(Video) How To Get a Second Date

One of my favorite concepts – taken directly from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” – illustrates how, just by paying attention to a woman’s needs, a man can magically get a second date EVERY single time. Enjoy.

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  1. 1

    I have to say that this advice is right on. Back when I did my year of first dates, I eventually learned the right way to have a first date, which was exactly what Evan mentioned.

    I found that you needed to make plans in advance.

    I found that it was important and vital to contact her during the week after you’ve made plans. I’d call maybe twice or three times during the week, and chat for a bit. I would also send a “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 1pm” text to confirm the day before too.

    It’s vital to genuinely smile. It’s also important to relax and not worry about the date.

    It’s important to man up and make the plans. Have a Plan A, and a Plan B just in case. Know what you’re going to do if things go well, and what to do if things go poorly. Be able to “bounce” to another place if things go well, like Evan mentioned with the dinner, then bar example.

    When talking, avoid the heavy stuff like religion, politics, sex, and past relationships.

    Keep your expectations low, and don’t worry about it.

    I forgot how important it is that the belt and shoes match. I remember my very first date from Match, and she seriously was asking about the belt and shoes. This happened two more times in a row. I figured, eh, must be a woman thing, just make sure the belt and shoes match.

    I might have to disagree with the “picking her up at her house” deal. It would be nice to do, however in the age of internet dating, it might be better to meet her in a public place. More than one girl was fairly insistent on that. Though if you’re dating a friend of a friend, it’s perfectly all right to pick her up at her place.

    And Evan is right on about having the date closer where she is.

    Yep, a good list indeed.

  2. 2

    How do you match your shoes and belt if you’re wearing jeans and sneakers?

  3. 3
    Dot LeSage

    There’s nothing “magic” about it: of course girls would rather go on a second date with someone who’s interested and attentive!

  4. 4

    I’m not too fussed re: belt & shoes matching.
    I’m way more impressed by a guy who takes the time & trouble to choose a meeting place that is less than half a mile from where I live. Bonus points if he pre-arranges that the check is not even brought to our table @ the end of the date.

  5. 5

    Ummm…I would like to know how a girl gets a second date. 🙂

  6. 6
    Karl R

    Shay said: (#5)
    “I would like to know how a girl gets a second date.”

    First, I would like to say that I doubt Evan’s statement that “a man can magically get a second date EVERY single time,” is entirely true.

    Evan’s advice may have worked every time for him, but Evan’s not exactly the average man in the dating pool.

    However, I think Evan’s recommendations drastically improve any man’s chance of getting a second date.

    Similarly, I don’t think there’s anything a woman can do to guarantee a second date. But she can drastically improve her odds.

    Be fun. It’s that simple. After the first date, I’m not trying to decide whether you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m just trying to determine whether I’ll have fun the next time I spend an evening with you.

  7. 7

    Karl R: “Be fun.” Thanks for your insight; that’s a very interesting point.

    I think that women don’t have exactly same desire from a man on a first date (i.e., what she wants most from a man). Fun is good, but not the most important thing. If I could boil it down to one word of what a woman would like to see from a man, it would be caring. This manifests itself in multiple ways, including some that Evan and Robyn #4 pointed out above: paying the bill, being on time, asking questions, helping her in and out of the car and her coat… how could a woman not love such gestures. She’d want to see him again, almost certainly.

  8. 8
    Evan Marc Katz


    Thank you for all of your contributions. We appreciate your opinion.
    However, your comments go directly to our Spam folder because the filter does not recognize your email address. As a result, some of your comments don’t make it to the blog. In the future, please add comments with a legitimate email address.

    Thanks again,
    Justin (Evan’s new blog assistant)

  9. 9

    Thanks Karl R! 😀

  10. 10
    Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach

    Evan – great advice! Smart, simple, and sure to work.

    Regarding Shay’s question #5 – how can a woman get a second date, here are a few tips:
    1. Be yourself, confident, upbeat, energized, fun!
    2. Be open to getting to know him. Avoid snap judgments that make you shut down too quickly.
    3. Be aware of showing your best side. Avoid TMI. Your troubles are not attractive and your date is not a therapist.
    4. Be appreciative – let a man know you enjoyed yourself, and appreciated his choice of restaurant, etc.
    5. Be the woman – let him close the date or ask for a second. Men still prefer the chase.

  11. 11

    I really appreciate the the demeanor of the clip is kept light and fun, a bit mocking of common mistakes, but not self-deprecating in a “Whoa is me” sense.
    Upon reflection of a recent first date that did not culminate in a second, I wished I hadn’t kept in touch much in between meeting online and establishing interest, setting up the date, and then meeting up. The reason is that after a date that I thought went well for both of us (except for some logistics trouble on both our ends), she decided to go with someone else, and didn’t want to remain friends. Well, seeing as we’ve been chatting and interacting online for a month now – I care!
    Don’t get me wrong – I don’t care that she’s not “the one”, or that we’re not even going to be in a relationship, but that we’re basically finis in every way, when I thought we got on well together, is a hard pill to swallow. I was actually thinking, next time (assuming there is one – but hey, that goes to “optimism”), if she’s not interested in going the friends-first route, I’d prefer once we set a date to leave it at that.
    Of course, the only part of the advice I don’t like is stated most succinctly in Ronnie Ann Ryan’s response to Evan. It’s very important to me rigid gender roles not be in play. I’m not a pragmatist, and believe the finished product is effected by the journey that produced it. So, I wouldn’t want to play a “chase role.” Ideally, it’d be like a tennis match (serve, return, etc.), and I think it should approach that. If I’m doing 100% of the chase, even if I’m getting 100% receptivity, I’m still unhappy because of how slanted the relationship dynamics are. In that instance, I would express interest and not perceive any in return.

  12. 12

    Why is the enforcis in these types of articles ALWAYS on what the guy needs to do?

    Isn’t it also what the woman needs to do to get a second date? Women can blow it just as easily too.

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