(Video) How Can You Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Falling in Love With You?




One of the most frequent questions I receive is about your frustration with the entire dating process and understanding what’s going through the minds of men.

While you’ve made up your mind about him — you love him, and you think he’s the one — you still aren’t confident that your relationship will endure.

This insecurity can take place at any point in a burgeoning relationship.

You’ve been dating him for two weeks and you feel electric chemistry.

You’ve been sleeping with him for three months and you’re not sure you’re exclusive.

You’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for six months and he hasn’t said “I love you.”

You’ve been a couple for a year and a half and he’s never hinted at a future.

Instances like these are incredibly common — more common than healthy relationships, to tell the truth — and you rightfully want to know if you should stick around or if you should bail.

Thankfully, I’m here to give you a cheat sheet (in the form of the above video) on what signs you should look for to figure out if your boyfriend is falling in love with you.

First of all, as I wrote in a newsletter once upon a time, believe the negatives, not the positives.

On the surface, that might not make sense. But upon further inspection, I would submit that every time you ignored the negatives, they came back to bite you.

The classic example is the guy who tells you at the beginning, “I’m not really looking for a relationship.” But then, drawn by attraction or chemistry or boredom, he starts sleeping with you. Pretty soon, you’re seeing him once a week, receiving regular texts, and he’s telling you how much he enjoys your company.

In your mind, you’re on the verge of having a boyfriend.

In his mind…

In his mind, he’s already warned you that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, and now he’s off the hook. He gets to sleep with you on his terms and can’t be accused of being a bad guy because he told you his intentions up front.

Six months later, you say you’re in love with him, he tells you it’s over, and you end up heartbroken.

It’s an all-too-common tale — one which could have been avoided if you paid attention to the negatives, and not just the positives (i.e. your feelings for him)?

Similarly, women tend to read way too far into the positives of a great first date. I’m not suggesting that you didn’t have a real connection with your guy, but rather, that the connection itself doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants a relationship.

How many times do you have to get burned by this to know that it’s true? You’re not wrong for wishing that a great first date or mindblowing sex means commitment. You’re only wrong for expecting it to, and allowing yourself to get your hopes up too high based on limited information.

The fact is, men reveal themselves in their actions. It’s not how much fun you had on the first date. It’s how quickly he follows up after that first date to say, “I want to see you again.”

What happens in between the dates is far more important than what happens on the date. Does he call you? Does he feel connected to you? Do you wonder where you stand or feel like you’re losing momentum? If not, it’s not a good sign.

Think back to the men who made the best boyfriends: I can almost assure you that they made a supreme effort to win you over at the beginning. Because that’s what we do when we’re really excited about you.

When we’re not? You know the drill.

A one-line text that says, “Hey, what’s up? Wanna come over?” is about all the effort that he thinks you’re worth. You deserve better. Pay attention to his actions.

And that means pay attention to his boyfriend behavior.

What is boyfriend behavior, you ask?

It’s the kind of actions that men take when they really value you and want to build something tangible.

What happens in between the dates is far more important than what happens on the date.

I’ve already told you that it’s important for him to say, “when can I see you again” within a day or two after seeing you. Any longer than that means he’s playing games, indifferent, or a very poor communicator who doesn’t understand women’s needs.

Other boyfriend behaviors include leaving his weekends open for you, calling/emailing/texting you every single day, wanting to know that you’re not seeing anybody else, referring to himself as your boyfriend, introducing you to his friends and family, sleeping with you regularly, talking about a future, and declaring that he loves you.

Needless to say, this isn’t all going to happen overnight.

But this IS what happens when a man is falling in love with you.

If this isn’t happening in a reasonable amount of time — a few months to become exclusive, a half a year to say he loves you, references to a future pretty much the whole time — you’re putting yourself in the precarious position of being in an unequal dead-end relationship. You’re giving him a free pass on his efforts, all because you’re passionate about him.

That’s not good enough.

If a guy isn’t giving you the boyfriend behavior you deserve, there’s one perfect solution: walk, and don’t look back.


P.S. Even though this video is free…don’t discount the value of it. I have talked to thousands of men and women to draw these conclusions. I hope you can break your “bad man” cycle right away!

If you’ve struggled to understand and connect with the “right” men, do yourself a favor and put in your email address. That will put you on my priority mailing list so that you’ll get first notification when my new offering comes out in a few weeks.

*UPDATE:  Love U is now available! Click here to learn more about this coaching program for smart, strong, successful women.

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  1. 1
    CKay Williams

    Damn…that video was real.   

    I feel like I knew those things, but seeing them so plainly spoken is a great (sad) wakeup call.   Wish I would’ve looked at the negatives in most of my previous dealings w/ guys in my 20s.   

    Great post.   

  2. 2

    This says it all. Very nicely done, Evan.

  3. 3

    Good video! Well, my bf of 8 months has done everything right based on this video and article except…say he loves me. We’re having a great time and I genuinely feel good about his actions. He’ll slip in a “we” when talking about the future sometimes too. So, I’m not really that worried, but I’m curious about what others think.

    1. 3.1

      If he doesn’t love you in 8 months he never will. Men fall quickly when we fall. Your man knows you’re not mrs right. You’re just mrs right now.

    2. 3.2

      How are things going for you now? I’m very interested to know, because I’m in a nearly identical situation.   I say “nearly” because I came right out and asked him if he loved me – he said no, bit it was definitely possible   …

      1. 3.2.1

        yikes! how long were you dating when you said ‘I love you’ and he responded he didn’t love you back

    3. 3.3
      Kimberly Villa

      Did he tell you why it took him so long to tell you he loves you ? Because I’m having the same problem as well..

  4. 4

    What you have to say in this video, Evan, is absolutely true.   I see it all the time, too, where women give a guy a free pass because they are passionate about him or see potential in him.   They excuse his bad behavior, invest themselves in his problems and issues and try to meet both his needs and their own needs by themselves while telling themselves he will pick up the ball eventually.

    They never seem to realize how this is going to blow up in their faces, leaving them feeling hurt and used.   Why can’t we just walk away?   What is it about that feeling of wishful hoping and the fear that we just aren’t good enough to deserve a man who treats us right?  

  5. 5

    Very true, Evan, from my standpoint as well.   The guys who are crazy about you will show it,   and not just sporadically/randomly fit you into whatever slot is convenient in their lives that week.   Its easy to see the real signs and seperate them from the bull***t by how the the guy acts when he’s with you, how enthusiastic he is about your next plans together, the little things he says that make him a bit vulnerable to you, the consideration that he shows, the talk of you and he in the future tense…its all there in pretty much black and white within the first months, and if it isn’t, it  never will be.   That’s been my own life’s experience with falling in love as opposed to just a quick fling with some good chemistry.   Oh…the chemistry is definitely there when you are both falling for each other too, but, its not the ONLY thing, thank the Lord!

  6. 6

    It is easy, just look into the facial expression and colour changes when they are excited. You don’t have to help or loyal to notice it.

  7. 7

    Videos are great BUT you don’t blink even once on this and a bit strange! Great advice and love the clarity of the vision!

  8. 8

    I relate to your post Kristen and being in the same situation, I don’t have an answer.   I have a  BF of a year who  is  incredible in the second two parts.   In fact, I tell my girlfriends he is my “boyfriend extraordinaire  “.   However, he isn’t comfortable with the “love” part of sharing his feelings.   He gets all stressed out about “it it love, or in love?” until I’d rather just change the subject and move on!   So, do we “listen to the negatives” and walk, or do we listen to all the other ways he “shows” he really does care?   In times like this,  how long  do  we wait until  he can just confidently say “I love you”?   Or do we stop waiting and keep looking?

  9. 9
    P. A.

    Thank you, Evan, for the great video!
    Sure, AFTER watching it, or during, we can say to
    ourselves, hey, that’s just common sense.
    But it does take someone else usually, to point out
    the common sense that is all too UNcommon in
    the world of romantic love and dating.
    I’ve put this video on my “favourites” list to refer
    to regularly – for reality wake-up calls.

  10. 10

    How do you balance believing only the negative, without triggering the Pygmalion effect?   I can’t go on a date with any guy without seeing red flags all over the place. I find it harder to see the positive. Maybe I’m just not getting very high quality dates to begin with?

  11. 11

    Boy, did I need this reminder. Thanks for the wake up call. I just had the perfect date ever…and the lack of follow up. And it actually didnt bother me, because I left it at that. As a great night and a memory.  

  12. 12

    So thanks to your video Evan I’ve established something which I think I knew deep down all along. This guy I’m seeing isn’t looking for the next step, but I’m so so into him. The chemistry is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. So my question would be, how can I just walk away from it all as you suggest even if I know it’s not good for me?

    1. 12.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      How, Mary?

      You’ve got two paths to choose: one, in which you spend months pining for a relationship that will never be, making yourself heartsick and relentlessly unhappy. The other, in which you’re free to find the man of your dreams.

      How hard is this decision, really?

      1. 12.1.1

        Evan, It sounds easy when you say it, it’s so logical.   However, many times when women find it hard to walk away it’s cause the men they are with are very charming and lovable.   For example, a man did all the things I like, asked for a date at the end of the date,  texted daily, was romantic, sweet, and passionate, always returned calls, never cancelled.   Unfortunately, he doesn’t want a relationship and I was already in love before realizing this, though I stated I wasn’t interested in a casual fling and wanted to wait for intimacy.   So at this point there is happiness, he’s great to be with, we laugh and have so much fun together and he’s still super romantic, so it is actually hard to walk away.   Ultimately, there are still only two paths, one to give up what is  wonderful but won’t grow, or two to be alone and looking for someone new.   Men don’t want to be alone or they wouldn’t do this, they wouldn’t take the affection, caring, company, laughter with a woman they won’t ever commit to, and on the reverse is the woman who doesn’t leave him for the same reasons. So as simple as it sounds, there is something wonderful to give up, which is what makes it hard.   If there wasn’t something great (though not enough for long term fit), it would be much easier to walk away.   Even walking away is obviously the logical right thing to do, it’s when emotions are further along than logic that we end up in these situations.  

        1. Christine

          Good point, but from experience I would run the other way if there is no commitment/relationship because that wonderful feeling is what’s going to hurt like a bitch later on…and if you’re unfortunate enough will last much longer than that loving feeling you once shared, and find yourself asking “why couldn’t I just have walked away sooner??” True story.

          So lesson of my own story is…if he ain’t stepping up then he better step aside because I have no time to get caught up with  something that isn’t going to be real…sorry Evan not looking for that dream guy either, already found him and in my dream he now will always remain lol! I would rather have someone in my reality now.

  13. 13

    To Mary – I’ve been where you’re at, and it’s all about instant vs. delayed gratification. If you break it off now it will hurt of course, but less than it will 6 months from now, and like Evan says you’ll be in the position to find the man of your dreams. I am currently 2 months into a new relationship with a guy who is doing everything right (your video solidified that – thanks Evan!) and I am SO GLAD I didn’t settle! Think in terms of the long run!

  14. 14

    same boat for me too. been dating a year. his actions are awesome. but still the “i dont want a gf” and no talk of love. but everything else, gosh all right there. he’s one of the best. what to do….hmm……

  15. 15
    Karl R

    Kristen said: (#3)
    “my bf of 8 months has done everything right based on this video and article except…say he loves me.”
    cm asked: (#8)
    “I have a  BF of a year  […]  how long  do  we wait until  he can just confidently say “I love you”?”

    Either you have a boyfriend who doesn’t love you, or you have a boyfriend who isn’t sure that he loves you, or you have a boyfriend who isn’t comfortable with telling you that he loves you.

    Is that something you’re willing to accept in the long run from a boyfriend?

    Mary asked: (#12)
    “how can I just walk away from it all as you suggest even if I know it’s not good for me?”

    If you read this question carefully, you’ll notice that you answered your own question.

  16. 16


    Same boat.   Been dating for 8 months.   Everything perfect and by the book in the first 5 months.   Seeing actions and minor things that I don’t like in the last 3 months.   That’s why I’m one of those persons who thinks you should date at least 2 years before getting married.   The first few months are usually perfect (and if they aren’t, believe me, run for the hills).

  17. 17

    THIS is the goal!! Not stopping til I find it – it is what I always wanted but I put up with too much of the bad boy who makes no effort and thought I had to accept that and chill out. No more – I want the real thing!! Thank you!

  18. 18

    Excellent video Evan! What I’ve noticed is that many women will excuse the negatives and focus on the positives because it often hard to find or meet a great guy. So, when a guy comes along whom they feel chemistry and passion for, and who behaves decently for the most part, we throw caution to the wind, jump right in emotionally and sexually, instead of taking the time to suss the guy out. Rather than finding the love we seek, we are simply setting ourselves up for future pain and heartache.  My motto is: “Better to walk away and feel hurt in the beginning, than to stay and end up feeling devastated in the end.”

    This is why I think that it is SO important for us women to learn how to be happy, love ourselves, and lead fulfilled lives on our own without a man or a relationship to make us feel complete.    This isn’t to say that we should NOT put ourselves out there to meet men, but we should always have our own best interest at heart when doing so.

    Christine Arylo, in her book, “Putting ME Before WE,” writes: the love you have starts with the love, respect, honesty, trust and belief you have for yourself.  

    If you we, trust, respect, and believe in ourselves, we won’t overlook red flags, will call a guy on his sh*t, walk the heck away and not look back.

    Just my two cents!  

  19. 19

    Mary and cm, here’s a true story that I hope scares you:

    I know a woman that just got jacked. She was dating a man for about a year. He never called her his gf, never said he loved her, and in fact, told other people they were just “friends”. He broke up with her out of no where, for no reason, after a year of free sex. Then, less than a month later, he becamed engaged to a new woman and moved her into his house.

    1. 19.1

      I suddenly realized that I am in the “new woman”‘ position. My boyfriend of  4 months introduced me to his entire family, taking me to have dinner with his parents every weekend, spent all his holidays and weekends with me,  told me he loves me and  asked me to move in with him. He also  brought up dream wedding locations occasionally. I’m madly in love with him and would follow him to the end of the world.

      Then I got to know that he had a lady friend for the last  3 years, she divorced for him,  sold her house and moving  into  his city. But his mom told me that he has been single for  3 years, he never brought any girl back to his parents during this time. So this lady  has been  hidden and unknown for this entire time. I knew he was trying to break clear with this lady when we started seeing each other and she had a hard time to move on. He mentioned that  “his  friend”  was  upset and had been having sex with all the guys she found from the internet, but also said he told her at the very beginning that he was not looking for a relationship, just companionship and she accepted that.

    2. 19.2

      This was me.Accept that I went to see him after hearing nothing for a month. A woman and 2 children opened the door.He said ‘hi..meet my new girlfrind and children , we are an item’ to which I nearly collapsed with shock, but for my own dignity looked at her and wished her happiness and ex plained that I was an old friend just passing through.   I learned a lesson from this.2 waisted years! He never called me his girlfriend either!   Its definately actions..what they say and do or dont do.Be smart be wiae not like me.

  20. 20

    A girl I work with has been seeing/sleeping with a guy for 2 months. He comes to her house, hangs out, they eat, have sex and he never spends the night because he has a 14 yr. old at home. He doesn’t take her out very often.

    The frequency started at 2-3 nights a week, then dwindled to 1-2, then one. She invited him over via voicemail and he texted her, “It’s okay to date, but I don’t want a commitment. We’re not exclusive.”

    They’ve never said the “love” word, they’ve never discusses exclusivity. They dont talk about a future together. BUT, that’s what she’s been hoping for.

    She asked my advice, “Do you think he’s just scared of how close we’re getting? Guys get scared too, don’t they?”

    I told her I don’t think he’s scared. I think he’s dated  her long enough now to know he likes her, likes the sex, enjoys  her company, but he’s not falling for her,  she’s not going to be the “one” and he wants to remind  her of that so he can go on having an easy, fun time with  her with no promises and no strings. I told her if it were me, I’d set him free.

    She interviewed every other friend she has, and other’s seemed to think that he is scared of his deepening feelings for her.(Pah-leeze! He’s 48)

    So she told me that she called him, and fought for him because he’s wonderful, and found out his wife cheated on him so he has a hard time trusting and yes, he’s scared. She felt so bad for him and said after their talk they were closer than before. So she agreed to keep seeing him with the understanding she won’t pressure him for anything. They’ll just “see how it goes.” She thinks over time, he’ll get over his fear, fall in love with her and she’ll get her man.

    I think she’s fooling herself, but I said nothing except, “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” But I feel bad because I think she’s headed for heartbreak.

    Not only is she ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives, she’s creating positives that don’t even exsist!

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