The Best Birthday Gift You Could Possibly Give a Dating Coach

young free woman feeling the fresh air

It was my birthday on Monday. My wife made me a beach party, a fondue dinner, and got me an Amazon Kindle. My mom sent me a karaoke machine. My sister informed me she just got engaged. These are the women who mean the most to me, and I am incredibly grateful to have them in my life.

So while material gifts are amazing, nothing sent a chill up my spine like this letter that I received from Elizabeth today.

The other women who mean the most to me? You. My readers. But especially my clients, who trust me to guide them through tumultuous and emotional times, even when all hope seems lost.

So while material gifts are amazing, nothing sent a chill up my spine like this letter that I received from Elizabeth today. 38, attractive and articulate, Elizabeth received four months of dating coaching from me this spring, and she already seems to have an entirely new attitude about dating.

And since I can’t share the karaoke machine with you, I thought you’d appreciate this birthday gift: The gift of hope.

Hi Evan,

It’s been a little over a month since our last coaching session and I just wanted to touch base to let you know how things have been going.

In a word: Amazing. Wonderful. Transformational. Ok, that’s more than one word…and I can fill this email with countless adjectives about how great things have been. But in the spirit of writing stories that “show don’t tell” (wherever would I have learned that?) 😉 here are just a few examples.

In addition to writing adjective-free profiles, every single one of the techniques you taught me has yielded fantastic results. I’ve had more guys than ever – who I am interested in getting to know – want to communicate with me and meet me. My inbox is full. My phone is ringing. My nights are getting booked up with dates!

But, as invaluable as they have been, the greatest lesson I learned from working with you has nothing to do with techniques. It has to do with a shift in my mindset about dating.

Before, I would put a lot of hope and expectation into every encounter and into any new guy I’d start to date. This inevitably led to big disappointment when things didn’t work out. Earlier this year, I found myself at my wit’s end – once again left wondering what went wrong, or what I did wrong, after another non-starter relationship. And that’s when I contacted you…and what led to my breakthrough.

Actually, you broke through to me by helping me shift my perspective. It took a while :-)…but I finally get what you mean when you talk about letting go of control. More specifically, letting go of trying to control what I can’t control – namely, anyone other than myself. Letting go has given me confidence. It’s given me choice. But, most of all, it has set me free. From anxiety (will he call/care/commit?). From worry (why isn’t he calling/caring/committing?). And from self-doubt (what am I saying/doing wrong?).

By letting go I’ve found a sense of peace around my dating that I’ve never had before. I now know not every date I go on has to, or will, mean something. And instead of sweating the “what does it all mean?!” stuff, I’m focused only on having fun and being a fun date. It’s been working for me and it appears to be working for my dates. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a snippet from an email I received the morning after a recent date I went on:

“By letting go I’ve found a sense of peace around my dating that I’ve never had before.”

“I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending a few hours with you yesterday.  Your down-to-earth attitude and easy-going demeanor made me feel at ease.  I hope we can meet again and pick up where we left off.”

Don’t get me wrong, while all of this has been truly great, there are days that aren’t so great. I sometimes still get frustrated that I haven’t met “him” yet – you know, the guy who’ll end up being my boyfriend and, eventually, my husband. And, even though I’m much more lighthearted about the dating process, I know the true test will come when I meet someone who I’m really interested in and start dating regularly. But I also know when that happens, and I need help, you’re just a phone call away.

But, for now, that’s really not the point. All I know is that, even with the occasional bump in the road, if the last month was any indication of what the journey to find him will be like, and then I’m going to like this ride!

Thank you so much for giving me the jump start I needed to get going…and to keep going!




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  1. 1

    Learning to let go, or as I sometimes say, “simply be” is an amazing gift we can give to ourselves; not only in our dating life, but in other areas of our life, too. Living in the moment requires a great deal of acute consciousness. We often think that is how we are already living, but so much of the essence of life is quickly passing us by. When we let go of all the mental and emotional noise and baggage we carry with us, our preconceived thoughts, expectations, judgments, conditional thinking, etc. we feel so much more free, and we see the world in a completely different light.

  2. 2

    And Happy Birthday Evan! I love your blog, as a faithful reader of over a year. Your style and tone of writing, your sage advice and experience have been well received. Thank you for sharing.

  3. 3
    Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach

    Happy Birthday Evan! It’s great to get a letter like this from clients. My favorite kind of letter from my coaching clients, is one telling me she has fallen in love or is getting married!

    I totally agree with the advice you give – relax and stop expecting every man to be “the one.” Take the pressure off! For myself when I was on my dating search. meeting 30 men in 15 months, I found this same approach to be amazingly helpful. I stopped putting all my eggs into one basket and knew deep within my heart, that if one date didn’t work out, there were plenty more men to meet.

    That did give me peace-of-mind, helped me relax, get to know men, feel more confident and start to enjoy meeting new people. Sage advice for sure. How rewarding for you! Great work from one dating coach to another.
    .-= Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach´s last blog ..Over 40 Dating: 2 Big Reasons Not to Chase Men & What You Can Do That’s Better =-.

  4. 4
    Mikko Kemppe

    Yes, congratulations on your great work and happy late birthday as well! As a relationship coach my-self, I would like to attest to that these pages contain a lot of great wise advice as well. Job well done!

    P.s. I am jealous, I have been wanting a Kindle for awhile now too :)!
    .-= Mikko Kemppe´s last blog ..Mikko, How Do I Get Over From Missing My Boyfriend? =-.

  5. 5
    Relationship Advice From Penny

    aww.. first off, happy belated birthday Evan! It makes me happy to read the kind of letters like the one Elizabeth wrote. It is such good advice to let go of things you have no control of and just have fun. This kind of positive easy going attitude, exudes an aura that is much more inviting and attractive. It’s true that if you want things to change in your life, you must first change the way you think. Change can only begin with you…Good work Evan! and GREAT work Elizabeth!

    I wrote some articles on my relationship blog that could hopefully help guide you toward healthy, happy relationships whilst on your journey to find “the one” 🙂 Good luck and have fun!!
    .-= Relationship Advice From Penny´s last blog ..Can any 2 people be truly happy in a relationship? =-.

  6. 6

    Happy birthday. What a great present. How rewarding it must be to be able to make that kind of difference in someone’s life.
    .-=´s last blog ..Mingle2 review =-.

  7. 7
    Evan Marc Katz

    Thanks to the folks who posted here. Elizabeth’s letter really meant a lot to me. What I find interesting is how some complain of the negativity – of the questions, of my answers, of these boards – and yet, when I post something positive, it only gets 6 comments! Where is the regular chorus of posters? Or is it not interesting when someone is happy; only when her life is a train wreck?

    New blog post tomorrow. Don’t worry – it’s not happy.

  8. 8
    Relationship Advice From Penny

    LOL… I agree with true.. 🙂
    .-= Relationship Advice From Penny´s last blog ..Can any 2 people be truly happy in a relationship? =-.

  9. 9

    Evan, I’ll venture a guess as to why there aren’t more posters on this thread. There was no question asked, and I think everyone agrees with everything that Elizabeth (and you) wrote. Whereas in most other posts a question is posed or it’s about something where people have differing opinions. It’s just hard to get 100+ posts where each person says, “Yep, I totally agree!” Be that as it may, I’ll go on ahead and say it. You and Elizabeth are totally right. Happy belated birthday, Evan!

  10. 10
    Curly Girl

    Can’t speak for anybody else, EMK, but I followed the advice from the other day about how to let a guy know you’re interested, and whew! I’ve been really busy. Can’t be bloggin’ if you’re snoggin’, they always say. (OK, they don’t always say that. But they should. We live online too much these days!)

    But looking forward to the fireworks tomorrow. Let’s see, will it be about sex, money, cheating, weight, desperation, usurious dating, birth control, weird singles, bitter divorced people?

    Oh, I know. We haven’t seen one on personal hygiene. Very important to dating. Is there one planned for the future, EMK?

    PS: Happy b’day in belatedness. Not surprised you are a Leo!

  11. 11

    I’ll leave a positive comment on a job well done and happy belated birthday! Here here!

  12. 12

    Sorry Evan, been a busy week! Happy belated Birthday and rest asured I’m happy for Elizabeth as well 🙂

  13. 13

    Nice that someone feels there is something new in that advice.

    What I find funny, is that a woman should think about some man that “what it means” – when I don’t even care to see him again.

    How on earth other women meet so many interesting men? Since I see an interesting man one in every half a year, if I meet a man every week (which is quite a normal speed for me)

    Why meet again when I am not sexually interested? I’m just so easily bored.. and most single men have died, and are just waiting to be buried.
    When I know men around me, who are lively (but sadly those are all in a relationship).
    I don’t see the point of settling.. or even to meet again to dig up a personality. He evidently doesn’t have what it takes – and I won’t shag someone whom I find boring irl, he will be that in sack too.

    There either is chemisry, or there is not..
    if there is not – then next!

    And I am worse than EMK.. =D.. I have had over 400 + first dates, and only a dozen have followed by seconds.. and only a handful have lead into something more intimate.

    btw – I found a new dating site, someone whom I found eminently amusing, who has loads of good stories to tell, and really knows how to grab my attention.

    Now I have 2 favourite dating sites.. =)

  14. 14

    Oh, I forgot to include my congrats.. (too excited about that new site, and since you have a different target profile, I could show that link here too.. =).. )

    Happy birthday..

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