When Should You Ask Someone Out on a Second Date?
I went on a date with a wonderful girl on Friday, and it did go quite well. I noticed the past few days since she has looked at my profile online many times, but I actually was the one who thanked her a few days later for the nice evening. She said she had a great time too, via text. Does this still seem like a promising venture?
I appreciate you writing to me, Michael, but I’ve gotta tell you: guys like you really make my life more difficult.
It’s not that your question is bad — not at all — but it gives unfortunate validation to all the women who are wondering where they stand with men who haven’t called.
Consider the emails I get every day about “He’s Just Not That Into You” guys…
Most men know the rules: if we want to see you, we have to ask you out.
“Isn’t it possible that he’s too shy?”
“Isn’t it possible that he’s nervous?”
“Isn’t it possible that he’s not sure if I like him?”
I answer these all with the same exact answer: NO.
Men do what they want, and if he’s not asking you out, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Most men know the rules: if we want to see you, we have to ask you out. Case closed.
And then came Michael.
Now that I got that out of my system, I can tell you, with all sincerity, Michael, that this still seems like a promising venture.
In three lines, you told me that:
You had a great date.
She’s looked at your profile repeatedly.
She texted you a thank you (even though you thanked her for a nice evening).
Apart from the fact that this plays like an episode of “What Not To Do in Dating” Theater, I can’t fathom what other evidence you need to feel confident in asking her out.
Skywriting above your home?
Messenger pigeons carrying a note saying “Ask me out again”?
A candygram from a dancing bear, who then takes off her head to reveal your date?
I’m teasing because it’s a sweet and innocent question — and because there’s only so many ways to say “yes” in a blog post.
And for any guy reading this who also wonders the same thing as Michael, here’s a rule you can take to the bank:
If she had a great time with you on Friday night, you CANNOT go wrong by calling her on Saturday afternoon to ask her out again.
No 3-Day-Rule. No games. No bullshit.
If she likes you, the ONLY way you can mess things up is by hemming and hawing for a week.
Some guys have concluded that the next-day follow up is a failed strategy. Better to play hard to get and make women wait. Not quite.
If she likes you, she’ll be thrilled that you called.
If she had a great time with you on Friday night, you CANNOT go wrong by calling her on Saturday afternoon to ask her out again. No 3-Day-Rule. No games. No bullshit.
If she doesn’t like you, she’ll be annoyed that you called.
Either way, her decision was made on Friday night, not when you made the phone call.
You’re in the clear, Michael. Ask her out now.
Oh, and by the way, do yourself a favor and make a move on her on your next date. Otherwise, I fear I’m going to get another email in eight weeks wondering if she’s “receptive to affection”… Just kidding.
Seriously…good luck…and thanks for writing.
P.S. If you wonder about this kind of dating etiquette, this is exactly what we cover in my 8-week Passion Course — understanding how to be a great first date, always get a second date, date multiple people, deal with sex and intimacy, understand the opposite sex, etc.