I have a hell of a relationship conundrum and need some no-BS advice. I recently met a girl via match.com. We’ve dated for 5 weeks and we’re basically gf-bf. She’s a great gal, ideal companion, affectionate, great conversationalist, and fun to be around.
I really can’t say enough about her, except for one thing. The one thing is that the sex is awful. Not mediocre, not so-so, but awful. The crux of it is that she doesn’t have orgasms at all. I strongly believe it’s psychological and not an issue with me. My primary piece of evidence here is that she’s stated her inability to climax has been universal with all her partners (FYI, she’s in her thirties).
Suffice it to say, it’s extraordinarily frustrating for both of us to have sex, to the point where I don’t look forward to it at all. Ugh. I’m considering dumping her. Advice?
Do you stay with an otherwise perfect partner if the sex is bad?
My answer is – not surprisingly – a nuanced one: yes, and no.
It’s your responsibility to make the most of this burgeoning relationship before tossing in the proverbial sticky towel.
Yes, you stay with her, at least for the time being. It’s your responsibility to make the most of this burgeoning relationship before tossing in the proverbial sticky towel. It may be frustrating for you, but, if you’re like most guys, you’ve done the hot and crazy thing before. You know how that ends. And with you throwing around terms like “ideal companion” and “fun to be around,” you better give this girl the full benefit of the doubt.
To that end, you need to focus on things that you can control and let go of the things you can’t.
Take the orgasm thing, for example. Here’s some stats that my man (and my wife’s crush) Dr. Drew had to offer about the percentage of women who climax:
• 50-60% of women will never have an orgasm via intercourse and will require clitoral stimulation to climax.
• 30% of women will have a reliable orgasm with intercourse.
• 10% of women will orgasm with intercourse and could possibly have sequential orgasms.
• 5% of women have true multiple orgasms only through intercourse and these women typically find oral sex uncomfortable.
Other research, Lance, shows that 12-15% of women don’t have ANY orgasms. This linked study suggests that it’s genetic, but it may, in fact, be psychological as well.