Where Do You Draw The Line When Your Girlfriend Asks For Money?

Hi Evan,

I’ve been reading your blog weekly for almost 6 months, and have been many of your past archives. I’ve not seen this question answered before, so here goes: Where do you draw the line when your girlfriend asks for money? We’ve enjoyed each other immensely for the last 9 months… until she decided to return to school to get an advanced degree. She now can only work part-time, and has trouble paying her bills. On top of that, her car recently died and she had no money to get another one. I gave her some money to help her get a used car, but she still struggles to pay her ($1,000 per month) mortgage and other bills. She says that since she would do anything for me if I had problems, she expects her man to do likewise for her. I have a decent job (making about 100K per year), but I just don’t like the idea of giving anyone money. We appear to be breaking up over this, since she says she really can’t stand the thought of her man not helping her out if he can afford to do so. Am I wrong?


Dear Bob,

Congratulations. You’re her sugar daddy.

As I see it, the real problem here is that you bailed her out without having a commitment – and now she feels entitled to more bailout money. You’re the U.S. Government, she’s AIG – and your relationship is still ill-defined.

She’s relying on you as a husband even though you’re not a husband. Which makes this a good time to ask yourself: do I want to marry this woman

And, if not, breaking up might not be the worst thing in the world.

As I see it, the real problem here is that you bailed her out without having a commitment – and now she feels entitled to more bailout money. You’re the U.S. Government, she’s AIG – and your relationship is still ill-defined.

That ill-defined relationship – 9 good months together without living together or getting engaged – seems to have created a blurry set of expectations on her part. She genuinely thinks that your money is her money and is depending on you to carry her while she tries to work and go to school simultaneously.

And unless you agreed to that arrangement, you’re allowing yourself to be used by her. It’s really easy for her to say that she’d do anything for you – in theory, I’m sure she would. But what if you decided you were going to quit your six-figure job to be supported by her as you attend art school. And to supplement that, you asked for an allowance, because affording rent, tuition and supplies was suddenly cost-prohibitive? I’ll bet she’d be singing a different tune.

The rules do change when you’re living together, engaged, or married. If I’m paying $3000/month rent and my fiance lives in my room and can’t afford to contribute much to our monthly expenses, that’s fine.

If her car gets dinged and she’s too cash-poor to fix it, I’ll offer a loan, which she may or may not repay.

Hell, this year, my wife underdeclared her taxes and I had to spend a decent chunk of change to make it right with the IRS. Was I thrilled? No. But that’s the sacrifice of marriage. That’s what you do in a partnership.

The bigger issue, Bob, is this: the RIGHT woman doesn’t WANT you to bail her out. The right woman wouldn’t ASK you to subsidize her education and strain your finances.

Think about what would happen if you were to break up with her. Would she be homeless? Would she have to quit school? Would she have to get a different job? Would she have to move to a cheaper place? Whatever it is, she is fully responsible for herself. And by taking responsibility for HER lack of finances, you are the enabler who allows this to continue…and then you resent her for it.

The RIGHT woman doesn’t WANT you to bail her out. The right woman wouldn’t ASK you to subsidize her education and strain your finances.

If you think this woman is your future wife, then perhaps this is a sacrifice that you want to make on her behalf. But if she’s not, I’d put a stop to it right this second.

So, in answer to your question: “Am I wrong?”: if you’re wrong about anything, it’s in being TOO generous with a woman who is perfectly content in exploiting your generosity.

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  1. 91

    Hi bob , or

    I read ur message and response and I just have to say don’t let these knuckleheads worry you. Reading ur first letter and the response tells me that this is a lady who is in love with you. And u know what.. I think ur in love with her too but just not ready to settle down yet.

    personally I can’t help but wonder why so many people are greedy these days.. if u have the money its not a big deal for you and u love her then not a problem. I mean men buy presents like a louis bag for much more then $1500 for a women they care about.

    I think obviously she respects that u won’t do more for her in terms of lending but please do show that u care by buying little gifts and surprises for her. It is after all romantic. And I am sure that if u look hard she is giving u little gestures of love too.

  2. 92

    @ 91 Kat

    Regardless of love and what other men give their significant others.

    If both men and women are equal then they should be equally responsible for themselves. If borrowing and depending on a gf financially is viewed negatively then it would bad for a women to do so; since we are equal

    I think that not lending or giving money to bail out people is the best thing you can do for them. Parents do it, hell everyone does it.

  3. 93
    William Brown

    I think what Bob should just simply do is pace himself a bit in lending her so much money. He can help her but at the same time he has to help himself as well. It should be done seldom if she just a girlfriend not  anywhere close to being engaged. Yes it true a woman do come first but that’s if you live together (which is not really recommended), dating over a certain period of time, or married.It’s good for a man to make sacrifices for woman but he should not give up totally everything for her and that goes for both sex, men and women.

  4. 94

    Dont let love blind you into a bad descision. Never invest in some financially that you aren’t fully committed to in the long-term ie marriage. I know several friends that gave money and cosigned loans to their ex’s and it bit them for years long after the relationship ended. Screwed up FICO and creditors  beating on their doors because their EXs couldnt pay the $$ they owed.

  5. 95

    I think the last comment by Andy summed it up.  I also think Evan made some assumptions after reading the letter that I don’t believe he should have made (since we don’t have the other side of the story – which is most often the case).  However, there are a few possibilities here.  Nine months is a very short time for someone to expect a partner to help them financially, unless they are engaged or close to it. If that isn’t so, it is presumptuous for the woman to expect him to pay her bills.  That being said, if this man lead her to believe that he wanted to marry her, I think it becomes a bit more complicated. If they have a high level of committment, they should have discussed her choice to go back to school and the resulting financial hardship.

    It just very simply depends on the level of committment and that is unclear here.  In my opinion, I think if two people are deeply committed to each other, then they would want to help the other out when possible.  In my case, I’m a divorced mother of two struggling to make ends meet.  My boyfriend of 5 years (who has said he wants to marry me) does not believe in helping me pay bills occasionally even though he spends thousands of dollars on himself, has a new sports car and spends hundreds of dollars on video game points every month.  Needless to say, I’m re-thinking this relationship.  It always amazes me that people have no problem  exchanging bodily fluids with each other in the name of love but seem to have big probems being “financally intimate”!!!!!!!LOL

  6. 96

    P.S.  (@ Jester)  Jester, men and women are equal but incomes rarely are. I think, absolutely, that it should work both ways.  If two people are financially responsible but the woman makes more than the man, then SHE should contribute more.  I agree, today there IS a double standard in this area.  But again, all of this should be discussed BEFORE committing to someone so that everyone is on the “same page”.  Disagreements about money and how it should be divided and/or spent are at the root of many breakups and divorces.

  7. 97

    Another P.S.!  To Bob:  I missed your addendum fo your original letter which I found in the middle of the comments.  You were very honest and kudos to you for that!  Now that I have more of the details the situation becomes crystal clear.  You are not ready for a committment and your partner wants marriage. She also has 3 children and wants a husband and step-father.  You mentioned that you’d been “burned” in your divorce; another reason why you’re simply not ready.  My advice is to let this relationship go so you can find someone who wants a more casual relationship.   And please set your girlfriend free so she can find that husband!  Thank you for your honesty as it has helped me better understand my own relationship.   He’s simply not ready and it would be better for me to move on.

  8. 98

    It really saddens me to read some of these comments.  This woman doesn’t sound like a gold digger; just someone who is trying to better her life, happened to hit hard times and also has 3 children to take care of! 

    It seems a lot of the comments here were made before Bob inserted the additional details regarding this situation (e.g. his girlfriend HAD budgeted for school but her car unexpectedly “died”, she has 3 children who she doesn’t want to uproot from their home, etc….).  The “devil is in the details” as they say.  Bob simply isn’t interested in or committed enough to this woman as a potential wife and doesn’t want the financial hassle.  That is his right. However, he should be upfront with her or even better, in my book, just let her go and date women casually, as said above.

    Here’s my opinion, though……most of us wouldn’t hesitate to help someone or take care of them if that person was sick. Why is it always a big deal when it comes to money?  As someone said above, if you really love someone, money is just money.  You sure as heck can’t take it with you when you die!

    Helping someone in their time of need should be no big deal if you can do it – that is, IF you really DO care for the other.  It seems it’s a dog-eat-dog world and whoever has the most money wins.  The heck with doing a nice and honorable thing, right? 

    I don’t care if you’re a man OR a woman – helping someone in need is a selfless and beautiful thing to see.  You can’t put a price on love. Well, according to a lot of people on this site………I guess you can.  What a shame.

  9. 99

    Summary of the comment posted here :
    1) Love means you should do anything, absolutely anything for the one you love (only women took this position – not surprisingly)
    2) Love means never putting your loved one in an awkward position or feel pressured or guilted into a decision they may not be fully comfortable with (both men and women said this)
    3) There is no such thing as love, only people using each other 
    4) We need to do what we need to do for our loved ones, but is she a loved one ?
    How about another take on this situation ? I don’t know what the law is in the US, but in some Anglo countries (Australia for example, where I live). supporting a “partner” (usually a woman) over a certain period of time puts you in a legal position where you may need to continue supporting her even after a break-up. It is like marriage without actually getting married legally. Especially if the two of you lived together. Even if you didn’t, the other party (usually the woman) can argue that you have made her dependent on you and as a result, she has a legal right to continue to be dependent on you. Good to know what you moral position is, but equally to know what your legal position is.

  10. 100

    When this woman made the conscious decision to go back to school… provisions should have been in place for this. I find myself in a bad situation with my girlfriend. Been dating a year but not living together as she is going through an ugly divorce including property settlement. She is paying the mortgage and paying rent on a apartment. She lives with her deadbeat 22 yr old son. She has a good job but is struggling financially and I have helped her tremendously in material and monetary ways… so much so she is now very frequently asking for money… sometimes says borrow. I bought this woman a car only a few months into the relationship cause she didn’t have one and it’s snowballed from there. Now she asks to “borrow” $2000 like it she was asking for $20. I am not made of money and am sacrificing my own well being to help her. When and if I say no to the borrowing.. The world comes to an end and she guilts me by saying I don’t love and support her and makes me feel worthless. I am now insecure because I feel she will leave if I don’t give in to her demands. You struggle to have any self worth when someone does this to you. Who do I blame? MYSELF. And only I can change it and I need to follow this advice I am giving to the first guy…. Get out of that mess. She is making you financially responsible for her bad decisions. Now I just need to do this for myself. : (

  11. 101

    Usually girls ask for handout are being denied.  But there are always exceptions.  If she is hot, you consider the cash you give as entertainment cost.  


  12. 102

    Whatever you do, don’t let her trick you into getting her pregnant! I had a girlfriend that had started trying to have unprotected sex with me after she got burnt out on working a part time job. When we first got together, she would always put the condom on, but after she started “borrowing” money from me, she started trying to screw me raw! I started flushing my condoms in the toilet after sex because I was afraid that she was trying to get pregnant with them! Turns out she was a psycho, but she was the sexiest girl I have ever been with in my life, sadly even sexier than my current wife…….

  13. 103

    What if she had been seeing this guy for over four years? What if they were planning a future together? What if she unexpectedly lost her job? What if her guy worked out of state nine months a year and then stayed at her home three months a year? She visited him, at her expense and piled up miles on her vehicle? What if she had lots of equity in her home but couldn’t immediately sell because the home needed some repairs that, now being unemployed, she couldn’t afford nor get a loan for?

  14. 104

    @Jenny #98
    “his girlfriend HAD budgeted for school but her car unexpectedly “died”, she has 3 children who she doesn’t want to uproot from their home, etc….)”

    Sorry, she didn’t budget for ANYTHING. Yea, she budgeted for basic expenses and the cost of school, but she didn’t budget for EMERGENCIES.
    This woman has THREE children, and she chose to take on that much risk? (Budget only enough to get through 18 months).

    “She had no savings” Sorry – that’s irresponsible, especially if you’re going to put yourself into a higher-risk situation than your current one. The responsible thing to have done was take the money that was to be used for school and put it in savings as an emergency fund, THEN start saving for school.
    Let’s look at that a little bit- her car died and she couldn’t afford to do anything about it. We’re lacking a LOT of details on this, but even if we knew all of them it really doesn’t matter – it comes down to lack of planning, or lack of assessing risk.What if some other kind of emergency cropped up-say an injury where she suddenly couldn’t care for the kids and had to pay for them to be taken care of for a while? Or the house caught fire? These things happen every day, and are what our grandparents would’ve called “rainy days”. She didn’t save for one.
    She let an emotional attachment (“not uproot kids from home”) override a basic financial math problem. Dumb. The house is far less important than your financial stability – i.e. the ability to EAT EVERY DAY, or drive to work to make more money so you can eat and put clothes on your kids.
    “Why is it always a big deal when it comes to money?”
    I’m gonna get crucified for this, but I’m going to say it and anger a lot of women anyway, because it needs saying: Many women often say this kind of nonsense because they haven’t had to spend their entire lives knowing that the ONLY PERSON they would ever be able to rely on is themselves, and that they would have to support themselves and care for the family around them. Yea, it’s been changing for the last 40 years, but men are still expected to be self-reliant, AND support others, far more so than the expectation for women. Just look at the house-husband ratios, and even the number of comments over on “Do you Expect Him to Make More Than You?”. The plain reality is that boys learn at 5 years old that only they will be the ones supporting themselves. So yea, when it comes to money (my personal security), I’m pretty damn protective.
    Money = security, and this woman is assuming she has a right to the security that Bob has probably worked long and hard to establish, and even had the audacity to ask for financial support with an expectation that he owed her that. Crap – I’ve asked friends of 30+ years for money with an expectation that their going to do what THEY deem right.
    Sorry-they aren’t married/cohabitating, or have an agreement (i.e. a plan for the future together), he owes her nothing. Now, had he offered money because he wanted to help, that’s different.
    Bob’s culpability in this is letting the situation develop without ensuring expectations were clearly defined. I’m assuming that the discussions around her going back to school didn’t really include him agreeing to (or not agreeing to) financially supporting her effort. It was probably ambiguous, and both assumed what that would look like. As others have already pointed out – incomplete expectation management.
    Good one Evan!

  15. 105

    I have to say I would never ask for financial support in a 9 month relationship.  My dad drummed it into me from the time I was a little girl that I should always be able to stand on my own two feet financially, whether I was married or single, and I really think this is good advice for women, and for everyone.  Make your own plans financially, any help that your significant other is prepared to provide is a bonus.  Don’t make it about whether or not they love you, make it about your ability to be a responsible adult and take good care of yourself.

    Having said that, I think your attitudes about money, like every other aspect of the relationship, have to be in sync. If you *expect* a certain level of financial help or support, he has to be *willing* to provide it, you can’t try to guilt or force him into it.

    Speaking for myself though, I always do my level best to see to myself and never ask anyone for anything, but I am more comfortable in a relationship with a man where there is something of an attitude of giving, in other words we would both offer to help each other if we saw the other struggling.

    If you have made the unilateral decision to go back to school and make your situation financially harder on yourself, then sorry, that is your burden to carry, and I think you need to make your peace with that before you do it, and not try to shift it onto your boyfriend in any way.    

  16. 106

    Completely agree with Clare @105. Not sure where this sense of entitlement comes from. NINE months of dating and EXPECTING financial support???
    Being a responsible adult means having the ability to support oneself. It means spending less than you earn. It means not expecting someone to take care of you and rescue you from unreasonnable financial management.
    I would never expect any kind of financial support in a dating relationship or even a marriage, and would never put myself in a tricky financial situation, expecting the partner to bail me. Since the age of 22, I’ve been completely self-reliant, through some LTRs and in singlehood. I make wise financial decisions and take full responsability of their outcome.
    The only situation I can think of where my partner would be supporting me financially is if we decided to have kids. Since I would be attached in raising them at home through the first few years of their lives, he would then support us financially while I work full-time towards the well-being of our family. Later on I would go back to the workforce to resume my financial contributions. And yet, this is not an expectation, but a desire that has been expressed, discussed, and agreed upon together.

  17. 107

    After reading Bob’s update, he just sounds uber stingy to me. He ended up loaning her money, not giving it. It is clear that he just wants something casual. What did you think would happen when you decided to commit to a woman that has three kids? Surely you figured that she wanted things to lead to marriage. That ultimately means she would want a partner that would help her out in her time of need.

    1. 107.1


      I am in the situation that you described, my girlfriend and I have a child together, she has two children from a previous relationship, I have 1 from a previous relationship. We do not live together, but I made a loan for her (under $120), and a fee of $20 gets taken out of my check each pay period until I pay the balance off . The fee has added up to $300 and I asked her about when she would pay back the loan. Needless to say she became upset, said some things that upset me and asked me to leave her house. I am fully committed to her, but at what point do I say enough is enough! $300 for a $100 loan, that is $400!

      1. 107.1.1

        Your gf and you have a CHILD together, yet you are nickel and diming her over a “loan” of $100??
        And why is there a fee deducted from your paycheck for this???
        None of this makes any sense. And I cannot agree with your gf’s decision strongly enough.

  18. 108

    Looks like he got taken.

  19. 109

    So Lisa, would you be willing to donate $12000 per year to a guy you were dating?

  20. 110

    Well, after dating for 9 months, I would feel that we are on our way to marriage. After 9 months, you are not just dating. Donating 12k to my boyfriend just to donate 12k would never make any sense to me. If he is struggling financially and we consider ourselves partners, I would be willing to support him financially. I would expect the same from him. Bob’s girlfriend isnt trying to get Gucci purses and Chanel dresses. She just wants a bit of support so that she can pursue school. Her program is less than 18 months..surely he could willingly pay a few months of the mortgage until she could secure more work or apply for an education loan. Instead, he tells her she needs to pack up her and her three children and get roommates, who are strangers. What a jerk! Bob said he makes over 100k…he could afford to bend a little to make sure she is ok. Instead he LOANs her money. And then tells her don’t expect anything else from him. Honestly, he does not sound like a caring person.

    But, I think the bottom line is that Bob just wants to have fun, carefree relationships with no real responsibilities. Which is fine..but he choose to commit to a single mom with three kids. 

  21. 111

    draw the line now. A few groceries, meals, days out is fine but subsidising her return to college is not. Thats a luxury few of us can afford. Sure, if you were married and made the decision together, go right ahead.  but not while still dating. 
    and love isn’t doing any thing for the other person. Thats what will get you on judge judy though.

  22. 112

    OK heres an up to date, November 2012 experience on this scenario. I have just quit a 7 month relationship. I am 46 and can stand on my own two feet, she was a 34 year old, still house sharing, no work, no income, waiting on unemployment hand outs and with a very troubled up bringing, which meant she hadnt seen her mum for 16 years.
    SIX weeks into the relationship she asks to borrow 600 euros, yes SIX weeks in…I am a kind guy, i understand what money problems are and what it means to be helped. I lend her some money but not the amount she had asked for.
    I paid for everything, her English classes, her books, her cosmetics, paid of course for lunch and dinner, cooked lunch or dinner….we didnt live together…
    Well just a couple of weeks ago we had some issues and on the day she wanted to repair and make up was the same day she asked me for….250 euros…….and in the same month that i had already paid her classes, books, cosmetics and perfume….
    So i quit, it wasnt just that, she was no being as nice or as loving as i expected and clearly didnt demonstrate the love and cherish that i demonstrated to her….
    When I told her it was over, I also told her that she didnt have to pay me back the 150 from May…well she lost it with me and verbally abused me for 20 mins……..nice……
    I actually didnt mind taking care of stuff but i started to think that she was taking the piss when i felt unloved, disrespected and other things that i wouldnt expect to see, when i was doing all i could for HER…
    So there ya go…..there are some people in this world, who really dont deserve the love and care they receive….

  23. 113

    rob I feel where you’re coming from. Just alot worse in with $$$ .  You think they would treat us better for all the help we gave from our hearts. Its got so bad the only word that describes it is exploited. They know how to ask, when to act really sweet. Then you’re forgotten, up till the point of next months hard times. Been in denial for way to long, time to cut our losses and learn the hardest of ways.. they just broke your heart and left you with empty pockets.

  24. 114

    I don’t understand how someone can call oneself a man if he is not noble enough to help his woman if she is in struggle and want to pursue her dream and study another degree. Have you, man readers ever thought how much money woman need to spend every month for clothes, make up, looking good for YOU man!
    Being a woman is much more expensive than being a man!And expenses are considerably higher.
    Also by nature woman already has too many responsibilities and man have to contribute in some way.Its a woman who give birth! its a woman who have period and mood swings because of hormones.Its a woman who has to do pedicure and get her hair done every month!!!
    and if a man being so pathetically greedy of not wanting to take care of a woman, he is not a man , but just a jerk!!!

  25. 115

    Wow, @Natasha 114.  I cannot disagree with you, more!  If anything, I wonder how someone can call herself “a woman” and not “a hooker” if she’s asking for financial support from a man.  
    In the end, it doesn’t much matter what you & I think, though.  It’s whether Bob feels comfortable with it; he doesn’t.  These two are not married and not even engaged!  And even if they were, I would beware of the precedents set early in the marriage and try to figure out my own boundaries regarding finances.
    I have a close friend – a wealthy FEMALE who has inherited several million $ that her parents and grandparents worked hard to earn.   She bought her family a large house and pays for her kids to be educated in top schools but, besides those huge expenses, she lives simply (some of you female readers would probably accuse her of being, gasp, CHEAP)  The family drives a Honda; flies   Economy class; dresses almost exclusively in GAP and Old Navy; gets coiffed at SuperCuts, etc.  
    But her husband keeps asking her for money.  He bought a piece of “investment property” when he still had a high-paying job and now that he earns much less, he asked her to cover the mortgage and taxes.  My friend did so without flinching.  Then, he asked her to help support a new business venture that he & his friends were starting.  She looked at the business plan and wasn’t too impressed but figured that it was her job as the wife to help him achieve his dreams so “invested,” knowing she’d most likely never see that six-figure sum ever again.  Then, he asked her to pay for a major renovation of his income property.  She refused and he took the money from their joint account, anyway. He believes that “what’s hers is theirs,” and assures her that if he were in her financial position, he’d share all his money with her. 
    So my friend received a windfall in the form of inheritance and her husband seems to think its his right to use much of it.  Is this fair?  Some of you might say so.  I don’t, and more importantly, my friend doesn’t and in fact she is scared.  She talked to a family lawyer who explained that since she’s been pretty much supporting the husband’s lifestyle and entrepreneurial dreams for so long, if they divorced she’d have to continue to “shell out.”  The alimony system that has helped so many women take their exes to the bank works just as well for men, you know.
    Overall, be very clear both in your own head and to your romantic partners (& friends) what your financial expectations and boundaries are!  I think it’s kinda hilarious how many men marry and then are shocked – SHOCKED – that their wives expect them to cover all expenses.  Were you so busy planning the wedding and enjoying new-relationship-sex that you forgot to discuss this stuff pre-nuptials?  Or, you simply assumed that her expectation of you paying for her stuff would all change once she got a raise/ left school/ received a promotion?  

  26. 116

    This is a tricky one. While I’m a little more on the traditional side and believe a man is a protector and provider (and I am not going to argue with those with opposing, inconsequential views), I think this is an extreme case. I think the problem is a lot of people aren’t discerning enough to decipher between a “leech” and a woman who wants to be courted.
    I think this woman is very very very irresponsible. IF they were married, this would be a different story. Why would she decide to further her education without having her finances and basic necessities sorted first? She should not have to depend this much on her boyfriend, especially within a 9 month time span. She is taking his kindness for weakness and he does indeed need to part ways with her. Even a traditionalist like myself does not like her entitled attitude/mentality. If the “hard times” were no fault of hers, I can kind of understand but she made deliberate decisions.

  27. 117

    This guy’s been dating her for only 9 months is reluctantly paying for her entire college education?
    I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and just bought her a t-shirt when we were at the mall together the other day, I thought that was a lot.

  28. 118

    I actually see both sides of the argument. I think it’s wrong for her to expect him to make her way of life possible by supporting her financially. But I would most certainly break up with a boyfriend if he made a lot more than me and I was struggling. I couldn’t be in a healthy relationship with someone I am overly jealous of (A little is OK). If he is out spending money and going to expensive places that I couldn’t afford, I would rather find someone either willing to help me or willing to be poor with me, or just be alone rather than having someone around who’s mere presence reminds me of my failure to make good money. Personally, I have a BS degree but am stuck in an hourly job and thinking about taking some graduate classes. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and he does make more money than me but if I go back to school I would only do so if I could make it work on my own or with help from family. I certainly wouldn’t ask him for anything.

  29. 119

    It sounds like he doesn’t care about her at all and is just using her for sex.  When you love someone, you dont assume their hardships mean they want to use you. It means you genuinely want to help them.  She should ditch this cheapwad, insecure, jerk.

  30. 120

    Really puts the relationship into perspective: the guy is cheap an not generous, and doesn’t see any future with that girl because he views other people’s opinions more than his own intuition. if you cant pretend to be a great boyfriend, then stop faking it. Move on to an uglier version or someone who has a great job already. This girl thought you were into her. Obviously not.

    1. 120.1

      Thank you Dijan for seeing the wrong in Bob’s attitude. 

      1. 120.1.1

        Bottom line: A REAL man would NEVER mooch off a woman to cover his poor financial decisions. A REAL woman would NEVER mooch off a man to cover her poor financial decisions. Period. Of course, the world is full of those who somehow expect others to receive them of the consequences of their own actions/poor choices.

        @ Jaded, Dijan, Stunned, et al ,

        I think we would all agree that a man can be reasonably expected to provide for and support a woman (financially and otherwise), PROVIDED, he has entered into a marriage/committed long term relationship with her. In fact, I think if a man loves a woman enough to be thus committed to her, he would not only expect, but also want, to provide her whatever emotional and financial support she needs. However, Some of you appear to believe that same financial support should be a female’s right as a quid pro quo for sex, (or even the promise of sex), even if there is no marriage or long term relationship: “If I’m giving him sex, he better be giving me money if I want/”need” it”-that about right, “ladies”? It’s one thing for a woman to try (sometimes grudgingly) to trade sex for for the possibility of commitment, and quite another to provide sex only with the expectation of financial gain/support (in “presents” or cash). The latter is nothing more than prostitution, albeit with a rather thin and thoroughly dishonest veil of supposed “respectability”. You know, if I’m expected to pay for sex, I think I’d prefer the company of the girl down at the local cathouse; she’s at least honest (with herself and the men she services) about how she chooses to make her living.


        1. Christine

          I agree that a real man or woman doesn’t want a bailout.  Responsible adults accept the consequences of their own actions, and don’t expect others to take them on.

          This really hits home for me because my guy’s ex was like this.  She had lots of financial troubles by going to school for expensive degrees, and also living an extravagant lifestyle beyond her means.  She also sounds like an entitled princess, expecting him to pay for all her stuff (even wanted to stop working).

          I was absolutely livid when she once had the gall to ask him for $15,000 (and this was recently–years after they’d broken up!)  I couldn’t believe she still felt entitled to his money even without being in a relationship with him any longer.

          I don’t care that he’s still friendly with other exes (hey, there’s a few exes I’m friends with too)…but really had issues with this one.  If she were an otherwise kind person who adds some kind of value to his life, I really would be okay with it.  Instead, I see a “taker” who just wants to take advantage of him, and really isn’t good for him even as just a friend.

          Luckily, my guy also saw the light, didn’t give her any money and cut off contact with her.  Our relationship is far more egalitarian.  We can’t do a complete 50/50 split since he makes more money than me, and I really don’t have as much money to give as he does…but we still do a 60/40 split of our shared living expenses, in proportion to our ability to pay, which we agreed is fair.  I want to contribute what I can (and I really will put in more if/when I make more).

          So I hope this guy broke up with this woman and found the right woman for him.  I get this nasty feeling that even after she got out of school, it wouldn’t end and she’d still try to mooch off him (heck my guy’s ex tried to mooch off him even without a relationship!)

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