I met a really nice guy. We are going out for a month now. And as all women do, I’m falling in love. But how do I know if he is feeling the same way about me without having to ask him directly?
Antonella from Holland
I wrote about this in a chapter of Why You’re Still Single called:”Diminishing Returns.”
In it, a woman wonders why a man would invest time, energy and money in somebody he might not even care about.
(There was originally a great joke about oral sex here that was later removed by editors, but the point remains the same.)
A guy can want to fall in love, tell you you’re beautiful, treat you like a queen, and ravish you in the bedroom, and it still doesn’t give any indication that he’s actually interested.
He’ll call you as soon as possible to make plans to see you again. That’s it.
Any other excuse, as pointed out ad nauseum in He’s Just Not That Into You, is meaningless.
You’re not wrong, Antonella, for wanting to find some clarity in your relationship. It’s normal that, over the course of a month, your feelings would start to deepen and develop. But one month is still a short period of time and unless you’re quite positive that he’s on the same love track as you are, I would lean back and play it cool.
You shouldn’t have to ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you.
Instead of forcing him to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation before he’s figured out his feelings, why don’t you just wait to see him reveal his feelings? Believe me, if he’s calling you every day and wants to see you four nights a week, you can be pretty sure that he’s serious about you. On the other hand, if you see him once a week and he only communicates with you by text message, I wouldn’t get too excited about him.
And when you reach the point where you simply can’t live without the knowledge that you’re in a committed relationship, most likely, in a month or two, that’s when it’s time to have a real conversation with him.
But ultimately, you shouldn’t have to have ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you. And if he’s not making an effort, you don’t have to look very far for your answer.
Update: This is such a popular topic, I created a special video that dives into this topic further! Click here to learn how to tell if your boyfriend is falling in love with you.