desperate, and delusional, yes. But the ones who get chased, which I believe outnumber the ones doing the chasing, we simply get approached and reciprocate when we feel like it.

          I had a transplanted Australian doctor contact me on Tinder (mid 30s very cute).
          Him: Hey, I think there’s something wrong with your profile.  
          Me: What do you mean?
          Him: It says you’re 47.
          Me: But I am 47.
          Him: Wow. You look like you’re in your late 20s.
          Me: TY 🙂

          Never heard from him again. LOL

          He’s a 30-something cute doctor. He’s got better options than me. No hard feelings.    

        2. kevin

          Hell yeah, John!

        3. Pat

          John (10.1.1):   You are misunderstood on a few levels.

          1.   The vast majority of women in their 40s do not chase after men in their 30s.   The vast majority of women want to date and marry their peers.   That is, women in their 30s go for men in their 30s, women in their 40s go for men in their 40s, women in their 20s want men in their 20s.   There are obviously exceptions, but they are the minority, as Evan has stated before.   If you think that women enjoy dating men with huge age gaps, you don’t understand women as well as you think you do.

          2.   The few older women that date much younger men are usually approached by these younger men, as most young men are not super selective about who they hook up with and older women think it’s just for fun.   Most cougars aren’t delusional – there’s ALWAYS some guy out there that’s willing to hook up with a woman, regardless of her age or looks.   Men aren’t selective about sex, they are selective about huge commitments, like marriage or having kids.   So you clearly don’t understand the majority of men as well as you think you do, either.

          3.   If you are in the dating market, you should really curb the vitriol coming out of your mouth.   I’m not Caucasian, but if I ever heard a man speaking about a race of women in such insultingly monolithic terms, there would not be any further communication with him.   And did you know that obese American men actually outnumber obese American women?   Look it up!   So maybe men can lead by example, if they desire to have a fit partner.   Also, most women who become overweight usually lose their bodies from child-bearing – what excuse do so many men have for getting fat?!

          Oof.   Guys like you make me SO thankful that I’m not single (though, I still love reading EMK, since he helped me find love).   If you ever want to be in a functional relationship with a woman, you need to overhaul your sexist, racist, ageist attitude (or at least keep it to yourself like a decent human being would), or you will be perpetually single, bitter, and all alone.   Good luck!

        4. Russ


          Wrong.   You chose a sight that includes both overweight and obese on one lumped together category.

          The rates for Obese are about the same for the genders of most races.


          Also, and this is important…how do they arrive at these numbers?   Well, my doctor simply uses the chart on his wall, which simply uses height vs weight.   That is highly inaccurate, especially for men who lift weights, like I do.   I have big arms, big chest, big legs, etc…   To measure me accurately, you must do the water dip method, which nobody does.   Unfortunate.

        5. Juniper

          “Cougar” is just a nasty term coined by mediocre 20 and 30 somethings to describe a woman (“older” than themselves” who has looks, a career, is physically fit, professional, fun, and radiates self confidence…..   and as a natural result, attracts enlightened men of ALL ages who aren’t stupid enough to think a 50 year old vagina feels any different than a 38 year old vagina…..   especially for those of us who didn’t have kids.   Use the term as nastily as you like, but this “cougar,” who can kick your ass in the pool, on the slopes, and (most likely) on a mountain bike, is a way better catch than any 30 year old making duck faces in her Walmart lingerie.   NO fat on this girl, but there are plenty of “fat” 30-40 year olds, so have fun with them.   Give us an inch and we’ll take a mile?   Hahahahaha!   Sad.

      2. 10.1.2

        You describe many women over 40…over weight, not fit and less attractive. It works both ways.

    2. 10.2

      That’s not ageism though because she’s not Entitled.   She wants to date men her own age roughly.   I feel the same as that woman.   It’s a waste of time for men of 54 to message me as I won’t reply.    But older men think ageing applies only to women, or they don’t care if they get 99 rejections for every one reply.   I don’t know, but in order to get men closer to my own age to message me I’ve had to subtract a few years off my age.   Such a stupid tail-chasing charade in the end, but it’s men’s entitlement to a much younger date that slows everything down.   Most men would recoil in horror if a woman 11 years their senior messaged them.

      1. 10.2.1
        ricky agnew famina

        I’m 62 years old and easily pass for early to mid 40’s and in some cases younger.not a wrinkle on my face.I’ve been using alpha hydroxy face   cream since I was in my 30’s which has a lot to do with it ,but also I have genes on my father looked much younger than his real age and my mother always has and still does.25 years younger in fact(she’s 91)..a couple nights ago I was listening to two people in the local diner conversing about how things have changed in the last 25 ,30 years….the customer  is   a confessed 60 and the waitress? when I  questioned them both about a particular tv show that was airing in the 50’s,they both said they couldn’t remember it as they were much too young..i  made the comment that  ‘s par for the course,as I always  seem to be the oldest in the group..the waitress laughed and said “oh I think I’ve got   a good lead on you there,i’m 59..”   and I said   “no I have you   both beat,i’m 62″..their mouths dropped wide  open and they didn’t want to believe it at first..when I was in my mid 30’s  I easily passed for early 20’ fact people that age were always hanging around,as they though I was their age..i didn’t say any was a great decade  regarding the romance partners I had..much younger.and I still  pass for being   way way younger,easily.i have no painful joints,or bones or any kind of pains anywhere and feel as physically fit as I did in my 30’s..i  power walk everywhere I go,i’m flexible and limber   and bend in the same places that I did at thirty  which makes wrestling with my dog and friends great fun and ..    and grey hair? I shave my head,wear a lot of black and keep fit..well ok I dye my eyebrows with Just For Men.. If anybody asks my age,i reply how old do I look? and whatever their reply is I just say ”  that sounds good to me” keeps people guessing..and I feel like if people are going to only befriend me based on my age then I don’t need their friendship …that’s called ageism…period!  ya know I remember a person telling me years ago that a person begins to feel their age(the sluggishness) at about 50..huh..i never did..still don’t..

  11. 11

    I totally understand!!! I am not interested in dating older men! There are few men my own age I am willing to date. In fact I may start “lying” about my age so that I will fall into a different age-search range. I am 52 but I really don’t look it and people are surprised to find out that I am not early 40’s. I once was married to a man 10 years older than myself and when some relationship problems arose the deciding factor for me to leave was the age. I decided in my late 30’s that I was not interested in a man closer to 50! I am meeting a lot of men who are 49-52 and have young children with an average age of 7. Their Ex’s were quite a bit younger and went through their own mid life crisis. Like I said when it comes to what women and men want well we all want the same things, and we go through the same things. I had a long term relationship with a man 10 years younger and when problems began well I wasn’t interested in working things out and going through his mid life crisis! Age again was a major factor! Right now I am having the best time of my life and these are the best years I hope to share them with a man my age or with in 3 years. I prefer younger by 2-3 years but only because you guys just age faster than women and when I find him well I would like him around for as long as possible!

    1. 11.1

      What a pile of narcissistic bunk from you saying we age quicker?   There are sooooooooo many over weight middle aged women out there who are so delusional thinking they somehow are hot and deserve younger men yet they remain single and alone.   Middle aged men tend to be slimmer so being with these over weight same age women is not in their books.   Cougars are a passing fancy that in a few years or bit more will be LOLed at more than it is today.   Middle aged women first need to eat right and then start to move again and not their mouths.   Also, their attitudes of dominance is pervasive.   It is no wonder men look for younger women and outside of Caucasian women especially.

      1. 11.1.1

        Both sexes are guilty of letting themselves go, but do some research and you will soon find the percentage of overweight or obese men is markedly higher than women.  

        1. JennLee

          It’s not as doom and gloom as you think Ella Many guys played football, or worked out with weights. So they are not thin, or slim. That’s not a problem. I see many men that look good that fall into the “overweight category. Most women I know find these men to be very good looking men. Most college and pro football players fall into the overweight category, even if they are not one the big fat guys in the middle. I have a friend who is all muscle and played football. He is very good looking, and yet his height to weight ratio falls into the obese category. I know this because he told us when he came back from a doctor’s appointment. He was shocked. Thing is, he’s mostly muscles. So many men like him would be removed with a BMI measurement not done through simple height/weight ratio.

          Take a look at this table taken from the CDC website. Journal of the American Medical Association website.
          Website image taken from

          Image of table.

          In the overweight and obese statistics, men are significantly higher. But when you move down to just the obese category, you get a different story

          Asians only have an obesity rate of about 11% and is practically identical for both sexes except in the 60+ category where far fewer men are obese. In all other races except whites 40-59, the women are normally more obese than the men. But, even with whites, the difference isn’t huge. Might have something to do with more white men having office jobs than many men of other races. Black women 20 to 59 have the largest gap with all groups very close in numbers and the women in the 56% obese range while the men are in the 35% obese range. Is this the real reason many black men are rejecting black women, and also seem more tolerant of chubby women of other races? Hispanic women also tend to be more obese with only one age group 20-39 having 7% less while the 40-59 group has 12% more, 60+ 10% more.

          I know some guys who also claim that most of the single women are fat. I will point them to this to show them that it’s actually about even. Maybe you ladies might want to give my Asian brothers more of a chance if being overweight is a problem for you.

        2. Insidious_Sid

          Hahahahaha no.

          Unless you consider “average” weight (as women report on dating sites) to be 50 pounds overweight.

          Today, average = fat but they want me to have a hard abdomen. Yeah, not feeling it.

        3. Layla

          Women should look elsewhere , there is a whole world out there of attractive men, but they’re in other countries. All I here from American men are complaints about women, so I looked elsewhere and couldn’t happier.

      2. 11.1.2

        Isn’t is amusing how we get so bent out of shape over the dating preferences of people in whom we have no interest whatsoever?   Disdain is such a waste of energy.

      3. 11.1.3

        John – women need to “start to move again and not their mouths”? I think physical activity and continuing to make an effort is advisable for both sexes.But no woman who exercises her mind at all is going to be interested in a man with that attitude, slim or otherwise. From your caustic remarks about liberation, Caucasian women and their “dominance”, to your horror at the idea that “cougars” are having sex with younger men and enjoying it, I’d say you’ve been reading a few too many third-rate PUA blogs. It’s not doing you any favours; poorly-articulated sexism is a first-rate cockblocker.

        1. Pat

          Well put!

      4. 11.1.4

        Where are these slim middle aged men you speak of?    Beer bellies, inflammation, and baldness to boot.    Battle of the bulge – not just for women.

      5. 11.1.5

        Where I live, there are no fat middle aged women but the men, oh good grief.

      6. 11.1.6

        My sister is 50 and looks 19, but we   are Asian and Swedish, those nationalities look youthful for years. You are very sexist, and I find men in the US have a fit when a woman is over 30, even if she looks 21 or so. You are also in a dream world if you think older men are slimmer, really too funny. Older women with cubs are here to stay, especially if the older women wants men from countries other than the USA. Also it’s obvious you don’t care if women can find anyone, which is typical of men in the USA, because you make it all about your needs , your desires and your lives. I’m 40 with a 25 year old that should drive you crazy.

        Women from the USA are tired of men who don’t please them sexually, men who don’t even know you’re a sexual person, and men who expect lots in looks, but think women should just put up with whatever.

      7. 11.1.7

        Narcissistic bunk?   “Cougars” are a passing fancy?   This “middle aged” woman is the same size she was in high school, an athlete, no kids, and isn’t ANYONE’S “passing fancy,” thank you.   Have fun with your 30 year old with 3 kids from 3 different guys.   I’ll bet you two will have a LOT in common.   And when she wants more, well, have fun with that mess.   Jesus, the sad state of men these days.

      8. 11.1.8

        John I agree I goes both ways. I’m a mixed race middle aged woman who doesn’t look her age and is not overweight. I eat right and take care of myself with proper weight bearing exercise. I don’t like that last statement you made regarding Caucasian women. It’s not fair to single out.

    2. 11.2

      Wow danielle, good thing ur good at math! Lol

      …Ageism personified :/

    3. 11.3

      Not true, in general men look younger because they have more collagen and don’t wrinkle up as fast, most women after menopause gain lots of weight, become less fit, and become less attractive. I see this all over

      1. 11.3.1

        Brad, it depends on nati0nality, race. Your disdain for women I can feel that loud and clear. If women were fatter after menopause my mother would be 600 pounds.

      2. 11.3.2

        Not true.   Men don’t “look younger,” it is just culturally accepted that an ugly woman of 35 will always oust a hot woman of 50.   I am a very attractive, fit, youthful woman of 51 and every guy I meet over the age of 45, with rare exception, looks his age.   Dad gut, balding, even the “hot” ones have their issues………   pathetic.   Women take the brunt of your abuse as we “age,” but the truth is, you are simply programmed to see youth as attractive, even when it isn’t.   Not everyone in their 20s and 30s is attractive, healthy, vibrant, a great companion…….   it’s just faulty programming coming from a f-ed up culture that worships 14 year olds.   There are 12 step groups for that, by the way, Brad.

        1. RustyLH

          Promise, a guy is not going to date an ugly 35 year old, and pass up a hot 51 year old. Now, we can agree that the 35 year old does not have to be AS hot as the 51 year old. Why? Longevity. A guy who is 40 would look at both, and make an assessment. How long does he expect the relationship to last? Is he in it for the short term? Some men will tell the women he wants marriage, because he thinks he has to tell her that. But not all do. There’s a reason guys aren’t impressed when you say you had offers of marriage, especially by younger guys. It’s a favorite ploy to get an older woman as a short term but stable relationship.

          But, the reality is that a 40 year old man knows that a 51 year old woman who may still look hot, is not going to look hot much longer…or at least that’s a reasonable expectation. I dated a super hot, and I do mean a super hot 37 year old, when I was 28. I ran into her 5 years later, when I was married. She was no longer not super hot, she wasn’t even hot…at all. She had gained a fair amount of weight, and everything about her just looked…older. In five years, she literally went from being so hot that guys hollered/whistled at her as they drove past us, when we were walking on the sidewalk, to a woman guys wouldn’t even notice.

          Look, we get it…not all men look good past 45. Same goes for women. But also, keep in mind, men don’t wear make-up, or dye their hair. And plastic surgery is also less common with them. Take off your war paint, and stop dying your hair, and see if you don’t start looking more like a peer, to your peers.

          I hate to say it, but you seem like one of those women who believe all men are trash, and all women are awesome. Maybe not completely, but close, and you basically said as much. The truth is that some men, and some women, actually put a lot of effort into looking good, as they age. Most don’t.

        2. Dmemorgan

          So well put. I’ve heard men in their 50s with kids in their 30s lusting over average-looking girls in their 20s while ignoring beautiful women their own age. Also tired of men saying I look years younger as though it were a massive compliment! I am and look 56- lying about your age is a lie, shows lack of confidence in who you are and, worse, perpetrates the idea that a woman in her 50s is ugly and useless. Well I fwill always fully admit to my age and those men who don’t want that…their loss.

          And RTs comment above- sadly true…most younger men do see older women as easier and short term, and most older women demand less of those men than younger women would do . Fine if the woman wants that, but personally i would not waste my time and value myself too highly.

      3. 11.3.3

        No, they don’t look “younger….”   All I see are dad guts, hair loss, and hugely inflated egos in combination with a lot of misperceptions about women their own age.   Do you guys know how stupid you look with someone half your age?   Even 15 years younger?   It’s a bigger source of jokes than “cougars,” I would say.

        Yeah, that “younger” woman may be a bit more malleable, and she may put up with more (especially if you have money), but for the most part, her body isn’t going to be that different than a woman 10 years older who has taken impeccable care of herself.   I see 30 somethings every day that I would never trade bodies or faces with, but yet I know men will choose them over me based on nothing but misperceptions and our infatuation with 14 year olds.

        This is why I find men so disposable.   The very criteria you demand in a woman is exactly what you lack, even more so, usually.   And the good looking, fit, athletic ones are often severely personality disordered and unable to really attach or commit, so really, there isn’t much out there of quality.

        1. Momo

          thank you!

      4. 11.3.4

        I have a boyfriend who is my age (56) and he looks way older than me. Rare case of dating a man my age. Here is your proof.

        1. RustyLH

          Take off the make-up, stop using hair color, and look again. In another post, you said you look late 30s, to early 40s. You don’t look late 30s, or early 40s, and you certainly would not without the war paint and hair dye.

          We need a website called Those of us who think we pass for younger, would likely get a rude awakening.

          What it is, is that some of us are in shape, and eat healthy, so we simply look good for age. We don’t look drastically younger.

          Go to one of those Carnivals where they guess your age, or weight, and if they don’t guess close enough, you win a prize. I doubt you win a prize, but if you do, it won’t be because he/she guesses 15 years off. I think they have to hit it within 2 or 3 years. They might miss by a year, maybe two, but more than likely, they guess within the required range.

          This is true for both men and women. There’s a huge difference between looking good for your age, and looking 10 years younger.

  12. 13

    The hypocrisy about ageism is just flying in all directions between these two threads isn’t it? For anyone feeling slighted, take comfort in the fact that everyone writing is/will be
    old/older to the point of being disqualified as worthy. That will only be made harder as their ageist beliefs backfire on them as they are forced to negatively evaluate themselves.

    1. 13.1

      The problem with ageism, as with all the —isms is that you start thinking of and lumping individuals into a single bucket, you dehumanize them.   My master thesis dealt with ageism, and I can tell you that as people grow older they are more heterogeneous or different that one another than they are similar.   What I will say is instead of saying everybody in X age range lets themselves go or I refuse to date men in X age range because of blank, consider that people are individuals and cast a wider net.   You may be surprised.   I say this as woman with a husband who is a decade younger.   I can’t imagine if I had dismissed him just because he was younger and no other reason.   Any of you could be dismissing the love of your life because of an age difference.   As long as you are and adult and he/she is an adult, what is the problem?   Obviously if you’re looking to have children you may have to be more restrictive, but finding the one is a numbers game, and the wider your net, the more likely you get a good catch.

      1. 13.1.1

        Elle, u my dear have a head on your shoulders… if only the women I’m trying to meet new how sexy I find you even though we never met or that i don’t know ur age, lol. Too bad she’s married 😉

      2. 13.1.2

        Well said !!

    2. 13.2


      1. 13.2.1

        Get a man your own age. It will be more fun for you!

        1. Josha

          Not in my case. He was a control freak.

        2. APB

          Age is but a number, dear…

      2. 13.2.2

        Is that my brother !

      3. 13.2.3

        Don’t waste your youth on an old man,. there’ll be plenty of time to date fifty four year olds.

      4. 13.2.4

        Get a man your age or you will end up being a nursemaid in your still prime years.

        1. RustyLH

          Or not. Men die younger, but not that much younger, anymore, and that actually has more to do with other factors. Men who actually work hard at being healthy, tend to live longer than women. And women, while living a little longer, tend to have a lot more health issues as they age.

          My mom died in her mid 50s. My dad is still going strong at 80.

          You can’t always help who you love. Not marrying them because you might outlive them…not a good plan for happiness. We could write a novel on all the things that could end up worse than that. The guy you choose instead, could cheat and give you a disease. He could turn into a homicidal maniac. He could leave you for a younger woman, just as your looks fade. You could die long before the one you actually loved, and never be as happy as you could have been.

          This is just the tip of the iceberg. I could turn this into a very long post, just listing the ways.

    3. 13.3

      I agree ! Ageism is prejudice and self loathing of one’s future self! Not very healthy at all! I am a geriatrician. We waste the resources of our elders who have seen , done and continue to do great things. We render ourselves and each other useless and unworthy with each passing summer…

  13. 14

    @ Steve (Post #9)

    I agree, there are lots of pretty short haircuts for women, and there are celebrities like Natalie Portman, Sharon Stone, and Halle Berry who have worn their hair short and look great.
    Unfortunately, most of the short styles I see are on women who have that “I give up” vibe you also touched on. A short gamine cut somehow eludes them (I’m sure choice of hair stylist plays a part in this), and they resort to “practical” cuts to go with their mom jeans and mannish shoes.

    Also, I’m sure there are plenty of men who like short hair, when styled in a feminine way, although to be frank, most of the men I know (and those whose dating profiles I’ve viewed) prefer long hair. Call it neanderthal, call it sexist–that just seems to be the way it is. If most men prefer long hair, and a woman wants to be competitive on the dating scene, it makes sense that she would hedge her bets by choosing a length most likely to be desired by men. If a woman looks better in short hair, she will have to face the fact that some men will dismiss her based on hair length alone–shallow, but true.

    1. 14.1

      Usually it’s the super pretty woman that looks good with short hair, and no man is passing her up because of that.   Case and point, Halle Berry who looks gorgeous with short hair, and fairly ordinary with longer hair.   Women with OK looks and on the average side do better to have longer hair.

  14. 15


    I’ve been told the reason women of a certain age get “man-cuts” is a) pragmatic concerns related to child-rearing and b) to soften the focus on their features as they age – long hair on an older woman can make them look “witchy”.

    Of course I think it’s all bollocks and women really just do it because they hate themselves and want to ensure that no men on Earth will ever find them attractive or interesting again.´s last blog post…A perfect fake PENISTRON

    1. 15.1

      Wow, who knew a hairstyle meant all that?   Only in America in 2015.  

    2. 15.2

      longer, cared for hair is more feminine…if a woman really wants to date, she will make an effort in her appearance, including HAIR

      1. 15.2.1

        My wife is 61, has long hair, thank God, and her! Beautiful.

  15. 16

    I agree with Evan on this. Lets be honest, we don’t all lay our cards out on the table for our first dates. We don’t tell our dates about that time we got drunk and puked all over the cab, or how we have a little debt, or how we lost money in the stock market, forgot birthday’s or families or friends or didn’t tip the waiter a full 20% even if he did a agreat job, how we like to drink a little too much on Friday or gamble a little much on Saturday. I don’t advocate lying but I think it’s a little holy roller to say that omitting ones age or not being completely upfront about it is so horrible and makes that person a liar and only a liar. People are so much more multi-faceted for that. Frankly, I am young and don’t need to lie about my age but if I am still single as I get older, I probably will because men kind of rather suck on the age thing and even if men are 40s they think they are entitle to women 10-15 years younger.

  16. 17

    I agree the whole “I look/ have been told I look younger than am” is often true simply because of the choice of clothing, hairstyle and attitude. For both men and women. The grunge look does not work well for the middle aged. And attractive clothing IS available for those sporting extra pounds, not just sweats & “mom jeans”. Longer hair can work for women in their 40’s-50’s, but it needs to be colored and styled, not just hanging down grey and grizzly.

    Recently I saw the movie “I’m Not Your Woman” on HBO with a (then) 49 yr. old Michelle Pfieffer in the lead role about among other things, a woman fighting aging. She looks GREAT and her awesome bone structure aside, you can easily mistake her for younger because of the choice of wardrobe, hair, attention to fitness, and most of all, her character’s “young-ish” projection of herself. Not all of us can pull it off in the looks department like Michelle, but humor, positive attitude, a sense of FUN, and a zest in expressing ourselves can break down the stereotypes of what 40-50-60 something “looks like” for both genders.

    I don’t lie about my age (so far lol!), but I haven’t tried internet dating sites either; sounds rather depressing for people over 35. Seems to me, if someone is greatly upset to find out their date lied about their age after spending time getting to know them…then they weren’t bowled over by that person’s personality and looks anyway so what difference does it make? They can use lying as the excuse, but isn’t it really something else? I wonder what kind of world it would be if no one ever knew what anyone’s age was, including their own. What would the criteria be then?

  17. 18

    I date women older and younger. I’m in the 30’s and can get away with it. I have my limits because I’m not trying to get to far out of my visual expectations.

    But if a woman lies about her age.. I won’t go out with her again.

    @Cilla Yes I only date women with shoulder length hair or longer…I’m not into short hair at all. Could be a Texas thing. And since Halle Berry isn’t knocking on my door.. 🙂

    Eathan´s last blog post…Alpha Boy – Mother’s Day Edition

  18. 19

    @casualencounters, post #15

    I had hair down to my shoulders for a number of years so I can understand not wanting to take care of it while I had to take care of a new baby. I do agree with you because having been there I don’t think it is that much of a time drain or inconvenience.

    About your other point, a good chunk of the fashion industry is driven by gay men. That is why models look like cross dressing teenage boys. If a woman wants to bag a gay man she should listen to their advice.

    Wrinkles are a pretty visible thing, a hair style will not them invisible. Hairstyles are also highly visible. To me, even as a child a short “man cut” hair cut on a woman meant to me that her “days were over”. She was now neutered.

    FWIW, I have seen women with well tended long gray hair who wore youthful ( but appropriate ) fashions. I will not lie, they were out of my age range, but they looked far more appealing to me than the women doing the Mrs Brady/Gertrude Stein look.

    1. 19.1

      To each his own. I always had shoulder-length hair until I lost all my hair in chemotherapy. As my hair grew into a pixie cut, I received so many compliments that I decided to keep it like that.  
      This week I am going out with a very attractive Pacific Islander with shoulder-length hair. And with a tall Caucasian man who is quite handsome.
      I also had six dates last week. I am 54 years old.
      I work out and dress in an elegant/sexy style. (not slutty and not frumpy).

  19. 20

    @Cillia, post #14

    Have you ever noticed that women who look sexy with short haircuts make it point to play up femininity in other aspects of their appearance? They wear sexy clothing that flatters their bodies and it is obvious they were make up. Their short hair cuts are also not “man cuts”. Their hair is highlighted in some way, kinked and styled.

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